


Midnight Snow

by leviathanofthesky



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Injury Recovery, Kidnapping, M/M, Misunderstandings, Possessive Shiki, Protective Heiwajima Shizuo, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Time Travel, Unrequited Love, apocalyptic future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:35:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 92,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27308560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leviathanofthesky/pseuds/leviathanofthesky
Summary: What defines the person? Is it his past? His future? Izaya begins to question his life choices upon the arrival of Psyche, a self-proclaimed time traveler from an apocalyptic future that he apparently had a hand in creating. Even he could not predict that love would be the cause of his inevitable death. One-sided Shiki/Izaya, Eventual Shizuo/Izaya
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya, Kishitani Shinra/Celty Sturluson, Orihara Izaya/Shiki Haruya, Psyche/Tsugaru (Durarara!!)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 102





	1. Psyche Track 1

**Author's Note:**

> Repost/Revision of one of my older stories. This one was written 2010-2016. Note that the rating has been increased to "Explicit," courtesy of one of the later chapters that has been lovingly edited from the original. I'll let you know when :D
> 
> Please enjoy!

" _Sky, you picked quite the night to snow," he whispered as he held a hand out to catch a few of the snowflakes, breathing out a trail of steam into the cold winter sky. He examined the water formations aimlessly before drawing his fingers in, crushing the delicate symmetrical pieces of ice in his hand. "What an end…"_

_He almost laughed at the irony of it all. Of all the days he could have picked, all the days he spent delaying the inevitable, this one day happened to be the first snow. However, as determined as ever, he finally drew out what little courage he had left and took a step in the direction of his destiny, his end._

" _I really did love you…" he whispered as he closed his tired eyes and finally threw himself into the darkness._

.

The man leapt over the miniature wall in favor of the park's main entrance, nearly tripping on the shrubbery as he stumbled onto the dirt path and continued running, looking behind him to find fury incarnate in the bartender suit still close behind.

"Tsugaru, this game isn't fun anymore!" he called out before ducking, barely managing to dodge the street sign that the other swung at him.

"Stop calling me that damned name!" his pursuer roared.

"Wah! Tsugaru got scary! Tsugaru got scary!" he exclaimed as he took off again, running with his hands up in the air in an attempt to show that he had already surrendered. He abandoned the gesture when his headphones slipped and instead grabbed at the device and continued to sprint while tightly locking them around his ears.

Shinra nearly dropped his coffee when the man ran behind him and ducked in his shadow as if the doctor could stop the rampaging monster of Ikebukuro that headed towards them.

"Uh… Izaya, I don't mind treating your wounds, but this is a little…" he stammered.

"Something possessed Tsugaru!" The man instead grabbed Shinra's coat, shaking him wildly. "Dad, something possessed Tsugaru!"

"Huh?" This time Shinra really did drop his coffee. "Izaya, this isn't funny! Oh, Shizuo, can you please not… Wah!"

Shizuo shoved the doctor aside and closed in on the man, lifting the stop sign for the final swing.

"Wah! Tsugaru, stop it!" The man yelled, crying as he threw his arms over his head to protect himself.

"What the hell," Shizuo muttered, looking at the informant before him. He did kind of wonder why the flea was acting so strangely today, not to mention the white wardrobe.

' _Whatever.'_ He swung.

.

"Here's your payment," Izaya chortled, handing the envelope over to the Dullahan. "Wasn't that one easy?" he asked. Celty shook her head in disagreement as she went through its contents and stuffed the money back inside after confirming the amount.

" _You should really go get purified at a shrine or something."_

Izaya laughed. "Oh Celty, do you even believe in things like that? Besides, I'm not religious, remember?"

" _Just how many of these do you get per day anyway?"_

"Enough to keep me entertained of course," he answered, nearly humming. "Then again, I only answer the ones that seem interesting."

" _I see."_

He stared at that short message for a moment before looking back to the Dullahan. It seemed like an innocent enough question, but he could tell that something was bothering her. "Why are you so interested in my affairs now of all times?"

" _You've been looking a little pale lately."_

Izaya grinned, feigning amusement at her observations. "Aw, worried about me? I am a little fair-skinned to begin with, you know."

" _Well if you suddenly come down with something, then Shinra would end up being the one to take care of you."_

"Of course, he is my doctor after all." Izaya laughed before turning to leave, waving behind him. "I'll be contacting you soon for your next assignment."

Celty's shoulders slumped in a silent sigh, and she made to leave, deciding it just wasn't worth it if the informant didn't care about his own health himself. She had one foot over her motorcycle when a sudden thump made her look back to find that very same informant on the floor.

' _Izaya?'_ She cursed her intuition. 

.

"Oh, thank goodness! You're awake!" He blinked, seeing Shinra come into focus above him.

"Tsugaru!" he sat up, looking frantically around the room. He spotted Shizuo instantly; the man was leaning against the opposite wall, smoking a cigarette and watching him intently. Content that the bodyguard wasn't out to kill him at the moment, he sighed and instead focused on searching for his headphones, finding them on the table next to him along with his white fur-trimmed jacket.

"You were lucky that the sign hit your headphones, or it might have been more than just a concussion," Shinra told him, picking up the device. "But wow, I'm surprised these didn't break. There's not even a single scratch on them!"

"Of course not, Tsugaru gave them to me!" he boasted, smiling happily as Shinra handed the headphones back to him.

"Um, so Izaya, why do you keep on calling Shizuo, Tsugaru?" Shinra asked him as the man put the device around his neck.

He blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb, flea!" Shizuo snapped at him, making him cringe.

"You're… really not Tsugaru?" he asked timidly.

"My name is Shizuo, dammit!" the bodyguard snapped.

"Oh…" He looked up thoughtfully, a hand on his chin. "Tsugaru never told me he had a brother."

Shinra and Shizuo exchanged glances before the doctor asked as calmly as he could, "Izaya, is something wrong? You've been acting a little stranger than usual."

He gasped, clapping his hands together in realization. "Oh, I forgot! My name is Psyche!" he announced enthusiastically before pronouncing his name again slowly. "Psyche."

"What are you playing at?" Shizuo began, but Shinra motioned for him to shut up, deciding to follow along.

"Psyche?" he confirmed.

"Yes! Yes!" the other answered energetically.

The sound of the front door opening and closing distracted the three of them. "Oh, she must be back!" Shinra exclaimed. "Give me a second, Psyche. I must greet my love! Shizuo, don't do anything rash!"

The doctor disappeared out the open door before either Psyche or Shizuo could comment, leaving the two alone in an awkward silence.

Shizuo broke the stalemate first by sighing, massaging his temple. "Look Izaya, you're going too far this time…"

"I'm not Izaya," Psyche insisted.

"Even if I somehow made you lose your memory…"

"I'm really not…"

"Stop messing with me already!"

"The Izaya from my time is dead."

"I told you, stop… What?" Shizuo stopped when he realized what the other had just said. "I know you don't think too highly of me, but I'm not that stupid."

"I'm serious!" Psyche insisted, sinking back under his covers when the bodyguard looked like he was about to attack him again. "You know, you're completely different from your brother."

"Well excuse me for being violent!" he snapped.

"No no! I mean, I'm sure Tsugaru gets violent sometimes too!" He bit his lip, hesitating as he tried to come up with a relevant memory. "I think?" he added, unsure.

Shizuo sighed, finally deciding to play along since the flea didn't seem to be any closer to snapping out of his made up world. "Psyche, who is Tsugaru?" he asked, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice lest the flea started yelling for help like before.

The man blinked. "You mean Tsugaru doesn't exist here?"

Shizuo shook his head. "Not that I know of."

"Oh…" He looked so close to crying that Shizuo began wishing even more fervently that the doctor would hurry and come back with Celty so that they could figure out what exactly was wrong with Izaya.

.

"Celty!" the doctor sang happily before he realized that the Dullahan had brought company in the form of a motionless bundle of black and fur.

" _He suddenly fainted,"_ Celty explained.

"But… he… ugh…" Shinra looked back to the sickroom nervously, trying to access the situation. "Right, uh, let's just place him on the sofa for now," he told her as he helped her move the informant, throwing one of Izaya's arms over his shoulder before laying the unconscious man onto the couch.

" _What's wrong?"_

"Um…" Shinra examined the sleeping informant closely. The man definitely looked like Izaya, albeit the man’s skin seemed a little paler than normal, and the color was already quickly returning now that they were in the warm apartment. "Are you sure that's Izaya?"

" _Of course I'm sure. I went out to get my payment from him, remember? And, it's right here."_ She took out the envelope and showed it to the doctor.

"Ah! Nevermind. Just follow me," Shinra told her after he saw the money.

' _What's going on?'_ Celty thought as she removed her helmet and placed it on the table before following the other into the sickroom.

"Sorry for the wait," Shinra announced when Psyche suddenly sprang out of his bed, slamming against the wall, an outstretched finger pointed at Celty.

"D-Dullahan!" he stuttered, eyes wide with fear, not hearing anything that Shinra was saying.

"Uh… yeah, don't you know that already?" Shizuo jabbed.

"Please don't kill me!" he squeaked, running behind the bodyguard.

"Wait Psyche, calm down!" Shinra exclaimed, pulling the man away from Shizuo before the other could give him another concussion. Psyche repositioned himself behind the doctor instead, trembling profusely. "It's Celty. Do you know Celty?" he asked Psyche slowly.

"Celty?" Psyche repeated before calming just a little. "You're Celty?"

She nodded her headless neck as he moved cautiously around Shinra. "Uh, I'm sorry.” He swallowed thickly before continuing. “I'm really bad with Dullahans. Dad mentioned you a few times."

" _Don't worry. I won't hurt you."_

"Really?"

" _Really,"_ she promised him. Psyche sighed in relief before offering her a small smile.

"Wait, who's your Dad?" Shinra asked.

"Huh? Ah! I keep on forgetting to explain! You're…" he began when another interrupted them.

"Shinra, why didn't I get the bed?" Izaya called from the door frame, freezing when he saw Psyche.

The others in the room looked back and forth from Izaya to Psyche for a good minute before Shizuo finally roared. "What the hell? Now there are two of you!"

"Seems that way," Shinra mused, rubbing his chin in contemplation.

"What have you done, Shinra?" the bodyguard rounded on the other. "Why'd you choose to clone him of all people?"

"I didn't," the doctor replied calmly although his mouth stretched into a frown nevertheless.

"But you did, Dad!"

All eyes turned back to the Izaya in white.

"What is the meaning of this?" Izaya asked nervously, looking from Shinra to Psyche. He still felt a little nauseous, and this did nothing to help with the growing headache.

"Well, I mean, I'm not exactly a clone, but you did create me from Izaya, so I am kind of a clone," Psyche explained, nodding to himself.

"Doesn't that mean you're a clone?" Shinra interjected.

"A clone is a copy created solely from someone's DNA, so since you created me out of Izaya's essence, I'm not a clone."

"Essence? But scientifically, that's…" Shinra began.

"But if it makes things easier, you can just call me a clone!" Psyche concluded happily like everything he had just said made sense.

"Okay, stop!" Izaya interrupted, and the two fell silent. "Ugh," he sighed, massaging his head in an attempt to alleviate some of the pain. "First of all, what is your name, and where are you from?" he asked Psyche.

"My name is Psyche! I'm from Ikebukuro!" the other answered with way too much energy for his headache to handle.

"Ikebukuro, huh?” Izaya carried on through sheer force of will. “How long have you been in Ikebukuro?"

"All my life!"

"Then how old are you?"

"Two!"

Izaya stared at him for a few seconds, wondering if this was just part of his dreams or if reality had decided to throw him another curveball. He pinched himself just to make sure. "There's no way you exist."

"Of course I'm not! I will be created next year!"

"This is ridiculous," Shizuo muttered, looking at the informant and wondering when would be a good time to strike. He noticed that the other was leaning on the door frame a little more than one normally would, probably getting ready to make a run for it if the bodyguard were to suddenly spring.

"Why are you here?" Izaya continued nevertheless, not seeming to even notice his mortal enemy glaring at him from the sidelines.

"Dad sent me here to find someone called Saika."

"Okay." Izaya sighed, wondering why he was even playing along to all this. He briefly wondered if he would get the bed if he could sort out this mess, although at the back of his mind, he had already decided to go home. "So, you were created by Shinra in the future, and he sent you here to find out where Saika is, correct?"

"Yup!" the other jumped energetically.

"But we all know who has Saika, Psyche," Shinra told him, taking over the informant's interrogation.

Psyche shook his head. "Not in the future, we don't. The one called Anri is already gone."

" _Wait, what do you mean by that?"_

"Uh…" Psyche eyed the PDA warily. "You,” he gulped. “The Dullahans killed her. Many came, and then the war started. Or that's how the story goes…"

"Dullahans and humans?" Izaya suddenly perked up, eyes almost sparkling.

"Yeah, but it's still not over. Dad said if I could find Saika, then he could end the war!"

"But why did he think that we would know where Saika is in the future?"

"He thinks that you hid it."

"Me?" Izaya laughed. "He should know that I would never go near that blade."

Psyche shrugged. "But that's what he said. I have to find it before the first snow of this year."

"What's the first snow?"

Psyche looked at him oddly before shifting his gaze away nervously. "It's a secret!" he managed, a little less enthusiastic than before, although managing to keep his smile.

"This is all…" Shizuo began.

"Psyche, do you have any proof?" Shinra interrupted the bodyguard before looking again at Izaya, who was getting increasingly pale despite the sudden interest in Psyche’s revelation about a possible war.

"Proof?" Psyche considered it for a moment before slowly removing his headphones and handing them over to Shinra. "Tsugaru gave these to me. He said that they're indestructible."

"Yeah, that's true," Shinra muttered, examining the headphones again before tossing them over to Izaya.

"What do you want me to do, throw these into a fire?" the informant joked as he took a look at them.

"They didn't break when Shizuo hit them with a stop sign," Shinra offered.

"Point taken." Izaya sighed, tossing the headphones back to Psyche. "So, assuming that your story is true, there's not much we can do right now except wait." As much as he wanted to inquire more about this apparent apocalyptic future, he needed to end this conversation quickly before his headache got any worse, or else Shizuo might do the honors. "That being said," he shoved himself off the door frame and turned around. "Thank you for the story; I'm heading home. I would prefer it if you stayed here until I do a little more research, oh little so called clone of mine."

"Huh, aren't you being a little too nice, flea?" Shizuo snarled at the informant. "Which reminds me, since the pipsqueak there isn't you, I owe you for that last bunch of guys you sent."

Izaya chuckled, taking a shaky step back. "I don't think this is quite the appropriate time or place, Shizu-chan. Besides, I'm tired. It won't be any fun chasing tired old me, would it?"

"No, I insist…" he replied, grinning as he cracked his knuckles.

"Shizuo, please, not in my apartment!" Shinra joined in, but the bodyguard had already sprung towards the informant; luckily for the doctor, Shizuo hadn't picked his weapon of choice yet.

"Really, Shizu-chan!" Izaya sighed as he turned to run, but the sudden movement made his vision spin, and he fell, landing face down on the carpet.

"Got you!" Shizuo declared as he picked up the informant by the hood of his jacket only to find the flea out cold. "Izaya?" his tone immediately turned to that of worry.

.

_Track 1: (Footsteps) Whew, it's kind of chilly tonight. No one really comes to this little place at night, huh? Ha ha! Better for me! (Sigh) Well at least the steps here are comfortable to sit on. (Silence)_

_The moon's so bright. (Sigh) Hey shrine, can you really hear people's wishes? Well, I'm not going to wish for anything, I'm just going to talk and bother you all night long so you can't sleep! How'd you like that? Ha! Great!_

_Can you believe how impatient some humans are? I really didn't see that email; he's been sending me too many jobs! And then he… oops! That might be too vulgar, huh, nonexistent guardian of the shrine? (Sigh) I think I'm suffering from exhaustion, to think I passed out in the middle of the day. Good thing I woke up before Shinra started his assessment. I bet he would've given me a full checkup. (Pause)_

_Hm… then he might have seen it… Hey, shrine, if you can magically heal wounds, can you make the bite mark on my collarbone go away? I mean, it's not noticeable, but just in case my shirt slips…_

_(Yawn) Gah, forget this. Look at me, wishing for things at a shrine even though I'm an atheist. Why am I here again? I can't believe I slept for a day after I got home; he's going to bitch at me for sure again for missing a job… My head hurts, my neck hurts, everywhere hurts… (End of recording)_


	2. Psyche Track 2

"It's hard to believe, but have you been overworking yourself?" Shinra asked, watching Izaya intently. Unfazed, the other placed his empty tea cup, the last portion of his breakfast, back down on the tray.

"Are you implying that I'm normally not a hard worker?" the informant countered. "Ah, by the way, Celty's cooking is getting better. How'd you get her to cook for you again?"

"I'm not saying that you're not a hard worker, and I offered to test taste for my beloved until she got it right. Don't change the subject." Shinra sighed. "I mean, it's not like you to work yourself into this state."

The informant laughed, placing the tray aside on the table next to his bed before looking the doctor straight in the eyes. "Really, what is like me?" he asked.

"Well you're suffering from exhaustion, I can tell you that much," the doctor pressed on indignantly. "Izaya, just what…"

"Life threatening exhaustion?" the informant interrupted him.

Shinra sighed, defeated. "Just get some rest, and you should be fine."

"I was planning to actually, but then that strange one showed up." Izaya yawned, stretching. "Speaking of which, was that all a dream?"

"He's eating breakfast outside as we speak."

"Ah, oh well. It was worth a try,” Izaya shrugged, getting up to leave.

"Wait, you should rest a bit more!"

The informant grabbed his trademark coat someone, probably Celty or Shinra, had draped over the nearby chair. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm a little behind schedule."

"What? Didn't I just tell you to rest?"

"Don't worry! I'll get a good night's sleep afterwards!" he reassured the other nonchalantly.

The doctor sometimes just couldn't believe the irrationality of such an ingenious human specimen. Obviously, if Izaya was tired to the point of having collapsed twice, one "good night's sleep" isn't going to fix everything. Then again, he knew Izaya's stubbornness on the matter wasn't going to let up, and he decided to just let it go for now. He had other matters to discuss with the informant.

"Then, one more thing," Shinra began, the hesitancy in his voice causing the informant to stop in the middle of his journey to the door.

"Hm?"

The doctor bit his lip, wondering if he should bring it up. He had seen the marks several times now, ever since Izaya framed a certain ex-bartender for a crime he didn't commit. The informant had shrugged it off every time he asked, but Shinra just couldn't let go of the feeling that it was something he should be paying attention to, especially with the other's attitude about it. "I saw it. It's a new one isn't it?" he finally asked.

The informant's cheerful countenance shuddered just a little, but his usual grin reappeared as quickly as it had faltered. "The bite?"

"It's a hickey isn't it?" Shinra had caught the brief crack in Izaya’s mask.

Izaya shrugged. "Bite. Hickey. What's the difference? Anyway, what about it? Is it infected?"

"Ah, no. It's just that…" Shinra tried to search for the right words. He knew that Izaya was dodging the conversation just like all the other times he had mentioned the marks, and he wondered if it was even worth the effort to try again. Yet, although he couldn't pinpoint why, Psyche's appearance made him worry even more about the informant's wellbeing.

"Yes?" Izaya practically dared him to ask.

The doctor opted for a simpler question than his original in response, giving up. He was never one to meddle in Izaya's business although his naturally curious scientific mind sometimes pried anyway. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Izaya laughed, remembering the same words the Dullahan had asked him. "Really, you and Celty are meant for each other. I'm fine!" He opened the sickroom door to freedom only to find his apparent "clone" right outside, looking up from his meal at the two of them with clear pink eyes.

The doctor watched as the two entered into a staring contest, only to have it broken when Psyche smiled and chirped, "Good morning, Izaya!"

Izaya frowned; watching his own reflection say "good morning" to him was just a little too strange for his persistent headache this morning. "Morning," he finally replied, nodding slightly to Shinra before heading off, leaving the doctor's apartment with a final soft click as the front door closed.

 _'He escaped.'_ The doctor sighed, shaking his head before turning his attention to the other Izaya, who had shifted his stare to him. Maybe the time traveler knew a little more about the situation at hand than what he had told them yesterday.

"Psyche," Shinra said gently as he took a seat at the table. "What exactly happened in the future? You left something out, didn't you?"

"I didn't!" the other insisted, shaking his head, hands around the warm cup of cocoa that went along with his breakfast. The grin he had given Izaya faltered now, and he sighed dejectedly. "It's all blurry, so I can't be sure of anything other than what I told you."

"So, you only know that I wanted you to search for Saika?"

"To end the war," Psyche added.

"But why would I clone Izaya if Izaya's still…" he gasped when it suddenly hit him. "I-Is Izaya…" he trailed off.

Psyche looked down at his cocoa, eyes downcast. "I really don't know what happened. I just remember…" he closed his eyes before continuing a little dreamily, "snow."

"Snow?"

Psyche nodded, taking a sip of the cocoa, his eyes still closed. "Yeah, something about the first snow this year I believe."

"Hm," Shinra frowned, wracking his brain for a logical answer. He found none. _'So, Izaya really did die in the future. What in the world could have happened? Anri too.'_ He started to panic just a little. _'Does that mean that Celty…'_

"This is really good!" Psyche's voice brought the doctor back from his thoughts. "The food too!" he continued, a happy gleam on his face.

"Really?" Shinra asked enthusiastically, the other's sudden change in mood drowning out his own depressing thoughts about the future. "My dear Celty cooked it!"

"Ah, um," Psyche bit his lip, fighting a battle with himself whether to go meet the Dullahan or not. Instead, he yelled out, "Thank you Celty!" and hoped that the Dullahan was just going to reply from wherever she was in the apartment. He froze when he suddenly remembered that Celty didn't have a head and had no way of yelling back to him.

Shinra laughed at him knowingly. "Celty went out already." He decided that he'd think about all this later, when he was calmer. After all, Celty was still with him.

"Oh."

"She'll be back tonight." At least he knew that that was true. The future was still far off.

Hopefully.

.

Izaya made his way slowly through the city, wanting very much just to call a taxi and head home to sleep, but he had jobs to do and people to play with. Besides, he reasoned to himself, if he returned now, Namie would disrupt any chance of rest unless he wasted even more energy sending her home after a certain exchange of insults. Therefore, he should just stick with his original schedule and walk around Ikebukuro some more.

He yawned. He was just so tired though. Izaya eventually found himself in front of a coffee shop and grinned, the gears in his head turning.

"I-za-ya-kun," Shizuo nearly sang when he spotted the informant walking out of the coffee shop with a cup of hot coffee in hand. "Let's continue where we left off yesterday!" he roared, uprooting the nearest street sign as the other took flight in the opposite direction.

Izaya chugged several gulps down as he ran, hissing as it burned his tongue, and threw the remainder behind him at Shizuo, who dodged it easily enough and continued his pursuit.

"Izaya, what's the hurry?" the bodyguard yelled as he chased the flea through the city.

"You see, Shizu-chan, I'm on a really tight schedule," the informant laughed, not relenting as he leapt over the park fence. He did regret, just a little, the demise of his coffee, but it really didn't taste anything close to the tea he was accustomed to. Besides, tea had caffeine too he told himself when a falling leaf hit him, reminding him of the situation at hand.

"I'm sure you can spare a few minutes!" Shizuo insisted, swinging as the other ducked and jumped over the bushes towards the alleyways. He mentally cursed; Izaya was always a pain to find in the maze. "Get back here!"

The informant ran past alley after alley, feeling the wind roar around him, the exhilaration burning in his blood as his heart quickened with the rush of adrenaline. Would the bodyguard catch him today? Would he finally meet his end today? Did the cup of coffee hit Shizu-chan earlier and stain his beloved bartender outfit? _'He must be so mad!'_ Izaya laughed at the thought even though his legs were getting sore, and he could feel his speed lessen little by little with every corner he turned. The alleys did give him an advantage, but Shizuo was still not too far behind, and the coffee was doing nothing for his tired body. He smiled; it wasn't like two gulps of coffee were going to start working within five minutes. He ran on, past another alley, and then _…_

"Oh, Orihara-san."

The informant stopped dead in his tracks, almost tripping before slowly turning to face the speaker. "Shiki." He saw the familiar car that Shiki always rode around in close by, concluding that the other must have been checking on the yakuza's shops around the area. What a coincidence that they would be at the same place at the same time.

"I didn't get a response from you until this morning," the man commented, walking up to him. "Is everything all right?"

"Oh, of course!" he replied, grinning. "Everything's all right."

"Izaya!" the bodyguard yelled as he finally caught up with the informant, stopping when he saw the newcomer. _'Yakuza?'_ he thought immediately, judging by the crisp white suit the other had on. "Tch." He gripped the street sign tighter. He expected the flea to pull something like this again, setting the yakuza on him.

"Ah, so you must be the one who has been giving Orihara-san here all those bruises the past years," the man spoke to him, smiling as he held out a hand to the bodyguard. "My name is Shiki. It's nice to finally meet you, Shizuo Heiwajima."

The bodyguard didn't respond, and instead looked over the man's shoulder to the informant, who chose to turn the other way.

' _What the hell?'_ Izaya never broke eye contact unless Shizuo had something he could throw in his hand, but by then, the flea would've been running. When was the last time the informant was the first to look away?

It hit him, kind of.

"And just how do you know about Izaya's bruises?" the bodyguard returned, ignoring the hand.

Shiki chuckled, lowering this hand. "In my line of work, it's necessary to know about the well-being of your subordinates." The last word made the informant flinch.

"But isn't…" he stopped when he saw Izaya shake his head violently behind Shiki.

"Hm? Isn't what?" Shiki asked, still pleasantly smiling.

"Doesn't Orihara go to his own hospital?" he reworded his initial sentence.

The informant almost sighed in relief that Shizuo had been smart enough to not blurt out Shinra's name.

"Oh, you do?" Shiki turned to the informant. "And I thought our doctoring was good enough."

"Shizu-chan did say that he 'thought' I went to a hospital," the informant replied, regaining his composure. "You should know I don't like hospitals."

The man chuckled. "Of course, of course. Now, if you'd excuse us," he continued, turning back to Shizuo, "I have some business matters to discuss with Orihara-san. You may continue your little game later tomorrow."

"Game?" Shizuo began, but Shiki had already placed a hand on the other's back and began leading the informant away, who was reacting a little too slowly for one that was trying to run away from the bodyguard. Then, he saw the other look back, meeting his eyes briefly; Shizuo swore the look the informant gave him was a little apprehensive, like he was waiting for the bodyguard to do something else instead of just standing there, but then it was gone, replaced with Izaya's trademark smirk.

' _Well if he wants me to do something, then I'll do it!'_ Shizuo thought as he raised the street sign he was still holding, ready to throw it. He took careful aim at the retreating informant's head before seeing the other man in white. _'Sheesh, why is that guy's hand still on the flea's back?'_ The muscles in his arm tensed up, and he was just about to let go when…

"Shizuo!"

The bodyguard turned around to see Tom running towards him, out of breath. "Hey, break's over, we have a lot of places to go to today!" he managed.

Shizuo looked back down the alley, hearing the sound of a car. The two had disappeared.

.

"So Psyche, who's Tsugaru?" Shinra asked the man, trying to distract him. The time traveler had been looking at the kitchen doorway every 10 seconds ever since Celty had entered it to make dinner.

"Huh?" He turned back to the doctor, blinking.

"Tsugaru," Shinra repeated patiently. "You kept on mentioning him yesterday."

"Oh!" Psyche brightened up a bit. "Tsugaru is… um…" He suddenly turned red, to the great interest of the other.

"Hm?" Shinra pressed on.

"Uh…" the man mumbled as he scratched his head, looking for something descriptive to say about the one in question. "I met Tsugaru a while ago. He's very nice to me, and he even gave me these headphones!"

"Does he look like Shizuo?"

Psyche pondered for a few seconds before replying. "Exactly the same." He frowned, pursing his lips as he thought a little harder. "Wait, no, the eyes…"

"Eyes?"

"Tsugaru's are lighter."

"Hm, that's interesting," He looked at Psyche, whose wide pink eyes definitely didn't match the red shade of Izaya's. "Maybe they're not the same person after all," he muttered, more to himself than to the other.

"You thought they were the same?" Psyche almost exclaimed almost hysterically. "Tsugaru would never hurt me! Tsugaru is…"

"I know. I know," Shinra raised up his hands to calm the other down. "I was just going through the possibilities."

Psyche sat back down, sighing and looking away. "I miss Tsugaru."

He heard the clink of dishes on the table and looked up, remembering that the Dullahan was home. He followed Celty with his eyes closely as she took out her PDA and began typing.

" _Don't worry, we'll try to figure this out as soon as possible, and then you can go back to Tsugaru."_

Psyche couldn't help but smile at those words and looked up hesitantly at Celty, his guard down just a little. "Thanks."

" _Now eat. It's good."_

"Oh, Psyche mentioned that he liked breakfast this morning. What did you put in the eggs? Was our love…"

Psyche tuned out the two just as Celty whacked the doctor and began eating, focusing on the taste before his headphones started humming a little, almost like mini bells chiming through his ears. He paused briefly to turn on the small mp3 player attached to it before continuing to eat, watching the scene before him in Shinra's apartment with unfocused eyes.

.

_Track 2: Hah… if only Shizu-chan chased me a little longer, then he would've met him… You know, shrine, I really… Ha ha, who am I kidding? Look at me, back here again. (Sigh)_

_I should give you a name, shouldn't I? (Chuckle) Maybe then I'll actually be talking to someone else instead of myself! Yeah! Okay! I, the great Izaya Orihara who is currently talking to himself in the middle of the night inside a rickety old shrine shall dub you… Uh… Aw crap. Let me think…_

_Shi… Shi… What the hell, even now… Ugh. (Sigh) You're probably wondering who I'm talking about huh? Well just in case he's somehow listening to this, I won't tell you. Seriously though… I just can't pinpoint if he really… (Stop)_

_(A deep breath) Well at least the air's good here. Maybe it would've been better if I was born further away from the city. Then maybe I would have never met him. (Yawn) Ah, who am I kidding? I can't even imagine it now. Whatever. Time to head back. (A few footsteps)_

_Oh, before I forget. You're Tsugaru._

_Beats that boring old name next to the gate, doesn't it? (End of recording)_


	3. Psyche Track 3

"You awake?"

Izaya blinked several times to a spinning room before finally managing to focus on the face hovering above him, the familiar scarred eye giving the other’s identity away immediately. He groaned and swatted the offending face away, who nimbly pulled away from his swing.

"You scared him, you know, fainting like that in the middle," the other chortled as Izaya sat up, warm goose down blankets sliding off his body. The informant silently examined the back of his neck, feeling only the love bite from a few days prior, and realized that his back didn't hurt as much as it usually did after…

"He didn't finish," Izaya concluded before looking down at the new hickeys on his chest. _'Got pretty far though,’_ he internally noted.

Akabayashi laughed. "Of course not! Who the hell could do a partner's who's out cold? You gotta hear them moaning and…"

"So vulgar," Izaya cut him off, unwilling to deal with the other’s antics today.

"Aren't I always?" Akabayashi replied before grinning. "Now, would you like a shower, great prince? Not that you really need one this time," he joked as Izaya slowly climbed out of bed and reached for his pile of clothing on the table. "What, no witty comebacks this time? This is so not like… Ah!" He threw out a hand to catch the informant just as Izaya fell. "Hey hey! Don't overdo it! Should I call the doctor?"

"I'm fine!" Izaya snapped as he shoved the other away before grabbing his clothes and hastily throwing them on.

"Someone's in a bad mood today. Hey, are you sure you're okay? You look a little sick."

"I'm fine," the informant repeated before heading for the living room, fingers trembling on the doorknob.

Akabayashi sighed, scratching his head. "You don't have to keep doing this to yourself, you know," he told the other, causing the informant to stop.

"Do what?" Izaya asked as he turned around, throwing the other a penetrating glare.

"Well, I'm saying you should tell him."

"Akabayashi, you should know what kind of a man he is."

"Oh, I know." The yakuza walked up to the informant, placing a hand over the other's head before leaning his palm against the door, blocking Izaya's way out. He lowered his head until he was at eye level with the other before continuing, his voice low enough just for the informant to hear. "But you see, it'll eat you alive. Every time you think you get a little closer, you'll realize just how far away from him you actually are, and every time that fact hits you, you'll sink deeper and deeper down. That is, until you let go of the rock dragging you to the bottom or until you drown."

Izaya looked away. "And how do you happen to know about things like this?"

"I was the same as you once," he replied, the grin still on his face. "I've just let go. Maybe it's time you did too. It's a lot easier for you. You're more than rich now. Pay him in cash for once."

"Akabayashi," it came out as almost a whisper, "I don't have the privilege of letting go." He opened the door forcefully and slammed it, missing the yakuza's fingers by a few centimeters.

Akabayashi blinked at the door, his grin finally dropping. "At the rate you're going, it's going to kill you, kid."

.

"Orihara-san?" Izaya whirled around to see the one man he was hoping to avoid for the day rising from the sofa. "Leaving so soon?" He walked up to the informant, who stayed silent, eyes averted. "You're a little red," Shiki observed, brushing a strand of hair out of Izaya's eyes before feeling his forehead. "Fever."

"Ah, yes, I was a little careless," Izaya replied, moving away from the intruding hand as his face turned a little redder. "If you'd let me rest for a few days, I can finish the payment later."

"I did say to go to our doctors whenever you're ill, didn't I? You're not required to pay for your health," Shiki replied.

"I'm not sick." Izaya turned around, walking away.

"Oh?"

"I'm just tired," he muttered under his breath before escaping through the front door, shutting it firmly behind him.

Shiki chuckled. "Stubborn as always. Oh, Akabayashi…" he greeted the other when the red head emerged from the guest room. 

"You’re not going to stop him?" the other yakuza asked, nodding to the entrance.

"Why should I? It's his wish to go home. Judging by the looks of things, I guess I have no choice but to give him a few days off." He stroked his chin contemplatively. "It's strange to see him this quiet."

Akabayashi sighed. "You and your half-assed affection.”

"What did you say?"

"Nothing. Nothing." The other grinned. "Just don't pull the chains too tight."

"I'm not. He is my best informant. I have to make sure he behaves."

His partner in crime shrugged. "Just warning you." Akabayashi continued on his way to the kitchen, leaving Shiki in the hallway to ponder his words.

.

"Ugh," Izaya could barely keep himself upright; his head was swimming, and the cold winter air did nothing for him as the wind picked up. He reached into his pocket for his phone, wondering if he could somehow summon a taxi and get home to rest. He found it already ringing in his hand. "Shinra…" He momentarily considered asking the doctor to have the Dullahan pick him up but decided against it, remembering the new marks Shiki had left on his body.

"Hello?"

"Izaya!" an energetic squeak answered him.

"Psyche? How did you get this number?"

"I um…"

Izaya sighed. "You stole his phone didn't you?"

"Borrowed! Borrowed!" his clone said quickly. "Anyways, I have a question!"

"What's so urgent?" Izaya groaned as he finally slumped into a nearby park bench in an attempt to focus on the conversation and rest his feet.

"Did you, um, have you visited any shrines the past few days?"

"No," Izaya replied, idly wondering why the other would even ask such a thing.

"Oh um, okay, thank you!" Psyche hung up at that, leaving Izaya staring at his cellphone.

'W _hat was that about?'_ Izaya sighed as he leaned back on the bench, trying to catch his breath. He closed his eyes. _‘Just a few minutes…’_

.

Psyche hung up, staring at the phone.

" _Your job is to find the sword and nothing else. Remember, Psyche, this is very important. Don't do anything to change the past!"_

" _But if I go back, won't I change something?"_

" _Don't be ridiculous! Just lay low and wait. Any wrong moves, and it's all over."_

"But the recording," he muttered under his breath, his hands starting to shake. _'What have I done? What if…'_

"Psyche, what's wrong?" Shinra's voice brought him back into reality.

"Nothing!" he replied, throwing his smile back on. It faltered. "Nothing…"

"Are you sure? You don't look so good." At that moment, the doorbell rang several times in succession, making the doctor jump up. "Ah, excuse me." He left to open the door. "Shizuo? Oh! Where'd you get that?" Psyche heard seconds later.

"One of the bastards we were going to collect from had a gun."

"A gun? It's amazing how easily people get those these days."

Psyche looked up when the two of them entered the living room. Shinra was pressing a towel onto the other's shoulder, the cloth already beginning to turn red in the center. "Wait here, I'll get the medical kit, and keep pressure on that!" Shinra scolded the other before running off to fetch his first aid kit.

Psyche watched from the dining table as the bodyguard seated himself on the sofa, not showing any signs of pain or discomfort from his wound. The time traveler fidgeted in his seat, wondering how to strike up a conversation with the man that had attacked him just a few days prior. However, Shizuo beat him to it.

"Hey, squirt."

"Yes?" he jumped to attention.

"Stop moving around like that. It's not like I'm going to attack you. You're not Izaya."

"No, I'm not," Psyche confirmed, thinking about those words. The conversation ended, and more silence followed until Shinra finally returned with the box and began working on Shizuo's shoulder.

" _Psyche…"_ Psyche looked up at Shizuo but found the bodyguard preoccupied with the doctor fussing over his shoulder.

" _Psyche…"_ he heard again.

' _Tsugaru, is that you?'_ he thought.

" _You feel it, don't you? He's suffering."_

' _But Father said not to do anything.'_

" _He's hurt, Psyche. What do you think your father would've done in your place?"_

' _I… Tsugaru?'_ Silence answered him. "Tsugaru?" he whispered out loud, catching the attention of the other two in the room.

"For the last time, I'm not Tsugaru!" Shizuo growled from the sofa.

"Ah, sorry! Slip of the tongue!" Psyche explained hurriedly, raising his hands up in surrender.

"Sheesh, fine," the other grumbled.

Psyche slumped back down in his seat, twiddling his fingers as he thought about the current situation. He was certain that something had changed since he arrived. There was no way the headphones would lie to him, right? But, Izaya had said it himself that he didn't go to any shrines. So that only meant that Tsugaru was never…

_"Psyche!"_

"Well?" a voice interrupted him the same time he heard Tsugaru's voice in his head again.

"Huh?" he looked up.

"You wanted something from me, didn't you?" Shizuo asked him, lowering his voice with a little effort so that the other would stop jumping at every one of his words.

 _"Psyche_ …" the voice in his head repeated.

"Um…"

.

" _You scared him, you know, fainting like that in the middle…"_

_A hand on his forehead, warm, eyes… Confident eyes, wise, unmoving…_

_The feeling of skin against his, hot, everywhere, inside… pain… Hands, pinning him down…_

" _I hate you…" A chuckle answered him and the pain increased._

" _I'm saying you should tell him."_

_I hate you…_

" _You'll sink deeper and deeper…"_

_I hate you…_

_Die… Die…_

" _You're a little red…"_

_Die…_

" _Orihara-san?"_

_I love…_

" _Die!"_

"Dreaming about my death even when you're sleeping, huh?" a voice woke him up, and Izaya tumbled off the park bench, groaning before he realized that Shizuo was standing next to him, feet close enough to probably send him flying into the next ward if the bodyguard felt like it.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya greeted the other as he slowly got to his feet before plopping himself backwards back onto the bench when the world began swimming around him once again.

"Tch, you look like shit right now," the bodyguard spat.

Izaya managed a laugh. "Well, coming from someone who looks like shit every day, I must not look that bad."

"Your mouth isn't any cleaner when you're sick."

"What makes you think I'm sick?"

"You're always sick."

Izaya chuckled. "I applaud your astute observational skills, Shizu-chan.”

"Shut up." Shizuo sighed. "Believe me, I would never have done this if Celty wasn't busy today, but the twerp sent me here to find you."

"Is that so?" He closed his eyes. "I already talked with him over the phone earlier though."

"Well, he wants to see you in person anyway."

"So one word from a clone of mine is enough to stop you from killing me?" Izaya grinned. "I thought we understood each other more."

Shizuo looked away, flustered at the informant's logic. "Don't get too cocky. The fate of the world's just more important than your sorry ass."

"So eloquently put."

"Shut up and get up," Shizuo growled, pulling Izaya to his feet. He didn't get the results he wanted as the informant tumbled into him, unable to stand. "Flea, get off of me right… Hey flea!"

Izaya paid no attention to the other's insults and allowed his mind to float into slumber, his body unable to take the abuse anymore. _'To hell with it…'_

.

"There really was something wrong!" Psyche gasped when Shinra opened the door to let the two in. The doctor couldn't help but stare at the scene: Izaya on Shizuo's back.

"Not in a million years could I have imagined…" he muttered to himself, but his thoughts were cut short when the bodyguard deposited the informant on the sofa like a sack of potatoes and stormed over to Psyche.

"You said you needed to talk to him!" Shizuo exclaimed to the time traveler.

"I-I d-did!" the other stuttered.

"You mean to tell me that you made me find the flea just because you were worried about his health?"

Psyche shrunk away a little. "I-I'm sorry."

"You… ugh." Shizuo sighed, unable to take the sight of Psyche crying, with Izaya's face of course. He would never admit it, but it made him feel uncomfortable, not to mention that there was the smallest hint of guilt. 

"Oh, he looks pretty bad," Shinra observed, feeling the other's forehead. "I'm going to give him a full checkup. Shizuo, do you want to stay for dinner? Celty's cooking!"

"I already had to carry him here! There's no way I'm going to stay in the same building as the flea," the bodyguard grumbled.

"Oh, I insist! Besides, Izaya's too out of it to come out of the sickroom, and Psyche is cooking too, right?" he winked at the other.

"Oh! Yes yes! Let me make it up to you for making you carry Izaya here!" Psyche squeaked as he zoomed into the kitchen, disappearing from sight.

"He cooks?" Shizuo looked at Shinra, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't worry, Celty's just teaching him, so she'll be monitoring," Shinra explained as he hoisted Izaya up with a little difficulty. "So don't worry about it," he huffed as he half dragged the informant into the sickroom as Shizuo watched on, refusing to touch the flea any more than he had to.

"Tch," Shizuo sat down on the vacant sofa and lit a cigarette, trying to calm his still raging nerves. He couldn't make sense of anything anymore. He already had several chances to do away with the flea the past 2 days alone, and each time he came close, he had stopped. Just stopped. He told himself that he would never do another errand concerning the informant again.

Half an hour and five cigarettes later, Psyche came bouncing back from the kitchen balancing two plates on his hand that he set on the table.

"Ah! Smoking is bad for you!" he squeaked, covering his nose and seeing the mound of cigarette butts in the ashtray.

"Whatever. It helps me calm down," the bodyguard retorted as he put out his last cigarette and seated himself at the table, eyeing the food suspiciously.

"It's all good!" Psyche told him, smiling happily as Celty brought the rest of the silverware and dishes out.

Shizuo took a cautious bite before turning to the Dullahan, who was waiting in anticipation in the corner. "How'd you manage to make this taste so good without tasting it?"

" _I made Shinra test-taste it, and Psyche helped too!"_

"Hm," Shizuo continued eating.

"See! It's good!" Psyche said before starting to eat and motioning Celty to sit down.

" _But I can't eat…"_

"Sit! Sit!"

"Just sit so the squirt would be quiet," Shizuo added.

Celty shook her head, defeated, and took a seat at the table.

Psyche laughed. "Just like a family!"

.

_Track 3: It's the same pattern, over and over again. What do I do, Tsugaru? (Weak laughter) I have absolutely no control…_

_That park bench was so comfortable, and Shizu-chan just had to give me a good run again. Ah so tired. (Sigh) Now I know how it feels to be exhausted both ways._

_(The sound of a coin bouncing on wood) There, my offering… Protect me tonight, won't you? I'm just going to sleep here. Namie talks too much…_

" _Psyche? Hey!"_

"Psyche!"

"Huh?" Psyche asked, realizing that Shizuo was calling to him.

"Sheesh, what's up? You just suddenly zoned out on us."

' _He was going to sleep outside,'_ Psyche realized, swallowing the piece of chicken that had been in his mouth.

"Oh, I was listening to my headphones, sorry."

"Isn't that rude during dinner or something?" Shizuo said, tearing at his drumstick with his teeth.

Psyche removed them from his ears to rest on his shoulders when he realized that the track had already finished. "They ring sometimes, and a new track plays."

"Track?" the other asked with a full mouth.

They were interrupted when Shinra emerged from Izaya's room, closing the door quietly.

" _How is he?"_ Celty immediately asked.

"Sleeping. Uh," he looked at the three, pondering, his own stomach growling. "I'll tell you after dinner. Shizuo, can you stay for another hour or two?"

"Whatever. Just as long as the flea doesn't wake up."

"Great! Man, I'm starved!" Shinra said, trying to hide his nervousness as he sat down and picked up his pair of chopsticks.

Psyche looked away from the doctor to his food, suddenly feeling full.

' _Something's happening, isn't it, Tsugaru? I hope… I hope this turns out all right,'_ he thought, hoping for the smallest reassurance from one that was not there.

A whisper answered, one that he almost missed if he hadn't been so accustomed to the other's voice.

_"Stay strong. Don't be afraid of the truth.”_


	4. Psyche Track 4

"So what's up?" Shizuo asked impatiently as the four settled in Shinra's lab room. The doctor had insisted that they take measures to prevent the informant from overhearing, just in case.

"Shizuo," the doctor began a little hesitantly, turning to him first, "did you happen to punch Izaya in the chest recently? Multiple times?"

"What?" the bodyguard exclaimed. "Multiple times? Don't you know how hard it is to hit the flea even once?"

"So no?" the doctor pressed on for a definite answer.

"Not recently at least," the other grumbled.

Shinra put a hand up to his chin in contemplation. "Thought so…"

" _What's wrong?"_ Celty asked.

Shinra adjusted his glasses nervously. "Uh, well, Izaya has multiple bruises on his chest. Small. So…" He really didn't want to probe, but it must mean something if it had driven Izaya to the point of disregarding his own health.

"So what? The flea's probably got a shitload of enemies. Maybe one or two just got to him," Shizuo growled, undisturbed.

" _Do you think they're hickeys?"_ Celty offered her suggestion, making the doctor clap a hand to his head.

"Great minds think alike!" he beamed before grinning.

"What the hell, great minds?" Shizuo didn't bother lowering his voice, giving the word the Dullahan had typed a last horrified glance before rounding on Shinra. "You mean to tell me that you called a group meeting just to tell us that the flea has a girlfriend now?"

"Well, maybe this person has something to do with Izaya's current condition?" Shinra tried to reason.

"Shinra, why do I need to know that Izaya has a girlfriend who has been giving him hickeys? She probably just stressed him out so much that he got a cold. Serves him right!"

"Well, uh, I…" Shinra dug for a plausible answer. He honestly didn't see the relevance at the moment, but his gut told him that it should have a connection with everything, somewhere.

"Maybe she'll end up killing him." They all turned to Psyche, who had been silently watching the discussion.

" _Why would you say that?"_ Celty asked him.

"Oh!" Shinra realized that he had forgotten to tell his own girlfriend about _that_ revelation he had on the situation. However, Shizuo spoke before he could relay the details to Celty.

"You mean, the flea dies in the future because of some woman?" the bodyguard asked, the volume of his voice considerably lower than before.

"No! No! I'm just saying that it's a possibility," Psyche replied. "I mean, the day's probably drawing near."

" _What do you mean, near?"_

"Uh," Psyche shrunk away from the three, starting to get nervous from all the additional attention. "I just... It's been getting colder."

"So it's true then," Shinra muttered.

" _What's true?"_

"Wait, so the flea really does die in the future? Is he that sick?" Shizuo exclaimed.

"No, I don't think that was it," Psyche trembled, trying to gather his own thoughts together.

"What? Then how does he die?" the bodyguard continued, making the other man shrink even further back.

"I don't…"

"Shizuo, I think Psyche doesn't have the answers to those questions yet," Shinra told the bodyguard, putting a hand on Shizuo's shoulder to calm him down. Psyche smiled in appreciation when the bodyguard sighed and scratched his head, leaning back on the wall.

"So back to waiting?" Shizuo asked.

Shinra sighed, a little frustrated himself. "Looks like it."

"Tch."

_"Wait, how did you find out that Izaya dies in the future?"_

"Ah, we're not sure, but…" Shinra started explaining to the Dullahan.

Shizuo looked at Psyche, who had shrunk into a corner, unwilling to take part in the conversation any further.

.

Shizuo entered the room, quietly closing the door behind him and locking it. Shinra had only dimmed the lights, so he could see the informant's outline clearly on the single bed, the sheets rising and falling slowly.

The bodyguard studied the other's sleeping form: slightly blushed cheeks because of the fever and eyes closed a little too tightly like he was dreaming. Shizuo wondered if Izaya was even capable of having nightmares. Did he dream of all the people he had harmed? Were they ever anything to him? Or, was he dreaming about his supposed girlfriend dumping him? Shizuo shook his head, reminding himself what he was here for. After all, it had taken quite a lot of his patience to wait for the other three to preoccupy themselves before he could sneak into the informant's sickroom unnoticed.

' _He's going to die anyway.'_ He frowned as he recalled the conversation.

Shizuo reached for the sleeping informant's throat, his hands shaky. It seemed like an eternity before his fingertips finally found the other's neck, and he had to keep himself from flinching instinctively. It surprised him how hot Izaya was, the other’s flushed skin burning under his hands. _'He must be running a pretty high fever,_ ' he thought to himself before dragging his thoughts back to the mission at hand. All it took was a few muscles, maybe about a second to snap the other's neck. He tensed. He could finally have revenge for all those past years of torture. He just had to…

Izaya suddenly opened his eyes a crack, and Shizuo found tired red eyes staring at him, like the flea knew exactly what was going on and accepted it. Then, something happened that stopped the bodyguard where he stood: Izaya smiled. It wasn't anything special. The smile was small, content, and almost sad. Shizuo had been so used to the other's mocking grins that this new expression caught him by surprise. He drew his hands away just as quickly.

"Stop laughing at me!" he growled under his breath.

"I'm not," Izaya answered calmly, not bothering to sit up. He coughed a little before taking a deep breath.

"Then why are you smiling?"

"I thought you were going to kill me."

Shizuo could almost feel the hairs on the back of his neck bristle. "That's nothing to smile about!"

Izaya closed his eyes, the expression disappearing from his face. "I suppose not."

Shizuo regarded the informant for a moment before moving to the table and dragging the desk chair to the bedside. He sat down, telling himself that he could kill the flea anytime as long as he didn't leave the room and let the others know he was here.

"What are you doing?" the informant asked him through unfocused eyes, breathing labored from the fever.

"Hearing you out."

This time Izaya did laugh. "Hearing me out? What am I supposed to confess?"

"I heard from the others. Are you sick?" Shizuo asked him.

"Isn't that obvious?"

"Cancer?"

"Having a fever doesn't mean I have cancer, Shizu-chan. Did Shinra say otherwise?"

Shizuo frowned, shaking his head no. "Then why would you…" he stopped, suddenly realizing that he was about to tell Izaya that the other would probably die in a few days or weeks. He admitted to himself that the entire idea of the flea dying soon brought the strangest feeling to his stomach. He didn't want Izaya to go yet, at least, not like this. The flea was supposed to die on the streets by his hand, not waste away in a hospital bed or get murdered by someone other than the bodyguard himself.

"Why would I what, Shizu-chan? Unleash Dullahans that would cause a war?"

Shizuo looked back at the other, not expecting this response. "You were planning to?"

"No." Izaya chuckled. "It might be a possibility though. Life's just too boring these days."

Shizuo stood up, knocking the chair over in the process. "You monster!"

Izaya paused, seemingly surprised. "I'm surprised that you'd call me that. Aren't you the monster?"

"You think you can just play with human lives like this?"

"It's fun watching them react. Besides, it's not like I am any diff…"

"Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should!"

"Like you killing me?" Izaya replied easily.

"Well, I didn't!"

"Well, you should've."

Shizuo froze. "What?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

Shizuo stared at him, not understanding.

Izaya sighed. To be honest, he didn't want to verbalize his theory out loud. It only made it seem more logical than it already was. "Dullahans come, and I die. Don't you think those two events are somehow related?"

"Wait, how do you know that?”

"Why would Shinra create a clone of me if I was still alive?"

"Uh…" Shizuo hadn’t expected Izaya to come to the correct conclusion on his own. 

Izaya turned away from him, pulling the covers over his head. "I love humans, Shizu-chan. They should love me back."

"Tch. As if they could ever love someone like you back." Shizuo frowned when the other didn’t answer, wondering if Izaya had gone back to sleep. He heard muffled laughter under the sheets, the bed trembling.

"Once again, you've said something logical!” Izaya threw the covers off, slight tears at the corners of his eyes as the man fought to stem his guffaw. “Now answer me this,” the informant finally managed between breaths. “Why are you still here?"

"Shut up flea. I'm still trying to decide whether or not I should kill you." If the other kept laughing like that, then he’d have no problem deciding, Shizuo thought.

“Hah,” Izaya finally managed to stop himself, falling back down to the bed as he put an arm over his eyes, seemingly drained of all energy. "Well, then please wait until I'm asleep. I'd prefer not to feel it."

Shizuo stared at the other for a little longer before finally leaving when Izaya didn’t continue the conversation, deciding that he'd kill the flea later when the other was healthier and in his usual sadistic persona. "Maybe in a week," he told himself, hoping that Psyche's prediction of the informant's death wasn't any earlier than that.

.

"Oh, thank you for coming!" Shinra greeted him, letting Shizuo into his apartment.

The bodyguard yawned, irritated that the doctor had to call him back just the next day. He had already told himself a week at least! "So what's wrong?"

"Well, Psyche hasn't left the apartment since he came here, so I want to bring him grocery shopping with me today!"

Shizuo stared at the doctor for a second before words came back to him. "That's it? Why couldn't you ask Celty to watch the flea?"

"She's out doing some jobs," Shinra replied as he grabbed his keys. "Don't worry! we'll be back in an hour or two. You don't even have to do anything! Just make sure Izaya stays in his room and rests!"

"Thank you, Shizuo!" Psyche said before bouncing after the doctor.

"Wait, Shinra," he started, but the two had already disappeared. "What the hell? I'm not babysitting!"

Half an hour later, Shizuo stifled a yawn before glaring at Shinra's innocent living room from where he sat. He could feel his heavy eyelids calling for his brain to drift into the dream world, and was finally about to do so when he heard the sound of a phone from the flea's room. Curious, he moved closer to the door.

.

Izaya bolted upright when he heard his phone ring, breathing heavily before realizing that he was no longer dreaming. He wearily reached over to the device on the table and picked it up without looking at the caller.

"Hello?"

"Orihara-san," a familiar voice answered.

"Shi-Shiki?" He hadn't expected the other to call so early.

"One of my men reported that you were taken away by Heiwajima-san yesterday."

"Ah…"

"But from the sounds of it, you seem to be doing fine."

"I'm just resting right now," Izaya told him, hoping that the other would be satisfied with this. To his dismay, Shiki continued.

"Heiwajima-san seems to be quite a distraction for you. There have been many reports of him chasing you around the city."

"It's nothing I can't handle," Izaya assured him.

"Those bruises I see from time to time say otherwise."

Izaya held his breath, knowing what was coming.

"I'm thinking of sending some of my men to permanently rid Ikebukuro and you of him. I'm sure that it would benefit the both of…"

"I'd prefer if you didn't take any unnecessary actions," the informant cut him off, feeling his heart quicken.

"Unnecessary? He is distracting you, Orihara-san. Besides, haven't you said many times that you wanted him dead? I am just offering you assistance in the act."

"I will be the one to kill Shizu-chan. If anyone else were to do it, I'd be traumatized!" Izaya told him, adding a little drama to his tone.

There was a pause on the other side of the line. "Very well." The other didn't seem to be fazed. "But if you seem to get any more distracted from your work…"

"I know! I know!" Izaya faked a yawn even though he was completely awake now. "Now let me sleep."

"Please rest up then, Orihara-san. The group we talked about last time is starting to move."

"Of course."

Izaya pressed the off button and let his arm go limp, allowing the phone to slide out of his fingers onto the sheets, as he went over the entire conversation once again in his head. Why would Shiki show interest in the bodyguard now after all those years? Shiki had known for a long time that the two of them weren't on good terms and had continuous chases in Ikebukuro. He recalled that the yakuza leader had called the bodyguard a "distraction" in the conversation, and it hit him.

"So, he wants me under his complete control?" Izaya muttered to himself, taking a deep breath to calm himself. "But I…" The idea that he would lose even more control made him numb. He didn't even look up when none other than the bodyguard entered the room, hands clenched. 

"So you want to kill me that badly, huh flea?" Shizuo growled, storming over and grabbing the informant by the collar. He froze when he suddenly felt the tiniest shiver from the informant, who averted his eyes.

"Shizu-chan, I don't feel like talking right now," Izaya said quietly.

"Don't feel like talking? Don't you owe me an explanation for that plan you just hatched over the phone? I knew I shouldn't have saved your sorry ass yesterday!"

"Any idiot would understand that nothing was planned after eavesdropping on a conversation like that," Izaya retorted, hoping that the other would leave him alone already. 

"Don't you lie to me," Shizuo snarled.

Clenching his teeth, Izaya shoved the other away. "You protozoan! If I wanted to really kill you, I would've done it years ago!" he yelled, feeling his anger cloud his judgment for the first time in years. It scared him, this outburst, but his feelings soon drowned out the fear.

"Of course you can't kill me, because I'm supposed to kill you!" the bodyguard retorted. "Besides, all those men you've sent after me already and the police…"

"Your brother…" Izaya managed to say, unable to control his own trembling.

Shizuo froze. "You wouldn't dare."

"If I wanted to get to you, he would have been the first one I targeted. And, I would've made sure that he was…"

"You!" Shizuo grabbed the other again, slamming him against the bed frame.

Izaya panicked when the hands made their way around his throat and pulled at them desperately to free himself, the sides of his vision beginning to blur as he gasped for air. Shizuo only continued to squeeze, and for once he could see no escape from his current predicament, just like he could see no end to his warped feelings for humanity, for _him._ It was then that a tiny sliver of hope shone through his fading vision.

 _'I thought you were ready to die,'_ a voice in his head told him, prompting him to stop retaliating. _'This could all finally end here.'_

However, that only made Shizuo stop choking him, seemingly caught off guard by Izaya suddenly going limp under him. He let the other go, and the informant crumpled into a heap on the bed, coughing violently.

"Serves you right," Shizuo spat bitterly.

"Then why… didn't you… kill me?" Izaya gasped as he glared at the other, not moving from where he fell.

"I'm not going to be sent to jail for killing the likes of you." Shizuo stepped back from the informant, attempting to calm himself down. He realized with a little guilt that Izaya had been telling him that he hadn't done anything serious to Kasuka even though he could, but the bodyguard drove that thought from his head, thinking that it was just another one of the informant's mind games. He waited for another retort from the flea but only gasps and coughing answered him.

"Stupid… protozoan…" Izaya finally managed.

"Shut up already."

"If you killed me... then Shiki would have no reason to go after you."

It took Shizuo a few seconds to process that statement, and he looked at the informant, mouth opened to respond, only to realize that the other had either fallen asleep or fainted from all the excitement. "Tch." He looked at his hands, sighing before he got up to leave. It wasn't going to do any of them good if he lost his temper again. Hadn't Shinra said to wait? Shizuo could never stand the doctor's reasoning sometimes.

He looked back at the informant. _'Tears?'_ The realization seemed unreal. The trail didn't seem to be stopping, and Shizuo walked back over to the informant. It was surreal, seeing the invincible Izaya Orihara cry like this, even if it was in his sleep and mostly likely from near-strangulation.

Without thinking, he held out a hand and wiped a little of the saltwater on his fingers, examining them just to make sure he wasn't seeing illusions. Frowning, he turned to leave, refusing to get himself any deeper into the mess and started walking towards the door.

"Shi…" he heard behind him just as the door closed.

"Shizuo! We're back!" Psyche exclaimed, jumping on him and giving him a big hug and ran away just as quickly before the bodyguard could even respond.

"How was everything?" Shinra asked, placing the grocery bags on the table.

"Just leaving," Shizuo answered as he walked past the doctor. Frowning, the doctor headed into Izaya's room, fearing the worst.

"Oh no, did anything happen?" Psyche asked from the doorway, sensing the tension right away.

"He just kicked off his blankets!" Shinra lied as he checked the other for a pulse, letting out a breath in relief when he found one.

.

_Track 4: Hey Tsugaru. (Sneeze) Ah, I caught a cold. It's getting so cold these days; I wonder if I should buy a new jacket. (Sigh)_

_Today, he said he would help me kill Shizu-chan. Isn't that funny? Did he really think that Shizu-chan has anything to do with anything? (Pause) This is all his doing after all._

_(Sneeze) Ah, I should go back now. There's something going on inside the yakuza. Sounds like fun, huh? Oh, and before I forget… (The sound of many coins on wood) Thanks for last time. Goodnight, Tsugaru! (End of recording)_


	5. Psyche Track 5

Izaya eyed the pills distastefully before tossing them into his mouth, nearly choking at the bitterness before he managed to wash them down with several gulps of tea. Shinra had refused to let him leave without the guarantee that he would keep up with his cold medication, but he was beginning to wish that he had just stayed at the doctor’s house and opted for the IV’s instead. He immediately doubted the effectiveness of the medicine when a wave of coughs hit him.

He slumped down onto his chair as he blinked away the tears, regretting just a little that he had made Namie leave early without first asking her to make lunch for him. He supposed that he would have to make do with takeout later as he browsed through his pile of emails to distract his muddy brain, the first of which immediately caught his attention.

"Hm?" He laughed aloud as he reread the message just to revel again in the irony. "Humans think too highly of themselves sometimes."

The doorbell chimed before he was able to formulate a response, and he grumbled as he dragged himself over to the door, reminding himself to install a self-open system for times like these when Namie wasn't here to get the door for him. His heart skipped a beat when he caught the sight of a white suit in the peephole.

"Shiki? What a surprise." Izaya stepped back to let the other in.

"You look worse than how you sounded on the phone," the yakuza executive commented, holding up a bag of takeout. "I assume you’ve been researching the group, seeing how you seem to be working instead of resting.”

"Yes yes, you found me out," Izaya brushed the other off as he pulled out a file from the pile on his desk and placed it in front of Shiki, who had settled on the sofa. The Awakusu-kai executive picked up the papers and skimmed them briefly. "Good enough? Drug trafficking, human trafficking… doesn’t seem to be the same as the Awakusu-kai’s line of work."

"You're missing one," Shiki told him.

"Oh! Gun-trafficking! Well you all seem to love that one. Equal opportunity right? Why deny one group the right to buy guns?" Izaya allowed himself a joke.

"Orihara-san…"

"You know I’m kidding," the informant waved at him. "Well," he stopped, putting a hand to his mouth as another wave of coughs engulfed his lungs. "Their… Ugh… Hang on…"

Shiki waited patiently for the other to stop coughing, and it took about a minute for the informant to reduce himself to deep breaths. "I thought I said you could rest."

"Well, you sounded pretty worried about the new group, and I was bored out of my mind sleeping and waking all day."

Shiki sighed. "Just get on with it so you can get some rest."

"Impatient aren't we?" Izaya grinned at the other's continued glare, secretly ecstatic that Shiki would visit him even with the chance that he had no information to offer.

"Actually, they don't seem to be doing any 'trading' of guns, so to speak. They've been buying them in bulk since about two months ago."

"They're probably getting ready for a takeover."

Izaya frowned. "Just against Awakusu-kai? There's enough there to take out all organized groups in Ikebukuro, given that they have the manpower for the amount of guns they're buying."

Shiki closed the file. "Then we'll just have to deal with them now." He looked up to the informant, who had started coughing again.

"Your neck…" he commented when he suddenly noticed the blackened skin.

"Oh, it's nothing," Izaya brushed it off as he walked over to his desk for his tea. He hated it when the other pointed out things like this. It was almost like Shiki cared for… He nearly dropped the finished cup when the other appeared next to him and ran a finger over the hand-shaped bruises, sending shivers down his spine.

"Looks like someone tried to strangle you."

Izaya pushed the hands away. "It's nothing." He turned around, finding that the other hadn’t budged. "You're too close."

"You still owe me a payment," Shiki replied, playing with the bruise.

Izaya chuckled. "I might pass my cold to you."

"I've already taken my shots," Shiki whispered in the informant's ear before he kissed behind it, making the other man shiver.

"No, not here…" Izaya stammered, moving away, but Shiki only continued forward until the both of them were in Izaya's room. Shiki gently pushed the informant onto the bed and looked down on the complacent figure. Izaya appeared unsure, and the yakuza member found it necessary to comment on the situation.

"This is the first time we're doing it at your place."

"I'd rather not, Shiki," Izaya replied but suddenly gasped when the other pulled him into a deep kiss. "No…" Izaya still held on as soon as they parted, his cheeks flushed. "Not here…"

Shiki smirked. "You think you can wait long enough to get back to headquarters?" He gave the other a light squeeze, making Izaya yell out. "Why are you so against doing it here?"

"It's… business… Shi…" The yakuza captured the informant's lips again before he could finish. Izaya could feel a hand snaking under his shirt until the warm fingers were on his back, and everything suddenly became cold as his shirt was pulled over his head only to be replaced by the warmth of the older man's lips on his chest.

"Where do you keep everything?" Shiki stopped long enough to ask.

"Idiot! Why would I…" He gasped when the other bit him right on the bruise on his neck. "Ngh! Shiki! Stop!" He tried to push the other away and finally gave in when the other pulled away, a little blood on his mouth from the new mark he had placed on Izaya.

Shiki licked his lips. "Well?" he asked again. "I'd hate to dirty your sheets unnecessarily."

"Top drawer…"

.

Shiki pulled the blankets over the sleeping informant before picking up the discarded clothes and fixing his own shirt and pants, grabbing his jacket on his way out of the bedroom.

The yakuza boss walked over to Izaya's desk and moved the mouse slightly, causing the computer to flare back to life. He examined the screen briefly; the other had failed to lock the computer, but the rest of the files were surely protected with another layer of security. Shiki instead settled for the one screen that was opened and started scrolling through the list of emails on Izaya's account.

"What are you hiding from me?" he muttered as he clicked the latest pre-opened email. Shiki read the text silently, his eyes narrowing with every word.

_ I'm sure a skilled informant such as yourself has already been tipped off to our decision to expand our operations into Ikebukuro. As you know, a company such as ours is in need of talent like yours. _

_ We hope that you'd consider working with us. We can offer much more than just Ikebukuro or Shinjuku. Just imagine; the world at your fingertips. It's approaching fast, and I'm sure you'll make the right decision to join in when the momentum is at its greatest. _

_ I'll be awaiting your answer, Izaya Orihara. _

He searched Izaya's sent messages to see if the informant had replied to the other group's offer but found nothing.

Shiki eyed the bottles on Izaya's desk with renewed curiosity and picked up the nearest one, giving it a shake. "Pills," he muttered as he opened the blank bottle and shook one of the tablets into his palm. He looked back to the computer screen, his mouth drawn into a half-frown.

.

"Oh, hello Shizuo!" Psyche greeted the bodyguard, opening the door wider to let him in.

"Why are you letting people in?" the bodyguard replied, looking around the other for signs of either Shinra or Celty.

"No one's home!" the smaller man replied as he skipped to the sofa and took his place back alongside a huge bowl of popcorn.

"Watching a movie?"

"Yup!" Psyche said. "Do you ever watch movies? They're so cool!" He ate a handful of popcorn. "I wonder if there's any saved on the computer back home."

Shizuo took a look at the television screen, frowning. "You don't watch movies with Shinra?"

"Oh no." He shook his head. "There's nothing at home, and everyone's in hiding so no one would ever think of enjoying a movie. We have lots of news though. Dullahan sighting here. Dullahan sighting there…" he trailed off.

"I see." The bodyguard scratched his head, uncomfortable with the subject. He decided to focus on his original purpose for coming. It had disturbed him through the entire night, and he was certain that it'd continue to eat at his mind until he confronted the flea himself about exactly why he didn't target Kasuka in the past. "So, since you're the only one here, the flea's left by now, right?"

"Izaya left this morning," Psyche replied, accustomed now to the bodyguard's nickname for the informant. Shizuo almost sighed in disappointment. "Celty's doing deliveries and Shinra had a meeting or something like that. Oh!" His face lit up as he turned from the television to Shizuo. "Do you have work today? Can you watch a movie with me? Shinra has one about aliens, but I'm too scared to watch it by myself!"

"Uh…" Shizuo sighed, giving in to the other's earnestness. "Alright. But just one!"

An hour later, Shizuo found himself staring at the screen, trying not to frown at the incredulousness of the entire film, while Psyche's eyes continued to widen with every scene. The bodyguard wondered if the other would have trouble closing his eyes after the movie. As the minutes continued to pass, his mind started to drift from the movie to the conversation he had with Izaya the prior day. He would never rule out the possibility that the flea was playing mind games on him again by mentioning Kasuka, but Izaya seemed genuinely mad for once. It was the strangest scene.

"Hey Psyche?" he blurted when a question hit him.

"Huh?" the other asked, jumping slightly.

"Do you ever, you know, remember things that weren't part of your memories?"

Psyche remained silent for a moment as he thought about the question. "Like Izaya's memories?"

"Yeah. Ah…" He sighed. "Sorry, I forgot. You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Nah, it's okay." Psyche looked back at the screen, pulling his legs up to his chest. "I sometimes see things, very small things, to the point where I can't piece them together."

"Like what?"

"Well, like besides the snow, sometimes I'd see darkness, and sometimes there's this man in white, but the feeling is so convoluted."

"Convo- what?" Shizuo frowned. This was definite proof that Psyche was in some way related to Izaya, throwing out words like that.

"Confusing," Psyche reworded.

"How so?"

"It's like…" Psyche frowned as he tried to put the feeling into words. "Being angry, scared, sad, yet happy at the same time."

"What?"

The other grinned. "I know, huh?"

"I can't imagine him feeling anything except happy," Shizuo muttered more to himself than the other. He turned to Psyche, who had the strangest look on his face. The bodyguard couldn't read it at all.

Psyche grinned. "Happiness is a great emotion, isn't it? You can use it to mask almost any of the others."

"The flea does that?"

The grin fell easier than Shizuo thought it could into a sad smile. "Who knows? I… I only know this body. I do not know this mind." He pointed at his head. "There's so much in here that I just can't see, and if I can't see it, then I really have no purpose being here."

Shizuo frowned. He didn't like Izaya's crying face, and this fake smile didn't improve it even the slightest. He sighed, ruffling the smaller man's hair.

"Stupid, don't stress over it. You're Psyche, not Izaya."

The other's smile brightened slightly. "Tsugaru said the same thing."

.

Izaya woke up coughing and sat up, the blankets sliding off of him. He took a moment to calm his breathing before realizing he was alone. Izaya surveyed his quiet surroundings, sniffing for the scent of smoke before he sighed, finding none. The informant got out of bed slowly, rubbing his slightly sore back as he tried to locate the pieces of his outfit, finding them folded on the bedside table.

The corners of his mouth rose just a little. "You're way too neat after sex."

He dragged himself to his feet, feeling his vision swim a little due to the persistent fever. "Shower first," Izaya muttered as he trudged towards the bathroom, switching the heater up a notch on the way there.

He stood in the warm water and scrubbed the soap bubbles over his skin until his fingers stopped at the new bump on his neck. He brought his hand away and stared aimlessly at his palm. The informant felt his heart clench, the feeling welling up in him until it reached his throat, and he closed his eyes, resting his head against the shower wall, silently concentrating on his breathing until the feeling ebbed away.

"Nothing has changed," he told himself. "It's just… business… right?" He forced himself to smile.

He emerged from the shower half an hour later, clean and feeling quite warm, and sat down on his chair, spinning it to face the giant glass window. After a moment of contemplation, he gave the ground a kick and spun in circles, giving up on thinking. "I love all humans," he declared in the whirlwind, "and they should love me back…"

The bag of takeout Shiki had brought earlier suddenly caught his eye, and he nearly fell off his chair in an attempt to stop it so the object wouldn't leave his vision. Hesitating, Izaya moved over and opened the box, wondering what in the world the other would pick as lunch for a sick person. He really hoped it wasn't convenience store food.

"Oh…" His heart clenched again. "Fatty tuna…"

_ 'Stop acting like you care… Please…' _

.

_ Track 5: Hey Tsugaru! (A crash) Ouch! Ugh, you need a little renovation on your staircase. Dumb rocks… (A series of coughs) Dumb cold… (Sigh) _

_ (Silence) _

_ You know, Tsugaru, hope is a bitch. I mean, just because the location is different doesn't mean anything's changed. (Light laughter) He was probably just a little stressed… Right? (Silence) You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you? Hm… Wait, you should, Mr. Guardian of the Shrine! So I'm not telling you, ha! Wait, ew! I hope you weren't peeping! (Laughter) I sometimes think that I'm actually crazy. (Pause) _

_ Hey, do a lot of people buy charms here? What a stupid thing to do, giving themselves hope like that. Hope… I hope… (A series of coughs) Well, I suppose a charm makes them feel better, but it doesn't work if you already know the truth. _

_ (Silence) _

_ Oh, by the way, can you believe it? Humans are so arrogant sometimes, thinking that all everyone wants is money and power. What's the use if you have both, and you can't use it to get what you want? (Sigh) This isn't like me. I'm thinking too much on this sort of thing. (Cough) _

_ (The sound of a coin) Well, I'll try not to hope, but it'd be convenient if my cold went away soon. It's an ass. Bye, Tsugaru! (End of recording) _


	6. Psyche Track 6

"Iz~a~ya!" the fortissimo of Ikebukuro's voice echoed through the alley walls, startling the group.

"Oh dear, maybe we'll commit suicide together next time!" the informant sang cheerfully to the two girls before taking off in the opposite direction. A flash of white, black, and yellow holding a stop sign followed him shortly after, leaving the two staring wide-eyed at the blank spot where their "friend" had previously occupied.

"Get back here!" Shizuo snarled as he started to catch up to the retreating man.

"Not while you're still holding that stop sign!" the informant yelled back, adeptly dodging a low hanging tree branch as they tore through one of the many parks.

"Fine then!"

Izaya glanced behind him in time to see Shizuo toss the street sign aside. “Huh.” He skidded to a stop in response, not expecting the other to actually accept his offer of a truce. Unfortunately, the bodyguard didn't expect him to stop running and instead collided with him, sending them both to the ground. Izaya found himself trapped under the other and struggled to break free, but the arms around him tightened, refusing to let him go.

"What the…" The informant stopped when he realized that Shizuo had thrown a hand around the back of his head, saving his skull from impact with the floor. He blinked, looking up to see the bodyguard's face only a few inches away from his.

"You're not getting away," Shizuo hissed, obviously unaware of how close they were.

Izaya chose to merely stare blankly at his captor, idly wondering when Shizuo would notice just how awkward the two of them looked. He admitted that the arm around the back of his head made a nice cushion against the hard floor. He smiled sheepishly at the other. The warmth around him made him feel almost, and he really didn’t want to admit it, safe.

At that point of Izaya's observations, Shizuo finally realized the rather intimate position he had put the two of them in and jumped up and away from the informant, the horror apparent on his face.

"You let me go quite easily," Izaya commented as he stood up, rubbing where his back had landed.

"Don't you dare run now!" the other threatened.

The informant grinned. "Why not? Is standing here and waiting for you to pick up that forgotten street sign over there that important?"

“No!” Shizuo took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. It was an amazing feat, to say the least. Just hearing the informant's name made his blood boil. "Look, I just want to talk," he finally managed.

"We can see how well that ended last time. Can a protozoan such as yourself even manage a conversation?" Izaya scoffed.

"Well, this time it's different!" he snapped. "And stop calling me names!"

Izaya laughed to hide his confusion. He had no idea what the other wanted, and the uncertainty made him uneasy, especially since he was so accustomed to knowing everything. "Right. Now let me just get about, say, another 100 meters away from you, and you can kindly shout what you want to tell me." He turned to leave only for a vice-grip to suddenly engulf his arm. He could instantly feel his fingertips go numb from the lack of blood.

"Stop making it so difficult." Before Izaya could retort or attempt to pull away, Shizuo let go of his arm and touched the black scarf he had decided to wear to hide the discoloration around his throat. "What's up with the scarf?" Izaya didn't retaliate as Shizuo moved it away to see the bruises the latter had left, currently turning a sickening purple. "You were trying to hide this?"

"Well, people normally stare if you happen to have two giant hand shaped bruises around your neck," Izaya snapped defensively as he tried to pull the scarf back over his neck. He froze when the other's fingertips stopped at a scab-rimmed oval.

"What's this?"

"Nothing!" Izaya pulled the cloth back over his neck with more force than Shizuo had expected, making the bodyguard let go in surprise.

Shizuo had never seen the informant so flustered before; Izaya's face had turned a light pink, his hands clenched tightly around the scarf as if he was afraid that Shizuo would expose his wounds to air again.

"Uh," Shizuo didn't know what to make of this. He had never seen the informant so skittish about his wounds. "Sorry."

"Huh?" Shizuo saw the hand around the fabric loosen. "Don't be silly, Shizu-chan."

"But…"

"What did you want to talk about?" Izaya cut him off. "I'm certain it's not my well-being."

Shizuo flinched at the blow. True, the mark on the other's neck called on his curiosity more than he'd like, but it was just curiosity. As for the choke-marks, he couldn't even come up with an excuse for that. He clumsily turned his thoughts back to his original purpose to escape the guilt nibbling at him.

"Last time…" he began hesitantly.

"Forget about it," Izaya responded immediately, knowing that the other was referring to Kasuka.

"I can't." He scratched his head awkwardly. "I thought you hated me."

"I still do. Don't tell me that after all these years, you still don't get that message." Red eyes stared intently into his.

"Then why did you say you didn't target Kasuka to get to me? I mean, yeah, you did, but…"

Izaya shrugged, dropping his gaze. "It'd be too easy."

Shizuo raised an eyebrow. "Easy?"

"I don't want you to die," he muttered.

The debt collector attempted to catch the other's eyes again. "Why not? You hate me."

"Yet!" Izaya added immediately when he caught his slip of the tongue and dived to save himself, looking back up and giving the other a wide grin. "Because I still haven't figured you out: the violent monster who claims he hates violence."

Shizuo felt the familiar anger stirring up in him. "Well at least I'm not some sick bastard who goes around encouraging girls to commit suicide."

Izaya smiled, sending a chill down the bodyguard's spine. Yet, through the apparent sadistic mask Shizuo thought he saw the smallest hint of bitterness. "They let themselves be manipulated. Besides, why does it matter? They wanted to die anyway," the informant explained.

"You…" Shizuo took another deep breath. "Why?" he managed.

Izaya stared at him, surprise lining his red eyes. He had never expected Shizuo of all people to question his reasons. "Hm…" Because it was fun? Because he loved humans? Everyone knew those already. He wondered if he had any more reasons. His eyes softened when one hit him. "Because it makes me feel like I have control," he finally answered.

Shizuo wasted no time in thinking through his reply. "Tch, you really are a power hungry piece of shit."

Izaya shrugged, smiling darkly. "Why is it wrong to have at least a little control over life?"

"Do you want control that much?"

The informant nodded, the strange grin still plastered over his face like a mask.

Shizuo really saw the bitterness now. "Why?" he pressed lightly.

' _Because I have none over my own.'_ Izaya laughed. "What makes you think that I'll tell you why?"

Shizuo almost growled. This was obviously going in circles, just as he had expected it. He couldn't fathom how he could manage to hold one decent conversation with the flea without the other playing around with his words. A shift behind Izaya distracted him.

"Hey, you!" Shizuo roared as a shadow darted away in the opposite direction. "What the hell? That little eavesdropping bastard!" he growled.

Izaya stared at the retreating man, seemingly deep in thought. "Hm…"

The bodyguard turned to him. "Aren't you going to go after him?"

"He's one of Shiki's men," the informant muttered.

Shizuo saw the confusion in the other's expression along with a hint of something that he just had to identify as fear. "This guy seems to be coming up very often lately. Are you having problems with him or something?"

The expression disappeared, replaced with an all too familiar one. "Oh, Shizu-chan, why the sudden interest?"

"Deciding whether or not I should teach him a lesson next time we meet," he replied, cracking his knuckles.

"No," the informant replied sternly, the darkness in his tone catching the other by surprise.

"Why not? You've already sent a lot of your clients after me, haven't you?"

"No, don't," Izaya repeated. Shizuo could sense the desperation underlining the other's voice as much as Izaya seemed to be trying to hide it.

He hesitated. "Okay," he lied.

Izaya sighed in relief, believing him.

"But you have to tell me why," Shizuo continued. He shifted uncomfortably at the expression the other gave him, remembering the fake smile Psyche had given him just yesterday. 

"It doesn't concern you, Shizu-chan," Izaya told him.

"Tch." Shizuo closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm himself. He had to admit that the breathing exercises have been doing him wonders for this conversation. "What do you mean, it doesn't concern me? Wasn't he the one who wanted to go after me?"

Izaya stared at him incredulously before chuckling. "You're really unpredictable, Shizu-chan. Where did you hear that from?"

"You."

"Hm, must have been when I had the fever then," Izaya pondered, rubbing his chin as he tried to recall his own words.

"You're not denying it?"

Izaya shrugged, turning to leave. "An informant doesn't lie."

"Wait, I'm not done with you yet!"

"Let's talk another time, Shizu-chan. I have work to do."

"Wait, Izaya!" he called, but the other refused to listen and instead began running. Shizuo watched the other's retreating back until the tip of Izaya's jacket disappeared around a corner, the informant most likely blending back into the crowd on the main road.

"He ran away," he muttered, dumbfounded. When had the other allowed his emotions to show so obviously like that?

Or, was it because he never noticed?

.

"I'm telling you, Shiki, there's no way Orihara's planning anything against Awakusu-kai," Akabayashi told his friend as he followed the other through the hallway.

"He got an email from the other group."

Akabayashi sighed. "He's one of the best informant's out there! He probably gets at least 10 of those emails per day!" he countered as the two of them sat down.

"Have you heard of the one called Shizuo Heiwajima?"

The other thought for a moment. "The one that Orihara framed for kidnapping Akane?"

"They seem to be communicating," he explained, lighting a cigarette.

The other laughed. "That's good right? Maybe that way Orihara won't get himself beaten up so often."

Shiki remained silent.

"Shiki, you're seriously over-thinking it. Shouldn't you be focusing on that rival group right now?"

"I am focusing on them."

Akabayashi frowned, sensing that the situation was starting to get out of hand. "Listen, Shiki, I know Orihara, and there's no way that he's working for them unless he's trying to get information against them."

"Hm…" Shiki took a drag from his cigarette.

.

"Psyche, what's wrong?" Shinra suddenly appeared in his vision.

The other cocked his head to the side, confused. "Nothing's wrong?"

"Ah, it's just that you've had this strange expression," the doctor commented, stepping back when it seemed like he had inadvertently snapped the other out of it.

"Strange?" Psyche pinched his cheeks. "Is it better now?"

Shinra could see Celty shaking from laughter on the side. "Ah, maybe it's just me," he pondered before forcing a smile. "Don't worry about it."

"Okay!" the time traveller replied easily.

Shinra returned to his lab room after eating, sneaking a peek at Psyche staring aimlessly out the window, the traces of a frown still lingering on the other’s lips.

.

"Can I go home now?"

"Huh?" the informant looked up from his computer. "Yeah yeah," he said waving his hand dismissively. "Forgot you were even here."

"Right." Namie didn't waste any time in leaving and was out the door as soon as she had gathered up her purse and a few files. “Don’t forget to eat.” The door slammed, leaving the informant alone in his apartment.

Izaya skimmed through the emails and documents he had accumulated, his aching eyes that have been staring at the computer for the past few hours urging him to take a break. "They're really serious, aren’t they?" Another email flashed in his mailbox. “Hm?”

The informant sighed as he went through its contents. "How many times must I eloquently say 'no' before you guys leave me alone?" He bit his lips, going through his options one by one. He could always say yes and try to get some information out of them, but as far as he could tell the only commodity this group wouldn't give him in return was information. Then again, the investigation with the group wasn't going all too smoothly since the last report he gave Shiki.

The sound of his cell phone ringing distracted him from the computer monitor.

"Hello?" he answered, his voice a little more annoyed than he'd liked.

"Hey Orihara!" Akabayashi replied cheerfully.

Izaya sighed; the last thing he needed now was a distraction like the Awakusu-kai executive. "Why are you calling me?"

"Why can't I call you?" the other joked. Akabayashi could almost imagine the other's frown.

"Akabayashi…"

Akabayashi laughed. "Looks like you were in one of those rare I'm-concentrating-very-hard-on-my-work modes. Is it that group still?"

"They're just a little bit harder to track than the rest."

"Hm, that's true, considering that they originated outside of Tokyo.” The other gasped theatrically over the phone. “Oh dear, is it something the great Orihara cannot handle?"

Izaya sighed. "Akabayashi, what do you want?"

"Hey, I was just trying to relieve some of your stress!"

"You're causing more."

Akabayashi laughed. "Don't I always? Anyways, I think you should watch your back."

Izaya almost snorted. "That's a habit. I'm an informant, remember?"

"Yeah, but," he paused. "It’s actually Shiki…"

"What about him?" Izaya asked, the annoyance in his voice instantly replaced with curiosity.

"I don't know what's gotten over him, but he thinks you're working with that rival group."

Izaya blinked. "What?"

Akabayashi chuckled nervously. "I know, huh?"

Izaya sighed. "What reason would I have for working with them?"

"I don't know. Money? Power?"

"He should know better than that."

"Life supply of ice cream?"

Izaya hung up on him, returning to the computer. "Why would he," he muttered before the email in front of him caught his eye once again. "Did he touch my computer yesterday before he left?" He nearly cursed out loud for forgetting to lock the machine the day before. Izaya sighed and leaned back into his chair to think.

"He should know that I'd never join them. He understands me better than that," he declared out loud to reassure himself.

His voice shook.

.

_Track 6: (The sound of many coins on wood) Healed! No more cold! (Laughter that subsides to a sigh)_

_(Silence)_

_He suspects me. (A chuckle) Can you believe it? He suspects me! How many years have we been working together? (Sigh) I suppose it's logical though… I mean, today I promised a couple of people death, and then I called Celty…_

_Humans are so weak, aren't they? They can decide to take their lives so easily. (Chuckle) I suppose it's a good thing that they're weak. It takes a lot of courage to kill yourself. Ouch! It hurts me just to think of how painful it must be for your head to split open when you hit the floor. Pain is so painfully painful. (Laughter) Now, I remember why I don't drink coffee._

_(Silence)_

_Why do people say that suicide is cowardly? I mean… (Pauses) I'm a coward, and I'm still here. (End of recording)_


	7. Psyche Track 7

Shizuo breathed out a trail of smoke, letting his mind wander as he waited for Tom and his boss to finish talking. He hadn't seen the informant at all today, and it made him feel strangely empty. He could still picture the other running away, the informant’s back disappearing around the corner right after he had prodded deeper into Izaya’s mind. Was it because he had brought up Shiki? He wondered if there was something going on between those two.

He remembered the way Izaya had suddenly fallen silent the first time he met the yakuza. It was as if any mention of the man would suddenly cause the flea to shrink away and close himself off to the world. Even Izaya’s usual irritating personality fluctuated whenever he brought up the other. Shizuo recalled the fear he saw after the eavesdropper escaped. What was the flea so afraid of? As far as Shizuo could tell, Izaya was not capable of fear: the man could look even the bodyguard's strength in the face and laugh it away with the help of his switchblade coupled with some snide remarks.

Shizuo grimaced. Why was he thinking about that bastard this much? He really needed a distraction.

The mini T.V. in the room buzzed as it suddenly switched to a special report.

.

" _Oh, Shiki's not going to like this."_ Izaya reread the email, sighing when he reconfirmed the information just sent to him. He reached for his cellphone to text the yakuza executive when Namie suddenly distracted him from his work.

"You really did it this time."

"Eh?" Izaya looked up at the T.V., his eyes widening with every word.

"… _suddenly opened fire on Yuuhei Hanejima during his autograph session just now. We have confirmed that the actor is fine, but his bodyguard on duty…" Screams and rampaging fans knocked the camera man over, and the screen blacked out before returning to the news studio._

" _Oh, looks like we lost connection there. If anyone has any information about the shooter, please contact…"_

He could only blink blankly at the news report as his assistant observed his reaction.

"Oh, so it wasn't you?" Namie commented curiously. To be honest, she had been expecting the informant to pull something like this on Shizuo for quite some time now.

Izaya shook his head as he got out of his seat and threw on his coat, heading for the door. A simple text would not suffice.

"Going out already?"

"Meeting," Izaya replied.

"With Shizuo? I'll prepare your funeral," she offered.

"Very funny, and no, I'm not going to see Shizu-chan."

"No?" she questioned, an eyebrow raised.

"No," he confirmed, closing the door behind him.

.

"He looks a little like Tsugaru," Psyche commented from his place on the sofa, prompting Shinra to look up at the news report. The doctor moved in closer when he saw the headline, and he almost let go of his mug of coffee in disbelief.

"Oh, that's not good."

Psyche cocked his head to the side, eyes wide with curiosity. "Really? Why?"

"He's Shizuo's brother."

"Shizuo has a brother?" Psyche inspected the person on the screen a little longer.

"Yes, and he's definitely going to go after Izaya after this.” Shinra pulled out his phone and began searching for the informant's number.

"Why?" Psyche inquired.

The doctor looked back at the other. "Psyche…" he muttered almost pityingly.

The time traveler looked away, eyes downcast. "I don't think Izaya did this."

"But he's…"

"He's really nervous right now." Psyche closed his eyes. "I feel his anticipation… Fear… If he really sent a shooter to annoy Shizuo, wouldn't he be happy?"

Shinra closed his phone, chuckling nervously. "Yeah, you're right. I guess I thought too lowly of him."

Psyche hugged his knees, eyes still averted. "Is Izaya really that bad?"

Shinra sat next to Psyche, resting his chin on his hands as he searched for the right words to describe his long time friend. "He's done a lot of things."

"Oh…"

"Don't worry though!" he tried to cheer the other up. "I'm sure that somewhere, deep down, he's not that bad of a person."

Psyche smiled sadly. "You don't sound too sure yourself."

Shinra sighed, defeated. "Well, I'm just waiting for some proof, that's all."

.

Izaya nearly broke down the door when he entered the apartment, finding the yakuza executive in the usual seat in the living room. "What did you do?" he gasped, trying to catch his breath due to all the running.

"I didn't do anything," Shiki replied, raising a cigarette to his mouth. "Why are you so quick to blame me?"

Izaya hesitated. "Then, a gang?"

The other's expression didn't change as he watched the informant make his way across the room and slump down onto the opposite sofa. "Yes, a gang."

"Already? But they've just…"

"They've just what?" Shiki cut him off, eyes boring into his.

Izaya stared at the other for a moment, surprised at the curtness. "The group just handed out guns to each of the small gangs in the area today."

"Was that going to be in your next report?"

Izaya allowed himself to look confused for a second. "Yes?"

"Isn't it a little late? You were supposed to report on them before they acted."

"I wasn't aware of their plans until just now."

"You're an informant, aren't you?"

Izaya cringed, confused at why Shiki was trying to drive him into a corner like this. "The group is being extremely secretive, and they're new to the area, so it's a little different than the other jobs."

"Just a little?"

"Yes."

"Orihara-san…" Shiki began, getting out of his seat.

Izaya didn't like where this conversation was going.

"Why did you suspect me first?"

"Uh, well," He bit his lip, looking away. Now that he had time to collect his thoughts, he supposed that he had jumped to conclusions much too quickly.

The man moved in closer. "You don't trust me, do you?"

"It was a moment of insanity!"

"Insanity? Why would one with a mind such as yours think so brashly?" He chuckled, cornering Izaya against the sofa, his hands on both sides of the informant’s head. "Looks like you're a little stressed out." He caressed Izaya’s hair gently. "What are you hiding from me?"

"Nothing that concerns you," Izaya replied, trying to push the other away. The proximity made his heart quicken, and he wanted to leave before he succumbed to it.

"Nothing? Shouldn't your lover know everything?"

This time Izaya did shove the other away. "D-Don't even joke about that," he stammered, standing up.

"Hm? I hit a sensitive spot, didn't I?"

"I am not your lover." Izaya suddenly found himself on the ground, his right cheek burning. Shiki calmly bent down and picked him up by the collar.

"But you belong to me."

.

Shizuo almost started chewing on his cigarette as he stood outside his apartment building, the anxiety building inside of him while he practiced his breathing.

' _What am I waiting for?'_ He looked up at the night sky, watching the smoke from his cancer stick and breaths trail upwards. He looked at his phone irritably for any new messages. His brother had only picked up once, said, "I'm okay," and hung up. Sure, it was great that Kasuka was okay, but it still unnerved him. Who would do such a thing?

He stayed where he was, thinking about the day's events as his thoughts went back to the informant. Hadn't the flea already given his assurance that he wouldn't target Kasuka? Then again, Izaya could have lied and then went after his brother. He paused, remembering what the other had said about informants never lying. Had Izaya said it in a way that didn't guarantee that he wasn't going to do anything to Kasuka?

His thoughts trailed back to their first argument where Kasuka had been brought up, but Izaya had said it clearly that time. He almost wanted to hit his head against the wall but refrained from doing so and threw his cigarette onto the floor, turning to head into his apartment.

"You have to put out your cigarettes, Shizu-chan," a voice made him stop. He turned around in time to see the informant step on the cancer stick, crushing it under his shoe.

"What are you doing in Ikebukuro?" he growled.

Izaya shrugged. "Taking a breath of fresh air I guess."

"You guess?" Shizuo questioned, raising an eyebrow. Maybe everything he had seen and heard up until now was a lie. Maybe this was just another one of the informant's mind games. He glared at the other though his sunglasses. It made sense now. The informant must have gotten a taste of his own medicine in the future and was killed as a result. There was no back story to it, just Izaya's usual antics. Hell, he was probably responsible for today's events as well.

Izaya smiled lightly. "Aren't you going to try to kill me now?"

Shizuo looked at him suspiciously. "Because of Kasuka?"

The informant nodded, frowning. "Really now, I was expecting you to hunt me down as soon as the news came out."

"Well, I was expecting you to come here immediately and taunt the shit out of me as soon as it made it on the news," Shizuo returned. "But you didn't so…" he trailed off.

The informant stared at him almost anxiously. "And?"

"You said you wouldn't do anything to my brother, so I just stopped there."

Izaya frowned a little before breaking out into a fit of laughter. "Really, Shizu-chan, you're too much!"

"Shut up!" Shizuo growled as he stormed over to the other and managed to grab Izaya for the second time this week. He raised his fist, ready to give the other a good beating when the light shifted onto Izaya’s face. Shizuo paused when he saw the swollen cheek, his anger suddenly dissipating. "What happened to you?"

Izaya looked away. "Ah, just business. He didn't punch me that hard. It'll go away by tomorrow." Shizuo let him go, and the other stepped away a little, straightening his scarf.

"Who punched you?"

The informant grinned. "Did you want to get tips from him on how to land a punch on me?"

"Stop joking around."

Izaya chuckled. "It's taken care of already, so don’t worry about it."

Shizuo looked at him suspiciously. "Taken care of? How?"

The informant shifted uncomfortably and looked away. "It just is."

"Tch, fine, don't tell me. It's not like I have any information to trade."

Izaya gaped at him for a moment. "Shizu-chan's become a genius overnight!" he finally blurted dramatically.

"Shut up!" the bodyguard snapped, turning red.

Izaya let out another chuckle before looking at the night sky, ignoring the bodyguard's glares, unconsciously pulling his jacket closer around him. "Whew, it's cold. I wonder if it might start snowing earlier than usual this winter."

Shizuo's thoughts snapped away from the nearby vending machine. "What of it?" he asked, now more apprehensive than angry.

Izaya looked confused. "No reason? I was just commenting on the weather. Is it related to something important?"

"No, it's nothing."

The informant chuckled. "So suspicious."

"Because it's you," Shizuo retorted.

"Of course, of course…" Izaya trailed off. "Because it's me." He sneezed and adjusted his scarf with his gloved hands. "What? I'm still recovering!" he said when he caught the other staring at his extra pieces of clothing.

This time Shizuo chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"I was expecting you to insult me."

Izaya feigned surprise. "Really now, how could you?"

"You're a little more calm than usual."

"I am?" Izaya smiled slightly. "I wonder why…"

"Something's happening, isn't it?"

The spark of curiosity in the informant's eyes lit back up. "Oh, just the usual: one group wants to take over the city, the occupying group is getting ready to retaliate. Normal yakuza stuff."

"That's it?" Shizuo pressed, expecting something more.

Izaya laughed. "I was expecting you to scold me for making it seem like a little thing."

"Uh…" The bodyguard tried to figure out a way to bring up the Dullahans without making him seem too curious.

"I was wondering,” Izaya interrupted his thoughts instead, “did Psyche ever give you an approximate time?"

"Of what?"

"My death."

Shizuo frowned. _'So that's why the flea was so interested all of a sudden. He knows…'_

"Did he?" Izaya asked again, his voice a little meek. Shizuo sensed it again, the fear…

"Would knowing make you feel any better?"

"So you do know!"

"Answer my question, flea, unless you want to tell me who went after Kasuka in exchange."

Izaya frowned, not expecting the other of all people to negotiate terms for an information trade with him. "Yes."

Shizuo hesitated, wondering if telling the informant would do anything any good. After all, he wasn't one hundred percent sure himself. Psyche had only mentioned it several times, but never said it explicitly. "Snow," he managed.

"Snow?" Izaya repeated, feeling the world roll off his tongue.

"Look, I'm not sure, but Psyche mentioned snow several times so…"

Izaya thought for a moment, his hand on his chin. "I understand."

"Huh?"

He mustered up his usual grin. "So soon."

"No, I didn't mean that you're going to die for sure."

Izaya held up a finger to his mouth, cutting him off. He lowered his hand when the other didn't try to speak, and turned to leave. "Thank you, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo watched the other walk away. "Wait!" he suddenly called out on impulse, making Izaya stop. "Uh…" he didn't know why he had called out, but it seemed unfinished, letting the other leave like this. "If you ever need someone to talk to…"

Izaya considered this for a moment before the corners of his mouth turned up, as small as it was: a genuine smile. "Unpredictable." With that, he was gone.

.

"Eh, Shiki?" Akabayashi began cautiously as he entered the room. He wondered if he should even bring it up, but if had been Heiwajima, then Izaya would have looked much worse. "Orihara looked a little beat up today."

Shiki removed the cigarette from his mouth casually. "You saw him?"

"Just now when we were driving back. His cheek was all swollen."

The Awakusu-kai executive remained silent.

Akabayashi eyed him with a frown but chose to stop prodding, having found his answer. "So today this guy suddenly walked into my area with a gun and was yelling and everything."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but we managed to get him before he could shoot anything. Strange, I didn't know the smaller gangs had access to guns."

"The group gave them out apparently."

"Is that so?" Akabayashi grinned. "Looks like things are heating up. Shouldn't we be acting soon?"

"No, we wait."

"Why? Don't we have enough information to take them down? Or at least stop the trade routes?"

Shiki looked out the window contemplatively. "I want to see if Orihara is really working for them first."

His friend sighed and shook his head. "Are you still thinking that? I'm telling you, there's no way."

"I have to make sure, especially for someone like him. It's easy for someone to switch positions when a more favorable one comes along."

Akabayashi frowned. "Shiki, I'm telling you, he won't do it."

"Why do you keep on insisting on Orihara's innocence?"

"Uh… well…" Akabayashi stuttered. _'Because he likes you!'_

The other man smiled bitterly. "See, you can't justify it either."

The other Awakusu-kai executive bit his lip before deciding just to go with it. "He likes you."

Shiki stared at him for a moment. "That's not a very funny joke."

"I'm not joking," he replied.

Shiki shook his head. "Did he give you that impression? Don't forget, an informant is a very good actor. Besides, it's impossible."

"Why are you so stubborn on this?"

"He is the type who wants power." He took a drag on his cigarette. "There is nothing for him here."

Akayabashi sighed. "People change, Shiki."

"Well, it's better to assume the worst in these kinds of situations."

"Okay, even assuming that he doesn’t actually fancy you, I don't think that you should be waiting in this case."

Shiki put out the cigarette on the ashtray. "Just a little longer."

"What are you trying to find out?"

"Just how weak his loyalty is."

"Wait any longer, and war might break out," Akabayashi reminded him.

"He won't let that happen."

"Oh?"

"Because he loves humans."

Akabayashi grinned. "I've heard that argument before."

Shiki closed his eyes. "It's true. He loves all humans, except that bodyguard."

"Point being?"

Shiki shrugged. "Nothing."

Akabayashi frowned. He swore that Shiki's expression had softened for a fraction of a second there.

.

_Track 7: (Silence) So today, Shizu-chan's brother was attacked. (Light laugher) I don't sound very enthusiastic do I? I'm tired, and my feet hurt. Can you believe how long Shizu-chan chased me for? So scary..._

_(Silence)_

_He said he didn't send the shooter. Why did I suspect him so fast? (Sigh) I need to sleep more, huh? It's your fault, Tsugaru! I keep on visiting every night so now I'm sleep deprived! (Laugh) But it's okay… It's really quiet here, huh? Or maybe it's just because it's night. Yeah… that must be it._

_Hey, if I donate enough, would the priest renovate you and everything? Wait, then more people would visit, and I wouldn't get to monopolize your time! Hm… Since we're all adults here, let's make a deal. Once this is over, when I feel comfortable enough to stop coming, I'll give you a wonderful renovation gift. How generous of me, huh?_

_(Sigh)_

_I wonder if that day will ever come… (End of recording)_


	8. Psyche Track 8

' _I recognize this…'_

_He was standing on a rooftop, the midnight sky looming above him._

" _Sky, you picked quite the night to snow." His hand moved on its own, catching some of the snowflakes that had just begun to fall before crushing them. He laughed bitterly. "What an end…"_

_Psyche suddenly noticed a throbbing pain on his arm and tried to look at the source, but his head wouldn't move and instead his feet began carrying him to the edge of the building._

' _No, stop!'_

_His body continued moving of its own accord, and he could soon make out the street lights and cars flickering below him._

' _No… Stop!'_

_He caught a brief glimpse of blood still seeping freely through a tear in his black jacket. His heart suddenly clenched before he could investigate further, the pain drowning out the throbbing injury._

_"I really did love you…"_

' _No! Don't jump! Izaya!'_

_Desperation… Anguish…_

_Love… Hate…_

_Death…_

_Guilt… So much guilt…_

_The feeling of falling, of wind against his cheeks…_

_He opened his eyes…_

_He was suddenly standing in the middle of a shrine, light fog surrounding him, as his breathing hitched. He took a deep breath to calm himself, noticing that the air lacked the earlier chill on the rooftop. Rather, it was warm and almost protective._

" _Tsugaru?" he called out hesitantly, his voice shaky._

" _I'm here, Psyche," a voice replied, echoing around him from the fog._

_He smiled and felt tears of relief well up in his eyes. "Tsugaru!" he choked, letting them run down his face._

" _Don't cry," a whisper in his ear told him gently as he was suddenly surrounded by more warmth and kimono clad arms. He buried his face in the other's chest, comforted._

" _I haven't found Saika," he admitted guiltily._

" _That's fine," Tsugaru soothed him, stroking his hair softly. "It's not time yet."_

_Psyche sniffed. "And… and Dad told me not to change anything in the past, but the recordings you send me are always so different," he continued, trying to stop another wave of tears. "What if… What if I changed something that'll make you disappear?"_

" _That won't happen," the other reassured him._

" _You don't know that!" He pulled away, pink eyes meeting light brown ones._

_Tsugaru smiled. "I won't disappear. I'm always here." The fog thickened. "Whether you can see me or not…"_

" _Tsugaru!" The fog began engulfing the other. "Wait, Tsugaru!"_

" _Remember, the memories are not you, my dear Psyche, but let them guide you."_

Psyche woke up with Tsugaru's name lingering on his lips, and he sat up slowly, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Tsugaru," he stammered.

.

Izaya stared at his game board, fingering a white knight chess piece absentmindedly. His hand hovered above one of the spaces, and he hesitated for a moment before placing the object to the side, opting instead to use the same hand to stifle a yawn.

"Aren't you working on something big for that group you never tell me about?" Namie's voice disturbed his listless contemplation.

"I'm taking a break," he brushed the accusation off before rolling his chair back to the computer. "I'm starting again? Happy?" the informant nearly sang.

"Hardly," the woman grumbled as she returned to her own laptop.

Izaya sighed as he scrolled through the new emails. "Ikebukuro's going to be a battlefield soon."

"Isn't it always?" she replied dully.

Izaya laughed, knowing that she was referring to him and Shizuo. "It's a different type of war." Deciding against work once again, he rolled back to his game board for a second round. "Humans love to fight after all. They're so intent on killing each other."

"Ikebukuro, huh?" Namie repeated after a moment. Izaya rarely mentioned his jobs for the yakuza out loud, and she couldn't help but feel that this one was far more important than all the others she had seen him work on. She bit her lip, wondering if she should call Seiji and send him on a "vacation" to pass the time. She frowned at the thought. There was no doubt that the girl would be going too as well.

"Thinking of sending your dear brother out of harm's way?" Izaya interrupted her thoughts.

"Who asked you?" she snapped back before quickly reconsidering her words. "How big is this anyway?"

Izaya grinned. "Secret."

Namie glared at him. "If you withhold information from me that would hurt even a single strand of hair on Seiji's head, I'll…"

"Send him and Mika away then."

"Huh?" She didn't expect Izaya to answer so easily without first teasing her. She studied the other for a moment, who seemed a little too preoccupied with his board game. "Is it that bad?"

Izaya shrugged, moving away from the board a little so that he could examine its entirety easier. "Maybe, maybe not. Maybe it'll be people fighting on the streets with their fists. Maybe with guns. Maybe with scythes… Maybe…"

Namie raised an eyebrow. "Are you planning something with Celty's head?"

Izaya considered this for a moment. "No, actually."

"Really now?" She didn’t seem convinced.

"Oh, you think too lowly of me." He finally decided on a place to put the knight and rolled back to his computer to read another email. _'So tired…'_

.

"Where is Orihara-san?" Shiki asked as he scanned the room for the informant.

"Sleeping," Namie answered curtly as she returned to her place on the sofa after closing the door behind him.

"Seems I've come at the wrong time." She watched as the man made his way across to the room, tapping the computer mouse once before walking to the informant's room door, opening it little to peer inside.

"He's been quite unmotivated lately," Namie commented from behind him, returning her eyes to her own laptop screen. _'What the hell was that?'_ she thought as she kept her expression as blank as she could manage despite her curiosity.

Shiki closed the door softly before turning to the other. "Unmotivated you say? How so?"

The woman shrugged. "I can just tell. Besides, this is the first time he's taken an afternoon nap while I'm here."

"I wonder what's made him so overworked."

"Isn't it your job?" Their eyes met. "I'm under the impression that this one is quite big."

The yakuza executive smiled courteously. "Really now? How much has he told you?"

"There might be fighting in Ikebukuro soon. Is it a gang war?" she asked, not breaking eye contact. Izaya had already hinted for her to send her brother away, but this was a perfect opportunity to confirm it.

"I suppose that is an accurate enough representation of it," Shiki answered.

"Aren't you going to stop it? I've heard that your company likes to keep things like this low key."

Shiki smiled. "Actually, I was expecting Orihara-san to stop it this time. He does love humans after all."

"Bullshit," Namie spat. Even she could tell that Izaya was in no shape or mind to do anything of that sort currently, as much as she trusted in her employer’s skills.

The man laughed. "So vulgar from a woman."

"If you want him to stop the war, you'd better tell him," Namie continued, finally breaking eye contact. This was really all none of her business anyway.

"He knows," Shiki replied. He checked his watch. "Well, I must excuse myself now. My schedule is quite tight."

Namie closed the door behind the yakuza, pausing for a moment. She looked back at the informant's door, frowning.

.

_He blinked at the familiar streets, the indiscernible people, the midday sun. "Ikebukuro?" He almost laughed. "What a boring thing to dream about."_

_He walked down the street, wondering why his mind was so unusually clear in the dream world. He passed the café, some faceless people, some trees… He realized with a little comfort that nothing was registering; that meant he was truly dreaming._

_"Dream dream, wonderful dream world…" he hummed tunelessly as he continued walking. It relaxed him, just walking. No one to chase him, no one to follow his every move, just him… A flight of stairs appeared before him._

_He listened to the tapping of his footsteps as he went up the stone steps, eventually passing under a tall wooden gate with peeling paint. Gravel under his feet shifted as he entered the barren grounds._

_Izaya found himself in the middle of a shrine, the main building a decrepit structure with holes in the paper walls and jagged wooden beams just barely standing. A blond man dressed in a blue and white kimono stood at the offertory box, his back to him._

_The back looked similar enough, but something told him that this was not his bodyguard. "Shizu-chan?" he called out anyway._

_The man seemed to hear him and turned around, a soft smile spreading through his features. Calm… Nothing like Shizu-chan…_

_"I am Tsugaru," the man introduced himself._

_Izaya stared at him. "I seem to have a fetish for Shizu-chan's in kimonos that I didn't know about," he muttered to himself._

_The other chuckled. "No, I am here of my own accord, not because of a deep dark desire you've hidden."_

_Izaya examined the other for a moment. "You sure don't speak like Shizu-chan."_

_Tsugaru shook his head._

_"So, assuming that what you are telling me is true, why are you here?"_

_"I am surprised myself. It seems that Psyche's connection with you was stronger than I thought."_

_"There's no way I'm connected with him," he replied, thinking of his innocent little lookalike._

_Tsugaru chuckled. "Oh, you’re connected more than you think."_

_"Right." Izaya looked around the shrine, memorizing its details. "Have I been here before? It seems so familiar."_

_"Perhaps you have, in another life," Tsuguru answered cryptically._

_"Must have been a good life," he muttered._

_Tsugaru shook his head. "Don't say that. You just have to look a little more around you right now."_

_Izaya snorted. "I think I've looked long enough."_

_"Just a little harder…"_

_Izaya noticed that the fog was getting thicker. "Wait, I'm not done with you yet!"_

_"Oh, and tomorrow… something…"_

_"Huh?"_

_"Don't go…" He saw Tsugaru frown as he tried to keep the connection between them, but Izaya was waking up._

_"Wait, what do you…"_

Izaya blinked at the familiar ceiling above him. _'I was…'_ He jumped out of bed and threw open his room door, eyes darting about as he realized it was still midday.

"That was fast," Namie commented as he moved to his computer.

"I'm going for a walk," the informant announced. "You can leave after you finish." He grabbed his jacket from the chair.

"Just to let you know, Shiki was here earlier."

Izaya stopped at the door, turning to his assistant. "He was?"

"He touched your computer, but it was off."

Izaya considered this for a moment. "Thanks for letting me know." He left the woman staring after him.

Namie sighed, clapping a hand to her head before returning to her work.

.

Before he knew it, he was huddled in a corner next to the door on a train to Ikebukuro, watching the outside city life pass him by as he approached his destination. He got off at Ikebukuro Station and walked among the busy streets, crowded this sunny but chilly afternoon. Izaya frowned at the moving crowds of people and found himself wandering farther and farther away from them until he was in one of the many alleys. He sighed, walking aimlessly through the streets before he noticed a familiar turn.

"This is…" His steps quickened to a jog as he made his way down the street, past the faceless people, some trees… A flight of stairs appeared in front of him.

Izaya gulped.

He climbed, refusing to slow down to rest his aching legs.

Izaya stopped at the top of the stairs, his breath heavy from all the running. He stared momentarily at the old shrine gate before walking under the archway into the pebble lined grounds. He stopped halfway to the offertory box, clutching his aching chest as he tried to calm his breathing. "I knew it! It's exactly the same!"

The informant surveyed the area but found no one. He was alone in this shrine. Izaya chuckled at the thought as he trekked over to the steps leading up to the main building and sat down, watching the steam from his warm breath disappear into the winter air.

"He's not here." He sighed, almost wanting to hit his head against the wall for his stupidity. "Of course he wouldn't be here. It was just a dream after all." He looked down at his hands aimlessly. "Why did I even bother running all the way here? So stupid."

He stared at the courtyard in front of him, the occasional chirp of a bird in the distance breaking the silence. He drew his legs up a little closer to keep the warmth in, resting his head on his knees. "Why did I dream of here?"

He held his knees a little closer. _'I wanted…'_ He racked his brains for the answer but only felt his chest clench unbearably. _'I wanted to…'_ He realized it. _'I wanted him to listen.'_

"I…"

"Hey flea!" a familiar voice made his heart jump, and he looked up to see the bodyguard striding casually towards him.

"Shizu-chan?" The shaky voice that came out of his mouth frustrated him.

The bodyguard looked around as if he didn't notice the other's uncharacteristically meek demeanor. "Why are you in a place like this?"

"I could ask the same of you," Izaya replied, feeling his confidence returning.

The bodyguard scratched his head awkwardly. "I saw you running just now."

Izaya blinked at him. "Why aren't you chasing me out of Ikebukuro now that you've found me?"

Shizuo shrugged. "Don't feel like it." He took a seat next to the informant. Izaya remained silent and instead looked at the sky as Shizuo struggled to start a conversation.

' _Damn flea,'_ the bodyguard thought. He wasn't good at these things. He had already given a lot of effort to be around the informant without losing his temper. The least Izaya could do was create a conversation. Finding nothing better to do, he studied the other's features. Izaya looked tired. He had bags under his half-closed eyes, and the grin was definitely missing.

"How's your brother?" Izaya finally broke the silence, to his relief.

"Fine."

"I see." They fell into silence again, to the bodyguard's annoyance.

"Working too hard?" he finally managed to say.

"Why do you care?" the informant countered.

"Just trying to start a conversation, damned flea."

"Well…" Izaya stopped, sighing, too exhausted to think of a comeback for once. He rested his head back on his knees, deciding that it was safe for the moment to let his guard down just a little since it didn't seem like the other was going to chase him anytime soon. "I'm not tired. Shizu-chan just has too much energy."

"I happen to get a normal amount of sleep every day."

"Well, I do too!"

"No you don't."

"What? Are you watching me 24 hours now?" he joked.

"Anyone can tell, flea."

Izaya looked up at him. Shizuo had taken off his sunglasses, and warm brown annoyed eyes stared back at him. Izaya wanted to laugh on impulse at the expression like he always did. He thought of the Awakusu-kai executive. Shiki's eyes were cold, calculating. What had attracted him to those eyes? The confidence? Izaya frowned at the thought, causing Shizuo to shift.

"What, flea?"

Shizuo's expressions were so organic, fluid. "I…" He averted his eyes.

"If you want to say something, then say it."

"It’s nothing." Izaya rested his head back on his knees, this time closing his eyes. "You’re right. I must be tired."

"Izaya…"

He thought of Shiki again. There was no doubt that the other's eyes were cold, but whenever they were intimate, the man was definitely warm. The thought pained him, and he felt his heart clench again. "Just let me rest for a little," he managed, trying to keep the irritability out of his voice.

Shizuo looked at the other for a moment before deciding to study the shrine grounds silently. After a few minutes, the informant seemed to finally relax next to him as his breathing calmed. Shizuo wondered if Izaya had fallen asleep in public and almost smiled at the thought. Almost. He considered lighting a cigarette but decided against it since the priests might come after him if they found out.

A bird landed on the pebbles, pecking at the rocks for food. Shizuo sighed softly. It was kind of nice, he admitted to himself, being so far away from the usual crowds of the city, even if his greatest enemy was sitting next to him right now. He looked at the other, now just a mass of black and beige, the fur of his jacket covering his face. 

It all came crashing down just a few seconds later.

"Orihara-san," a familiar voice broke the silence.

Shizuo watched as the informant beside him sat up wildly and struggled to compose himself. He turned his gaze to the newcomer, eyes narrowing.

"I knew it was you earlier," Shiki continued, ignoring the bodyguard as he focused his attention on the informant.

"Was there a meeting I forgot about?" Izaya asked, taking out his cellphone to check.

"Oh no, nothing like that," the yakuza answered easily. "I just wanted to see you."

"I see." Some of the color seemed to have returned to Izaya’s face. "I've just sent you some of the data I've gathered. I think it's enough to start acting now."

"Actually, I've set up a meeting with the group tomorrow." This time Izaya looked up at the yakuza, eyes wide.

"A meeting? Isn't that a little risky?"

Shiki smiled. "It's better to confirm it before acting, right? We wouldn't want to pass on a chance to become partners with the group."

Izaya frowned, throwing a sideway glance towards the bodyguard before standing up and brushing himself off. "I understand," he replied. His grin seemed like it had been there all along. "I guess I’ll go back and prepare for the meeting then. I’ll see you tomorrow!"

The two watched as the informant retreated out of the shrine, his footsteps echoing as he ran down the stairs. Shiki finally turned his attention to the bodyguard.

"Strange seeing you two together like this." He smirked. "Has he charmed you too?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Shizuo snapped.

"Informants are great actors, mind you. You have to keep a tight leash on them if you want to control them."

"Don’t talk about him like that," Shizuo suddenly snarled, feeling his anger welling up under his skin.

Shiki laughed. "I'd never thought I'd live to see the day that you’d defend him. What trick did he play to catch you?"

"You're breaking him," the bodyguard continued as if the other hadn't said anything.

"Don't be ridiculous." He turned to leave. "Think about it. You know as well as I do what sort of man Izaya is. Besides, don't you want him dead?"

Shizuo watched as the other disappeared down the stone steps before slumping back down onto his previous seat. _'What do I want?'_

_._

_Track 8: (Footsteps) Hey… (A yawn) Tsugaru…_

_Ah, my schedule is so busy! Find this shooter, find that location… I'm in high demand! (Laughter)_

_Can't take this… I have to go back to sleep. I have a meeting tomorrow, so I might not be able to visit you. (Footsteps)_

_(Pause) Wait… I'm not going to let some insignificant meeting keep me from coming here!_

_I will see you tomorrow! (End of Recording)_


	9. Data Corrupted

Psyche felt unnaturally sluggish this morning as he continued to stare listlessly at his half-eaten breakfast, wondering if he should just consider the cold miso soup a lost cause. Both Shinra and Celty had left earlier for some work-related errands, leaving him to watch the house alone yet again. He understood that they didn’t want him wandering around outside on the chance that someone might mistake him for Izaya, but he was truly getting nowhere with his search for Saika at the rate that he was going.

He let out another sigh of defeat and stood to clean up the plates, glancing at the clock as he wrapped up the food to eat later. His headphones suddenly buzzed as he was placing the dishes inside the refrigerator, causing him nearly to drop the fish.

 _'This early?'_ he thought as he closed the refrigerator door and slid the headphones over his ears.

_Track ?: (Static) …_

"Hm?" Psyche tapped at the hard plastic.

_(Static)_

"Weird…" He readjusted the device with his free hand as he picked up his cup of orange juice.

_(Static)_

"What's wrong with…"

_(A voice) Izaya?_

_(Static) … (End of Recording)_

Psyche nearly dropped the cup and managed to regain his grasp on it before placing it on the counter. "That was Tsugaru!" He looked around, his heart beating furiously. Not only had the headphones never rung this early in the day, but this was the first time he had heard another voice on them besides Izaya's. "Tsugaru?" he asked his surroundings, hoping that the other would answer, but only silence greeted him.

He chuckled nervously. "Maybe it was just my imagination." Psyche sighed, shaking his head, knowing that he had heard what he heard. "Okay, Izaya usually visits Tsugaru late at night, so since I heard it right now, maybe he just went early today?"

His headphones finally buzzed again, but the voice echoed through his mind instead.

_"He never came today."_

"Tsugaru?"

" _Please find him. It can't happen again!"_

"What's going on?" he asked, starting to panic when he noticed how distressed Tsugaru sounded.

" _Hurry, Psyche. Find him, please!”_ It was the first time Psyche had heard the other talk like this.

Psyche ran into the living room and grabbed the phone, scrolling through the numbers Shinra had saved on it. Texting Celty was out of the question since it was only a simple landline. "Uh… Shi… Shi…" His hand shook as he pressed the dial. The phone rang until the voice message answered him, indicating that Shinra was still meeting with his friend. "Um…" He scrolled to the next familiar name.

"Hello?" a grumpy voice answered him after a few seconds.

"I heard Tsugaru!" Psyche blurted out the one comprehensible sentence he could think of.

"Huh?"

"Uh, I mean…" He attempted to calm himself down, knowing that the other sometimes had a short fuse. "Izaya! Do you know where Izaya is?"

"Why would I know where the flea is?"

"Tsugaru said to find him! We have to find him! Please!" He was almost hysterical.

Shizuo sighed on the other line. "Okay, calm down. I'll come over right now. Shinra and Celty aren't home, huh?"

"No! And I can't reach Shinra!" Psyche nearly sobbed.

"Alright, hang on. I'll text Celty, and I'll be there in 15 minutes, okay? Don't do anything stupid."

Psyche sniffed. "Okay."

Shizuo clicked the off button and stared at his phone for a second before turning around. "Sorry Tom, something came up," he told his friend before running off. He looked up at the sky as he headed for Shinra's apartment. 

It was clear.

.

Izaya climbed the stairs slowly, glancing at his cell phone on the way up just a little apprehensively. _'Why hasn't Shiki contacted me yet? He's supposed to be at the meeting too, right?'_

He had called the yakuza executive earlier in the morning to confirm the location, and nothing had seemed out of the ordinary then.

He finally reached the designated floor and walked leisurely past each door until he reached 306. The informant turned the doorknob hesitantly to find it unlocked and entered the room, finding no one.

"Weird," Izaya muttered under his breath as he crushed the paper he had written the directions on and pocketed it before seating himself on the sofa. He looked around the room, finding it sparsely furnished and rather dry in terms of aesthetics. From what he knew, the Awakusu-kai had bought this building a while ago but hadn't done much with it yet. 

He yawned, deciding not to dwell too much on it as he closed his eyes for a few minutes of rest before everyone else came. His other cell phone buzzed, but he ignored it. The last thing he needed was for the others to walk in on him working on another job.

Shiki observed all of this through the monitor in the security room of the building, his chin resting on his fingers as he took note of the other’s movements.

"Do you know even what you're doing?" Akabayashi asked from the seat next to him.

"Of course," Shiki answered as he watched five men from the group enter the building. "Orihara will meet with them alone, and we will observe what happens. Depending on the information he gives them, we'll know just how much he has been in contact with them."

Akabayashi sighed. "Did you even consider the chance that Orihara might have not contacted them at all?"

"We'll know as soon as he starts negotiations."

"Well, what are you planning to do if things don't go according to plan?"

"Orihara's smart enough."

Akabayashi looked back at the screen. "Did you even tell him that you weren't going to be at the meeting?" he muttered.

The door to Izaya's room opened, and the men from earlier entered.

"So it's just you, huh?" the first of them commented.

Izaya put on his usual grin, rising from the sofa. "I guess it is."

The informant remembered Akabayashi's warning and wished he had taken it more to heart. _'Damn you Shiki.'_ He decided it wasn't that big of a deal though. He knew what Shiki wanted, and it was just a matter of playing the right cards.

The other laughed. "Tell me then, since it's just you and the five of us here, why didn't you respond to our generous offers?"

"I don't understand what you mean," the informant replied, feigning surprise.

The man sighed, seeming to believe his act. "I suppose I've sent them to the wrong email then. It's rather difficult to get a hold of you, Orihara." He declined an offer to sit from the informant. "I believe Shiki called this meeting. I'm sure a skilled informant such as yourself would happen to know why?"

Izaya smiled. "Well you've become quite prominent in Ikebukuro, so I would think that it would be beneficial for the two groups if you were to work together."

"The 'two groups,' you say? So you don't consider yourself a part of Awakusu-kai?"

"I'm merely an outside informant," Izaya replied easily. "Although, as an informant, I would love to understand the goals of an outstanding group such as yours."

"Our goals huh?" He walked over casually to the lone window in the room. "I take it that you already know about our dealings. There's really nothing more to say." Their eyes met. "We're not really as sophisticated as you make us out to be, Orihara. Although, I'm flattered that you think that way."

"Dealings aren't goals though," Izaya stated, his smile never dropping.

"Of course, of course. Well, then this should give you the answer." He promptly pulled out a gun, eyeing it tenderly before pointing it at the informant. "Too bad our goal is so simple. We just want Ikebukuro. All of it."

' _You didn't even take away their weapons?'_ Izaya took note of the rest of the room through the corner of his eye, finding that the other four men had surrounded him.

He raised his hands. "Now don't be hasty…" he began.

"Sorry." The man's smile widened. "There was really no negotiation to begin with. You're going to tell us all about Awakusu-kai, whether you want to or not, informant," he stressed the last word, rolling the title over his tongue mockingly. "Now do you want to do it the hard way or the easy way?"

"Well, I'd take it that you understand that I still need to make a living as an informant," Izaya answered, seemingly unperturbed. "Information always comes at a price, after all."

One of the other men snorted. "Your life a good enough price?"

Izaya chuckled. "Little old me for an entire yakuza branch? There's a problem right there."

The man shook his head. "I thought you were smarter than that. Don't you understand? Your so-called leader abandoned you. No one's going to save you now." He moved in closer, his voice gentler, more dangerous. "Tell me where they are. We can take revenge for you."

"I'm perfectly fine with you not doing anything actually."

The man’s hand tightened on the gun. "Pity you still don't want to join us."

Izaya took a step back, reading to dodge, only to feel something pulse through his body and suddenly found himself falling to the grounds, his limbs unresponsive.

Shiki watched as they dragged Izaya’s limp form away, not bothering to close the door behind them.

"Shiki! What are you doing?" Shiki looked at the other, still in shock at what had just transpired. "Didn't you have a backup group to take them down? Tell them to act now!"

"Orihara was supposed to talk his way out."

"Well he didn't! What are you to do now?"

Shiki picked up the handheld transceiver next to him. "The targets are leaving. Capture them now." He frowned when his subordinate on the other line didn't answer immediately.

He was about to yell into it again when the device finally buzzed. "F-Forgive me, boss. Hurry and leave; they don't know what part of this building you're in yet."

"What are you doing?" Shiki returned. Akabayashi saw the smallest hint of worry cross the other's features before Shiki composed himself. He motioned to the window as Akabayahi nodded, running over to pry the glass open.

"I-I'm sorry." The subordinate on the other line was beginning to get hysterical. "You've been good to me, and I still almost…" His voice disintegrated into static, and a single gunshot resounded out of the device before Shiki threw it to the side and followed Akabayashi out through the fire escape.

Seconds later, the door to the control room was thrown open, but it was already empty.

.

Shizuo and Psyche sat on the couch, the former smoking his fifth cigarette while the latter rocked back and forth, staring at the phone on the coffee table in front of him.

"What's taking Shinra so long?" the bodyguard growled, eyeing his own phone every five minutes to see if the other had called him back. He had managed to contact Celty earlier, but she was still doing her delivery at the other side of town and couldn't come back to help yet. He placed his phone down when he felt the sofa stop shaking from Psyche's continued rocking.

The time traveler had frozen, eyes half-lidded as in a trance.

"Psyche?" Shizuo called to the other, putting out his cigarette as he moved over to shake the man out of it. "Hey, it'll be okay,” he tried to reassure Psyche, reaching out to rub the other’s back when Psyche suddenly pulled away and fell off the couch, screaming.

"S-Stop!" the man whimpered, curling into a ball. "Please!"

"Psyche? Hey! Calm down!" Shizuo grabbed the other to keep him stable. "Psyche!"

“Someone…”

“Snap out of it!”

“It hurts! It hurts!”

“Psyche!” he yelled, almost ready to knock the other out when Psyche suddenly stopped struggling, eyes widening as the man seemed to realize his actual surroundings. "S-Shizuo?" he stammered.

"What happened? Did you see something?"

Psyche began sobbing. "Izaya! Please find Izaya!"

"He could be anywhere! And he's not picking up his cell!" 

"Please!"

Shizuo couldn't do anything but pull the time traveler back onto the sofa and try to calm him.

"Please… Tsugaru…"

"I'm not Tsugaru," Shizuo told him, feeling his stomach drop uncomfortably at the sight of the other crying so desperately.

"You are! You are!"

"Psyche…"

" _I'll lead you to him."_ Both of them looked up at the voice.

"Y-You heard him too?" Psyche asked when he saw Shizuo flinch.

"What is that?"

" _Hurry, I'll lead you to him,"_ the voice repeated.

"But…" Shizuo looked at Psyche, who was wiping his tears.

The time traveler forced a smile. "I'll be okay. Please, go!"

" _Hurry…"_

Shizuo looked at him for a second. "You sure?"

Psyche gave him a weak push. "Go!"

The bodyguard hopped off of the sofa, grabbing his cellphone as he left the room. The front door finally clicked, and he could hear the other’s hurried footsteps disappear down the hall. Psyche relaxed, sliding back into the sofa, his breaths shaky. 

"This is how it should be." He closed his eyes. "If seeing his memories will save him, then I…"

.

"Izaya…" Akabayashi was sitting on a park bench, his hands in his face as he weakly fought off the growing pangs of guilt threatening to engulf him "Fuck!" He almost punched the bench in frustration but refrained, knowing that it would only give him a fistful of splinters. "Where the hell are you?" His men were searching for Izaya, but all of their leads had been fruitless, and he knew that time was running out. They could have taken the informant anywhere. To add salt to the wound, Shiki had returned to his place to dig out the rest of the traitors who had converted to the other group, so he was no help.

"Out of my way!" he suddenly heard in the distance.

"Huh? Who would…"

Shizuo emerged from the park entrance and proceeded to storm through the grounds. "Shizuo Heiwajima?" The man was approaching him at a rather inhuman speed and promptly ran past, not evening acknowledging his presence. 

"What the hell, Izaya," he thought he heard.

Akabayashi hesitated for a split second. "Heiwajima!" he called after the man, running after him.

 _'So, Is it going to snow today?'_ Shizuo asked the voice in his head.

_"No, it is not. Turn right here."_

The bodyguard complied. _'Then what's the rush? What's happening to the flea?'_

_"Today was the trigger."_

_'Trigger?'_

_"It was the final blow to Izaya's resolve, and I… I was powerless to do anything about it."_

_'Eh? Why?'_

_"I wasn't born yet."_

_'Right… '_ Shizuo decided now was probably not the best time to ask.

 _"Go left,"_ the voice corrected him.

Shizuo ran through the town, not even having enough time to be surprised that the red-haired man with one eye he met at the park was able to keep up with him. They finally entered the alleys and the streets dimmed as the tall buildings blocked out the sunlight. He turned a corner, finding yet another set of relatively nondescript buildings.

" _There…"_ the voice in his head said. _"Hurry…"_

.

' _He betrayed me…'_ the single thought echoed through his mind as he came to.

Izaya didn't bother to move as he waited for the men around him to stop arguing, feigning unconsciousness through his blindfold. They had thrown him on something soft, most likely a bed, and the last thing he wanted was for them to use it. He did attempt to test his foot carefully but found it unresponsive.

"Hey, wake up!" A fist struck him across the face, knocking him across the bed. His attacker laughed, and he felt the ropes around his wrists strain as the other lifted him up by the scruff of his shirt; they had discarded his jacket somewhere after blindfolding him.

"So my brother's persuasion skills didn't get you to speak, huh? Since I'm just as much of a gentleman as him, I'm going to ask you only once: do you want to do this the hard way or the harder way?"

Someone snickered in the background.

"Tell us where the Awakusu-kai are."

" _No one's going to save you now."_ Izaya remembered the other man's words from before. He remained silent, not even trying to muster up the energy to talk his way out. _'He betrayed me…'_

"Fine. Have it your way," the other almost sang.

Before the man could do anything, Izaya heard a crash and then the sounds of gunshots as chaos erupted all around him. He fell heavily back onto the bed as the hands released his collar, and he felt something warm and wet on his face, most likely blood.

Someone removed the ropes and blindfold, and he found himself staring at none other than Shizuo and Akabayashi, both a little bloodied but otherwise okay. One was notably absent.

"We have to get out of here. Can you stand?" Akabayashi asked him as the man looked around the room, seeming to expect more company. Izaya nodded and slowly crawled out of the bed only to crumple to the ground, his legs shaking uncontrollably. He looked away from the Awakusu-kai executive, the same three words still revolving around his head uncontrollably like a curse.

Shizuo watched as Izaya fought with himself, wanting to stand up but too distraught by something else to concentrate on his own muscles, or was it because he couldn't move? The informant looked shocked if anything. He could see a bruise beginning to form on the man’s cheek, the same spot that the bodyguard had noticed earlier that week.

"Okay, this is not going to work," Akabayashi commented when Shizuo suddenly walked over and scooped up Izaya in his arms. The yakuza laughed. "Ingenious. Okay let's go!"

Izaya felt the warmth around him and grabbed at it blindly, burying his face in Shizuo's shoulder. The bodyguard felt the other shaking and instinctively held him tighter, hurrying after Akabayashi as the two exited the building, the yakuza taking care of anyone that came along.

"They must have drugged him," Akabayashi commented as they ran through the alleys.

Shizuo remained silent and continued running, realizing that the other was leading them towards Shinra's apartment.

He heard the softest of whispers. "He betrayed me… "

.

"What happened?" Shinra closed his mouth when he saw Akabayashi behind the bodyguard. The yakuza executive gave him a wave. "Ah, Shizuo, help me bring him to the sickroom."

"So you're his mystery doctor this entire time," Akabayashi commented, making the other shrug.

Shinra paused at the door as Shizuo went through. "Yeah, didn't Shiki tell you?"

"Ah, no." Akabayashi suddenly noticed something dressed in white disappear into the kitchen and looked back to Shinra. "I'm going to stay here." He nodded at the sofa. "Take your time."

"Of course," Shinra replied before running after Shizuo.

The yakuza slumped onto the sofa, sighing. "What a day… " he groaned, staring absentmindedly at his cellphone. He eyed the kitchen doorway suspiciously but made no move to investigate the other inhabitant he had seen.

.

"Is he okay?" Psyche asked from the desk of Shinra's workroom when Shizuo entered.

"I think so. Shinra just started the check-up." He leaned against the table, his mouth itching for another cigarette. "Are you okay?" Shizuo asked instead, trying not to think of nicotine right now. He had already gone through one pack today.

The time traveler smiled distantly. "Yup!" his voice came out energetic.

Shizuo seriously doubted that. "What happened earlier?" he inquired. He could only imagine what Psyche was seeing after narrowly rescuing Izaya from that musty room.

"Just a memory. I get those sometimes too."

"Aren't you a clone?"

Psyche shook his head. "I told you already, I was made from Izaya's essence."

"What exactly does that mean?"

Psyche shrugged. "I don't know. But," he looked at the floor. "If… if seeing something so painful can save him, then it's okay."

Shizuo decided to press just a little. "What did you see?"

Psyche put a finger up to his lips, grinning. For a moment, Shizuo thought the two had just switched outfits, and he could see no one else but Izaya in the room. "I saw Tsugaru. Who else would I see?"

The bodyguard grimaced indignantly. "There's no way it was Tsugaru. You were screaming."

"No I wasn't."

Shizuo stared at him for a second before sighing, ruffling the other's hair. "Just don't push yourself too much, okay kid?"

He let the earlier thought go. An informant would never lie like Psyche did just now.


	10. Psyche Track 10

_“How is he?” Akabayashi inquired when Shinra finally exited Izaya’s room. The latter sighed and massaged his forehead before walking over to the couch so that he was out of earshot from the sickroom._

_"Besides the bruise to the face, there's really nothing wrong with him physically," Shinra muttered. "It looks like he got tasered once though. It must have been modified; the effects are still fading."_

_"So he'll be fine?" the yakuza asked._

_"Physically," the doctor repeated, looking back to the closed door. “He hasn’t spoken a word to me since you brought him here.”_

"Morning," Akabayashi grumbled as he closed the door behind him. He had spent the entire night cleaning up the mess he had made back at the hideout after he left Shinra’s, and the entire situation just left him in an unusually foul mood. He headed straight for the sofa and plopped himself down, still half asleep and very much annoyed.

"How is he?" the other asked from the opposite sofa, a cigarette in his mouth.

Akabayashi looked over to the ashtray, finding a nice mountain. Shiki really did show his stress in the unhealthiest ways. "He's fine. We took him to Shinra's."

"We?"

Akabayashi bit his lip, wondering if the other would do anything stupid with that information.

"No, it's fine," Shiki saved him from saying more. "He's safe."

"I guess." Akabayashi twirled his cane absentmindedly, finding it difficult to exchange words with his long time friend. This action caught the other's eye, and Shiki stared at the object for a few long seconds.

"You didn't use your cane, did you?" he concluded when he couldn't spot any traces of blood on it. The other was usually messy when it came to cleaning his weapon.

"Oh?" Akabayashi looked at it. "You're right. I guess I didn't."

The other smiled. "Violent these days, aren't we?"

Akabayashi shrugged. "It's like everyone has a gun now. Instinct, you know?"

Shiki put the cigarette out, smoldering it into the pile before leaning back onto the sofa. "In addition to the ones at the building, there were five more who defected."

"That many? You caught them all?"

"They've been taken care of," he corrected the other.

"I see." They sat in silence for a while as Akabayashi fought with sleep. "So, I saw this guy who looks exactly like Orihara back at Shinra's place. I didn't know he had a twin," he mused in an attempt to stay awake and not talk about Izaya’s current state of mind. He wondered if Shiki could even fathom what the other must be feeling right now.

"He doesn't," Shiki replied to this, suddenly interested.

"What? Huh, strange. Well I only saw him for a second so maybe I was hallucinating or something."

They fell back into silence, and Akabayashi decided to keep on talking in order to avoid letting his eyes close involuntarily. "So, Shiki, you knew Orihara went to Shinra every time he got hurt?"

"Where else would he go?"

"But you always acted like you didn't know."

"He doesn't like me prodding," Shiki answered.

"Aw, you really do care," Akabayashi joked. He immediately thought of the informant and the words he had heard when Heiwajima carried Izaya out of the building. He wanted to say, "It's too late now though," or "You should've showed it more openly," but decided against it. It wasn't like it was going to change anything at this point. He had never seen the informant so… What was it that struck him? _'The eyes…’_

"How did you find him so fast?" Shiki finally asked the question Akabayashi thought best not answered.

He hesitated for a split second. "I followed Heiwajima. It's like he has an Orihara sensor or something!"

Shiki crossed his arms, his lips drawn up as in contemplation. "Hm…"

"Hey, I know how it looks, but I seriously think you're looking way too into it. Look at what almost happened," he tried to reason with the other.

"Why are you so insistent about the informant's loyalty?"

"Well…"

"Could it be that you like him?" he pressed.

"Shiki, you're the one he likes." Akabayashi replied sternly, the words finally spilling out of him. "Orihara's in love with you! He's not holding up too well after what happened." He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly to release his built-up frustration with his friend's rare irrationality. Suspicion was a hard thing to fix.

Shiki closed his mouth at this, seeming to fall back into his musing. Akabayashi finally gave up and closed his eyes, wondering if the other would do him the favor of letting him sleep here for a couple of hours.

"He's at Shinra's?" Shiki's voice brought his mind back from the edge of slumber.

"Don't go, Shiki. Heiwajima's there," he mumbled. He wondered about many things. Why had the bodyguard helped save Orihara? They were practically mortal enemies. He remembered the Orihara in white he had seen at Shinra's. There must be something he was missing, something very important… Something…

He snored, prompting a frown from the other. "Can't you sleep at your own place?" Shiki sighed, deciding to leave Akabayashi alone.

.

Shizuo woke up with a sudden jolt, rolling off the sofa in the process. He rubbed his tired eyes and blinked a few times to clear his vision before he finally noticed yelling in the other room.

"What's going on?" the bodyguard groaned through a yawn as he walked into Izaya's room to find the informant and the doctor half wrestling on the bed.

"Hurry and help me restrain him!" Shinra yelled to Shizuo when he saw the other, prompting Izaya to struggle even more violently.

"Let me go, Shinra! Akabayashi knows I'm here!" Izaya quaked before Shizuo managed to assist the doctor in pinning him down. "Let me go!"

"Calm down already, flea! What's the big deal anyway?" He had never seen the informant break down like this. The flea was always calm and acted like he knew everything that was ever going to happen. Any act of "surprise" was usually swept away by a laugh or his trademark grin, always buried under layers of masks. The Izaya under him was disheveled and nervous, shoulders shaking under his strong hands.

This wasn't Izaya Orihara.

The informant stopped struggling, knowing that he couldn't break free of the bodyguard's grasp and instead looked away, refusing to meet his eyes. "I can't let you get involved," the informant muttered.

Where had the flea gone?

"I've been involved since the beginning." Both of them looked at the doctor.

"What do you mean?" Izaya questioned.

Shinra sighed, adjusting his glasses. "Shiki calls from time to time, you know, because he knows that you won't get your wounds treated at a hospital or his place."

"Then all these years..." Izaya trailed off. Shizuo let go of the informant when he felt the other relax under him. Izaya's expression, however, was anything but tranquil. "How much do you know?" the informant asked, his voice quiet.

Shinra gave the bodyguard a glance. "Enough."

Izaya fell silent, eyes averted as he contemplated the doctor’s words, throwing the room into an awkward silence.

"Um, so…" Shinra scratched his head. "I'll go get you something to eat. You should just rest for a day or two here. You're still showing signs of exhaustion." He left briskly, and the bodyguard stared blankly at the quick departure, realizing that he was now alone with the informant.

Shizuo wondered what he should say and instead proceeded to awkwardly look around the room just to appear like he was doing something. Izaya, on the other hand, slowly retrieved the displaced covers and pulled them over most of his head, leaving just a tuft of hair sticking out from under the blanket.

The bodyguard considered the situation for a moment. He knew the other wanted to be left alone, but an uncomfortable clench in his stomach made him stay, not that his stomach helped in any way with coming up with something to say. He stared at the blankets and noticed that they shook ever so slightly.

He reached out slowly and finally gathered enough courage to touch Izaya's shoulder, his hand resting on the blanket. He felt the other relax under him, and the informant shifted just a little to let his nose out of the covers to breathe.

"How'd you find me?" he asked, his voice a little hoarse.

Shizuo sat on the bed, removing his hand from the other's shoulder. "Tsugaru," he replied, wondering how ridiculous that probably sounded to the informant. _'Who is Tsugaru anyway?'_ he thought, discerning that he really didn't know who or what Tsugaru was either.

Izaya snorted, apparently thinking it was Shizuo's weak attempt at a joke. "A magic apple?" He stopped, suddenly remembering the dream. _'No way… Didn't Psyche also…'_

"Wait, I remember. He made Psyche's headphones."

Shizuo gaped at him, not even recalling that fact himself until now. "Yeah, and apparently he looks exactly like me too."

The informant shifted, and Shizuo found himself staring into dull reddish brown eyes, the corners red and slightly damp. He froze unconsciously; it made him uncomfortable, seeing those once burning eyes in this state.

Izaya didn't seem to notice the other's reaction. "Shizu-chan's not suicidal, right?"

"What the hell, flea." Shizuo almost punched him but managed to stop himself right before he lifted his arm.

"Then, the Dullahans?" Izaya mused, looking away.

Shizuo realized that Izaya must be concluding that he also died in the future. He wondered why the informant almost sounded worried at that idea. "No way I'm dying that easily. Besides, I only said he looks like me. Psyche didn't say anything about me dying."

"That's true," the informant replied. "You don't have to die in order to get cloned."

"Are you saying Shinra cloned me in the future too?"

Izaya closed his eyes. "Maybe." To his slightly pleasant surprise, he was feeling a little better now and getting groggy. When had it been so relaxing to talk to a protozoan?

"Doctors and their weird-ass hobbies…" Shizuo grumbled, imagining Shinra laughing over some test tubes. He tried to wipe the idea from his mind, annoyed when it kept on coming back.

"Don't die," he heard.

"Izaya?" he asked hesitantly, but the other was already asleep.

' _Don't join me in hell…'_

.

"Psyche?" Shizuo greeted the other as he closed the door behind him.

"Are you going home?" the time traveler asked.

Shizuo answered the other with an involuntary yawn. "Yeah, I guess. I think…" he looked back at Izaya's room door. "I'll be back soon though. Just going to rest."

"Okay!" Psyche smiled. "Have a good rest!"

"Yeah…"

Shizuo looked at Psyche's retreating back before opening the front door. He wondered about everything since Psyche first appeared in Ikebukuro. It wasn't that long ago he recalled, but so many things seemed so different since then. What had happened?

True, he had paid attention to what the informant said a little more than usual. Oh, and he had met Shiki and Akabayashi. He frowned. How long had Izaya been working with them? He remembered that time, years ago, when the flea had managed to get him jailed; it must have been before then even. A sudden wind swept through the streets, blowing his hair into his eyes.

"Sheesh, it's cold."

.

Shinra wondered how he should relate the news to Namie when his cell phone started vibrating with her name on the screen. He turned down the fire so that their lunch wouldn't burn and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Is Izaya there?" the woman asked, skipping the formalities.

"Well," Shinra laughed nervously. "Actually, he is."

"Oh, okay. Tell him not to come home for a few days. There are some strange people stalking the building."

"That doesn't happen often?" Shinra asked, thinking of Shiki.

"I don't think they're from that yakuza group he works with," she replied, seeming to read his mind.

"Oh, alright. I'll tell him." Shinra wondered what could have possibly happened this time. "What about you?"

"Thanks for your concern, but I'll be joining my brother on a trip. We'll be back in a week."

"Okay, I'll tell him that too."

"Make sure he knows it's a paid vacation."

Shinra laughed. "Sure."

He turned off the phone, taking a deep breath. He found it strange for the other to so willingly go on a break, but he supposed everyone needed time off sometimes. He headed for Izaya's room to tell him the news. Maybe it was good for the informant to take a vacation at this time too.

"You seem to be in higher spirits," Shinra commented when he saw the empty breakfast tray.

"What? Did you think I was going to starve myself or something? Sorry, Shinra, I'm not as moody as you think. Besides," the informant allowed himself to sink back into the pillows. "It's comfortable and quiet. Why shouldn't I enjoy it now?"

"True…" Shinra mused.

Izaya studied him intently. "What's wrong?"

"I got a call from Namie. She said she's going on a 'paid vacation' with her brother."

"I see…"

"And, she said there are people hanging around your building, so it'll probably be better to not go back for a few days."

"Already?" Izaya sighed. "What a pain." He closed his eyes, rolling back under the covers.

"Going back to sleep already? I'm making lunch now."

"Can't I be lazy for once? I just finished breakfast." However, he seemed to think of something and sat up promptly. "Or, do you have something to tell me?" He hesitated. "Regarding Shiki."

Shinra frowned. "Actually, I've only found out about you and Shiki recently. How long have you been…" he trailed off.

Izaya smiled bitterly, looking down at his hands. "Since I framed Shizu-chan."

"Izaya…" Shinra began, but the words were lost on the tip of his tongue.

The informant shook his head. "It doesn't matter anymore, Shinra." His expression darkened, hands clenched into fists against the sheets. "Never again."

Shinra had never seen this side of Izaya and suddenly thought of his conversations with Psyche. "You don't mean…"

Izaya laughed. "I'm not suicidal. Or at least, if suicidal is defined as wanting to kill yourself. It's not the same as wanting to die."

"That's suicidal," Shinra corrected him.

"Is it? Everyone wants to die sometime." He lied back down, sighing. "I suppose this is a form of suicide, not wanting to do anything anymore."

"You're on break," the doctor reworded for him. "Not a permanent one either," he added when it looked like Izaya was about to contradict him.

"Yeah, I'm on 'break,'" Izaya repeated, closing his eyes. "I wonder if the city will burn while I'm away. Would I even bother to stop it?"

"You love humans, so you will," Shinra answered for him.

Izaya chuckled. "I'm not so sure anymore. Did I?"

The doorbell rang, and the doctor excused himself to go open it. Izaya bolted upward when he heard a familiar voice come through his opened room door and was out of his bed in an instant, grabbing the coat that Akabayashi had been smart enough to take from the group's hideout when they escaped yesterday. He eyed the rest of his attire and decided against it, running to the window.

Meanwhile, Psyche froze when he heard the voice and looked around the corner of the door to catch a glimpse of the new arrival.

 _'That voice sounds so familiar.’_ He shrunk back as soon as he saw the man in the white suit and instead tiptoed away from the door, looking around the room he was in for a good hiding space. _'Bathroom.'_ He locked the door behind him and sat on the floor, knees drawn up to his chest as he tried to calm his breathing. His heart pounded against his chest with irrational fear, sending shivers down his spine.

Shiki had caught a glimpse of white just as Psyche disappeared back into the room but pretended to ignore it. He had seen one of the things he came to see.

"Um, he's still recovering, so it's probably best to wait a few days," Shinra tried to stop the yakuza executive but Shiki strode casually past him into what he knew to be the guest sickroom. "I really must insist…" Shinra stopped when he saw the empty room, a breeze blowing from the open window indicating where the informant had gone. "Oh…"

"Well he seems fine enough to be walking around," Shiki concluded, turning to leave.

"He needs to rest for a few days," the doctor replied sternly, surprised at how forceful his own voice came out. "Forget physical, it's not good for his mental health if he keeps on working like this."

Shiki didn't answer as he opened the front door only to find a blond entity blocking his way.

"You," Shizuo growled as he took the cigarette out of his mouth.

"What a pleasant surprise to see you here, Heiwajima-san," Shiki replied, unfazed by the murderous aura radiating off the other. "But I regret that I could not have a longer chat with you, unless you want a war to break out in Ikebukuro."

"War?" Shinra asked from behind him.

"Has Izaya not told you? The tensions between the new group and every little gang they gave guns to are mounting up as we speak."

"So that's why…" Shinra muttered, remembering the last time Shizuo came in with a gunshot wound. He had assumed it was Izaya the entire time.

"Well, I must be going," Shiki nodded to them as he stepped around Shizuo. The bodyguard kept his gaze fixed in the other man's direction until the last of the yakuza's footsteps faded away.

"Uh, Shizuo?" the doctor's voice snapped him out of his reverie.

"Is that what the flea got himself involved with?"

Shinra sighed. "Seems like it. Then again, if we have a gang war, then there's more business for me!” He threw up his hands when Shizuo glared at him. “I'm joking! I'm sure he gets involved in this kind of thing all the time."

"Yeah," Shizuo mused as he began to enter the house.

"Oh, if you're here to see Izaya, he escaped out the window when Shiki came to visit. I think it was just a few minutes ago actually."

Shizuo stared at him blankly for a moment. "He what?" He sighed, turning to leave. "Damned flea."

Shinra suddenly noticed Izaya’s shoes still next to his own in the genkan. "Oh, by the way, Izaya's probably not wearing any shoes, so don't chase him around too much!" he called after the bodyguard.

Shinra closed the door, trying to make sense of everything as he headed for the room Psyche had been in, suddenly finding it odd that the time traveler was not there. He knew Psyche would normally not come out to greet anyone besides Shizuo, but he should have heard the bodyguard from this room, given that the door was wide open.

"Psyche?" He hoped the time traveler hadn't jumped out a window too. "Hey, are you in here?" he asked as he knocked on the bathroom door.

Psyche jumped up inside, "Yes! Is he gone?"

"Yeah, Shizuo just left. You just missed him."

"Uh, I mean…" he heard a meek voice from the other side of the bathroom door.

"Oh." Shinra realized that the other had been hiding from Shiki. _'I wonder if Psyche even knows who Shiki is, but he has never purposely hidden when my patients come to get treated.'_

"He's gone," he told the time traveler.

"Oh, okay!" Psyche said, flushing the clean toilet.

.

"Yes, please do that." Shiki hung up.

"It's rare to see you this stressed out," Akabayashi commented from the driver's seat.

"It's rare for you to be driving me. Are you even awake enough?"

"Ah well, with the way things are going, who knows who might end up driving your car. It's better to take precautions, right?" He stopped at a red light. "Better a sleepy driver like me than one of those guys who defected, you know?"

Shiki ignored him, crossing his arms. "I saw him."

"Hm?"

"The twin," he clarified.

"I don't know, Shiki. There are no records of Orihara having a twin. There are his two sisters though, but we know that already." Akabayashi pressed the gas pedal. A thought hit him, making him chuckle. "Maybe Shinra went wild on one of his experiments and created an Orihara clone." The other remained silent at his joke. "Well, changing the subject, my men are ready to go."

"Mine are finalizing the plans. It looks like the little gangs might start acting up too."

Akabayashi sighed. "What a mess. If only we acted sooner. Orihara's definitely out of the picture for now too, so we're missing his expertise."

"It's too late to think about that," Shiki interrupted him. "And Orihara seems to be well enough to move around."

.

"Hey precious, what are you doing in a place like this?" a thug scoffed when he saw Izaya, who had only managed to run a few blocks in nothing but his pajamas and his jacket before his feet started to go numb from the cold.

"Ah, I seem to be sleep-walking, excuse me," Izaya answered easily, cursing his bad luck.

"With a coat that expensive?" the other asked. Izaya backed away when he realized that a few of the thug's friends were starting to surround him.

' _Why this again?'_ he reached into his pocket for his switchblade but only found his phones. _'What? Those numbskulls took the least important item!'_ He decided this wasn't the time to make fun of yesterday's captors when the thug produced a gun.

"Care to give us what's in your pocket?"

"I really think you won't have any use for this," Izaya began when the familiar sound of wind on metal prompted him to duck as a vending machine flew over him and crashed into the group. He applauded the bodyguard for managing to do everything so quietly and stood up to run when his cold feet gave way. To his surprise, he was suddenly in the air, a strong arm around his waist flinging him over a shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

' _It wasn't aimed at me?'_ Izaya wondered if Shizuo was smart enough to actually assume that he would be able to duck a vending machine he didn't know was coming. Or, maybe the protozoan was dumb enough to assume that he would be able to duck.

"Damn, why does everyone little piece of shit in this city seem to have a gun these days?" he heard Shizuo curse from under him.

Izaya laughed, wondering how the two of them looked right now: worst enemies, destroyers of public property in Ikebukuro in such close proximity without any signs of malice towards one another.

"Isn't it more fun this way?"

"Shut up," the bodyguard spat.

.

_Track 10: (Slow, dragging footsteps) Tsugaru… (A thud) I'm sorry… I broke my promise… Ugh… It hurts…_

_(Sigh) I… I… (Sniff) Wha-what is this? (Sniff) Tsugaru… (Silence)_

_He betrayed me. (Sniff) He… (Sniff) Look at me… (A muffled sob) Damn it…_

_(Footsteps) Orihara… (A new voice) Come on, Orihara, you shouldn't be here in this state. Shiki's worried._

_(Sniff) Go away…_

_It's dangerous here. Let's just go back to Shinra's, okay?_

_(Yells) Leave me alone!_

_(Footsteps) Flea? (A new voice) What the hell are you doing here?_

_(Running)_

_Hey flea! Get back here! (Footsteps)_

_(The swing of a cane) Stop, Heiwajima. (The footsteps stop)_

_What the hell… He was crying…_

_Yes, and now I must go after him. Please chase Orihara another day, will you? (Running)_

_What's going on? (Footsteps)_

_(Silence)_

_(Silence)_

_(A voice) "Izaya… Don't… cry… Don't cry… I'll… Pro… tect…"_

_(End of Recording)_


	11. Psyche Track 11

The minutes dragged on as Shizuo carried him through the quiet streets, having long passed the turn back to Shinra’s. Izaya had run blindly through the alleys earlier, but he knew that he hadn’t wandered this far out as he complacently watched the moving ground from his place over the other’s shoulder. They soon entered an unfamiliar building, and it wasn’t until they exited the elevator that his curiosity finally overtook him.

“Shizu-chan, where are we?” he asked, although it was fairly obvious when Shizuo fished out his keys with his other hand and entered the apartment, still balancing Izaya on his shoulder. 

"My place," the bodyguard answered plainly as they headed for the bathroom. Izaya finally found himself lifted off the other’s shoulders as Shizuo set him gingerly on the tile floor only for his feet to give way under him.

"What..." Izaya yelped, surprised by the lack of strength in his tingling legs before a strong arm kept him from collapsing to the ground.

"Wash your feet off here. I don't want your dirt all over my floor," Shizuo told him as he helped the informant to the side of the bathtub, making him sit for the time being. He handed Izaya the showerhead and left the informant alone in the shower room, sliding the door shut behind him.

Izaya looked from the showerhead to his feet before laughing. "What is going on?" he asked the empty room, listening to his own echo as he pulled up his pajama pants and turned the warm water on. He winced when the feeling began returning to his frozen toes, and a sharp pain told him that the grimy red dirt washing away was from a fresh cut.

He finally finished and turned the water off, wondering what he should do about his bleeding foot. The bodyguard would definitely kill him if he got blood on anything. He thought about the reaction the other would surely give him, smiling as the scenarios played through his mind. What were the chances of escaping? He had seen only the route from the front door to the bathroom, and that was mostly from an upside down perspective.

The cut bled freely now that he had warmed and cleaned it, and Izaya found his mind wandering as he waited for the bodyguard to return. He thought of the dark room his captors had taken him to as he stared blankly at the red dripping onto the damp bathroom floor. _'I wonder if it could've been worse. If Shizu-chan hadn't come…'_ Shiki came to mind, and he instantly attempted to wipe the man’s face out of his mind. The yakuza executive was the last person he wanted to think about now, the very thought of the man sending an indescribable pain through his chest. 

He tried to focus on what was currently in front of him. The bathroom was warm and comfortable, save for the pain in his foot. When had Shiki ever been warm? He thought of kisses, warm against his skin. It was just business he had told himself. When had it gotten so out of hand? When did he start to respond?

His attempts were definitely not working.

One of the phones in his pocket started vibrating, and he picked it up only to see the man in question's name reflecting off the screen. His grip tightened around it. When had he willingly given up control to this man? The phone became still for a moment only to light up again, indicating that Shiki had redialed his number.

' _When?'_ A sudden anger flared up in him.

"Leave me alone already!" Izaya snapped at the phone and hurled it away. The bathroom door opened just at that moment, and the object landed harmlessly in the bodyguard's hand with a clack. Shizuo looked from the informant's frustrated demeanor to the name on the phone before pocketing it to protect it from future harm. He turned his attention back to Izaya and finally noticed the blood trickling all over his bathroom floor.

"Fuck, what did you step on?" He threw the towel that he was holding to Izaya before heading back outside. Frowning, the informant wondered if he should just dry his legs without touching the cut or if he should paint Shizuo's innocent white towel with some Izaya-sized footprints. He decided on the latter; after all, what's wrong with trying to save a little blood?

"Oi, did you leave yet?" he heard the bodyguard from outside.

"How would I be able to like this?" Izaya retorted before he realized that Shizuo was talking to Shinra on the phone.

"Bring a first aid kit. I think the flea stepped on glass or something!"

' _Well, lucky me…’_ Izaya looked at his foot. The pain had toned down to a dull ache, but the towel seemed to be doing its job. Shizuo returned, prompting the informant to tense as he prepared for the other to beat him up for soiling his towel.

Izaya took the initiative to ask before the other struck. "Why are you doing this?"

Shizuo regarded this statement for a moment before shrugging. "Dunno."

Izaya snorted. "That isn't the best reason for having your worst enemy over at your apartment."

"Well, you aren't breaking anything at the moment, so I assume it's fine."

Izaya frowned. "Should I go break something then?"

"If you want to both go flying out of my window and pay for damages, then sure, go right ahead," Shizuo replied.

The informant gaped at him, speechless. When had the monster become so calm? Did he miss something here? He motioned for Shizuo to come closer, and he did, although cautiously. Izaya touched the other's forehead. "No fever…" he muttered.

"What? Stupid!" Shizuo pulled away. "Do you have to come up with reasons for everything?"

"Can't help it. I'm curious about humans.” Izaya’s smile darkened a little, back to the one Shizuo was so familiar with. "Ah, but I forgot, Shizu-chan's not really human, is he?"

"Are you trying to pick a fight?" the bodyguard growled.

Izaya grinned. "Maybe."

Shizuo took a deep breath, refusing to lose to this flea unless he wanted to give Shinra more work to do when he arrived. "Maybe it was Psyche…" he muttered.

"Hm?" Izaya regarded this for a moment. "Did he really influence you so much, prophesying my death like that?" He chuckled, looking away. "He's a good kid. Nothing like me…"

"More like a big kid. And you guys look exactly the same."

"I'm forever 21, remember?" Izaya interjected.

"That's an adult."

Izaya decided to leave the conversation at that for a while, wondering just how Shizuo was currently able to stand his presence. The other grumbled and looked away, seemingly just as baffled by the entire situation and soon the two of them found themselves waiting in an awkward silence. Izaya decided to take a peek at the cut under the towel and immediately wrapped it up again when he found it bleeding quite freely. He hoped that it wouldn’t require too many stitches, but the pain told him that he wouldn’t be running around like usual. He gulped, knowing the implications if he was still trying to stay away from Shiki.

The doorbell finally indicated that Shinra had arrived, and Shizuo got up to let the doctor in. The man stopped at the bathroom doorway, the corners of his lips turned down a little. "I guess,” he hesitated, “I just decided to stop and listen for once. Nothing else has changed, flea."

Izaya stared at the now empty doorway after Shizuo’s back disappeared around the corner before smiling slightly. "Is that what it is, Shizu-chan?"

An hour later, Izaya sat in Shizuo's living room with a bandaged foot and his usual clothes that Celty had mercifully laundered the day before.

"Are you going home then?" Shinra asked the informant worriedly. "Remember, there are still people watching your apartment."

Izaya stared wide-eyed at the both of them before laughing. "Are you kidding? I wouldn't even dream of stepping foot into my apartment even if there wasn't anyone monitoring it."

"Why…"

Izaya raised his hand up to stop him. "Three reasons: one, I'm on break; two, I'm on break; and three, I'm on break."

"Is it because that yakuza knows you live there?" Shizuo interjected.

Izaya considered the other for a minute, the smile wiped from his face. "Shizu-chan has become smart. The world really is coming to an end!"

Shizuo sighed, clasping a hand to his head. How could the informant be so energetic with that expression? He knew that there's no way Izaya could be… he stopped at that thought, wondering why he even cared. Just because he knew a little more about the informant's personal life now doesn't mean he should suddenly care. He paused. _'Why do I care?'_ He frowned. _'It's for the good of the world,'_ he told himself, but the words didn't seem as persuasive as the first time he had used them.

"In that case, you can stay at my apartment for a few days until this mess is over," Shinra offered, completely oblivious to the happenings in Shizuo's mind as he dealt with Izaya. "Though, with both Psyche and you, it might be a little cramped."

"But he knows Izaya goes there too!" Shizuo interjected. _'Fuck! Why do I care?'_ His thoughts were dancing with each other, spinning and spinning until everything disappeared into a whirlwind of confusion.

"Why are you so interested in Shiki?" the doctor asked.

It was a pretty big whirlwind. "I-I just…" Shizuo frowned. He really didn't know, but every time he thought of that bastard with Izaya, it irritated him to no end. "I just don't think it's a good idea for the flea and that yakuza to meet. Stuff might happen."

"Like the world ending?" Izaya offered absolutely no help.

"Izaya…" Shizuo warned.

The informant smiled, making the bodyguard cringe. "What's wrong?" Izaya asked, catching the action.

"Stop smiling like that."

"Why? Shouldn't you be used to this?"

"No…" Shizuo bit his lip, unsure of how to describe just why he found that action so unsettling. He remembered Psyche's fake smile and wondered if they were the same.

"Well, where else would you stay?" Shinra pressed on, sensing the tension between the two. He'd rather not have to clean up after them, especially when all he brought was a simple first aid kit. "You could get a hotel, or you could always…"

"Stay here," Shizuo and Izaya said at the same time. The doctor stared at them blankly.

The bodyguard managed to close his gaping mouth. "No way, flea!" Shizuo said, flustered.

"Aw, but you just offered!" Izaya pointed out.

"No I didn't! You put the words in my mouth!"

"We spoke at the same time!"

"Uh, guys…" Shinra attempted.

"You'll destroy the place!"

"Well I've been here over an hour and besides clogging your drain with my bodily fluids, nothing has happened."

"Ugh, stop being so disgusting!"

"Stop thinking disgusting things. It's just a different description of blood."

"Wait, don't change the subject!"

"I'm not. So can I stay?"

"No way! I'll kill you before the day ends!"

"That's fine."

"Uh, guys?" Shinra repeated as the two stopped to take a breath.

Shizuo looked at the doctor, trying to see if he caught the informant's last sentence. Shinra responded with a knowing smile, indicating he had. Izaya, on the other hand, looked from one to the other, frowning.

"Am I on suicide watch now?" he asked meekly.

"I wouldn't call it that…" Shinra began.

"I told you, I'm not suicidal," he insisted firmly.

"But if you're going to actively provoke Shizuo, then…"

"I do that all the time!"

"Okay! Discussion time's up!" Shizuo exclaimed, silencing the two. He turned the informant, nearly seething. "You can stay here until the gang war or whatever the hell's going on blows over."

"I can?" Izaya blinked at him. "Wait, you know?"

"Shiki told us," Shinra explained.

Izaya fell silent. "Oh…"

"Well, you said you want a break, right? A rest from this war thing should be therapeutic for you," the doctor advised.

Izaya regarded this for a moment. "Okay." He decided he needed a little time to think anyway.

"Just try not to make me come over every day," Shinra requested, clasping a hand over his face.

.

The rest of the day dragged on more quietly than Shizuo expected after Shinra went home. He had kept a close eye on the informant the entire time, but Izaya merely passed the hours watching T.V. and occasionally looking at one of his many cellphones. The one Shizuo had taken was still with him, and he wondered if Izaya wanted it back anytime soon. The object had rung several more times that day, but the yakuza executive never tried to send a text message.

Maybe it was one of those "better-in-person" types of conversations. Shizuo wondered what the man would do if Izaya never responded, what the man would say if Izaya did pick up.

The only time the bodyguard had taken his eyes off the informant was when Izaya declared he wanted to shower only to emerge half an hour later with a rather messily bandaged foot. Shizuo had considered redoing the bandages for the informant, but he wasn't too good at it either, so he decided it was okay as long as the blood stayed where it belonged.

Izaya had gone straight back to the T.V. afterwards, prompting Shizuo to finally go take his own shower, so the bodyguard grudgingly departed from the informant completely, hoping that the other wouldn’t try anything funny while he was preoccupied. He could at least hear Izaya earlier when the other was showering.

Shizuo sighed under the hot water as he hurriedly washed himself so as not to leave the informant alone for too long. He still wasn’t sure what the flea was thinking, but Izaya was definitely not acting like himself. He emerged from the bathroom fifteen minutes later with a towel around his neck, mentally refreshed until the weather report on the T.V. caught his eye.

"And it looks like tomorrow night we might be having the first snow of the…" Shizuo grabbed at the remote and switched the television off in one swift movement, but it was too late.

"Tomorrow night then…" Izaya muttered, his eyes fixated on the black screen.

"Not going to happen," Shizuo cut him off, throwing the remote onto the sofa in frustration before plopping down next to the informant. He took out a cigarette and his lighter but stopped when he noticed the informant's eyes following the cancer stick. He sighed, putting it back into its box.

Izaya observed all this with the utmost sparkle in his eyes, which in any other time would have driven the bodyguard into a rage, but today he felt relieved at seeing those eyes. "Forgot you didn't like smoke," he gave the informant a weak explanation for his action.

The informant chuckled, and the sparkle went away as quickly as it had come. "You're so bipolar these days."

"Well, you're too calm for your own good," Shizuo growled back.

"I am relaxing," Izaya reworded his sentence for him.

"Whatever," Shizuo grumbled, leaning back on the sofa. He was starting to get just a little irritated since he had deprived himself of a portion of his daily dose of nicotine. Izaya pulled his feet up onto the sofa, curling into a ball. The bodyguard regarded this for a moment before grudgingly getting up and fetching the throw blanket from the closet. The last thing he wanted was for the informant to die of a cold on the promised day now that he had done this much. He threw it over Izaya, who flinched in surprise before readjusting the blanket around him.

"Thanks," he muttered.

"Sure." Shizuo finally realized that he had no idea where the informant would sleep. _'Not in my bed,'_ he immediately thought. Then again, all he had for the sofa was the thin blanket Izaya now had around him. He didn't like leaving the heater on at night either since it ate money like crazy.

While Shizuo mused about the nighttime arrangements, Izaya remained silent, curled up in the blanket while staring at the blank screen T.V. screen.

' _Maybe I can ask Shinra to borrow a blanket. Is it too late for Celty to come over?'_ He looked at Izaya. _'If I went over to Shinra's would he tear the place down? He's been kind of different though.'_

He looked back at the T.V., wondering if he should turn it back on, hope that the weather won't play again, and run over to Shinra's to get a blanket.

"Remember that time I framed you for kidnapping this woman and you lost your bartender job?" Izaya's voice distracted him from the debate in his head.

"Well enough," Shizuo growled, wondering why Izaya would bring something like this up now. _'He really does have a death wish, doesn't he?'_ However, the informant didn't meet his eyes and instead continued to stare at the blank T.V. screen.

"It was around then."

"Huh?"

"The first time I slept with Shiki." Shizuo winced at those words. Izaya continued, ignoring his reaction. "I wasn't affiliated with any particular organization back then, so of course, eventually someone was going to try and kill me. It was exhilarating, that freedom I felt back then, and all the interesting things humans did, information that was free for me to give away as I pleased.”

Izaya pulled his legs closer to his chest.

"I met Shiki during one of the dealings with his organization, and they made him in charge of contacting me. It must have been weird, buying information from a teenager. After that, things just continued as they did for a few months, until one day, Shiki's organization found out I had sold some of their information to another for fun. I heard someone almost died, but I'm not sure.

"Shiki's organization set a bounty on my head, and they caught me within a day. They brought me to Shiki at gunpoint, and he made an offer: work only for them from then on or die."

"But haven't you messed around with a bunch of gangs even after then?" Shizuo interjected.

Izaya smiled. "Of course. I was bored, and Shiki was lenient as long as I didn't do anything that got in his organization's way. Anyway, so I accepted, and,” he leaned his head on his knees, “he demanded payment."

"Payment?"

"My body…" Izaya mumbled in a small voice. Shizuo managed to control his wincing this time. "He knew. He wanted to bind me down, because he knew I would go back to the way I was before as soon as I saw an opening. It's just who I am. And it worked."

"Really? So he…"

Izaya shook his head. "Not him. Me. I'm at fault. I placed myself in this position knowingly."

"But…"

"I fell in love." He looked at Shizuo's blank face and chuckled. "Funny huh? Someone like me falling in love. It must have been Stockholm's Syndrome or something twisted like that. Then again, I'm twisted, so maybe it's not so ridiculous after all."

Shizuo frowned, trying to come up with the right words to say to this confession. "Are you still in love with him?"

Izaya smiled, and Shizuo tensed, getting ready to spring when the informant produced one of his kitchen knives. "Izaya…" he warned.

"With this, I'm free." 

Shizuo tackled Izaya and grabbed the man’s arm before the knife came anywhere near the other’s chest. Izaya's grip around the knife loosened, and he allowed Shizuo to remove the object.

Shizuo slapped him, barely remembering at the last minute to lessen his power so that he wouldn't break the other's neck. "Are you crazy?" the bodyguard yelled at him.

Izaya slowly turned back to him, cradling a burning cheek with his hand. "I knew you would stop me."

"Then why did you do it?" Shizuo hissed through his teeth.

"It was symbolic. Would you believe the crazy me if I just told you that I'm no longer in love with Shiki?"

"Yes!" Shizuo fumed. "Yes I would! Don't ever do that again! Stupid!"

Izaya regarded the other for a moment before smiling, his eyes downcast. "Sorry."

"Sheesh." Shizuo scratched his head. "This isn't something worth killing yourself over."

"Yes, I've always wondered about that. What if Psyche never came?" He closed his eyes.

Shizuo looked at him.

"Then we wouldn't be talking like this, would we?"

The bodyguard regarded this. "I don't think... I don't think it was all Psyche's doing. I mean…"

"True, although he did set off a few events. I had always wondered if something like this would happen if you were to listen, just once."

"Uh…" Shizuo scratched his head awkwardly.

"The framing…"

"Always back to that, huh?"

Izaya didn't bother hiding the organization's name now. "Awakusu-kai was considering scouting you."

Shizuo stared at him. "Huh?"

Izaya pulled his legs closer. "I really don't understand it, but at that time, when I heard about it from Shiki, I thought what a shame it would be."

"A shame? Are you trying to pick a fight again? I thought you said you weren't suicidal!"

Izaya smiled. "A shame… I thought that it would be a shame if you ended up doing exactly what I thought you would end up doing, with that power of yours."

"You thought I would join the yakuza?"

"Why not? Your power suits them perfectly. It's just a matter of controlling it. But..." he closed his eyes. "I don't know. Maybe it was just curiosity. Then again, around that time, I was already starting to see how everything would end up when the Awakusu-kai got tired of me."

"So you framed me so they wouldn't scout me. All for curiosity?" He really couldn't believe this flea.

"Who knows? Maybe I wanted you to save me." He chuckled. "It's too late now. I'm tired, so tired… It's almost like a mental suicide…"

"Izaya?"

He closed his eyes, resting his head on the other's shoulder, firm and strong. Warm. "So tired…"

Shizuo considered pushing the flea away but decided against it, just this time. Seeing the informant like this was so… He felt like he had to protect him from himself, somehow.

"Izaya, you don't have to end up the way you expect it to end," he muttered just loud enough for the other to hear.

.

Psyche watched the city lights outside the window, his warm breath covering the glass with fog. He brought his finger over the opaque mirror and wiped his creation away only for it to be replenished by another breath. "Soon…" he whispered. Shinra had turned the heater on, but Psyche pulled his jacket closer to him, suddenly feeling cold. "Izaya Orihara…" The name rolled naturally off his tongue.

"Psyche!" Shinra called from outside. "The bath's free!"

"Okay!" he replied and drew away from the window, grabbing his pajamas on the way to the shower room. He stole a final glance at the window and the world beyond it before leaving the dark room.

.

_Track 11: (Footsteps) It's empty._

_(The sound of wings)_

_(The footsteps stop) Not him… Dumb bird…_ _(Sigh) This place is kind of creepy at night. Did the flea really come here often? Tch… sneaking into Ikebukuro under my nose…_

_(Yawn) Way too quiet. Hm… since I'm here… Let's see… How does this work? (The sound of a coin) I wish the flea would die already… Wait, what if I kill him? I don't want to go to that shit jail again. Okay, I wish the flea would stay out of Ikebukuro. How's that? Ugh, this is weird._

_I feel like I'm talking to myself._

_(Sigh) Ah whatever._

_(Silence)_

_Looks like he's not coming today. Did my wish work? (Footsteps)_

_(End of Recording)_


	12. Psyche Track 12

_Track 12: Hey Tsugaru…_

_This is the first time I visited you in the morning, huh? Shinra finally let me go home… It's strange; it's like my feet just brought me here._

_(Hiss) Ouch… ugh… sitting hurts, standing hurts, lying down hurts… might as well spend the rest of my life on painkillers. (Sigh) I hate pain._

_(Silence)_

_It's quiet here in the morning too… so peaceful… (Chuckle) Too bad, really…_

_It's happening tonight… the war I was waiting for. I've been trying to initiate this for so long, but in the end, it happened without me doing anything._

_(Laugh) I don't even care anymore. The great Izaya Orihara hasn't touched his work ever since… (Stop) and never will… (Sigh) This isn't like me at all._

_Really, what is like me? When did I become so attached? I should've known what was going to happen! I should've just assumed that he wasn't going to do anything and acted on my own before… before…_

_(Deep breath) No… I can't think of that now. I… I can't… No… What should I think about? (Pause)_

_If… if she woke up, would she give me an answer? Or… Would they come and take her away?_

_I feel so… powerless…_

_(Silence)_

_(Birds chirping)_

_(Silence)_

_Thank you Tsugaru… I'd never thought I could get anyone to listen to me like this. (Pause) Maybe it was because I couldn't… I couldn't even communicate with the humans I claim to love so much._

_What a lie… my love…_

_(End of recording)_

Psyche slowly took off the headphones and placed them onto the floor next to his futon. He rolled to the other side, unable to look at them, and clutched his chest with trembling hands in an attempt to calm his rapid heartbeat. His stomach felt smoldered in a vice-grip, and he could feet the lump in his throat threatening to cut off his breathing if he didn't do something about it soon.

"I…"

He finally sniffed and let the tears fall freely onto his pillow. Izaya's emotions felt raw, almost as if they were his own. It was an unbearable mixture of empty despair, and the loneliness threatened to overwhelm him even when Izaya had claimed he was happy that Tsugaru was "listening."

"Why?" Psyche tried to wipe a few of the tears away in vain. "What is this?" He could suddenly see a shrine, shrouded in the darkness of night. He felt cold, like the outside wind had penetrated the walls and now sliced at his skin.

_Loneliness… Despair… Emptiness…_

He curled into a ball under the blankets, trying to bury the feelings away. Images he could take, but this level of emotion…

.

Izaya groaned when sunlight from the window woke him and pulled the covers up over his head so that he could sleep some more. He didn't want to wake up, and beckoned sleep to hurry and take him again so that he could escape, even if it was only for another hour.

' _Warm… It's so warm…'_ He almost smiled unconsciously when his thoughts started becoming hazy, indicating sleep's temporary victory. _'So warm…'_ His bed had never felt this comfortable. _'It's too warm…'_ he realized. He suddenly felt something next to him shift, and the next thing he knew, arms surrounded him. He thought of ropes and tried to struggle, but his half-asleep body refused to listen and instead succumbed even more to the warmth.

' _What… what is this? What…'_ He thought of Shiki but immediately dismissed that hypothesis. Where had he fallen asleep yesterday? Everything was just so hazy. He remembered a sofa, not his expensive smooth leather one, but a more homely…

"Whoa!" his "captor" suddenly exclaimed, and he heard a thump as the blankets were pulled off of him, following Shizuo to the floor. Finally snapped back into reality, Izaya sat up groggily, rubbing his eyes, his heart pounding furiously from the effort he had spent trying to wake from his waking dream.

' _Was he…'_ To his surprise, Izaya felt his heartbeat speed up even more.

"So-sorry," Shizuo stuttered. "I thought you were my body pillow."

Izaya looked to the side of the room, finding the object on the nearby chair; Shizuo had moved it off the bed because it took up too much space. "How did I end up here?"

"We-we were talking last night, and you fell asleep! I was going to leave you on the sofa, but I didn't have an extra blanket so…"

The informant suddenly laughed, making him stop. Normally, Shizuo would've wanted to punch the living daylights out of the other whenever he laughed, but this time, he felt an odd sense of relief. It was also kind of strange. He had never heard such a light-hearted sound from the other, almost as if Izaya’s laughter was genuine for once.

Izaya finally managed to stop, gasping for air in between breaths. "Sorry sorry. Your reaction…" He wiped a tear from his eye. "Thank you though."

The bodyguard gaped at him, not expecting the other to actually thank him. "Uh, no problem," Shizuo replied awkwardly. "Um, I'll go make breakfast, so sleep some more if you want." He rushed out of the room, his heart still beating rapidly.

"Why am I so flustered over this?" he asked himself as he opened the refrigerator door. _'Body pillow! Just a habit!'_

Izaya on the other hand lay back down on the bed, letting out a long sigh as he pulled the covers off the floor and back around himself.

 _'It's kind of cold now,'_ he noted, frowning when he realized that he missed the other’s presence. _"Shizu-chan is pretty warm for a protozoan."_

.

Akabayashi ducked just as a bullet whizzed past the top of his skull and fired at his attacker before diving behind his car, the rounds ricocheting off the doors and shattering the passenger-side window.

"Shit! Why are they so well armed?" he hissed as he reloaded.

"You can't expect something like this to be easy," Shiki replied through the headset.

"Easy for you to say, you got an easier target!" He dashed across the alley and managed to jump onto the fire escape. He shot down the door and entered the building, beckoning the rest of his men with a quick wave of the hand to follow.

Akabayashi took out another gangster who had run into the hallway after hearing the intrusion and finally managed to find the main room. He simultaneously shot the first man that emerged and hurled a smoke bomb into the room before shooting some more, aided by his team that had finally caught up with him.

"We've secured the second location!" Akabayashi declared half an hour later, idly tapping the lone survivor on the head with his cane as he paced the room. "Got any questions for the guy who runs this place?"

"Oh, you captured him alive?" Shiki commented, his voice calm.

"Wasn't easy," Akabayashi admitted. "How are things on your end?"

"Not good. They're all dead. I'm coming over."

The yakuza frowned. "Huh? What about the other operations?"

"Failed. They were more prepared than we expected." He heard the sound of a car engine. "See you in five minutes." The headset beeped, indicating that the other had hung up.

Akabayashi sighed, examining his gun. "Your organization's a real piece of work." The other merely stared wide-eyed at the weapon, shoulders trembling.

"Hey boss!" One of his subordinates ran over, waving a phone in his hand. "One of our places has been attacked!"

Akabayashi looked down at his captive, who started sweating even more if that was possible. The red head sighed. "A real piece of work…" he repeated.

.

" _This morning, several men were gunned down after they exited the building…"_

" _There is a fire in one of the apartment complexes in Ikebukuro. We believe it was arson…"_

" _Another shooting has been reported…"_

" _We advise everyone to stay indoors until the police have this under control…"_

"It's started," the informant commented, switching the channel again only to find that they had replaced the usual drama with breaking news.

"Already?" Shizuo asked as he stepped out of the kitchen. It still felt weird, holding a conversation with the flea this long without any hostilities, not to mention what happened in the morning. He vehemently drove the thoughts away since they made him blush even now. "Who's attacking who?" he inquired, trying to focus on a better subject.

The newscaster was doing an aerial shot, and Izaya vaguely made out a flash of red hair that dived into one of the cars before driving it backwards into one of the shooters and zooming away.

"Both groups." He put the remote down, finding it useless to change the channel if the same thing was just going to play. "It's too late to stop it now. At the rate it's going, the smaller groups might also get involved. An all out war!" he waved his arms dramatically before stopping abruptly and lowering them. That word bothered him. He felt as if the reason was almost right in front of him, yet he couldn't quite grasp it.

"This isn't something you should be joking about," Shizuo growled. He had temporarily forgotten this side of the flea and wondered why he even felt awkward around Izaya. The words "body pillow" echoed in his mind once again before he could muster up a proper response. "People's lives are just playthings to you, aren't they?"

"But I'm not doing anything," Izaya retorted. "You haven't seen me do anything other than lie around and rot, watching T.V., right?"

"Well, true," Shizuo acknowledged, as difficult as it was for him to believe.

"So there you go." Izaya returned to the T.V. _'War… war… why did I…'_ It came to him. _'Celty's head!'_ He felt the color drain from his face and looked away from the bodyguard, hoping that the other didn't notice. _'No,'_ he tried to calm himself. _'As long as she's safe in Shinjuku, nothing will happen.'_

Shizuo had caught the expression nevertheless. "Something wrong, flea?"

"No," he lied. He looked at the phones he had abandoned earlier on the table. Namie wasn't here, so there was no way he could confirm if Celty's head was still safely locked away in his apartment. He turned back to the T.V. The news hadn't said anything about Shinjuku, so he reasoned that it should still be safe.

After all, he was the only one who knew the security code to the safe anyway. Only him…

.

Psyche felt cold, very cold. Ever since the recording that morning, brief glimpses of the outside world flashed through his mind: the shrine, the streets of Ikebukuro, Izaya's apartment in Shinjuku…

"Are you okay?" Shinra finally asked the time traveler, unable to hold in his worry any longer. He had seen the weather report this morning on his phone, and things did not bode well with the current situation outside.

"Yeah," Psyche replied, rubbing his eyes before returning to the sudoku puzzle. "It's just, I keep on seeing Izaya's memories today. I don't know why."

"Are they frightening memories?"

Psyche shook his head. "No, it's just him walking around and in his apartment. Maybe something important was supposed to happen today, like the beginning of the war.”

Shinra suddenly turned to the T.V., sighing in relief when he confirmed it was turned off. Celty had also decided to stay indoors for the day as a precaution after he told her about the weather report. He wondered if he should check if Izaya was even still alive, having stayed with the bodyguard for nearly an entire day.

Shinra turned back to Psyche. It was really strange for a clone to see memories like this. "Hey Psyche, you said before you weren't a clone, right?" he asked.

"Yes. I was created from Izaya's 'essence.'"

"May I ask what essence is?" To be truthful, the question had been bothering him ever since he found out about Psyche's experiences with Izaya's memories and physical well-being.

"Essence is…" Psyche frowned. "You know, I really don't know what it is. It's just how Dad explained it when I asked him. Why do you ask?"

"Your memories. I don't think memories are scientifically transferable, but then again, maybe I came up with some strange technology that could extract memories from a brain or something." As crazy as the theory sounded, he didn't deny to himself that the possibility did interest him.

Psyche blinked. "Does it have to be the brain?"

"Well, that's where they are stored, right? If not, maybe a 'soul?'" He sighed. "Sorry, I'm thinking way too much about this. It's just my scientific mind being curious."

The time traveler smiled. "It's okay." He left the doctor to his thoughts and returned to the puzzle. After filling out another two boxes, he looked up at Shinra, who was now drinking some tea and reading the newspaper with wide eyes. "Hey Shinra?"

"Hm?" Shinra almost dropped his cup, hoping Psyche didn't see the headlines on the front.

"If the brain is destroyed, can memories still be retrieved?"

Shinra thought for a moment. "I don't think so. Think of it like a computer. If the part that holds the data is destroyed, then it's not plausible to retrieve any data from it."

"Oh." Psyche returned to his puzzle. He shivered again and looked at the temperature reader on the wall. Shinra had already turned up the heater all the way. "I do wonder, what is essence?" he asked himself out loud.

_He was in a spacious room with a wall lined with books, a few sofas with a coffee table, and a desk with a computer set up. A large game board with mismatched components lay forgotten on the table, a few of the pieces strewn across the floor._

" _The head…" his mouth spoke as his hands moved involuntarily to the bookshelf._

_A dial…_

"Psyche?"

The time traveler gasped, nearly falling off his chair when he was brought back into the present. He grasped his pounding head, panting. "I-I'm sorry, I don't feel very well. I'll… I'll go take a nap."

"Do you have a fever?" Shinra felt his forehead. "Whoa, you're cold! I'll go get you some extra blankets."

Psyche found himself momentarily alone after Shinra rushed out of the room to fetch the blankets. He sat down on the sofa and tried to calm himself, but he felt another wave of emotions wash over him like this morning. "A soul…" he repeated. "What if I'm actually, no, I'm Psyche!" He pulled his knees up to his chest, trying to pull himself closer. "Psyche…" he repeated.

He thought of the memories he had. The lab was his. His dad was his. Tsugaru… his heart tightened when he thought of the other… was his. Psyche's. He looked at his hand, still cold.

He suddenly saw a black sleeve, and pain that wracked his body, his heart… Himself in the mirror with bloodshot brownish red eyes… Izaya…

"Tsugaru… who exactly… am I? Who is Psyche?"

.

Izaya finally picked up his phone, unable to deal with the constant ringing and new missed calls from Akabayashi. He reasoned that he could at least hear the guy out once; after all, the yakuza did save him. He suddenly remembered his other phone was with Shizuo and dismissed it. It was probably out of batteries by now anyway since he had charged these with the bodyguard's charger.

"Oi, Orihara." He nearly sighed in relief when Akabayashi's voice came out of the other line instead of Shiki's.

"If you're putting him on the line, I'm hanging up. If I notice him anywhere near you, I'm hanging up," he warned just for good measure.

"No no! We're good! It's just me."

"Okay, Akabayashi." Izaya sat back down on the sofa as Shizuo watched him from the table with interest.

"Uh, have you been watching the news today?"

"Yeah, I saw you narrowly escape both the rival group and the police. You went ahead and attacked them?"

"We did, but it's gotten a little more complicated now since they've made contact with the smaller gangs. The tensions' building up right now, and we might have a huge shootout tonight. We think it's probably…"

"What do you expect me to do?" Izaya interrupted, his voice firm.

The yakuza sighed. "Look, I know you don't want to, but we really need you. You've seen how big it's gotten."

"Akabayashi, think about it. I haven't worked for an entire day. I've already given you all the information I had."

"But…"

"No, I'm sorry. I can't…" He hung up promptly but continued to stare at the phone, his mind caught in a battle of tug-of-war.

"Aren't you going to help them?" Shizuo finally asked, bringing Izaya back into reality.

"No," Izaya replied almost immediately, tossing the phone aside. "Why should I?"

"Well, I understand if it's just Shiki, but that guy who went with me to save you is also…"

"No!" Izaya hugged his knees, trying to strengthen his resolve. He couldn't believe Shizuo of all people would want him back interfering with the underworld. "No…" he repeated, his voice cracking a little.

Shizuo sat next to him. "Listen, I know that…"

"Don't you understand?" He grabbed the bodyguard's collar. "Everything I've done was a lie! Everything!"

Shizuo, for once, was the calm one. "But you loved him," he stated. He felt the informant's grip around his collar tighten.

"And I lived like this for all this time, telling myself it was okay as long as I was connected to him somehow," he replied, his voice down to a whisper. "It's been too long, Shizuo."

The bodyguard smiled sadly, not expecting the other to break down so much that he'd discard his pet name. "But you're free now, aren't you? You said it yourself, yesterday. You can do this for yourself, not him. For 'humans,' not Shiki."

Izaya let go of him, rolling back onto the sofa. He felt weak, tired. Even if he did decide to do something about the impending riots, his body yelled at him to stay still and melt into the floor. Into nothingness. What spark was left for him now?

The news flashed once again to a new incident, and Izaya raised the remote in irritation to turn it off.

"Wait, look!" Shizuo stopped him, grabbing his wrist. "Isn't that around where you live?"

Izaya blinked, focusing on the reporter's words.

"… _Shinjuku. Several men have been attacked around the apartment complex. We have confirmed that all of them are alive, but three are in critical condition at the hospital. Witnesses report seeing a male dressed in white running into the building before he was attacked and retaliated."_

"This is…" Izaya gasped. Did he ever tell Shiki about the head?

The phone rang, making both of them jump.


	13. Psyche Track 13

_Psyche attempted to blink several times before realizing that his body was moving on its own._

_Izaya ascended a flight of dimly-lit stairs with something quite huge and round tucked under his arm, and Psyche could feel his heartbeat pounding loudly in his chest as he rounded each corner, the anticipation thick in the air with each breath he took. He finally reached the top, throwing the door open to a rooftop dimly lit by the dreary night sky, the sounds of a rowdy crowd echoing in the distance._

_'Finally…' The thoughts were not Psyche's._

_He stood atop the building, watching the commotion below as the two groups moved towards each other, fires burning. He feigned a smile. "Finally…" he said aloud as if the word would bring him closure, his voice weary, almost crazed, and he hugged Celty's head tighter._

_The sounds of gunshots echoed throughout the city, and the yelling escalated as he watched on in sick fascination. "Look at them Celty! Isn't it beautiful? The sounds of battle…" Sirens indicated the arrival of the police, but another gang suddenly appeared around the corner, yelling indistinct taunts and accusations._

_"You'd wake up, won't you Celty? You'll make sense of everything for me, right?" he asked the head._

_He laughed at how everything had come together so easily without his meddling, barely noticing the sound of the door opening behind him. He turned around slowly, the laughter in his face not relenting. If he acted happy enough, maybe he'd somehow convince himself that he was okay. He was so tired of being apathetic. Maybe, if Celty woke up, he'd somehow find a way to cope. Maybe…_

_For some reason he thought of Tsugaru, the old worn steps up to the shrine gate, the little dusty pebbles lining the grounds, the cracked offertory box…_

_"Shiki," he let the name slide off his tongue as he faced the one who had caused this, the one who had so carelessly thrown him away._

_"Orihara." The man took a step towards him with a loaded gun. "I should've known not to give you so much freedom, you backstabber," Shiki accused._

_Izaya laughed bitterly. Even now, Shiki suspected him. "Freedom?" He held Celty's head up to the sky, offering her to it. "Since when have I had any freedom? Besides," he motioned to the lights below with a jerk of his head, "none of this was my doing."_

_"Don't lie. Orihara, you betrayed me," Shiki growled, moving closer._

_"Who betrayed who?" the informant returned. He didn't let his smile turn bitter; he was far too good of an actor for that. “You abandoned me during that meeting and you couldn’t even spare the time to go and save me before it was too late, before they…” he faltered nevertheless, his lips trembling from the memory._

_On the other hand, Shiki also suddenly lost his composure, unwittingly causing Izaya to regain his. "I told you already, I miscalculated!" the yakuza exclaimed. It looked so strange to Izaya, seeing the always stoic Shiki this agitated for once._

_It's not like it mattered to him anymore, anyway. "If you cared even a little for me, you wouldn't have," he muttered, turning Celty's head to face the violence below._

_"Orihara… Listen… Put that down…"_

_"No, you listen," he hissed. "If you had acted when I told you to, none of this would have happened! If you hadn't arranged that useless meeting, I wouldn't have…" He faltered. "If…" His thoughts continued for him. 'If you had only loved me back, even a little.' He shook his head. "It’s over, Shiki."_

_"Izaya…" Shiki suddenly realized what he was trying to do with Celty's head. The yakuza's hand tightened on the trigger. "Put the head down."_

_He couldn't bear the other calling his name like that. "Just disappear!"_

_The head in his hands took a breath just as Shiki fired, and a portal in the sky ripped open with a loud crack before a mass of shadows poured out. The nightmare steeds’ cries filled the air with an unearthly howl as their riders conjured up their scythes, readying them for battle. One of them picked the head out of his hands as the others rode at the yakuza, their deafening cries filling the air._

_"Goodbye Shiki." Yet, he couldn't stop his throat from clenching, and he looked away._

_'Izaya Orihara, you will live to see the consequences of what you have done,' a disembodied voice told him. He saw the Dullahan carrying Celty's head ride off._

_Before he knew it, the riders were descending upon the gangs and high-pitched screams covered the city, the Dullahan's battle cries echoing throughout the city streets as they cut down the mortal world for taking their comrade's head. It was then he felt a pang of guilt, and he turned away from the scene below, unable to look on._

_The yakuza's body lay strewn in a messy circle of blood and scraps of clothing, remnants of his former employer. He'd seen many things in his short life, but the sight made him queasy. He clutched his chest, feeling his apathy starting to fade._

_Shiki never even screamed._

_It was then that he finally felt the wetness on his hand and looked down to see the blood trickle off, dripping onto the floor. Shiki had gone for his arm instead of his chest._

_The scene shifted, and suddenly he was at Shinra's house. Blood. Everywhere. The doctor sitting on the ground, blood seeping out of a wound in his chest, his eyes empty… Celty, with a head, staring back and forth from the corpse to her own scythe, seeped in blood. She screamed, an unearthly sound, and he ran and ran, holding the shoulder where Shiki's bullet had penetrated, his hands wet with his own blood._

_Track 13: It's my fault! I killed him… I killed him… What am I going to do? (Sobbing) Shinra… I'm so sorry… Shinra…_

_I didn't know! (Choke) I didn't know! I…_

_(Screams in the distance)_

_They're… they're still killing… What have I done? Tsugaru… Help… Help them, please…_

_(End of recording)_

_Desperation… Anguish…_

_'Wake up…' Psyche finally heard his own thoughts, and he struggled to regain control, but the dream continued on._

_He was standing on the edge of the building. "Sky, you picked quite the night to snow," he whispered as he held a hand out to catch a few of the snowflakes, breathing out a trail of steam into the cold winter sky. He examined the water formations aimlessly before drawing his fingers in, crushing the delicate symmetrical pieces of ice in his bloodied hand. "What an end…"_

_Love… Hate…_

_'Wake up…'_

_He almost laughed at the irony of it all. Of all the days he could have picked, all the days he spent delaying the inevitable, this one day happened to be the first snow. However, as determined as ever, he finally drew out what little courage he had left and took a step in the direction of his destiny, his end. He was going to choose his own manner of death. To hell with the wound on his shoulder bleeding out his life's nectar._

_Death…_

_He shut his ears to the continued screaming in the distance. This was all his fault. He was responsible for killing the humans he claimed he loved so much. Even now, the Dullahans were probably tearing the city apart. This was a fitting end for the great Izaya Orihara, the one who had caused all this._

_Guilt… So much guilt…_

_'Wake up!' Psyche thought desperately. He didn't want to see this. He didn't want to feel any of this._

_He paused, thinking back on the things in life he had experienced. He smiled; he was going to miss the protozoan chasing him all the time. 'Live,' he spared a single word for the monster. And that first time he had realized his own feelings for his mentor, the one he had finally managed to kill. It was all just so ironic. His smile didn't drop. He flinched just as his vision suddenly jolted and looked back to the wound, realizing that Shiki hadn't shot to kill. He almost laughed._

_"I really did love you…" he whispered as he closed his tired eyes and finally threw himself into the darkness. He was falling and falling._

_He saw the ground coming towards him, the blurred pieces of snow around him, and then, eyes behind a pair of sunglasses, wide with horror, and an outstretched hand…_

_'Shizu…'_

_He hit the ground, head first._

"Ah!" Psyche bolted upward from his futon, breathing heavily. "What… Who am I? I… I am…"

_'I am Izaya Orihara.'_

.

"So Orihara won't help?" Shiki asked. Akabayashi could almost picture the other's disapproval on the other line.

"Look, he's still recovering, and it's not like he can do anything about it at this stage."

"Last time I saw him, he managed to climb out of Shinra's apartment window, and since you contacted him, he's still alive. I think he's fine."

"But this isn't his job, Shiki! He's an informant, not a negotiator!"

"He's good at both."

Akabayashi finally lost his temper with the other. "Sheesh, stop expecting so much of him!"

"I trust him," Shiki stated.

"Well, it's time you reevaluated his limits. He's human too, you know." Akabayashi hung up, leaning his head against the wheel in exhaustion. He admitted, they had already done all they could. Hell was coming to Ikebukuro in a few hours.

.

Izaya picked up the phone cautiously, his hand shaking. _'What is Shiki going to do with the head?'_ He barely recognized Shinra's voice over the phone, his own thoughts overwhelming him. He felt like he was drowning.

"Izaya? Are you listening? Psyche is missing!" Shinra repeated.

"What?" the informant gasped, finally understanding the other. "Did he go back to the future?"

"We asked security in our building, and they said he saw Psyche leave about half an hour ago! Augh, what’s going on?”

Izaya bit his lip, not caring when the taste of iron started seeping into his taste buds. Even he wouldn't survive meeting an entire fully armed gang out on the streets, and it was just a matter of time before they started fighting. He looked at the T.V., which had switched back to yet another incident in Ikebukuro.

"… and your switchblade is gone!" he caught the end of the doctor's sentence.

"My what?" He thought he had lost it during the kidnapping incident.

"I-I took it out of your pocket when Akabayashi brought your jacket over, just in case," Shinra admitted. "I remember seeing it last night. I was going to give it back to you, but…"

"Psyche…" Izaya had never properly spoken to him before, but he knew what kind of person Psyche was at first glance: nothing like him. He couldn't imagine why the time traveler would run off on his own like this unless something had truly affected him. He turned to the bodyguard, wondering if the other had more contact with Psyche than he did. After all, if the time traveler was nothing like him, then Shizuo would've had no problem talking to Psyche.

"Shizu-chan?" he called to the bodyguard. "Did Psyche ever display behavior contrary to the first time I met him?"

"He went into a trance once and started screaming, if that's what you mean," Shizuo replied. "It was around that time you had been kidnapped.”

Izaya considered it for a moment. _'Perhaps, my memories from the future?'_ He returned to the phone. "Let me talk to Celty."

"Sure, hang on. Don't make her do anything dangerous!" Shinra warned.

"I won't," Izaya lied. He thought through his next words carefully. Did he want Celty on the streets today of all days? _'If today was my last day, and I wanted to start a war with the Dullahans, then her head must have woken today. What did I want? I wanted her to wake up away from her body, so I must have brought the head somewhere far away from Celty.'_ He racked his brain for more possibilities. _‘Okay, where would I have told Celty to go today? Where…'_ He looked at Shizuo, still staring intently at him.

 _"Again, we advise everyone to stay indoors until everything is under control. These men are all suspected to be armed with guns,"_ the T.V. blared.

 _'What would I have been doing now, in Psyche's time?'_ His heart sank a little as he thought of the situation with Shiki. _'Nothing… I would've been doing nothing… Nothing… Nothing!'_ It hit him. Celty was home, as far away from the head as she could've been in Ikebukuro if he had brought it to the war zone, because he had done nothing. He hadn't contacted her in Psyche's time.

The static indicated that Shinra had given the phone to the Dullahan. "Listen, I need you to find Psyche. I'll brief you on what kind of weapons the gangs have, just in case you have to deal with them."

Meanwhile, Shinra looked at his girlfriend nervously, wondering what Izaya could possibly be telling her.

.

"Go find Psyche. I have to go back to my apartment," Izaya instructed Shizuo fifteen minutes later outside of the bodyguard's apartment complex.

"In that condition?" Shizuo looked at the other's foot. "You can't even walk."

"There's something called a 'taxi,' Shizu-chan." He smiled at the other's disapproving frown. "I'll be fine." He began walking away when Shizuo suddenly grabbed his arm, stopping him. "What?"

"What's so important in your apartment? Can't you help find Psyche?" He expected the informant to shake off his hand, but the other just stood there, eyes downcast. "Tell me, Izaya. I can't help you if you don't say anything."

"The key," the informant muttered.

"Key?"

"To the war Psyche mentioned."

"How do you know it's at your apartment?"

"Because I planned it long before this."

Shizuo stared at him, bewildered. "You planned this? Are you crazy?"

Izaya laughed bitterly. "Don't you have the answer to that already?" He tried to pull away from Shizuo, but the bodyguard held on. "Let me fix it, Shizu-chan. It was my fault, so I should be the one to stop it."

"Define 'it.'"

Izaya fell silent for a moment, and Shizuo finally let go of him, thinking that it was hopeless to get anything out of the flea. Izaya seemed sincere enough about it anyway.

"In my apartment, there is a head," Izaya spoke.

"Celty's?" he immediately asked.

"It's asleep right now, but I had planned to wake it up away from its owner, just to see what would happen."

"You were going to experiment with Celty's head? How could you?" He could feel the familiar anger welling up in him again.

"How could I not? Something that looked so human that was clearly not. I wanted to free her from her body and see what it would be like, that freedom."

"You…" Shizuo growled, grabbing the other's collar, letting his anger seethe.

Izaya laughed. "To think, I ended the world with a simple wish like that." He covered Shizuo's hands with his own although he made no attempt to pry them off. "Let me go, Shizu-chan, before I destroy the world a second time. Don’t let me create a future where Shinra feels the need to make a clone of me."

Shizuo found his temper subsiding at the informant's words. Had Izaya been worrying about this the entire time? He let him go.

"Shizu-chan?"

"Go, before the world ends, Izaya."

The informant laughed. "And if it does?"

Shizuo grinned. "I'll kick your ass in hell."

"I don't plan on going there."

"Then, I'll follow you wherever you end up and kick your ass anyways."

"So eloquently put," he took off towards the main street, his heart already working full power. He chuckled. "Silly Shizu-chan, that almost sounded like a confession."

Shizuo watched him go before turning around and lighting a cigarette as he headed for Sunshine. He paused for a second, realizing what he had said earlier sounded a little too… He frowned, shaking the thought away as he set off in a jog. Psyche couldn't have strayed that far away from Shinra's, could he?

.

Shiki stared at the spot where the informant had disappeared, wondering if he was just seeing things. He was certain that the hooded figure had been Orihara, but the informant's movements were hurried and just a little too clumsy for someone as skilled at parkour as the other.

"Hey, Shiki, wasn't that our informant?" one of his men in the front seat asked.

The yakuza executive looked back at the empty street corner. "I wonder…"

"I thought he was on sick leave or something. He sure ran pretty well, didn't he?" the driver added before laughing.

"That’s informants for you," the other subordinate commented.

Shiki remained silent, thinking over the situation. _'Orihara wasn't running like he was injured. Unless that was…_ '

He opened his mouth to redirect his driver but closed it, reconsidering. He didn't have time to deal with Orihara's mysteries just yet, but as soon as this was over, he vowed to unearth the truth. If Orihara was in love with him, then so be it. If he wasn't, he wasn't going to let the informant go just like this.

Orihara was his. No bodyguard, doctor, or white-clad clone was going to take the other away from his grasp.

.

Izaya limped towards Shinjuku, cursing the city for closing the stations because of the rioting. He hadn't spotted any taxis at all since he parted from Shizuo, and he knew that they were probably far away by now. He finally stopped at a lamppost, breathing hard from the pain in his foot. It had initially held out for the first few blocks, but he guessed the cut must have ripped again from all the exertion.

A car pulled up, and Izaya instinctively reached into his pocket, cursing when he found it void of switchblades once again.

"Need a lift?" He looked up, surprised. Akabayashi grinned. "Where to?" the yakuza asked as he climbed in.

"My apartment."

Akabayashi started driving as soon as Izaya closed the door. "Wow, lucky I found you; none of the trains are going into Ikebukuro right now."

"Yeah _…_ "

"We've been up in our necks in shootings since it started. I think a few groups are going to start killing each other around Sunshine soon. Total chaos, if you ask me."

"You haven't figured out a way to stop the fighting?" Izaya asked.

"What do you tell a bunch of power-hungry under-aged brats? Don't shoot each other because you'll get arrested? The police aren't faring any better than we are at the rate this is going."

Izaya blinked. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah!"

"No, I mean are you serious about thinking of convincing them that way?" Izaya asked.

"Uh _,_ well I'm sure Shiki would've had a better way of wording it, but he's busy telling all his men what to do against the main group. No time contacting little gangs, you know?"

"Tch." Izaya picked up one of his cellphones.

"Orihara?" Akabayashi hadn't expected the other to do this.

"Shut up, I'm on the phone."

.

Shizuo ran behind a building, scowling at the men that dashed past him. He hated this, hiding from the enemy, but he knew that once he started, everyone would only start shooting, and he would start throwing things. One good shot and he would never find Psyche.

He wondered what the kid was up to, disappearing from Shinra's place like that. He thought of Izaya and the condition the informant was in after they found him. He definitely didn't want that to happen to the squirt. He looked at his cellphone, quickly reading the text Izaya had just sent him.

He bit his lip, heading towards Sunshine. He especially didn't want the kid to pull off another suicide, if that was what really happened in the future.

.

"Yes, I'm sure of it. Why do you think I was missing for a few days? Just stay put. If you go, you would only fall into their trap." Izaya hung up, scrolling through his phone for another number.

"Hey," Akabayashi interrupted his work from the driver's seat.

"What?" Izaya asked, his voice a little hoarse from all the talking.

"Thanks."

The informant shook his head. "This isn't for Awakusu-kai, and it's not going to stop the fighting, only lessen it."

"I know, but still…" He stopped the car, finally reaching the apartment complex. "We're here. Be careful; I heard some of the guys from the other group have been keeping a watch around the area."

Izaya stared at him. "You didn't get rid of them earlier?"

Akabayashi closed his mouth. "Uh, well I figured you wouldn't be at your place anyways, and like I said, Shiki's got his hands full."

"Right. Thanks." Izaya turned and ran towards the elevator, his heart pounding in his chest.


	14. Psyche Track 14

Izaya bolted out of the elevator and half limped to his front door only to find the lock still intact with no signs of a break-in. Frowning, he entered the security code and opened the door, briefly scanning his apartment for any intruders before making a beeline to his bookshelf.

"Please be there," he muttered under his breath as he reached the aforementioned shelf. His heart sank at what he saw.

The informant knew from his near perfect memory that the volumes were slanted a little more than he had left them. Half-knowing what he would find, Izaya slid the books over anyway, revealing the closed safe door. He entered the numbers on the dial and with a click, swung the small door open only to find its interior empty. His breath hitched.

"Damn it!" He limped to the computer, turning it on to see if Shiki had touched anything else in his apartment. "What the hell are you thinking?" He tapped his fingers on the table impatiently, willing the computer to load faster when the sight of his wide-open bedroom door suddenly caught his eye. "He went into my room too?" Izaya exclaimed.

Deciding that the computer wouldn't load any faster even if he glared at it, Izaya got up from his seat and cautiously ascended the stairs to his bedroom, his aching foot cursing him with every step. He froze when he saw a white fur-trimmed coat and other garments thrown over the chair. A pair of headphones lay abandoned on his bed.

The informant stared blankly at the scene before him, realizing that he had once again jumped to conclusions regarding Shiki. The yakuza had never even been here.

Izaya walked cautiously over to the closet door that was left slightly ajar and found one of his own coats missing. He opened the nearby drawer, confirming another few pieces of absent clothing.

"Psyche," he muttered as he returned to the bed, his anger at the yakuza replaced by fear. He didn't quite know exactly what was it that scared him about the entire situation, but something told him that Psyche didn't steal the head and his clothes to take them out of Ikebukuro, away from the fighting.

The white smoothness of the headphones and the way the pink pieces seemed to glow called to him.

' _Are you… are you trying to save me from him, Psyche?'_ he thought.

 _"Izaya…"_ a voice echoed through his mind, soft and gentle. 

He picked up the headphones without thinking, finding them warm to the touch, and slowly placed them around his ears. 

They buzzed.

_Track 14: I didn't mean it when I said I wanted him to die! He was falling… I saw him falling, and I just stood there… Damn it! Is this some kind of sick joke, jumping in front of me? (Pause)_

_Why am I even here?_

_(Screams in the distance)_

_What the hell's going on out there?_

_Tch… The flea's dead, I should be happy! (Pause) I should be… Damn it…_

_I could have caught him… I should have caught him… Why wasn't I able to move? Shinra wouldn't pick up the phone either… (Chokes) No, why did I even call him? Izaya's dead… I saw him die. There's no way any doctor could fix him._

_He's dead._

_(A new voice) "Izaya's… dead?"_

_(A yell) What the hell… Now voices are talking to me. Stop it, flea! Do you find this funny? Killing yourself to torment me like this?_

_Leave me alone!_

_(Heavy breathing)_

_I should have caught him. (Deep breath) Why…_

" _Izaya is… dead…"_

_Get out of my head already!_

" _How…"_

_He jumped! Okay? He jumped from the top of some building and freaking landed head first right in front of me!_

" _He's… dead?"_

_Shit, yes… (Chokes) Leave me alone already…_

" _But… I promised… to protect…"_

_What the hell is this?_

" _I promised…"_

_Who are you? Get out of my head!_

" _I am… Tsugaru…"_

_Wh-What?_

" _Tsugaru…"_

_(Static)_

_(End of recording)_

"Shizu-chan? Tsugaru?" Izaya called, forgetting he was listening to a recording. "What the…"

" _I will protect you this time."_ The voice came to him firm and clear.

.

"Please be there." Shizuo opened the door to the roof, trying to catch his breath as he quickly scanned the area. He found a shadow in a black fur trimmed jacket sitting on a concrete slab a few inches from the edge of the building. Some genius architect hadn't bothered putting a fence, thinking no one would possibly climb up here and attempt… He shook the thought from his head. The other didn't turn around and instead kept his gaze towards the ground far below, clutching the cloth bag in his arms tighter.

"Hey!" he called out, confused at how and why the informant would be in Ikebukuro when Izaya had clearly stated that he would return to Shinjuku first. He leaned over to get a good look at the man's face and confirmed pink eyes. Why was Psyche even wearing the flea's clothes?

"It's starting," the other muttered, ignoring the bodyguard. Shizuo looked over the edge to get a better view of the streets. Several groups of people were headed towards each other, glints in their hands that were probably knives if not guns.

"That doesn't look too good," the bodyguard commented. He frowned, wondering if the other was going to do anything about it. "So why are you up here by yourself? Everyone's worried about you."

"They shouldn't be," Psyche replied curtly.

"Don't say that." The way that Psyche talked sent chills down his spine. It was if all the innocent curiosity had disappeared from the other, leaving only a flat matter-of-fact apathy.

Psyche shook his head, hugging the bag tighter, seeming not to notice the other's close proximity. "No matter how much has changed, there's no way to stop them."

"So you're just here to watch? Relive it all over again?"

The time traveler felt tears welling in his eyes but held them back. "This is the only way for me to atone. I won't let him suffer what I have suffered."

Shizuo sighed. "It's not your fault."

"I am Izaya."

"I told you already, you're not…"

"I killed Shinra. I killed my father," he choked, managing to hold the tears back.

"Huh?" Shizuo stared at him, confused. "But Izaya was just talking to him on the phone."

Psyche shook his head. "In my world…"

"But, he created you," Shizuo retorted again, remembering the time traveler mentioning the future Shinra.

"I killed him," Psyche stated simply. Shizuo frowned. The things Psyche were telling him didn't make any sense.

"Psyche, listen…" He wondered how he was going to convince a crazy person otherwise. He mentally shook his head; Izaya wasn't crazy. He'd seen it. Psyche shouldn't be any different, especially since the two were obviously somehow closely connected.

"Father told me not to change the past, so I'll just simply take Izaya's place," the time traveler interrupted, refusing to listen. "Even if Father never existed, I'll still fulfill his wishes."

"What do you mean, never existed?"

"I saw him die, Shizu-chan." Shizuo flinched at the pet name. "That must only mean that I survived that jump."

"Y-you jumped?" He knew Izaya had most likely killed himself in the future, but hearing it spoken so straightforwardly by Psyche made it feel even more real.

"I did."

"Psyche…" the bodyguard repeated.

"I'm Izaya! Didn't you hear me already?"

Shizuo took a deep breath. "No, you're not."

"I…"

"The flea I know loves humans."

"I do, I…" he faltered.

"What you're about to do will kill them, Psyche. The flea I know would try his best to stop it from happening if he had known. In fact, he's doing it right now."

Psyche finally gathered enough courage to look Shizuo in the eye. "I-if I had known?" he whimpered.

Shizuo nodded. "The Izaya from your future didn't know, did he? He didn't know that if he woke Celty's head up, he would destroy Ikebukuro. Or, if he did, he probably wasn't in the right mind or something like that at the time. He does keep his emotions bottled up after all. I've just recently learned that."

The time traveler's lips quivered and he looked away. "He didn't know," he whispered. Shizuo smiled, seeing that the other was starting to open up. "But it's too late," Psyche added.

The yells below escalated, and expecting the worse, the bodyguard turned his attention back to the gang war below only to find them exchanging insults. "What's going on down there?" the bodyguard gasped.

The other stared at the scene, suddenly confused. "Why aren't they fighting? They started immediately in my memories."

As if they had heard him, one of the men raised his gun.

Psyche closed his eyes. "I-I don't want it to end like this," he admitted out loud.

"Then don't let it end," Shizuo told him, putting a hand on his arm to pull him away. "Let's get out of here, Psyche. We can still fix this."

The time traveler stayed still, refusing to move. "No."

"Psyche."

"Leave me, Shizu-chan…"

Shizuo flinched at the name again. "Listen, Psyche…"

"I told you already. I am Izaya!" he yelled.

A sudden roar from below interrupted the two of them. They looked down to the streets as all became dark, and a wave of shadows swept across the mobs, restraining them.

"Celty!" Psyche gasped, leaning over the edge of the building to get a better view. "Impossible…"

"Izaya…" Shizuo wondered if the informant had planned this all along. His phone rang, and he picked it up while keeping an eye on the other.

"Shizu-chan, is Celty there?" the real informant's voice came from the other line, slightly strained like he was trying to talk while running a marathon.

"Yeah, she just took care of the group near the building." He heard a series of loud noises behind him and turned around, frowning. "What was that? I just heard some gunshots."

"Yeah, there's fighting throughout the city. We have to get the head out of there. Does Psyche have it?"

Shizuo looked at the bag in the other's arms. "Yeah, he does." Psyche held the object closer, noticing the bodyguard's eyes.

"It's too late," Psyche told him, looking down. "She will wake. I brought her here so that Izaya wouldn't have to do it. It's already too late, even if she's here."

"Uh, Izaya," Shizuo called the other's name desperately as if Izaya would come up with a solution.

The informant seemed unfazed. "It's not too late. Get out of there now."

"Come on, Psyche." Shizuo pulled the other to his feet, and the time traveler followed limply, still holding on to Celty's head. A cold sensation suddenly swept over the both of them.

"Is it waking?" Shizuo gasped.

"Impossible!" Izaya yelled on the phone, finally dropping his calm act. "You must be too close to the fighting! Get out of there!"

"But there's fighting everywhere! We won't make it!"

"Then throw it!"

"But…"

Before the bodyguard knew what was happening, Psyche pulled away from his grasp and stepped backwards towards the edge of the building.

"No! Psyche!"

"Shizu-chan! What's happening?" the informant yelled on the other line.

Psyche smiled. "I told you. It's too late."

The time traveler walked off the edge of the building, throwing himself into a freefall, and Shizuo leapt after him on instinct without a second thought. He grabbed Psyche in midair and held him close, bracing for the impact. The wind roared around them, but he could still make out the one shivering in his arms. He suddenly realized that something felt wet against his chest. Psyche was crying.

Shadows encased them with a roar, interlacing around the buildings to form a web that slowed their descent to a safe speed. Shizuo held on to the other until his feet were implanted firmly on the ground, breathing a sigh of relief at the close call. 

Psyche pushed him away.

"Why did you save me?" The time traveler turned to Celty. "Why?"

" _I don't want you to die,"_ Celty quickly typed.

The head in his arms gave a shudder and he removed it from the bag, showing it to the Dullahan. "Look at what you saved!"

"No, Psyche!" Shizuo yelled when the head in the time traveler's arms opened its eyes. Before he could react, the head was already in Celty's arms, then on her neck, eyes wide and bloodshot, her mouth opened in a silent scream as the bonds reconnected. A cold wind swept throughout the streets before everything became unnaturally quiet.

"She's awakened…" Psyche whispered, smiling like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. A scythe materialized around the Dullahan, and Celty balanced her head on her neck so that she could grasp the weapon with both hands.

"Psyche!" Shizuo tried to pull him away as the other raised the scythe, but Psyche would not budge.

"This is how it should've ended." He closed his eyes. "I shouldn't have survived."

"Psyche!" The scythe descended on them both as Shizuo made a last-ditch attempt to move the two of them away, but the object just drew closer and closer.

At that moment something jumped from the alley, and a flash of steel met shadow, stopping it from reaching the two.

"W-What?" Shizuo stared wide-eyed at the girl in front of him.

"Izaya didn't survive that fall," she spoke in a soft voice a little too deep for a girl.

Psyche stared at her wide-eyed. "Saika? No… You're… it can't be…"

Anri pushed Celty away, readying her sword.

"Anri's still alive in your time?" Shizuo asked.

"No, but the voice…"

A clang drowned him out as the two clashed again, their weapons meeting with a deafening force. Celty stumbled backwards a little clumsily before advancing on the three again.

"Your thoughts are in chaos," Anri stated, stopping the scythe yet again. The ground below her melted into shadows, and she jumped away from the cage, landing safely on the sidewalk. "The memories are clouding your mind."

She jumped again as shadows moved in to restrain her. She was moving in on the disoriented Dullahan. "I will help you, Dullahan."

A loud rip echoed through the street as Anri brought the sword through the air between Celty and her head. The Dullahan staggered backwards, the scythe disintegrating and the color returning to her head's cheeks as it fell from her neck into her arms. She blinked.

"What… happened?" Celty suddenly asked, her eyes darting back and forth from the two dumbstruck viewers and Anri.

"I've damaged the connection between the memories and your head," Anri explained, her eyes glowing a soft blue. Celty vaguely recalled that whenever Saika had appeared, the other had a red glare to her eyes. "This way, the memories that overwhelmed you that time will come back slower, so that you won't suffer as much."

Celty blinked, confused. She seemed to finally notice why her line of vision was at waist level. "My head… Then you…"

Anri smiled. "You are safe now." She turned to Psyche, opening her mouth to speak when she suddenly clutched her chest as if in pain. "I don't have much time. I must return this girl to where she was."

"Wait!" Psyche began.

She smiled. "I'll see you soon. Farewell." She ran off before they could get another word out of her.

"That wasn't Anri?" Shizuo asked.

"How did this happen?" Celty asked when they were distracted by a series of yells around the corner, followed by the sound of a gun. She summoned her scythe. "Well no time for that; you guys get to somewhere safe."

"Wait!" Shizuo called to her as she got on her bike.

"Hm?"

"Uh, your helmet. You wouldn't want them recognizing you now that you've got a head, right?" He handed the object to her.

Celty looked from the yellow object to her friend, a smile brightening her face the first time in many years. She took the helmet from Shizuo and carefully placed it over her head. "We'll have a lot to talk about after this."

"Yeah." He nodded as she drove off. He turned back to the time traveler.

Psyche cringed as another wave of pain engulfed him. "I was wrong, Shizu-chan. I'm so sorry." Tears ran down his eyes, freezing the bodyguard in his tracks. As much as he didn't want to say it, it kind of did feel like he was talking to Izaya.

Psyche sniffed. "I never wanted anyone to die like this, but they did in my time."

"It's okay now, Psyche. Stop thinking like that."

Psyche shook his head. "I-I'm sorry Tsugaru. What I've done is irreparable." He turned and ran.

"Psyche!" he yelled after the other, surprised that Psyche was able to escape so fast. His movements were almost like those of… He frowned, noticing his phone on the sidewalk, unharmed by the courtesy of Celty.

 _"His emotions are in chaos,"_ a voice said in his head as he picked up the cell phone.

"Yeah, I can see that," Shizuo answered it.

_"Please, help me save him from Izaya's memories."_

"But, isn't he…" he began uncertainly.

 _"He is Psyche,"_ the voice said sternly.

.

Izaya stopped, biting his lip in an attempt to redirect the growing pain in his foot. He tasted blood, but the cut continued to throb, drowning out whatever pain he had caused in his mouth. He looked at his cell phone; he had heard the protozoan yell something before the call cut off.

"Psyche…" He shook his head and forced himself to continue.

" _He's safe,"_ the voice in his head suddenly told him.

"And Shizu-chan?" he asked, not slowing down.

" _They're both safe for now."_

"For now, huh?" The headphones around his neck felt warm this winter night, and he found newfound strength to continue on his way to Ikebukuro. "Now's not enough…"


	15. Disc Corrupted

"Stop," Shiki instructed his driver when he saw a fur trimmed coat disappear around the corner. He was certain this time. "Follow him."

"But sir, the next location is in the opposite direction," his driver had the audacity to ask. He glared at the other through the rear view mirror.

"The team is capable enough to handle it themselves," he explained impatiently. He couldn't believe that his subordinate would suddenly question him now of all times. "Follow him," the Awakusu-kai executive repeated.

"Y-Yes sir." His driver turned the car around and headed into the alleys.

.

Izaya huffed as he held the side of yet another building for support, and he readjusted Psyche's headphones back around his neck before they could slip off. He grinned when he realized that he had finally reached Ikebukuro Station, its many blaring lights greeting him. Despite the jolly welcome, the streets were empty, which was a strange sight for such a normally bustling area, and Izaya could clearly hear the yells and gunshots in the distance. He continued on in the direction Tsugaru had pointed him to. It didn't help at all that the Shizu-chan-look-alike had no idea what the area Psyche had run to looked like.

The informant limped across the street, still listening for his guide's voice that hovered in and out of his consciousness, more so when he made a wrong turn. He wondered if Tsugaru was also talking to Shizuo; it would be wonderful if the bodyguard could…

He frowned. He still hadn't quite gotten over the strangeness of it all: his worst enemy saving him, listening to his troubles like they were long time friends. He knew that Shizuo felt obligated to help him for the sake of the world. The bodyguard had clearly told him that was the case the first time at the park. However, he had definitely gotten different vibes from Shizuo the past few days, almost comforting vibes.

A smile unconsciously crept up to his lips, and he held up a hand to hide it when he realized what he was doing.

 _'This is bad,'_ he told himself, a little scared to define what exactly was "bad." Was it unsuitable for a good actor such as himself to suddenly let his emotions show like this, even if there was no one to watch his performance? Or, were the emotions themselves what he found amiss?

He remembered all these past years that the two of them have spent battling it out. He had called the other a "monster," a "non-human," and a plethora of other colorful names, but nothing seemed to fit anymore, this man who had held out a hand to him. Sure, Shizuo was super-human, but…

Someone yelling his name snapped him back into reality. _'Oh shit,'_ he thought, hoping that he would be able to talk his way out before the other party shot at him. He sighed in relief when he realized that he knew the person running towards him.

"Shizu-chan?"

"Damn it," the bodyguard huffed. "Have you found him?"

"I thought Tsugaru was also telling you where to go. You just said on the phone that you could hear him too," the informant replied.

"Yeah, but Tsugaru told me to turn around as soon as you hung up, and now I'm here." He frowned, wondering what this was all about.

Izaya blinked. "Oh." He also wondered what Tsugaru was up to, but decided to think about it later. There were far more pressing issues to worry about now. "Well last time I checked with him, Tsugaru said Psyche's in that direction." He pointed past Shizuo.

The bodyguard frowned. "What the hell? So I was going in the opposite direction the entire time! Son of a…"

"Okay okay," Izaya interrupted him. "Let's just move." He took a step and suddenly felt the pain flare up even more violently than before. Simultaneously cursing the world and wondering if the cut had ripped open, he crumpled to his knees, breathing heavily.

Shizuo stared at him. "Oh…"

 _'Did Tsugaru know?'_ The bodyguard thought.

"What do you mean, 'Oh'?" Izaya hissed, struggling to get back to his feet. However, his foot remained stern in its pain, screaming for him to keep still.

"Ah, nothing," Shizuo replied. _'Is that why Tsugaru led me here?'_ He frowned. _'What am I supposed to do? Carry him?'_ The frown widened. He sighed, finally bending down. "Get on my back," he muttered.

Izaya stared at him blankly. "Huh?"

"You heard me!" he growled, color rushing up to his cheeks. "Don't make me say it again."

The informant blinked again before chuckling. "So eloquently put."

.

"Hm? Shiki?" Akabayashi rubbed his tired eyes again to make sure it was really his colleague walking into the warehouse. He recognized one of Shiki’s lackeys waiting inside a car parked to the side.

"That's not one of the locations though," he muttered as he parked his own car nearby. After making sure Shiki's chauffeur knew who he was and wouldn't shoot, he ran into the building after his friend.

.

Psyche stumbled over to a few crates and finally collapsed on top of one, resting his head on his hands. The memories were so clear now that they had come. It was like everything had happened yesterday: the phantom pain in his shoulder, the blood he kept on seeing on his clean hands. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. Was everything he had known up until now a lie then? Was Shinra his father someone he had made up to cover his guilt?

"I am Izaya," he whispered to himself again. It felt foreign on his lips, yet so close to his heart. "Who am I?"

Nothing made sense to him anymore. How had he ended up in the past, in this time, without his father's help? And Tsugaru, what if… He felt another wave of frustrated tears threaten to wash over his face at this thought. "Tsugaru is real," he said out loud. "Tsugaru is…" he choked, trying to wipe some of the now flowing tears away. "Where are you, Tsugaru?" he whimpered.

" _I'm right here."_

"Tsugaru…" he sighed in relief when the other finally answered. He felt his headache clear a little with the thought of the other and continued thinking of the man, trying to cover up the heavy memories that continuously threatened to engulf him. It worked surprisingly easily. He gulped, daring to hope just for a second that he had somehow gotten all of this wrong.

"Tsugaru, what am I?"

His head cleared, and he deciphered some sounds outside along with slow footsteps. He ignored them.

" _You are Psyche,"_ the other answered. _"Created in the future with Izaya's essence."_

He frowned; he had already heard this part before. "What is essence?"

" _The soul…"_

For some reason the footsteps were coming to him agonizingly slow, and he could almost discern their owner. He continued to ignore them and instead strained his ears for Tsugaru's voice, his lifeline.

"The soul…" he repeated. His heart calmed a little. Is that what it was? Is that why he saw these memories that belonged to another life, another "him?" But then that still leaves the question of his father and… He bolted upward. He really recognized those footsteps.

"You…" he growled, his pink eyes narrowing.

"Yes, me," the man replied. Psyche heard a click. "Did Orihara-san care to give you my name?"

Psyche stared at him, some of his anger turning into confusion. He finally noticed that the other had a gun pointed at him, and he silently reached into his pocket, feeling for the switchblade he had nabbed from Shinra's before he left.

"You know, your pink eyes give you away," Shiki pointed to his own eye. "Little imposter."

"It was your fault," Psyche murmured, feeling the hatred build up inside of him. He paused. _'Is this… mine? Izaya didn't feel… hatred… He felt…'_

"My fault? For what?" Shiki questioned him, suddenly interested.

Psyche let the emotions churn and overflow, adding fuel to them as he brought the informant's memories back into himself. "It's because of you that Izaya killed himself!" the time traveler yelled, launching himself at the yakuza, brandishing the switchblade. He felt a pain in his right shoulder before he reached Shiki, and the shot propelled him back into the crates. He struggled to his feet, clutching his bleeding shoulder.

"He's dead?" Shiki asked, his voice low, keeping the gun pointed at the other.

Psyche grimaced. This didn't make sense. Shiki's expression right now made no sense to him.

"Oi! What are you doing?" They turned to the side to see Akabayashi running towards them.

"I found the copy," Shiki replied to the other yakuza before focusing his attention back to Psyche. "Even wears the same brand name clothing." His eyes narrowed, the corner of his lips slightly quivering. “So you're saying that Orihara-san is dead?"

"Huh? I just saw him a little while ago though…" Akabayashi muttered.

Shiki looked at him. "Are you sure it was him?"

"Of course, I…" Akabayashi squirmed uncomfortably before deciding to answer, "I just drove him to Shinjuku after I found him limping in that direction. He's the reason the riots are less intense than we thought they would be."

Shiki turned back to Psyche. "You heard him. Explain yourself."

Psyche saw the yakuza's expression hover on something that could only be described as "relief" before the glare returned, directed entirely at him.

 _'Why?'_ The time traveler thought. _'Why did you make that face when I told you Izaya was dead?'_

.

"Can't you talk to Psyche?" Izaya asked out loud as Shizuo ran.

" _I've just lost connection."_

"What? Are you saying you have bad reception or something?" the informant joked.

Tsugaru did not seem amused. _"No, it doesn't work that way,"_ the other explained. _"Psyche blocked me out. Or rather, he's preoccupied his mind with something else."_

"Hm," Izaya thought for a moment. "So technically, we could block you out too if we think too hard."

" _I wouldn't try it now if I were you."_

The informant chuckled. "Of course of course."

"Warehouse," Shizuo breathed.

"Lovely place to go," Izaya commented before noticing two cars parked on the side. He motioned for Shizuo to go back around the corner so that they won't be noticed.

"Whose is it?" the bodyguard whispered.

"Awakusu-kai's," Izaya hissed, climbing down from Shizuo and leaning on his good foot. He looked around the corner slowly. "There's still someone in one of the cars, Shiki's probably."

Shizuo cracked his knuckles. "I'll take care of him while you make a run for it."

Izaya turned to him, eyes wide. He finally grinned. "You mean limp for it," he corrected the bodyguard.

.

Psyche narrowed his eyes, drawing his lips into a sarcastic smirk. Akabayashi gulped; if it weren't for the pink eyes, he would say the man was actually Orihara.

"You left me," he paused, "Izaya," he corrected himself, "there to die that day," Psyche said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I…" Shiki began. Akabayashi saw his partner falter for the first time in his life.

"You were lucky in this world that Shizu-chan decided to help find Izaya when you got him captured." Psyche got up, looking at his shoulder. "Hm, same spot… I wonder… Did you intentionally miss my heart that day?"

"What do you mean by this world?" Shiki asked.

"I come from a future where Izaya, you, Shizu-chan, maybe even all humans no longer exist." His eyes met Shiki's, who swore he saw a flicker of red. "And it's entirely your fault."

"I do not know what you are talking about."

"All your fault…" he breathed, taking a step forward. He could see it again, everything. It came to him so clearly now, like it happened yesterday. It was swallowing him whole, headphones and all. The anger…

" _Psyche? Can you hear me? Don't let the memories destroy you!"_

"I am Izaya," he whispered.

" _No! You are Psyche!"_

"I am…" He felt the tears roll down his face, and this anger…

He knew it was his own anger. Psyche's anger.

"Psyche!" a new voice echoed through the dim warehouse.

They all turned to see the informant hopping into the room. Izaya paused, taking in the scene, the headphones warm against his neck like a scarf. Grimacing from the pain, he ran over to Psyche, shielding the other from Shiki's gun.

"Don't protect me," Psyche said, tears welling in his eyes. "I was created to become you," the time traveler told Izaya.

" _No, you were created to find Saika."_

"If that were the case, then I failed," Psyche told Tsugaru.

" _No, you didn't… Saika is…"_

"I'd hate to interrupt all this nonsense," Shiki cut in, "but your so-called clone seems to be a failure."

"He is not a failure!" Izaya hissed, not moving from his place.

"Oh really? He seems disturbed enough to be one."

"And whose fault is that?" the informant found himself retorting.

Shiki smirked. "You're surely not blaming me, are you? How amusing, seeing you get all these ideas in your head." His hand tightened around the gun. "Move, Izaya. I'll take care of your loyalty right now."

Izaya glared at him. "What do you mean?"

"Your so-called clone has been putting strange ideas in your head. I'm going to help you get rid of the source."

"Leave him alone! He has nothing to do with this!"

"Shiki," Akabayashi tried to interject, but the other ignored him.

"Move, Izaya."

The informant stood his ground.

Shiki smiled at the other's stubbornness. He had to admit to himself that he missed this fire. He could not remember the last time Izaya had been so passionate about something that didn’t involve that bodyguard. "Come back to me, Izaya."

"Since when have I ever been yours?" the informant replied quietly.

Psyche looked from one to the other, eyes widening.

"What the hell is this?" yet another newcomer growled. Izaya saw Shizuo enter the warehouse.

Shiki suddenly shoved Izaya aside, taking advantage of the momentary distraction in the informant's eyes.

"No, Shiki!" Akabayashi yelled, moving to grab his friend.

"Shiki!" Izaya leapt, ignoring the pain that ripped through his foot as he propelled himself off of it.

Psyche closed his eyes.

A gunshot rang out through the warehouse.

_Track ?: (Static)_

_(Static)_

The headphones were warm against his neck.

_(Static)_

_(End of Disc)_


	16. Recovered Tracks Part 1

The smoking gun bounced on the floor a few times before skidding to a stop as Shiki rushed to catch Izaya before the latter could hit the ground. 

"Orihara!" he yelled as the others looked on in shock. He drew his hand away from Izaya's chest and stared wide-eyed at the blood that now stained it. It felt surreal to him. How could he have hit Izaya when he was aiming at the imposter? He had used guns for many years now, and he couldn’t fathom how he could have missed.

Unable to accept what he was seeing, he tried to recall what had just transpired. Izaya had definitely jumped when he fired and...

He shook the informant slightly with his other hand, noticing that Izaya’s back was dry. The bullet couldn't have hit him. This was just one of Izaya's many acts. He knew how good of an actor the other was. "Orihara, snap out of it!" he urged, pleaded.

"Izaya..." Psyche took a step towards the two, his lips trembling. He reached out to Izaya with an outstretched hand as his own vision started to cloud. "W-Why?" He swayed and fell to his knees, tears overflowing down his cheeks. "Why?"

Izaya's eyelids flickered momentarily, sparking a glimmer of hope in Shiki, only to suddenly be followed by a hacking cough. The new blood joined the rest, trickling down Izaya's chin to meet the growing stain on his shirt as he gasped for air.

"Put pressure on the wound!" Akabayashi yelled when he realized that the informant was still alive.

Shiki looked back down at Izaya, his own body still refusing to listen to him. The blood was starting to stain his white suit, and Izaya's breaths were shallow and forced, eyes clenched tight from the pain. The yakuza executive willed his hand to move, but it remained limp as if it wanted to stay as far as possible from the blood, from his crime.

Someone suddenly grabbed the collar of his suit jacket, and he felt himself thrown away from Izaya. He slammed into a nearby crate, the impact sending stars through his vision. When the world around him finally stopped spinning, he saw that the bodyguard had taken his place, a hand on the informant's chest and the other on his cellphone. He looked to the other "Izaya," finding Akabayashi mimicking Shizuo's actions on Psyche's bullet wound as the supposed "imposter" wiped his swollen eyes on his sleeve and struggled to stay conscious.

"Izaya, what have I done?" he whispered as reality finally hit him. He had shot Izaya.

Psyche's sobs filled the warehouse as Shizuo began cursing into the phone for Shinra to hurry up.

.

Everything no longer computed in his brain. He could barely even tell that he was on the ground, something heavy was looming above his chest, and the voices…

He heard a faraway yell that resonated just a little too loudly in his ears, and he instantly knew that he recognized its owner. How many years had the monster… human-like monster… spent cursing at him like that? How much anger had he incited, stolen from the bodyguard? He attempted to listen a little more closely. Everything sounded muffled, like someone had covered his ears.

He tried to take a breath of much needed air and choked, feeling more of the wet stuff, his life's nectar, coming out of his throat. Finally regaining a steady forced rhythm again, he returned his focus to the voice, away from all the pain that had engulfed what seemed like his entire body.

He could tell that the person yelling was nervous, scared even. Izaya wanted him to calm down already. It wasn't that big of a deal anyway. He had actually expected something like this to happen much sooner if Shizuo hadn't done away with him first. But, he had to admit that he had never heard the bodyguard like this.

_He felt his consciousness fading into darkness, and he closed his mental eyes to sleep._

' _Finally…'_

The voice continued to yell.

' _I can rest…'_

"Izaya, don't you dare…" he could faintly decipher.

' _I can…'_

"… I'm supposed to kill you! So don't you dare die now! Izaya!" However, he heard no menace in that voice, just fear. Shizuo didn't want him to die. There was someone in this world who didn't want him to die. The thought itself was enough to…

_His eyes snapped open, hesitating to fall into the darkness._

' _I don't…'_

"I hear them! Hurry!" He recognized Akabayashi's voice.

' _I don't…'_ He felt someone squeeze his hand. The crushing warmth…

"Izaya…"

' _I don't want to die…'_

"Shi… zu… chan…" he answered.

_The darkness heaved and then swallowed him whole, refusing to let its prey escape. He grabbed at the air for something, anything, and a hand took his, hoisting him away, away from the darkness and away from the pain._

_Away from Shizuo…_

" _Shizu-chan!"_

_._

Shinra left the operating room, rubbing his temple as he scanned the corridor for his childhood friend. He found the bodyguard sitting on a nearby bench hunched over with his forehead on the back of his fingers.

The doctor took a breath and called out to the other, hoping that Shizuo wouldn't break down on him. It was hard enough to get Psyche to calm down enough to let the other doctors treat him, not to mention he hadn't heard from Celty since she left the apartment. She seemed fine from what Shizuo had told him, but the entire situation still made Shinra nervous.

Shizuo looked up, his eyes tired and expressionless.

"Psyche's fine. He's just lost a bit of blood," Shinra explained in a low voice.

"And Izaya?"

He knew that this question was coming. It had taken him a lot of effort to convince the other doctors to even allow him into the operating room, and once he was there, he found that there wasn't really much he could do. Shiki had already called the best trauma surgeons in, and even though he could probably best any one of them, he doubted that his fear of losing his long time friend would make him any better than the other doctors. "He's undergoing surgery right now."

"Then he'll be okay, right?" Shizuo asked hopefully, his eyes lighting up a little.

Shinra shook his head, sighing. "I don't know. The bullet entered very close to his heart and got embedded near his spine, so the chances are quite slim. I think it probably scraped one of his lungs too; that's why he was coughing up blood. He's lost a lot of blood, and the hospital's running out in their blood bank because of all the patients they've been getting from the riots. Not to mention he has type O…" he rambled.

"O?" The bodyguard looked confused.

"It's harder to match up with other types of blood,” Shinra explained. “I was thinking of using some of Psyche's, but the bullet actually nipped one of his arteries. He’s actually lost quite a bit of blood too, since he didn’t put pressure on it right away.”

"I see," the other replied, returning his gaze to the ground.

"And, we found something weird."

Shizuo looked up at him again. "Weird?"

"Psyche’s blood is type AB. He's not Izaya's clone. He can't be."

The bodyguard thought for a moment, trying to piece this together. "Wait, so Izaya needs this O blood right?" he pondered, deciding to just leave what Shinra said about Psyche's blood alone for now. He wished he paid just a little more attention in class, but now was not the time to lament.

Shinra nodded, his eyes meeting the bodyguard's expectantly. However, the doctor was far too unsure to suggest it.

Shizuo made it easier for him. "Am I O?"

The doctor smiled, relieved. "Actually…"

_._

' _Where am I?' Izaya felt light, like there were clouds underneath him, cushioning his body. It felt so comfortable, and he kept his eyes closed lest reality came and pulled him back into its grasp._

" _You are dying," a familiar voice answered him, causing Izaya to unwillingly bolt upright. He blinked, seeing nothing but soft golden mist around the two of them._

" _Tsugaru?" he mouthed, his mind suddenly clearing. He looked around them again. "Am I dead?"_

" _Dying," the other corrected him. He offered a hand to Izaya. "Come, you mustn't stay here too long or you'll get lost."_

_Izaya stared at the offer for a moment before taking it. Tsugaru pulled him gently to his feet and began leading him away into the mist. The informant looked back at his resting place a little longingly, finding that walking and thinking made his chest feel uncomfortably tight, and breathing became almost a chore, like he was high up on a mountain._

" _I'm sorry, I would've kept our consciousnesses in your world, but it was too great of a strain on my powers as they are."_

_"Pardon?" He looked up at Tsugaru, noticing that the other seemed unusually pale this time around. Had he been this fair-skinned the last time he saw him?_

_Tsugaru seemed to not notice. "Your soul momentarily left your body after you were shot, so I grabbed you before you left for good."_

_"You can do that?"_

_Tsugaru frowned a little. "Psyche was created, so someone must have grabbed his soul the same way."_

_"Hm, so this was the first time you tried something like this, eh?" Izaya raised an eyebrow. "Wait, if I'm here and my body's somewhere over there," he pointed behind him, "doesn't that mean I died?"_

" _Dying. If your body can pull through, then I can send you back. The final call is yours though." He stopped suddenly, and Izaya almost crashed into him._

_"What's wrong?"_

_Tsugaru took a deep breath, massaging his eyelids. Izaya saw sweat sliding down the side of the other's face before the shrine deity managed to regain his composure. "Forgive me, I seemed to have used a little too much power."_

_"Should we just wait here then?"_

_He shook his head. "No, we climb."_

_Izaya looked back to their path before them and made out a faint outline of stairs, stone steps that echoed the shrine he had visited after meeting Tsugaru that first time._

.

Akabayashi finally found his colleague occupying one of the benches when he turned the corner, the latter staring blankly at the opposite wall, arms crossed. He approached Shiki slowly while going through what he was going to say in his head, wondering if he'll be able to talk any sense into him. He had never seen the other like this in all the years he had known the man.

"Hey, you alright?" he asked as he took a seat next to the other.

Shiki glanced at him briefly but remained silent, returning his gaze to the opposite wall.

"They're waiting for your orders." He rotated the cellphone in his hands. He had left the hospital building for a few minutes earlier to organize their two groups, knowing that waiting and worrying wouldn't help Izaya or the curious little look-alike get better.

Shiki still didn't answer.

Akabayashi sighed, scratching his head. He was determined not to tell the other that it wasn't his fault, because frankly, he didn't believe it himself. It would be false to say that he wasn't angry with his friend; on the contrary, he had been furious earlier, but working had calmed him down somewhat. "It'll be easier to keep your mind off of it. After all, there's nothing we can accomplish by sitting here," he said instead.

"What are you two doing?" a new voice asked, making Akabayashi look up to see Shinra staring at them.

"Uh _…_ "

"You can't expect Celty to handle the city on her own."

"Celty's out there too?" Akabayshi looked back down on Shiki. "Come on, or else she'll charge us so much that we'll go broke!"

Shinra smiled when the yakuza executive finally stirred. Shiki stood up, taking out his phone. "How is Orihara-san?" he finally spoke.

The doctor sighed. He had been through this question way too many times the past hour. "We're still not sure. We got him blood though, so at the least, his blood pressure's somewhat stabilizing."

"Blood?"

"Yeah, the hospital's been running out because of the riots, but Shizuo happened to have the same blood type."

Shiki considered this for a moment. "I see." He turned to leave. "Contact me if anything changes."

Shinra nodded. "Of course."

.

" _Tsugaru?" They had arrived at the all too familiar shrine, but the other was suddenly nowhere to be found. "Where did he go?" Izaya whirled around for good measure, but he was definitely alone._

_Nevertheless, he began making his way to the main building, deciding that the formless mass of gold fluff behind him was not a very good place to go if Tsugaru wasn't with him._

_The shrine was too quiet for his own comfort, the pebbles grinding under his shoes with each step the only sound he could hear. He reached the offertory box wondering how long the shrine deity expected him to wait. Sighing, he decided to sit down on the steps in an attempt to ease his labored breathing when he spotted a coin resting on the steps next to him._

_He picked up the object, turning it in his hand._

_"Hm, how does it work again?" he stood up and, after examining the piece one more time, lightly tossed the coin into the offertory box with no particular wish in mind._

_The coin made a few clunks as it bounced on the wooden beams before falling into the darkness._

_Then, the darkness glowed._

.

_Recovered Tracks Part 1-1:_

Izaya blinked when the light finally cleared and saw orange skies above him. He stood up, still finding no sign of Tsugaru.

"Tsugaru!" he called out, pausing when footsteps approached him.

" _Damn, this is really the only place that's calm."_

The informant sighed in relief when he saw Shizuo emerge from the entrance and ran towards the bodyguard.

"Shizu-chan!" he called out to the other in relief, running towards him. The bodyguard seemed not to hear and continued past him, eyes fixated on the main shrine building. "Shizu-chan?" he repeated desperately, trying to grab the other's arm. He gasped when his hand passed through the bodyguard's sleeve.

"Is this a memory then?" Izaya frowned and followed Shizuo until the latter stopped at the steps to the offertory box.

" _They have invaded the rest of your world?" Tsugaru's voice rang all around them._

_Shizuo took a final huff on his cigarette before stomping it out on the ground, sighing. "I don't know. I can't even make it out of the city without getting attacked. There are still some people hiding out in places here and there, but they keep on shooting at me whenever I try to talk to them." He sat down on the steps, taking out some of the food he had snatched from the convenience store. He nibbled at an onigiri as he watched the sunset, the world outside seemingly calm from this view._

" _Did Izaya do this?" he finally asked._

Izaya frowned, wondering if Shizuo was talking about the war. He tried to look out of the shrine for any signs of it beyond the gate, but everything seemed normal. He supposed that they must be fighting out there somewhere, and wondered if he could go look.

" _Why do you blame him first?" Tsugaru asked after a moment._

" _Tch." He took another bite. "The flea's always the one behind stuff like this, though I never expected something this bad." He stopped short of his next bite, his eyes contemplative. "Then again, I didn't expect him to die either."_

"Oh yeah, that's right." Izaya sat down next to Shizuo. "I died already here, didn't I?"

_The sounds of artillery echoed in the distance as the horizon flashed._

_(End of Part 1-1)_

.

Shizuo entered the room, feeling just a little light-headed but well enough to walk around after having so much blood taken from him. He found Psyche sitting on the lone bed, staring holes into the wall.

"How are you feeling?" he asked the time traveler, hoping that Psyche had calmed down somewhat. The other's eyes were swollen and red, and he could see bandages under the hospital gown.

"I'm sorry, I was wrong," Psyche muttered as Shizuo sat down on the chair next to the bed. "I was wrong about Izaya."

"Psyche…" he tried to comfort the other.

"The Izaya in my time, the one whose memories are in me… He was lonely and afraid and so confused. He was desperate to find the answers by waking Celty up, and at that time, that strong want was all I could feel."

"Is that why you went and took her head from Izaya's apartment?"

Psyche nodded. "I thought… I thought Izaya was going to wake her up, regardless of what had happened since I came," he continued guiltily.

Shizuo sighed before smiling softly. "Izaya's not like that, you know," he said, recalling the way the informant had acted.

"I know." Tears began to trickle down his face, and he looked down to hide them from Shizuo. "I should've asked the Shinra here about Izaya." He took a deep breath, trying to stifle his tears. "What was I thinking? I could’ve killed Shinra all over again.”

“You say that you killed him, but he made you, right?”

“I-I’m not sure anymore.” Psyche groaned. “Izaya’s memories are almost like a spell. Horrible, yet so powerful and binding… it was like I was sucked in and lost for those hours… as confused as he was… a-and now he's…"

"Hey we don't know that yet," Shizuo interjected, motioning to his own arm. "Look, Izaya's still hanging in there."

Psyche sniffed.

"Don't count him out yet. He's stronger than that."

The time traveler smiled sadly. "Yeah, you’re right."

.

_Recovered Tracks Part 1-2:_

Izaya noted that Shizuo looked rather pale this time. The man dragged his feet as he approached the shrine. He spotted an all too familiar red stain on the bodyguard's arm, but the other seemed to not notice the pain.

He chuckled. "Look at you, Shizu-chan. You get shot and stabbed so many times, and you treat it like nothing. I get shot once and look at me now." He shook his head, walking up to Shizuo to examine the wound. "Are you sure this doesn't hurt? It looks pretty painful." It didn't resemble any gunshot wound he'd seen before though. He looked up, stopping when he saw the bodyguard's expression.

" _Tom's dead." Shizuo chuckled weakly. "Haven't seen him for a few days, and I thought he'd gotten out of the city, but then he had to come back and try to save my sorry ass. And, I went to Shinra's too. I knew he'd be targeted first, but I thought that he'd still be alive, you know? Maybe by a miracle or something. Oh, Celty…"_

The informant frowned. "So Shinra too… All because of me…"

" _You're hurt," Tsugaru commented._

_Shizuo looked at his arm blankly. "Yeah…"_

" _I have heard of this Shinra from Izaya. Who is Tom?"_

" _My senpai… He really helped me out…"_

" _I… see… I'm sorry for your loss…"_

_Shizuo looked up. "When did you learn that line?"_

" _I don't know… It seemed… correct?"_

_The bodyguard smiled. "For a shrine deity, you're pretty human, you know?"_

_"Is that so?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"The one who finally woke me up was quite human himself. Too human, actually."_

_"Who was that?"_

_"The one you call Izaya."_

Izaya mimicked Shizuo's expression, staring wide-eyed at the shrine, mouth slightly open.

_"Wait, the flea woke you up? How?"_

_"He called for me, so I came."_

_Shizuo sighed. "So it's that easy?" he asked bitterly. "Did he tell you he wanted the world to end or something? You did a pretty good job."_

_"He asked me to protect him."_

_Shizuo frowned when the memories of the flea came back to him, the pavement seeped in blood. "But he…"_

_"I was too late."_

_(End of Part 1-2)_


	17. Recovered Tracks Part 2

"Go home and sleep. I'll call you if anything comes up," Shinra urged his friend when he found the bodyguard passed out on one of the couches in the visitor waiting room.

"But…" Shizuo groggily objected, squinting at his phone as he sat up. The glowing screen read 3:26AM. "I'll be okay here," he insisted, attempting to lie back down when Shinra stopped him.

"They're not letting anyone see him right now, so there's no point in waiting out here all night and getting yourself sick," the doctor told him. "Besides, I'm sure your bed is a lot more comfortable than this grungy old sofa."

The bodyguard gave him a long hard look before finally sighing, giving in. "You promise you'll call me if anything happens?"

"Yes, yes. Now as your doctor, I order you to go home and rest! It's not that far anyway."

"Okay." He got up and stretched his aching back, a light vertigo reminding him of how much blood they had taken from him, blood that was keeping Izaya alive even as they spoke. He wondered idly if Shinra had secretly taken more than what was needed for the sake of "experimentation.”

"What about you?" Shizuo asked, knowing it won't do them any good if Shinra passed out too.

The doctor put on a grin. "I'll be fine! I'm used to these night shifts! You know my clients always seem to get hurt after the sun goes down."

The bodyguard regarded the other for a moment before realizing that Shinra meant his patients in the underground. "Right. Well, I'll see you in the morning then."

"Get a good rest!" Shinra called after him before settling down on the sofa himself, whipping out his cellphone.

Shizuo stepped outside, unconsciously shuddering at the cold air that stung his skin. He exhaled slowly and watched the steam dissipate into the night sky before he began his slow journey home through the freshly fallen snow.

It seemed a little quieter now, and he wondered if the riots had died down. The roar of a motorbike in the distance made him halt mid-step, looking around the corner of the building for the Black Rider. The sound seemed to pass him on the next street over and continued onward to the hospital before stopping. He smiled, knowing that Shinra had one less worry off his chest now.

Shizuo continued home, his mind both tired and restless at the same time. So much had happened the past few hours that most of it was like a blur to him. He remembered how Izaya had just lay there, bleeding all over the warehouse floor as he tried to stop the endless flow with his hands. Shizuo looked at his palm, now cleansed of the blood that stained it. These hands had the power to rip a vending machine off the ground and hurl it several blocks down the street, yet their power was nearly useless when he tried to use them to save a life.

He could still feel the fear lingering inside of him, fear that had exploded out, rendering him motionless the first few seconds after Izaya had been shot. When was the last time he felt this afraid?

Shizuo glanced back in the direction of the hospital, fighting ferociously with his desire to return. "Don't die, Izaya," he whispered before he forced himself to continue homeward.

Shinra was right, he thought bitterly. There was really nothing he could do right now.

.

_Recovered Tracks Part 2-1:_

" _Your wound is getting worse," Tsugaru commented as Shizuo approached the shrine once again._

Izaya balanced himself on one of the small stone walls surrounding the building as he watched yet another scene play out. He had already made the mistake of attempting to exit the shrine, but decided not to try again after an invisible barrier had thrown him back halfway across the grounds.

_Shizuo shrugged. "It doesn't matter." He sat down, pulling out some more food._

"Is that still good?" Izaya asked aloud as he jumped down to examine Shizuo himself. He frowned; the wound did look pretty bad now. He could make out pus through the bartender clothes and he was fairly certain that the stench was no better in real life. He touched his own chest, forcing himself to breathe out slowly as another wave of pain swept over him. He chuckled. "I'm not holding out too well either."

" _Hey, you can't leave here, can you?" Shizuo asked after a while._

" _That seems to be the case."_

" _What would you do if you could move around?"_

 _Tsugaru answered without even hesitating._ " _I would save Izaya."_

_Shizuo took another bite, his eyes far away. "He's already dead though, you know."_

_The shrine seemed to consider this for a moment._ " _I would find a way," he countered._

_Shizuo laughed at this, his voice echoing throughout the empty grounds. He kept at it for a while before finally stopping when he ran out of breath. He held his chest, breathing heavily from the exertion._

"Shizu-chan…" Izaya watched as Shizuo put the food down back on the bag and looked up at the sky. The man seemed different than before. It was like the fire he was so accustomed to, the passion he saw every time he caught the bodyguard's eyes, had been extinguished. Instead, there was just an emptiness he felt strangely close to, a loneliness he could recognize so very well.

_The now ex-bodyguard smiled a little sadly as if he had heard Izaya. "Hey, Tsugaru, you knew Izaya better than I did, right?"_

_"What constitutes 'knowing?'"_

_"Did he talk to you often?" Shizuo asked._

_"He was the only one who came, night after night."_

_"I see." He looked at his hands. "So even he felt lonely sometimes."_

_"Are you regretting?"_

_"Tch, what's there to regret?" Shizuo seemed fired up. "The flea was a total bastard."_

Izaya couldn't help but grin at this.

_"Really? That is an interesting description. Can you tell me more?"_

_"He seriously didn't show that side of him to you?" Shizuo asked, turning around._

_"Not while he was here."_

_The bodyguard sighed._

" _How is the world outside?" Tsugaru asked almost longingly._

_"Not that great anymore, thanks to the flea."_

_"Hm, I was under the impression that it wasn't great to begin with, according to Izaya."_

_Shizuo regarded this for a while. The wind picked up a little, moving a few dead leaves across the pebbles._

Izaya leaned a little towards him, apprehensive.

_"Did I miss something?" the bodyguard finally muttered._

_"Would you have done something if you found out what you missed?"_

_The bodyguard looked down. "Yeah." He shifted one of the pebbles with his foot. "Yes," he repeated, more firmly._

_"I do not understand. From what I can tell, you hate Izaya."_

_Shizuo bit his lip. "What's left of him to hate? He's gone."_

_"So you do feel regret."_

_"Only because I failed to catch him. Shit…" Shizuo seemed to be recalling that night. "He should've asked for help if something was bothering him."_

_"He did. He just happened to ask me, a being without any means of helping him."_

_"If only you had a body," Shizuo said absentmindedly as he kicked another pebble. "I'm sure you could've used one a lot better than I have."_

_(End of Part 2-1)_

.

"It looks like the fighting finally stopped," one of the doctors commented to his colleague as they made their rounds through the hallways.

"Yeah, maybe we can go home soon. My wife's been worried sick," the other replied as he peeked inside the room next to them to check on the patient. "Amazing… I'm glad they didn't target the hospital."

"Don't jinx it!" the first doctor whispered, whacking his friend on the head as they passed two people dressed in suits standing in front of _that_ door.

The second man snuck a backwards glance. "It's them," he whispered to the other. "Did you hear? The one in the white got our five best surgeons to stop what they were doing just to treat the guy in that room. Talk about power…"

"He's the reason the hospital hasn't been attacked yet, you know."

His friend blinked, looking back again. "Is he going to go inside? There can't be any visitors yet!"

The first doctor stopped him from confronting the two. "Just let him do what he wants. It's not like it's going to change anything."

The other sighed, shaking his head. "Oh, we are so screwed when he dies."

.

"Why don't you go inside?" Akabayashi suggested as the two of them continued to stand in front of Izaya’s room. He checked his watch; it had been half a day since the informant had been shot. They had managed to stop most of the riots, but Shiki insisted to pay the hospital a visit before beginning the final operations against the group.

Despite this, the yakuza executive hesitated, his hand frozen on the doorknob. Sighing, Akabayashi gently pulled him away and opened the door himself. "I'll go look for you," he told Shiki.

The other didn't say anything and merely nodded.

Akabayashi entered, closing the door silently behind him before he noticed someone in white already sitting at Izaya's bedside.

"Huh? Are you well enough to be walking around?" Akabayashi asked, making the other jump.

"I-I'm okay," Psyche replied quietly, eyes alert and suspicious. When he sensed that the other meant no harm, he looked down at his feet and returned to the chair.

Akabayashi guessed that the kid really wasn't supposed to be walking around in that state. "They must have given you some really good painkillers, huh?"

"Shinra gave them to me."

"Ah, I see. So…" He walked over to the bed, the constant beep of the heart monitor and ventilator machine reminders of just how critical Izaya’s condition was. "How is he?" he asked despite knowing the answer.

Psyche twirled a set of headphones in his hands; Akabayshi vaguely remembered seeing Izaya wearing that particular pair last night when he ran into the warehouse. "He will not wake up. I don’t sense him here anymore."

"What? It's too early to say that," the yakuza said as he pulled up a chair next to Psyche. "Your name is Psyche, right?" he asked.

The time traveler looked up at him, eyes wide. "You remember?"

Akabayashi grinned, trying to lighten the mood a little. "Yeah, since Orihara called your name out earlier."

Psyche returned his gaze to the sleeping informant.

"You want to tell me the story? It's better if you let it out, you know?"

The time traveler looked back at the red-haired yakuza. "You want to know?"

Akabayashi nodded.

.

Akabayashi exited the room half an hour later, closing the door silently behind him. He looked around for Shiki, finding the other leaning against the opposite with his arms crossed, seemingly deep in thought. "Uh, hey?" He tried to act normal.

"Don’t,” Shiki stopped him before he could even continue. “You're a bad actor."

Akabayashi chuckled. "I guess I am. Did you hear all of it?"

Shiki straightened up. "Enough," he told his friend.

The other sighed. "Look, Shiki," he stopped when he saw the bodyguard entering the hallway. "Oh, hey Heiwajima! We were just leaving," Akabayashi told Shizuo, who stormed over to Shiki and hoisted him up by his collar. "Hey, hey, let's not be rash!" he tried to pull the two apart but to his surprise, both of them pushed him away in unison.

"Are you going to kill me here?" Shiki asked the bodyguard calmly.

"You know I can," Shizuo growled back. "You should've known better than to show your face here after what you did to Izaya."

"Yes, I should have known better," Shiki echoed, his expression unchanging.

The bodyguard hesitated, taken aback by the other admitting it so easily.

"Shizuo!" they heard a female voice call to him. Celty and Shinra rushed towards them, and the bodyguard took a deep breath to calm himself before dropping the yakuza unceremoniously on the floor.

"No visitors allowed!" Shinra exclaimed, knowing that at least one of them had entered Izaya's room. "Can't you read the sign?"

"Psyche's in there too," Akabayashi offered, looking at the bodyguard.

"Wait, Shizuo," the doctor began.

"Tch." Shizuo ignored him and opened Izaya's door, shutting it firmly behind him.

"So many of them are breaking the rules!" they heard one of the other doctors whisper before making a run for it after realizing that he had caught their attention.

Shinra sighed after giving the retreating man a glare.

"You two must be tired as well. You should go rest," Akabayashi said after an awkward silence in an attempt to change the subject.

The doctor turned to his girlfriend energetically. "Yeah, Celty, like I said, you should go home and rest!"

"But, what about you?" she asked.

Shinra gave her a thumbs up. "I already slept a little in the break room!"

Celty hesitated, looking back at the closed door.

"Is something wrong?" Shinra was still not used to the Dullahan speaking, and he was a little unsure if he could read her movements as well as before.

"I'm worried about Psyche," she admitted.

Shinra almost sighed in relief, knowing that he read her correctly. "Well I'm worried about you. Are you feeling okay?"

She nodded. "Don't worry about me. Psyche's friend already made sure that I'll be okay."

"You mean Tsugaru?"

The two of them turned to Akabayashi. "How do you…" Shinra gasped.

"Uh…" The red-head laughed nervously. "Psyche told me?"

_._

_Recovered Tracks Part 2-2:_

" _You need to get that treated."_

_Shizuo shook his head, apathetic. "There's no one," he stated as he approached the shrine._

Izaya examined the arm again, shuddering when he saw the increasingly worsening infection. He turned his attention to Shizuo's face instead, unable to take the sight of the wound. The ex-bodyguard looked flushed, his eyes slightly unfocused.

Grimacing, Izaya tried to reach up to the other's forehead to feel for a temperature, but as expected, his hand passed eerily through. He took a step back, frowning. He knew for a fact that Shizuo had been diligently going to Shinra to get his wounds treated even when he didn't feel any pain, so something like this had never happened, at least not in his memories.

_"It looks very painful."_

_"It doesn't feel like anything," Shizuo replied as he lit a cigarette with a little difficulty._

Besides the usual nicotine, he had come empty-handed this time, and upon closer inspection, Izaya observed that he looked a little thinner than before.

_"You didn't bring anything to eat this time," Tsugaru voiced the informant’s observations for him._

_"It doesn't matter anymore," Shizuo replied, taking a deep drag from the cancer stick. He exhaled, watching the smoke disappear into the air. "What's the point?" he muttered._

_"I can heal it for you."_

_Shizuo chuckled. "Have you ever done something like that before?"_

_"I believe I have enough power now."_

_"Maybe you can fix Izaya's shattered head then?" the ex-bodyguard muttered bitterly. Tsugaru remained silent at this, and Shizuo realized what he had said. He sighed, putting a hand on his forehead, feeling the heat. "Sorry. I'm not in the right mind."_

_"No, you have a good point. If only I had more power…"_

_"Power's not as wonderful as you think it is, you know." Shizuo looked at his arm. "If only I didn't have power, then maybe I would have actually cared."_

_"Shizuo…"_

_"Tsugaru," Shizuo cut him off. "I'm tired," he finally confessed._

Izaya froze at this familiar statement _._ He had said it to Shizuo just yesterday after he cut his heart open and dumped its contents onto the bodyguard. The feeling was still fresh in his mind, and he took a step forward, unwilling to believe that the great Fortissimo of Ikebukuro was feeling the same way he did.

He knew the hopelessness and the apathy. It was strong enough to kill someone as mentally strong as he _,_ the great Izaya Orihara, claimed to be.

He tried to touch Shizuo again, willing with all his power that he could somehow make himself seen so that he could tell the other how stupid he was acting. He drew back when his hand passed through the ex-bodyguard's shoulder.

Izaya looked at his useless hand, his insides tightening. Was this how Shizuo was going to die in the future? The same way he almost died?

It seemed so unfair. The Shizuo in his time had held a hand out to him and saved him; he fully admitted it. The Shizuo in front of him… is it his punishment to watch as this Shizu-chan wasted away because of him? He didn't want to accept it.

"Shizu-chan," he almost pleaded. He closed his eyes. After almost knowing what was coming, he didn't want to watch this unfold anymore.

"You must see the truth." Izaya jumped when he felt a hand on his arm and looked up to see Tsugaru.

"You're back," he gasped.

"Forgive me. I was recovering."

"What," Izaya pointed at Shizuo, "What is this?"

Tsugaru smiled sadly as he looked at the ex-bodyguard. "My memories…"

" _Someone's coming through the barrier," Tsugaru's voice echoed around them._

_Shizuo didn't bother turning around and instead sighed, seeming to accept whatever was coming for him._

" _Run! It's not human!"_

_Anri emerged from the gate, an open wound on her chest bleeding freely, her eyes clouded as if she were in a trance. The familiar Saika rested firmly in her hands as she advanced on Shizuo._

"Run!" the informant repeated Tsugaru's words as he looked back and forth from Anri and the motionless ex-bodyguard. He tried to physically move Shizuo, only for Tsugaru to stop him.

"He cannot hear you."

"No, don't… don't make me watch this!" Izaya pleaded.

Tsugaru looked at Anri, his eyes as calm as ever. "Saika told me that the girl had witnessed the deaths of her friends, and then the Dullahans stabbed her. Saika really tried to save her, you know."

" _He never called me human."_

Trembling, Izaya returned his attention to Shizuo _._

" _This is not the time to be thinking about that!" Tsugaru tried to reason with the other._

" _They…" Saika spoke through Anri. "They shall pay for harming my humans!"_

_"Shizuo!"_

"No! Run!" Izaya closed his eyes as the blade connected. He opened an eye a second later, unable to look away.

_Shizuo looked at the blade in his chest, the blood running down his bartender outfit, dripping onto the pebbled grounds._

"Shizuo!" Izaya screamed, running towards him, but Tsugaru held him back, shaking his head. "He's… help him!"

"Watch. This is the truth."

" _Give into the pain, and let me take you," Saika said._

" _Shizuo!" the shrine deity repeated._

" _Tsugaru…" the bodyguard gasped, looking away from the sword inside of him. Anri's grip on Saika slackened as the girl began to lose consciousness._

" _Give in…" she almost pleaded._

" _Take my body," Shizuo told the shrine as blood started trickling down his mouth._

" _I…" Tsugaru's voice seemed unsure._

" _I'm dying anyway. If you take me now, you can still use me. It's within your power, isn't it?"_

" _But you'll… Your soul will disappear!"_

_Shizuo smiled. "I'm tired," he repeated._

_Anri fell to the floor, lifeless, as Saika began glowing. "Hurry, I'd rather that you use my body instead of this sword." He wrenched the object out with a little difficulty, falling to his knees. "Please... I can almost feel the pain."_

" _Shizuo…"_

" _Please… save Izaya… You said you would…"_

_Both the sword and the shrine grounds began glowing as Shizuo grasped the wound. The light finally cleared, revealing Tsugaru in Shizuo's place, holding Saika. He was already wearing the blue kimono and the wounds had disappeared with the light. He looked at the sword, tears staining his blue eyes._

"This is the truth…" Tsugaru repeated to Izaya.

" _Sorry Saika, but I want… I want to grant his wish," he told the sword._

_(End of Part 2-2)_


	18. Psyche Last Track

Shizuo closed the door shut firmly behind him, controlling his urge to break the lock so that the yakuza couldn’t follow. He found Psyche keeping vigil next to the bed along with an array of machines he didn’t recognize surrounding Izaya. The ventilator itself nearly drowned out all of the other machines, each breath a painful gush through the tube that went down the man’s throat.

Shizuo gulped, settling his nerves as he approached the two.

"I can't hear Tsugaru anymore," Psyche whispered, finally acknowledging his presence.

"Maybe he's helping out Izaya," Shizuo suggested, turning his attention to Izaya now that he was closer to the flea. Shizuo could see the bandages under the blanket, wincing when he noticed that a little blood had already seeped through. Even more was collecting in a large plastic container connected to an equally bloody tube that ran under the layers of gauze where they had done the surgery.

Shizuo knew that Shinra had said that they were still not sure, but to have it thrown in his face like this made it all too real.

To make it worse, he could finally distinguish the sound of the heart monitor under the barrage of machines and IV pump noises. It's slow constant beeps taunted him, as if they were threatening to cut off at any second. Shizuo’s fists clenched at his side, frustrated with his own helplessness. 

Despite his state, Izaya's expression looked rather peaceful, like he was just having a restful sleep. Shizuo wondered if the other felt pain in his dreams. The bodyguard himself wasn't too familiar with pain, especially since he barely felt it the last time he was shot, but despite all the skillful reflexes and parkour tricks, Izaya was still a normal human. Shizuo almost wished he could trade places with the other; at least then he'd know for sure that he'd recover with a body such as his own. He turned his attention back to Psyche, who had remained silent for the few seconds he had spent assessing Izaya.

The time traveler was curled up on the chair, his head on his knees. "I want to go back."

"To your time?" Shizuo asked. He wondered if Psyche's bullet wound hurt, sitting like that.

Psyche nodded slowly, keeping his eyes fixated on Izaya.

"Look, it's not your fault. Shiki's the bastard who shot him." The bodyguard knew the other felt responsible for Izaya's injury, and he certainly wasn't going to let the time traveler become any more suicidal than before. "Besides, there's a war going on in your time right? We don't want you putting yourself in any danger."

"Tsugaru is there," the time traveler stated simply, catching Shizuo by surprise. "Even if Father isn't."

Shizuo sighed, sitting on the empty chair Akabayashi had left. "Izaya's not going to be happy if he found out you went back without telling him when he wakes up."

Psyche smiled. "It's because I'm here that he won't wake."

"Don't say that." Shizuo recognized that expression. He had seen it way too many times whenever the other was trying to act like he was fine.

"I just know it," Psyche continued. "Tsugaru must be doing all he can to keep Izaya alive right now, and I'm just sitting here!"

"I'm sure there's something you can do."

Psyche looked down at his hands, his eyes far away. "Do you know how I got here?"

"Uh… ambulance?"

The time traveler chuckled. "No, no… to this time."

"Shinra must have built a time machine or something, right? He made you after all."

"Tsugaru sent me here with his own power."

Shizuo stared at him for a second. "Really?"

Psyche nodded, still looking at his hands. "Actually, he and my father talked often. I always had the feeling that they didn't really like each other, but I was too afraid to ask." He closed his eyes. "Even if Father isn't Shinra, he was still very kind to me. I remember Father started acting a little stranger than normal, and when I asked what was wrong, he told me he was looking for a sword called 'Saika' and that Izaya might have it."

"So he told you to look for it?"

Psyche nodded. "He did. He… Father told me to try to remember where I had put it, but I was confused. I had never even heard of Saika before. He dropped the subject the first time, but he'd come and ask again every few weeks or so, and it then started to become more and more frequent. Then one day, he yelled at me for not remembering and said something about jolting my memories."

Psyche shivered at this, causing Shizuo to hesitate. "How?" he finally asked.

The time traveler shook his head. "I don't know. Tsugaru stepped in before he could say anything and offered to send me here." He chuckled. "Father didn't believe he could do it at first, but here I am." He closed his eyes. "I remember right before I warped through time, I saw Tsugaru's face. He looked so tired. It must have cost him a lot of energy to send me here."

"Then it should cost just as much to bring you back, right?" Shizuo asked.

"I think…" Psyche bit his lip. "I think it might actually take energy to keep me here, since I don't belong. If he doesn't have enough power to save Izaya because of me being here, then I'd rather go back. No," he sighed. "I'm just guessing." He shook his head. "I want to go back… back to Tsugaru. I'm being so selfish."

"But…" Shizuo thought for a moment. "What about your mission? To find who has Saika?"

"I found him already."

"Him?"

Psyche nodded and looked at the foot of Izaya's bed. "I know who has Saika. That is another reason why I must go back. If the Dullahans find him…" He touched his pink headphones, now back around his neck, shuddering.

Shizuo scratched his head, trying to find the right words to say in order to reassure the other, but nothing was coming to him. It was just all too quiet in the room with the two of them and Izaya. The bodyguard paused, wondering why something seemed a little off. He suddenly listened for the beeps that had greeted him when he entered the room. He swore that they were becoming agonizingly slower.

Psyche seemed to notice the change also and jumped out of the chair, blinking at the heart monitor.

"Izaya?" he gasped. "Izaya!"

The monitor started flashing red.

.

_They were back in the shrine surrounded by light. Everything looked the same as before except the floor was cleaner than it had been in the memories, and Ikebukuro was nowhere in sight beyond the gate._

" _Why are you crying?" Tsugaru asked the informant, who wiped at his tears weakly._

" _I don't know," he replied as the bodyguard's final moments reran through his mind. He didn't understand it. Why was he crying? He was the one dying now, not Shizuo. He should actually be relieved; if he died now, he could give the bodyguard he saw in Tsugaru's memories a piece of his mind._

_Izaya shivered, suddenly feeling cold. He looked at his hands, finding them strangely paler than normal. "Shizu-chan…" he muttered. He missed the warmth he had felt only that morning. It seemed so far away now._

_Tsugaru caught the movement. "We're running out of time."_

" _Huh?"_

" _I must send you back to your body or else it will start to die." Izaya knew the other didn't panic easily, so the sweat running down the side of Tsugaru's face did not bode well._

" _Wait, how long has it been?" Izaya asked, wondering if that meant he had been in this place long enough for his body to reject its owner._

" _I think not even a day. I wasn't able to send you back earlier because I lacked the power. Actually," Izaya detected fear in the other's voice, "I believe I'm still not strong enough yet, but any longer…"_

_He closed his eyes, thinking._

"Tsugaru…" Psyche's voice echoed softly through the grounds.

_Izaya looked around him for the speaker, expecting his copy to pop in anytime around them. However, he found no one. "Did you…" he asked Tsugaru, but he was interrupted._

"I want to see you…" The echo became louder.

_Tsugaru looked into the sky, eyes wide. "Psyche…" he muttered._

"Please… Tsugaru…" the other begged.

" _Can't you bring him back?" Izaya asked._

" _Yes, but I…"_

"It'll save Izaya right?" Psyche asked as if he knew they were listening.

_The informant looked at the other, surprised. "How?"_

_Tsugaru seemed conflicted, his mouth drawn into a frown as he contemplated his answer. "I'm using power to keep Psyche in the past right now. If I allow him to go back to our time, I might have just enough, but…"_

" _Didn't he have to return eventually?"_

" _No, you don't understand, I…" Tsugaru looked away. "I sent Psyche to your time so that he could escape from his own. I… I didn't want him to suffer anymore in my world, to suffer because I had failed to save you."_

" _But his father…"_

" _Shinra is dead, remember? You saw it in the memories. He had been dead for a year already when Psyche was born."_

" _Huh? Then who created him?"_

" _The Dullahans."_

_Izaya blinked. "What?" However, it was starting to make perfect sense to him. Of course the Dullahans would want to get their hands on Saika. The sword was one of the few things that was probably capable of overpowering them after all._

_"Celty was so obsessed with bringing back those who had died, but she had only managed to grab your soul."_

_"I must have had some serious regrets," Izaya remarked before doubling over, grasping at his chest in pain. "Ugh…" This wave hurt a lot more than before, and he felt like someone was repeating stabbing him with a knife._

_Tsugaru knelt down, wrapping his arms around the informant in an attempt to alleviate some of the pain. "Just watch. I'll show you both," he said, his voice shaking. The world around them began glowing. "I'm so sorry, Psyche. I'm about to put you in great danger."_

_Izaya watched as everything began to become blindingly bright._

" _But I will protect you and Izaya… I'll find a way…"_

.

Psyche looked at the heart monitor as the beeping continued to slow. "Tsugaru!" he pleaded again.

The door burst open as Shinra and Celty tumbled into the room.

"Izaya!" Shinra's eyes bee-lined to the machinery. "Why is it slowing?" He ran over to the hospital phone, nearly dropping it with his trembling hands as he started fiddling with one of the IV pumps. “Wah! Why weren’t they checking the chest tube output?”

"What's wrong? What's happening to Orihara?" Shiki rushed into the room, followed closely by Akabayashi.

Recovering from his surprise at the amount of people that had entered the room, Psyche returned to Izaya, his own body starting to turn cold. "Tsugaru… you promised! You promised that you'd protect him! I… Let me protect Izaya with you! Tsugaru!" The beats became slower and slower. He grabbed Izaya's hand, sobbing. "No … Don't let Izaya die… You promised… in the memories…"

"Shinra, do CPR on him or something!" Shizuo yelled at the doctor, who bit his lip, panicking as much as the rest of them.

Shinra trembled. "The bullet wound is so close to his heart, I might… The others are coming with the defibrillator!" He grabbed his head. "I should've told them to keep one in this room!"

"I'll go get the thing! How's it look like?" Akabayashi asked, turning around. He stopped when the room in front of him seemed to shift.

Psyche suddenly froze, and Shizuo turned his attention to the time traveler, blinking. The air around Psyche gave another lurch, indicating that he wasn't just seeing things.

Falling silent, the time traveler looked at his hand before turning back to the others. He glanced at each of them in turn through his tear-stained eyes before finally smiling when he realized all of them had the same expression: fear, panic, confusion… all for Izaya. Maybe a little for him.

"Thank you," he said.

"Wait… Psy…" Shinra, Celty, and Shizuo yelled in unison.

Psyche disappeared.

The heart monitor flat-lined just as a pair of headphones hit the floor.

.

_Izaya looked around him, frowning. This lab was definitely not the hospital or Shinra's house. Where could he be? He whirled around when he heard a thump behind him._

Psyche slowly got to his feet, wiping the remaining tears out of his eyes before he looked around warily for someone, most likely the owner of said lab. He noticed something on the floor around one of the huge metal tables and seemed to regain some of his energy, running to it.

"Celty?" He fell to his knees, panicking. "Wa-Wake up! Celty!"

_Izaya watched as the other shook the motionless Dullahan. This Celty had also gotten her head back, but she had replaced her trademark skin-tight black outfit with what looked disturbingly like Shinra's lab coat and usual attire. He moved a little to get a better view, since Psyche could obviously not see him right now._

The apparent wound that ran straight through the Dullahan's abdomen had had at least an hour to bleed everywhere, and Psyche's attempts at reviving the other proved fruitless, but he continued to try nevertheless.

"Tsugaru… What have you…" the time traveler wept, apparently believing that the shrine deity had something to do with this.

"Oh, you came back earlier than I thought you would," a new voice said, making Psyche look up, the sadness in his eyes replaced by fear.

_The informant frowned when he saw Shinra standing in the doorway._

The doctor looked to Celty, seemingly unfazed by her corpse.

_"Wait, didn't Shizu-chan say that Shinra already…" Izaya gasped._

"Did you find it, Psyche?" this Shinra asked, stepping over Celty's body and stopping in front of the time traveler.

Psyche looked back and forth from Celty to Shinra, starting to put the pieces together.

"Oh, are you worried about dear Celty?" Shinra asked, looking down at the corpse. "She betrayed us, so I just did what was needed." He took a step towards Psyche, who mirrored the motion by moving back. "I'm your father now, Psyche." He grinned. "After all, you are our creation." He cupped the other's face in his hands, forcing Psyche to look up. "We are all your family." His grip tightened, making Psyche whimper.

_"Psyche!" Izaya tried to pry the Shinra imposter's hand off the other, but his own only went through both of them._

"Haven't you had enough?" Psyche asked him.

The man let go, surprised. He finally laughed. "Have you forgotten? It was you who called us here."

Psyche looked at Celty. "But _,_ you killed her _._ "

"She was becoming a threat to us. Such a pity though, after all we've done to extract revenge from the humans for her. Now," he removed his head, and Shinra's face melted away as long black locks of hair fell between her fingers. "Just one obstacle remains between us and the end of this war, Psyche. Don't you want the war to end?" her velvety voice seemed to engulf the room.

"You can end it," Psyche returned. "You can stop the fighting yourself."

The Dullahan laughed. "The humans will fight until we are gone, just as we will fight. It's too late now; they already know about us. If they have Saika…"

"But…" Psyche tried to object again, but the Dullahan interrupted him.

"You know where Saika is, don't you? Tell me, Psyche, and I'll make it painless, just as I did for Celty. You were created by her, by us, so that you could find that demonic blade."

The words made something in Psyche flare up, and he stood his ground. "No, I was created by Shinra," he objected firmly.

"He died long ago; Celty killed him when she regained her senses. Although, I must admit he seemed to have a greater effect on her than we initially thought; she even took his form." She sighed, the corners of her mouth drawn into a frown. "Tell me, Psyche. Tell me where Saika is."

The time traveler bit his lip gathering his resolve. "I don't know where Saika is," he finally stated.

"Oh?" The Dullahan grabbed Psyche by the neck with one arm, lifting him off the ground. "Useless pawn." Her inhumanely powerful grip tightened as Psyche silently screamed, trying in vain to make the other let go.

_"Psyche!" Izaya looked around the room for something he could use; if he could only touch something, anything…_

The sound of metal echoed through the room, and Psyche fell to the floor, gasping for breath as the Dullahan looked at the sword protruding from her chest, just where the heart was.

"You… you had Saika… Shizuo…" she gasped, blood dripping down from her chest where the blade had impaled her. "I thought… you had died…"

"He did die," the man replied. "My name is Tsugaru." He pulled the blade out of the Dullahan, who stumbled a few steps and fell to the floor, her head rolling away.

Psyche sprang to his feet and ran to Tsugaru, burying his face in the other's kimono as the head came to a stop near Celty's body.

"You were brave," Tsugaru told the other, hugging him protectively before looking to the location where Izaya was standing. "Look, Izaya's here."

"He is?" Psyche looked up, eyes darting around the room. "I-I'm sorry!" he said, eyes fixated on a point next to the informant.

_Izaya guessed that Psyche still couldn't see him._

"I-If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have been shot."

_Izaya shook his head. "If it weren't for you, I'd be dead for sure."_

Psyche perked up, seeming able to hear Izaya now despite still not being able to see him.

_The air behind Izaya shifted, and he looked back to find a strange light waiting for him._

"You should hurry back now before it's too late," Tsugaru told him.

_"What about you two?"_

"We'll be fine," Tsugaru told him, giving Psyche's hand a light squeeze.

_Izaya hesitated, looking at the two. "Come with me."_

Tsugaru smiled but remained silent.

_The informant frowned, noticing that his own body was starting to fade away as the light came closer. "Tsugaru! Psyche! Come with me!" he repeated._

The shrine deity walked up to Izaya, brushing a strand of hair out of the other's eyes to the informant's surprise. "I've broken enough promises, Izaya."

_"But…"_

"We'll be fine," Psyche repeated Tsugaru's words. He smiled, waving furiously at Izaya.

_The informant sighed, seeing straight through the time traveler's fake smile of reassurance. "You're a bad actor. Nothing like me."_

"Of course not! I'm…" Psyche took a breath. "I am Psyche."

_"Of course you are," Izaya replied before finally giving in. He was going home, to where he belonged, to where Shizu-chan was. He smiled sadly, trying to look at least a little happy although he wasn't quite pleased with the way things turned out. But, then again, the world was not perfect. Humans themselves weren't perfect._

"You're not very good at acting either," Tsugaru commented, noticing that Izaya was trying to look happy for his sake.

_Izaya grinned one last time at him to prove him wrong._

_The world became black._

.

"He's back!" Shinra yelled when Izaya suddenly took a voluntary breath under the ventilator, and the heart monitor blared to life once again. The doctor fell to the floor, shaking and laughing in relief at the same time. He looked to the other four in the room, grinning stupidly. "He's back!" he repeated just as a team of nurses and doctors rushed into the room with the defibrillator.


	19. Izaya Track 1

_Izaya took a deep breath, nearly coughing from the pain that radiated from his dry throat. Each breath hurt, as if someone was continuously forcing air in and out of him. He blinked a few times at the golden fog that surrounded him, feeling almost claustrophobic at how its thick blanket threatened to suffocate him. Izaya willed his unresponsive legs to stand as he studied his surroundings blearily, attempting to ignore the ache that seemed to permeate every inch of his body._

_A silhouette of a man materialized at the edge of the fog, the sword in his hand glowing a soft blue. Izaya breathed out in relief, recognizing the other._

" _Tsugaru!" Izaya called out to the shadow in the distance, stumbling over his numb legs. The other seemed to not hear him._

_"Tsugaru!" he called out again, but the fog only thickened and separated them even further. Then, the crushing discomfort in his chest and throat were gone, and he found himself stopping to catch his breath, unnerved by the sudden freedom. He looked back up, still finding the man just at the edge of his vision._

" _Shizu-chan?" he tried instead, his voice quivering, and the silhouette turned, the light catching on the other’s face and dyed hair. He saw a flower forming on Shizuo’s chest, blossoming out where Saika had run through._

_Blood…_

" _Izaya…" the ex-bodyguard mouthed, his eyes dull and lifeless._

 _The informant regained his wits and began pursuing the man again, only to find the fog closing in around the two of them._ " _Shizu-chan!" he yelled, a hand outstretched. “Don’t go!”_

_“Don’t leave me!”_

.

Shizuo closed the door softly behind him, examining the room for any changes. Someone had left the window open, letting the crisp cool air and soft sunlight into the otherwise plain white hospital room.

' _Shiki was here,'_ he concluded when he saw the fresh flowers. He placed his own bouquet on the lone table next to the already occupied vase and Psyche's headphones, balancing it on what little room was left, before drawing up a chair to the bed.

Izaya appeared the same as 2 days ago when he had last visited the informant. Then again, Shizuo was beginning to lose track of time, seeing Izaya hooked up to so many machines. He was excited when the breathing tube finally came out, but even then Izaya would not wake. 

He looked at the other's exposed arm, bruised from the numerous needle insertions. The bodyguard touched the purple spots lightly, trailing down Izaya's arm until he gently held the other's wrist, feeling the pulse of life through it.

"When did you get so thin?" Shizuo asked him, although he knew. Shinra had said it was because the informant's muscles were slowly deteriorating since he wasn't moving around like usual. "When are you going to wake up, flea?" His voice bore no malice as he uttered the other's nickname. "It's almost 3 months now." He looked outside the window, his hand still on Izaya's arm. "Look, spring’s already coming. It's not going to snow anymore."

He thought back to the first time they had fought. It was spring then too. Shizuo smiled a little at the memory. They had hated each other for so long, yet everything had changed so quickly. He reached over and brushed a strand of hair out of the informant's eyes.

"You need a haircut," he told the sleeping man. He sighed, letting go of Izaya and leaning back in his chair. It was wrong. He knew it was wrong. Yet, he wanted to protect this man who had hidden behind layers of masks and walls of steel no vending machine could penetrate.

He looked back to Izaya, gasping in surprise when he saw what seemed to be a tear rolling down the informant's right eye.

"Izaya?" he wiped the tear away and examined his finger. It was definitely wet. "I'll go call Shinra!" He stood up, taking out his cell phone, and stopped when he felt a soft tug on his sleeve.

"Shizu… chan…"

He turned around, his eyes meeting sleep-crusted reddish brown ones.

_Blood… and the tip of a blade…_

The tears continued trickling down Izaya’s face as he relished in the sight of the real world. “I f-finally caught up to you, Shizu-chan.”

.

"Let's see, when is Shizuo's birthday?"

"January 28th," Izaya replied impatiently as Shinra merrily scribbled a few more notes. "Are you just trying to get free information now?"

"Maybe," the doctor replied before shutting his binder, grinning. "I'm amazed though. Most patients suffer from some degree of delirium after being asleep for so long."

"Well, I am not part of the group, 'most patients'," the informant retorted, leaning back into his pillow. To be truthful, he was fairly pleased that nothing was wrong with his memory, but the exhaustion that seemed to threaten him 24 hours of the day now was starting to get on his nerves. He stifled a yawn, hoping that the doctor didn't see it.

Even if Shinra did notice, the man graciously chose to ignore it. "At the rate you're going, you'll be out of here before next week, if not for your…"

"Yes yes, my legs," Izaya finished for him. "Can't I start the rehab already?"

Shinra shook his head. "Just a few more tests, okay? And your brain is still adjusting; that's why you're always so sleepy. It won't do you any good if you break something falling in the middle of rehab."

The informant sighed. "I hate hospitals," he grumbled.

"But you have so many visitors!" Shinra said, trying not to laugh when his eyes trailed to the laptop on Izaya's desk.

"She is not considered a visitor," Izaya objected.

Shinra grinned. "Hey, at least you have something to do! Anyways," he stood up. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm going to look a few things up."

.

"How's he doing?" Akabayashi asked Shinra just after the doctor left Izaya's room. They had received the phone call a week before, but after repeatedly failing to get Shiki to come, the one-eyed yakuza finally decided to visit on his own.

"Pretty good actually," the doctor answered him energetically. "He's fully responsive and has no problems recalling anything." He tapped the folder in his arm with his pen. "Maybe Tsugaru or Psyche had something to do with it," he added as an afterthought.

"Oh." The others didn't show it outwardly, but he knew for a fact that the one called Psyche had been living with Shinra before he "disappeared." To be honest, Akabayashi was still a little confused about it all; if he hadn't seen Psyche return to the future with his own eyes, he might have brushed the informant lookalike's story off as a mere fantasy. "I'm sorry about the kid," Akabayashi muttered. The idea that the story might be true bothered him even more, even though they had apparently averted the catastrophe Psyche had mentioned that raged through his time.

Shinra smiled. "It's not your fault. He had to go back." He sighed. "I wish I could've met Tsugaru though. He sounded like a very interesting person. So," he decided to change the subject back to Izaya, "the only problem now for our informant is physical therapy."

"Physical therapy?" Akabayashi thought Izaya had only been shot near the heart, not that it was any better than getting hit in the leg.

"It's going to take him at least a few weeks if not months to walk normally again. Putting aside the muscle atrophy since he’s been asleep for so long, there was a little bit of nerve damage due to the bullet being so close to his spine. According to the MRI, that's somehow regenerating quite nicely too, but it’ll still take some time.”

Akabayashi chuckled. "This Tsugaru seems like a pretty powerful guy."

Shinra shrugged. "It could always be coincidence, or maybe he unconsciously wanted to sleep away everything for 3 months." Akabayashi shifted uncomfortably as Shinra nodded to the door. "Are you going to visit?"

"I guess," the yakuza said, eying the door. He hoped the informant didn't hate him and Shiki too much for what had happened.

.

"Hey," Akabayashi greeted the informant as he casually strode into the room. He watched as Izaya tensed up, obviously expecting another person to enter after him. "He couldn't make it today," the yakuza reassured him, "so I came in his place." The informant looked a lot better than before; he guessed Shinra made sure that Izaya was eating now that he had woken.

"He's doing well?" Izaya asked, relaxing.

"More or less." Akabayashi saw the laptop resting on the bedside table. "Working already?"

"Namie didn't want to buy me flowers," Izaya replied, pouting.

Akabayashi chuckled. "So, she brought you your laptop instead? You've hired quite the worker."

"True." He crossed his arms, making the yakuza feel a little apprehensive at what the informant was going to ask next. "How much did he pay her?"

"Hm?" Akabayashi feigned ignorance and grinned instead.

"You know what I mean."

The yakuza sighed, knowing that Izaya saw straight through him. "Well, Shiki paid for your hospital and apartment expenses as well as Namie's salary for the 3 months you've been here, since we couldn't access any of your accounts. But," he raised his hands in protest, "he said not to worry about it so don't…"

Izaya already had the laptop out and was swiftly going through the math in his head.

"Hey, you don't have to pay him, you know. This was all kind of his fault to begin with."

"I know," the informant replied. "I just don't want to owe him anything."

"Uh, well..." He watched as Izaya transferred money over to Shiki's account on the computer. The informant finished swiftly, and soon the device was back on the table, shut off. Akabayashi fidgeted under the awkward silence before suddenly recalling something else that he had wanted to ask. "So, anyways, I've been talking to Heiwajima and…"

"You guys talk?" This seemed to have piqued Izaya's interest more than he thought it would.

Akabayashi chuckled. "Of course! He has nothing against me. Shiki, on the other hand…" he coughed. "Anyways, are you, I don't know, having any problems with Heiwajima?"

Izaya seemed taken aback. "What do you mean?" Shizuo had visited several times since he had been awake, and it wasn't like the two of them had exchanged many words. After all, he had been sleeping most of the time anyone came; Namie just happened to visit during one of his more conscious days, to his dismay.

"He seems to be under the impression that his presence makes you a tad uncomfortable."

Izaya stared at him blankly. "That's preposterous."

"Well, just letting you know." Akabayashi got up, twirling his cane. "Maybe you didn't notice it, but try to find out what it is, yeah? Shinra did tell us that you've been sleeping most of the week, so it must have been something small. I’d hate to have whatever it is impede your recovery, and Heiwajima’s a good guy."

"I know," Izaya replied, and Akabayashi noticed a small smile on the other’s face but chose not to comment on it.

On the other hand, Izaya bit his lip, trying to recall the times he was awake when Shizuo visited. Did Shizuo even visit? He shuddered, suddenly remembering the scene at the shrine that relentlessly replayed in his dreams. He could see Saika protruding out of Shizuo’s chest, the man’s eyes empty and dead to the world. 

He closed his eyes, not caring that Akabayashi was still in the room, unable to take the weight of guilt that had started to drag him down yet again. He needed to rationalize this, needed to...

"Orihara?" Akabayashi called out, but Izaya was already asleep. "Sheesh, you should've just told me you were tired. Don't push yourself so hard, or else there will be two guys after my neck," he joked to the sleeping informant.

.

"…a few weeks of rehab, and he'll be back to normal!" Akabayashi relayed the information to his friend, who chose not to respond and instead took another drag from his cigarette. "Yeah, and he seems to be doing a little work now, since his assistant brought him a laptop."

"Did you talk to him about the bodyguard?" Shiki interrupted.

Akabayashi flinched even though he expected the other to hit him with the question eventually. "Uh, sort of?"

"What did he say?"

"Nothing much. I was just passing on an observation."

"Observation?"

"Ah." Akabayashi sighed; the other wasn't letting it go. "Heiwajima thinks that Orihara hates him or something like that." He decided to bend the truth just a little. "But I think they're fine now," he added quickly, wondering just how Shiki was going to use this information. In his opinion, everything was already over.

However, they're yakuza, and when a yakuza wants something, shit usually happens.

"You're thinking too much," he told Shiki.

"Am I?"

He wanted to tell his friend that it was too late already, that he should just stop thinking about the things Psyche had said behind that hospital door 3 months prior. After all, how could they have known? However, he couldn't quite find the right words to convey this to the other and remained silent, watching as Shiki continued to contemplate all the things that have already transpired.

"It's too late already,” he tried to tell the other. 

Shiki seemed to not hear.

.

_Blood…_

_Shizuo stood before him, slowly removing the sword from his stomach. "Tsugaru…" the bodyguard called out. "Protect… Protect Izaya…"_

_'I'm fine now!' Izaya tried to tell him, but the other could not hear him even as he screamed the words._

_"Protect…"_

_'Please… Shizu-chan…'_

Izaya's eyes snapped open when he heard the door open, the dream fresh in his mind once again. He tried to calm his breathing as his visitor neared his bed, and he bravely faced Shizuo, sweat trickling down his face.

"Shizu-chan…" The one in Tsugaru's memories flashed in his mind again, making him cringe. He looked away from the bodyguard, feeling the guilt eat away at his stomach.

"Uh, I'll just," the bodyguard turned to leave.

 _'So that's what Akabayashi was trying to tell me,'_ Izaya suddenly realized.

"Wait, it's not you! I mean…" Izaya protested, sitting up a little too fast. His vision swayed along with his body, and he felt gravity take advantage of the situation, pulling him down. A warm hand suddenly steadied him, wrapping around his back to his shoulder. He grabbed at Shizuo's shirt, waiting for some of the nausea to dissipate, his vision still all stars.

"Don't overdo it," Shizuo's voice came out of the confusion like a lifeline.

"Sorry." He buried his face in Shizuo's shirt, breathing in the other’s smoky scent. He just couldn't chase the memory away. It's already haunted him for these past 3 months of dreams, eating away at his heart. "I'm so sorry." He really didn't mean for the memory to affect the current Shizuo, but the two were pretty much the same person after all, just in different times.

"For what?" Shizuo asked him softly, still confused about what in the world the informant was thinking.

"You really did die in the future."

"Wait, that's why you looked away every time you saw me?" He gaped at the informant, not expecting this turn of events. "You must have been rejoicing in the future," Shizuo continued, trying to make a joke out of it. He didn't expect Izaya to deny it though.

"Not at all. I was already dead," the informant replied. He wondered vaguely if the "him" that died in Psyche's time felt this way before he killed himself, this guilt. He knew that the things he saw were not of this timeline, but the possibility of it almost happening ate at him, not to mention the occasional dream didn't help. Was he really this affected by what happened to Shizu-chan? His grip tightened on the bodyguard, searching for some sort of anchor. He had been dreaming for far too long.

To his surprise, warmth engulfed him as Shizuo wrapped his arms around his trembling figure. The embrace was unsure and a little shaky, but at the same time he felt the definite protection it held. This was the real Shizuo, not the one that he had been chasing the past 3 months.

"It's not your fault," Shizuo whispered.

"It could've been."

"Well, I'm here now, aren't I?"

Izaya closed his eyes, basking in the warmth. Since when had the bodyguard been able to out-talk him like this? Why did he care so much? This man, who he had been fighting for all these years…

“Thanks, Shizu-chan,” he whispered.

At that moment, the door opened, prompting the two of them to simultaneously push each other away. Izaya felt the heat rising up to his face as he turned his attention to the intruder, hoping that they had not seen.

Shiki walked into the room, his eyes settling on Izaya.


	20. Izaya Track 2

Shizuo watched as the color drained from Izaya’s flushed face before all the masks came back on, the old informant back in barely less than the blink of an eye.

"Shiki, you came to visit," Izaya greeted the other, his business smile gleaming. Shizuo didn't like it one bit.

The yakuza executive turned his attention to the bodyguard, his eyes expressionless. "May I have a few minutes of Orihara-san’s time?"

Shizuo looked at Izaya, who gave him a slight nod of reassurance. Grimacing, he kept his glare fixated on Shiki, trying to keep his hands from clenching too obviously. The man had no right to visit the one he had shot. 

"I'll be right outside," he told Izaya before slowly walking out.

Shiki waited for the door to close before he finally moved from his spot against the wall to the bed, eying the laptop on the desk and the small mountain of files Namie had no doubt brought over. "You seem to be doing well."

"Yes, my fingers have been working pretty well these past few days, thank you for asking," Izaya replied coolly. He did try to get up once the second day after he woke up, but he decided to wait for Shinra's permission after unceremoniously collapsing onto the floor as soon as the tip of his foot touched the ground. As enthusiastic as he made himself out to be, it still annoyed him to think that he'd be going through rehab.

"Orihara…" Shiki began, his emotionless demeanor finally slightly giving way.

"I don't want to hear your excuses," the informant cut in.

"I heard everything from that clone of yours," he continued nevertheless.

Izaya's eyes widened, his hands clenching around the bedsheets. _'He knows? But I…'_ He turned away from the other, his own thoughts wavering dangerously.

Shiki took the informant's shaking hand gently, making the other flinch and look up at him. The yakuza's eyes were downcast, a sight Izaya thought he'd never see. "That night… I thought I'd lost you."

Izaya trembled. Shiki's fingers felt cold on his skin, and the attempted affection threatened to topple him back into the abyss once again. He gulped, closing his eyes to calm his racing heart. He refused to fall again. He knew better now.

Izaya slid his hand out of Shiki's grasp. "I’m fine now, so please don’t use me to alleviate your own guilt." He watched as the yakuza's eyes widened.

Shiki composed himself quickly, all cracks that had appeared in his demeanor sealed as quickly as they had come. He walked over to the desk, studying its contents with his eyes. "I saw that you paid me back already with the bank transfer."

"Well I couldn't let you go bankrupt from all of my assistant's expenditures," Izaya replied easily, trying to regain some of his usual edge in the conversation.

Shiki didn't seem to find the statement humorous. "You know you didn't have to pay me back. After all, I was the one who inconvenienced you."

Izaya bit his lip, wondering when the yakuza would just finish what he came to say and leave.

"Orihara-san, I believe I owe you payment for almost taking your life."

The informant smiled bitterly upon finally hearing the other's confession. "Oh, and what do you have to offer?" Izaya taunted. Money? He had enough of that for sure.

"Anything you want," Shiki answered.

Their eyes met, and Izaya felt the familiar feeling flicker softly in his stomach. He unconsciously grasped his chest, feeling it clench. _'I don't want to feel this way. I…'_ He looked away. After all that had happened, how could he be drawn back in like this? Was he this obsessed with the man before him? The mere possibility of what Shiki was trying to offer him made him apprehensive.

Is this what he really wanted?

He tried to think of his conversation with Shizuo and the knife wound the bodyguard spared him from. Hadn't he told the bodyguard already that he had already sailed out of the dangerous waters of love? The chains around his heart had somehow formed again, dragging him back down to the bottom. Where had he put the key?

' _Shizu-chan…'_ he mentally called out for help. He suddenly remembered the warmth that radiated from the other, so different from the man standing before him, different from anything he had ever felt before. What was this warmth called?

The locked clicked open. He was certain of one thing.

Izaya closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before meeting Shiki's. "I'm no longer in love with you, Shiki,” he declared, his body trembling but his voice firm.

Without warning, Shiki leaned over and kissed him, placing a hand around the back of his head to keep him from escaping. Izaya froze, finding himself trapped against cold lips, freezing waters. He finally managed to push the yakuza off, breathing heavily. It was like the cold had penetrated into his entire form, leaving him wanting for something to wash it all away.

"Orihara…"

"Did you not hear a single word I just said?” Izaya snapped, his vision clouding. The stress was starting to do a number on his tired mind, and he wished with all the strength that he had left that Shiki would just leave at this instant. He didn't want to deal with these nonexistent feelings anymore. What Shiki had to offer _…_ if the man had asked 3 months ago, before the incident, he would've accepted, but not now. He recalled the warmth that had touched him. 

Not ever.

Shizuo knocked and entered without waiting for a reply, peeking into the room. "You done yet?" he asked Shiki, the impatience glowing in his eyes.

Shiki straightened up. "I was just leaving." He looked at Izaya one last time, his eyes back to their normal expressionless gaze. "I'd like you to reconsider your answer," he told the informant, glancing at Shizuo. Izaya stared after him blankly as the door closed.

 _'Why… Why did he look at Shizu-chan like that?'_ His heart dropped. Did Shiki see them earlier? That was…

"Izaya, are you okay?" Shizuo's voice brought him out of his turbulent thoughts.

"I'm fine." He noticed that his own hands were still shaking and tried to calm himself by taking another deep breath, but the scenarios, all of them the worst possible his heightened mind could imagine, refused to leave.

' _I… I love…'_ Shiki's kiss haunted him, refusing to let him finish that sentence. It was like a new set of chains had crawled up around him even when he fully admitted that he had no feelings for the yakuza.

"Are you sure?" The bodyguard seemed to have no idea what Izaya was feeling right now.

The informant nodded, trying to put a normal smile back on his face. He failed. "Hey, Shizu-chan, I'm a little tired today, so…"

"Alright." Izaya looked at him, surprised that the other would reply so easily. He was probably giving Shizuo a strange expression, because the man paused and added, “I'll visit again tomorrow, so get some rest."

Slightly relieved at the promise, Izaya obeyed and lay back in bed, his mind anything but restful. He watched the door close behind the bodyguard and buried himself in the hospital sheets, trying to shut off his brain, to let go of some of these thoughts even for a moment. He tried to rationalize.

Shiki didn't really like him, did he? And, even if he did, he had no say anymore in who Izaya chose to love.

 _'Love…_ ' He turned that word over in his head, the word that had killed him in Psyche’s future. _'I love…'_ It had also indirectly killed Shinra, Celty, and Shizuo.

The chains crept back around him, reaching around his neck. He couldn't complete the sentence.

.

Shizuo deposited himself down on an empty park bench, massaging the bridge of his nose in frustration. He owed Ikebukuro yet another new vending machine, and it wasn't even midday yet. The bodyguard thought he did very well back in the hospital, but his anger held out only past the front entrance.

He lit a cigarette, hoping that the nicotine would help him calm down a little. The brat that disturbed his peace a few minutes earlier had deserved it, he told himself.

The bodyguard took a deep breath, letting the smoke dissipate into the air as he breathed in the fresh spring scent of blooming flowers. It irritated him to no end, how Shiki had managed to affect the informant so easily with just his appearance. He wondered what the two of them even talked about.

The way Izaya had looked after he barged back in, it was as if the damned yakuza had confessed to the informant or something like that.

"Damn it!" he hissed, hitting the bench and narrowly avoiding a fistful of splinters when he restrained himself at the last second. It still left a small dent and some chips in the painted wood. He leaned back on the bench, glaring at the passersby who decided to walk a little faster.

What if the two somehow got together, after all this? He grimaced. It was just wrong, after all Shiki had done to Izaya.

He suddenly remembered the informant trembling in his arms. All he had done with these hands was destroy and destroy, and now with Izaya… He didn't want to let go.

He grabbed his hair in frustration, sighing. "Why do I care so much?"

"About what?"

Shizuo looked up to see a woman staring back at him, shuffling through faces in his mind until he realized it was Celty. The Dullahan had recently taken the privilege of wearing more so-called "normal clothes" instead of her trademark black suit whenever she wasn't on a job. Of course, it had its fair share of troubles. She had spent a good 15 minutes just last week trying to explain how she was practicing magic tricks after someone had accidentally bumped into her and knocked her head off before Shizuo managed to pull her from the scene.

Shizuo flicked his cigarette to the ground as Celty took a seat next to him. He stared at the smoking piece, remembering what Izaya had said about starting fires, and crushed it under his foot. "Izaya…" he answered, feeling his ears involuntarily turn a little red. He wondered if Celty knew of the thoughts that ran through his mind these days. "That yakuza went to visit him today."

"Really? I'm surprised he did." Celty leaned back on the bench and adjusted her scarf. "He's been quite different nowadays."

"Yeah, well they talked for a little and Izaya got all flustered." He tapped his feet irritably. "So pissed…"

The Dullahan observed the other for a second before putting a hand to her chin. "Are you perhaps jealous?"

"What? No way!" Shizuo immediately denied, but he felt his face turn red against his own words. He thought about it for a moment before violently shaking his head. "Just no," he repeated. "I mean, we're both guys!"

"Does it matter?" the Dullahan asked.

Shizuo sighed. "Easy for you to say." Then again, a human and a Dullahan were no stranger than the two of them. He shook the thought from his head again before giving up, groaning. "It's nothing like that. I just want to protect him. That's all." The explanation just didn't seem enough, so he decided to keep on going. "What's it called? Fatherly instinct?"

Celty snorted.

"What?"

"Motherly instinct," she corrected him, making Shizuo gape at her in horror.

"No! I mean… I mean…" He pulled at his hair slightly before taking a deep breath. "I think I like Izaya," he muttered in the softest voice he could muster.

Celty blinked at him, not expecting him to admit it this easily.

"But that doesn't mean I want to do anything with… to… uh… him!" he quickly replied, his blush deepening. "So it's not like it's that kind of 'like,' right? Or, I haven't really thought about him that way! Wait! Uh…"

The Dullahan laughed knowingly. "I know. I know," she reassured him. Shinra would jump at this.

"And he probably has enough on his mind these days!" Shizuo added. "There's no way…" he trailed off.

 _'There's no way Izaya would ever love me back. I mean, we've been fighting since forever,'_ his thoughts finished for him. _'He probably still likes Shiki. That’s why he reacted like that.'_

"Uh, I shouldn't bother him with this," he muttered instead.

Celty sighed, trying to do a little thinking for him. She clapped her hands together when an idea hit her. "Shizuo, why don't you start with…"

.

Izaya took a shaky step forward, refusing to put his weight on the bars as he made his way across the given path. He had to walk again so that he could escape from this place where he was at the mercy of everyone who knew he was here. Forget Shiki and Shizuo, what if one of his many enemies decided to pay him a little visit? The attempt at driving his thoughts away from the two only brought them back into his mind, and he gritted his teeth, trying to concentrate on his current task.

The next step sent him to the ground, and he stayed where was, groaning. It was no good; his legs weren't going to get better overnight. He sighed, looking at the doorway to see if there happened to be any passing nurses that would help him back to his room, finding it impossible to make it back there now.

Deciding not to wait any longer, he tried to hoist himself up and gave up almost instantly when his legs refused to work anymore for the day. "Damn it!" he hissed, frustrated with his own helplessness. The feeling was all too familiar.

"Izaya?" the new voice made him freeze. "Why are you here alone?" He looked up to see Shizuo walking towards him, worry written all over his face.

Izaya frowned and looked back down, unwilling to meet the bodyguard's eyes. He didn't know what that would do to him in the state he was in. "Can you call a doctor over?" he muttered. "Or maybe just get a wheelchair, so I can… Hey wait!" he squeaked when Shizuo lifted him effortlessly over the bars and began walking out of the room. "Wait! Put me down!" Izaya exclaimed, struggling, trying to get away from the warmth. He gave up when the other didn't budge and sighed, defeated by the heat that caressed his body where it made contact with the bodyguard.

They finally reached his room, and Izaya took the opportunity to glare at the other as Shizuo gently set him down on the bed.

To his dismay, Shizuo grinned. "You're finally looking at me."

Izaya turned his head away at this statement, not believing what the other was spouting. "You must be imagining it," he muttered.

"What's bothering you so much, anyway?" Shizuo asked, drawing up a chair. "I thought I've already made it clear that I'm not dying anytime soon."

"It's…" Izaya couldn't find the right words to finish that sentence. What could he say? _'I think I'm in… with you.'_ He threw that thought out immediately. Impossible. He was not allowed to say that. He had already decided not to say those words.

"Hey, I was thinking…" Shizuo continued, obviously trying to keep the mood light for his sake.

' _Great, now he's thinking too much for his own good,'_ Izaya lamented. _'I hope he won't say anything stupid.'_

"Let's start over," Shizuo suggested.

Izaya looked at him blankly. He didn't expect this. "Huh?" he answered intelligently.

The bodyguard scratched his head. "Uh, I mean, I did attack you for no reason that first day we met, so…” he paused, trying to straighten out his sentences. How did Celty tell him to say it again? Screw that. He tried to improvise, wincing at how poorly he was expressing himself. What was the brilliant plan again? "I know you must know a lot about me, being an informant, but let's just start this as…" This was definitely not working.

He watched as Izaya’s eyes slowly lit up, gulping as he wondered just what thoughts were going through the informant’s mind.

"Hello. Nice to meet you. I'm Izaya Orihara. What's your name?" Izaya introduced himself effortlessly. "How’s that?”

Shizuo blinked at him before breaking into a fit of laughter. "What the hell?"

Izaya smirked. "That's not the proper answer, Shizu-chan."

"Yeah, but…" He snorted. "That didn't suit you at all." He held out a hand nevertheless. "I'm Shizuo Heiwajima."

Izaya eyed the hand suspiciously before cautiously taking it, wondering if he should tell Shizuo that hand-shaking wasn't that common in Japan in greetings. The idea evaporated when the bodyguard's fingers wrapped around his, swallowing them.

' _Ah, they are warm,'_ Izaya thought as he looked up at the bodyguard, finding yet another new expression on the bodyguard's face, unobstructed by the usual sunglasses. _'That expression…'_

Shizuo let go of his hand, his face starting to turn red.

' _Oh…'_ Realization hit him. _'So he also… me…'_ The chains loosened, and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes. _'No, even if he does, I can't let us…'_ His thoughts trailed back to Shiki again. The yakuza would kill the two of them, he was sure of it. Shiki had the power to do so. Izaya had to make it clear to the Awakusu-kai executive before he could take a step forward, a step away from his past, away from the so-called "business" he had played with these past years.

Yet, his legs wouldn't move.

.

Shizuo continued to visit throughout the rehab, offering snippets of the life outside in Ikebukuro every time he came. To the informant's relief, the other stayed clear of any more obvious signs of affection, although the bodyguard did go through the trouble of bringing him fatty tuna on more than one occasion, obviously lying when he said it was a gift from Simon.

Also to his peace of mind, Shiki didn't visit again after that first time, curtailing their means of contact to emails and texts. It was as the two of them were waiting for him to recover before making any moves. Unfortunately, as steadily as he was regaining the use of legs, Izaya's thoughts on the matter were anything but clear, and the lack of action made him even more restless than usual.

It was a simple sentence, really, just three words. The problem was that he had never said those words to an individual before. Humanity, plenty. But a human, never. If he did, he had lied, he admitted it. He's only said the opposite to Shizuo and had kept it hidden for many years from Shiki.

And frankly, he was scared. It was all such a blur to him, what could happen after those words were uttered. Would the world as he embraced it end? Would he turn into some disgusting pile of melted chocolate, prone for the hungry jaws of those who wanted his life? Would the other become the same? Even without the possibility of Shiki coming after the two of them, there were still many others. He had been so accustomed to knowing. The uncertainty scared him.

So it continued for another month, until the day he finally stepped out of the hospital into the streets of Ikebukuro. He couldn't run yet, but his feet carried him to where he wanted to be: away, hidden back in his apartment in Shinjuku with all the doors locked, locked until he finally managed to resume some normality in his daily schedule again, not that it took someone like him very long, to his dismay. He found that work kept him sane, just like before.

It was then, one day as Namie was typing away at the sofa, he finally admitted to himself the truth when he "accidentally" pulled up the bodyguard's profile on his computer, layered above all the other folders he had opened that were actually needed for his current job.

Izaya Orihara was in love, and he was too cowardly to say it, just like before.

His phone finally rang, and he looked at the caller ID with bated breath.

Fear was a powerful enemy.


	21. Izaya Track 3

Izaya slowly put the phone to his ear, his fingers trembling. 

"H-Hello?" he stuttered as he tried to keep his heartbeat in check. He swore it was strong enough to vibrate the entire room, and he glanced over to see if Namie had noticed anything. To his relief, she turned another page of her file, eyes still glued to the document.

"Hey, Izaya," the bodyguard's voice answered him uneasily on the other line. Izaya guessed Shizuo was feeling more or less the same. "How are you feeling?"

"Well enough," the informant replied as he tried to sort out his thoughts. Shizuo's profile still stared back at him from the computer screen, and he closed it in a panic, hoping that his mind would continue to stay rational. It was all too sudden. "Uh," he began, and finally grasped onto one coherent thought. "How'd you get this number?" 

"Ah, sorry." Shizuo seemed to have gained a little more confidence now that Izaya had continued the conversation. "Celty gave it to me."

"Really?"

"Uh…" Izaya could almost see the other scratching his head gruffly while thinking of what to say next. "Yeah, just checking up on you. It's kind of weird not seeing you run around Ikebukuro like you usually do."

The informant chuckled at this, feeling as if the weight had been lifted from him just a little. "As much as I'd love to, I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to dodge any vending machines that decide to fly my way."

The voice on the other end paused for a moment. "What if there aren't any?" Shizuo suddenly asked, not a hint of sarcasm in the man’s voice.

"Huh?" Izaya didn't see this statement coming.

"Would you come?" Shizuo continued, gathering courage once again.

Izaya on the other hand was starting to feel the weight of the words bear down on him as the wheels in his mind began turning properly once more. "How can you be certain I won't do something to incite your anger?" he asked carefully.

He thought of the jobs he had been doing since his return. Sure, most of them didn't involve leaving his apartment, courtesy of Shiki, but they were sure proof of his return to normalcy: the twisted kind that everyone attributed to him. To be truthful, he hadn't really thought about that until this moment. He had been so absorbed in his work, using it as a distraction from his life, just like he did before. The side of him that Shizuo had seen was merely a small part of his thoroughly twisted self. Who's to say things won't go back to the way they were before between the two of them? These thoughts threatened to bring all the chains back around him.

However, the bodyguard's next words nearly blew all of those distorted feelings out of him. "Don't worry. You won't," Shizuo replied confidently.

Izaya froze for a moment. "Are you insane?" he suddenly exclaimed, standing up so quickly that his chair rolled away, stopping dangerously close to the window.

Namie looked up from her spot on the sofa, eyes twinkling with curiosity. The informant bit his lip, sliding his chair back and sitting back down.

"Maybe I am," Shizuo answered. "Hey, last time I checked, you're pretty insane yourself."

Izaya sighed. What was this world coming to? "Even so, I'll need a reason to leave my office. Work's been pretty busy these days," he half-lied.

"Want to go eat somewhere?" Shizuo asked, keeping his tone casual.

"Huh?" Izaya hoped his computer screen was covering his gape from Namie.

"My treat."

"You're kidding," Izaya muttered, numerous possibilities already running through his overworking mind. What if Shiki found out? _'Tell him it's just a meal between friends. He can't argue with that,'_ a voice answered almost instantly.

"Shinra said you have to go out and move around more if you want your legs to get any better," Shizuo continued.

' _Just friends…'_ The phrase had a strange bite that went along with it. However, the informant sighed, defeated by the other's words. "Fine."

"So, are you free Saturday?"

 _'This soon?'_ His heart wasn't ready. "You don’t have work that day?”

"I have the day off."

"Sounds good," he replied despite himself.

He hung up feeling like someone had pushed him off a cliff, and his heart was running a thousand kilometers per hour like it was trying to make up for all the beats it won't be able to produce after he hit the bottom. Didn't he already agree with himself that he wouldn't do anything? _'It's just food,'_ the voice from before continued to encourage him, but he knew what the gesture meant. Yet, the fact that the bodyguard actually noticed that he hadn't visited Ikebukuro and had asked Shinra about his health… Izaya felt an odd warmth at that thought. When had anyone cared so much?

He opened the drawer next to him and peered down at the headphones Psyche had left behind. Tsugaru had cared. Psyche had cared. He frowned and closed the compartment. But Shizuo… It felt different… loving… He immediately tried to shake that thought away as he felt his face heat up.

"You're making some strange expressions," Namie commented, bringing him back to reality.

"I'm perfectly normal," Izaya replied, swiveling his chair to face the world outside. He squinted at the light that poured into his office, making out the clear skies and distant clumps of trees from shrines and parks that inhabited Shinjuku. He sighed. "I really need to get out," he muttered.

As if someone had heard him, his phone rang again, this time from Akabayashi.

.

"I really don't see why you had to come too," Izaya muttered as the two of them walked down the alley.

Akabayashi grinned. "Well, it has been quite a long time since you've taken this sort of job."

"Not that long," the informant returned, still annoyed at the entire situation. He was more than capable of defending himself with words against this particular type of client: a salaryman who had some information that the Awakusu-kai needed. He didn't need a "bodyguard." Shizuo suddenly appeared in his mind. Izaya sighed, trying to curtail some of his annoyance elsewhere. "Did Shiki send you?" he asked, curiosity defeating the uneasiness he still held towards the man who had shot him.

"Yeah," Akabayashi admitted. "Well and also…"

"I'm capable of taking care of myself, you know," Izaya interrupted, making the other step back a little as he felt the full wave of the informant's annoyance.

"But you're not at a hundred percent yet," the yakuza tried to reason.

Izaya crossed his arms indignantly. "You're implying?"

"What if something does happen? Like…" He paused, almost blurting out the last disaster with the meeting several months ago. He chose humor as a way out. "We really don't want to get a phone call saying you fell down the stairs or something running away."

Izaya thought of his own stairs back in his apartment and sighed. To be truthful, he had purposely waited for Namie to leave every day before even setting foot upstairs at the risk of her noticing him use the handrails. "Point taken."

.

"I can't believe you almost hit him!"

"He was fidgeting so much! I thought he had a gun or something!"

"There's more than one way to convince someone to give out information, Akabayashi!"

Shizuo stopped when he heard the voices and slowly peeked around the alleyway corner to find the informant and the red-haired yakuza in a somewhat heated exchange near a pile of discarded boxes. He slowly put out the cigarette in his mouth, crushing it under his feet as he wondered if he should make an appearance or not. He decided to let the two argue it out when Izaya continued his rampage. 

"It's because you were there! You are intimidating!" Izaya articulated the last sentence slowly, overdramatizing every word.

Akabayashi waved his hands dismissively. "Okay okay fine! I'll try to keep a lower profile next time."

Izaya sighed. "I told you, I don't need a bodyguard."

"But Shiki said…"

"I don't care what he says!" Izaya suddenly snapped, all masks suddenly gone.

Both of them fell silent at this. Shizuo watched as Izaya looked away in the direction of the alley, most likely attempting to compose himself. _'Izaya…'_ The bodyguard wondered if the informant really still loved Shiki despite that rare display of raw anger. If not, at the least the yakuza still had a powerful impact on him, which didn't make Shizuo feel any bit better. Akabayashi seemed to be just as contemplative as the man waited patiently for Izaya to catch his breath. 

"What else did he ask you to do regarding me?" Izaya finally spoke, his voice quiet. Shizuo strained his ears a little more so that he could hear.

"Nothing. My only order is to guard you until you make a full recovery," Akabayashi replied. "Did something happen that time he visited you in the hospital?"

Izaya bit his lip, seeming to weigh the pros and cons of telling Shiki's best friend. "I told him I didn't love him anymore." Shizuo flinched at this statement, grabbing onto the wall corner to keep himself from toppling over as Akabayashi stared blankly at the informant, waiting for him to continue. Izaya went on a little hesitantly. "And, he kissed me." The wall cracked slightly. "He told me to reconsider."

Akabayashi sighed, scratching his head. "That idiot."

Izaya looked up, meeting the yakuza's eyes. "Akabayashi, did he say anything about Shizu-chan?" he asked.

"Actually, he did ask me about him once."

Izaya held his breath. "When?"

"After that first time I visited you in the hospital."

"I see." Izaya seemed to be contemplating this. "Did Shiki tell you to keep an eye on my personal matters too?"

"Well, no. That's not business. I wouldn’t even if he had asked."

"Good. Then I'd trust that you wouldn't tell Shiki about this exchange." The informant’s eyes were dangerous, like they had regained some of the power Shizuo had been so accustomed to seeing before all this stuff had happened, back before Psyche had come to their world and he had been ignorant to the informant's pain.

The yakuza looked unfazed but smiled and nodded nevertheless. "You have my word."

Izaya seemed a little taken aback. "That was quick."

Akabayashi shook his head. "Don’t worry. I've seen enough already."

Izaya let out a breath of relief before finally smiling. "Thanks," he muttered.

The two of them walked out of the alleyway back to Akabayashi's parked car.

Izaya examined the wall next to him, a frown forming on his face. "Was this here earlier?" he asked, touching the cracks.

.

Izaya tried to keep his usual air as he strode down Ikebukuro to the designated restaurant. He admitted that the voices were certainly a lot louder without Akabayashi hanging around him. It was funny how quickly people's perceptions can change. The internet had spelled out many of the rumors already, so nothing he heard was quite new to him.

"I heard he was behind that gang war."

"Maybe he got shot."

He did admit that it was a little bit unnerving to know that his legs wouldn't be able to keep up with any trouble he may encounter, so he avoided the alleys and kept his hands in his pocket, cradling his switchblade just in case. He wasn't quite used to this type of attention. What was like it before? They kept their distance out of fear, and he had enjoyed his little invisible bubble of authority in Ikebukuro. Now, it kind of felt like everything was closing in on him, ready to suffocate him at just the right moment.

"He's limping a little."

' _See? They're waiting.'_

"Hope he doesn't run into Shizuo Heiwajima. It'd be a massacre!"

"Wait, too late!"

"Huh?" Izaya finally looked up, so focused on listening to the voices around him that he didn't notice that Shizuo was already waiting in front of the restaurant.

"I beat you," the bodyguard grinned as Izaya approached him, glancing at the spectators.

"Let's go inside," Izaya muttered, wishing he had tried harder to convince Shizuo to come to Shinjuku. They left the surprised humans outside as they entered the yakiniku restaurant and got a seat in the corner, well away from prying eyes.

"So why yakiniku?" Shizuo asked as Izaya looked through the menu.

"Yakiniku is perfect for finding out how someone likes their food and also offers insight on their personality based on how they cook their meat," the informant replied easily, feeling a bit more relaxed now that he was with the bodyguard.

"Uh, is this an informant thing?"

Izaya realized what he had just said and frowned, wondering why he had chosen this place to begin with. To be truthful, he had randomly blurted it out when Shizuo asked. He grinned. Well, it was a way to add more to his file of the bodyguard, if anything.

"Guess it is," Shizuo concluded, his eyes focusing on the alcohol. "Hm, I want umeshu. Do you drink?"

"If I didn't, I'd be out of a job," Izaya replied.

"So umeshu too?"

"Sake," the informant corrected. "Umeshu's too sweet. Besides, it doesn't even taste like alcohol."

"But it's still alcohol," Shizuo retorted.

"But..." Izaya quickly sought for a comeback just so he could come out on top when he realized that the waiter had come over.

"Uh, so one sake and one umeshu to start?" the guy asked nervously. Izaya guessed he was probably a high school student working part time, yet another of those normal humans he had passed on his way here prone to rumors and misunderstandings.

"Yes," Shizuo answered for the two of them. "Hey, what do you want to eat, Izaya?"

The informant watched as the waiter scurried off to get their drinks and returned to his menu, wondering how much Shizuo could eat. They finally ordered when the waiter returned, obviously after being given a push from his boss to toughen up and take the orders of the strongest man in Ikebukuro and the shady informant who had been missing for 4 months.

Despite the promising start, the meal continued in an awkward silence as Izaya and Shizuo watched their beef sizzle in front of them. The informant took note of the other's dislike of overcooked meat, but aside from that, he began drinking his sake more often than he'd normally do just to create some movement to hide his fidgeting. He mentally frowned. _'Come on, think of something to say, Izaya,'_ the informant, wizard of words, told himself.

"Do you have a lot of work?" Shizuo finally asked.

"The usual," the informant replied, surprised that the other would be the one to break the silence. He didn't quite approve of the subject matter, however. It only pointed out how strange this exchange was: former enemies dining in Ikebukuro together like they were long time friends. "The usual," he repeated, thinking. _'It really is the same.'_

Before, he had linked nearly everything to Shiki and masked his love for the yakuza with the love of humanity. He had manipulated others so that he could assert his own control. Now, everything was still going on as usual, and it wasn't like he detested his line of work; he still found everything quite enjoyable to observe. He smiled bitterly at the thought. _'This is me…'_

"I haven't changed at all," he muttered, wondering how this would make the bodyguard feel. He reasoned that Shizuo should know the truth though, before he fell any deeper. He felt his own heart drop at this thought. _'Then, Shizu-chan and I would return to the way we were before.'_

However, the bodyguard grinned. "Well fleas will always stay fleas." Izaya glared at him, not expecting this answer. "It's, uh…" The bodyguard searched for a better explanation as he flipped his piece of meat. "It’s like my strength. It's just part of who you are."

"If you know that, then why are we here?" Izaya mused.

Shizuo shrugged. "Because I asked you out to eat?"

The informant laughed at this. Everything was so simple in the other's eyes. Yet, it was refreshing, comforting even. He could feel the alcohol in his system and wondered if it was making him more relaxed than usual. Then, like a curse, he thought of Shiki again.

They were just friends, right? If Shiki felt like he owed that much to Izaya, then he could at least not take this away from him. Humans are supposed to be rational creatures. _'Most of the time_ ,' the informant thought, particularly recalling his own actions the past years.

Shizuo observed all of this silently, and it was already too late when Izaya noticed that the bodyguard's countenance had changed.

_'Since when was Shizu-chan a good actor?'_

"Did Shiki ask you out?" the bodyguard asked bluntly as if he knew exactly what the informant was thinking.

"W-What?" Izaya stuttered, once again lost for words. He was beginning to get used to these little instances of uncertainty.

' _How does he know?'_


	22. Izaya Track 4

“W-Why would you think that?” Izaya stuttered, suddenly remembering the crack in the wall he saw the other day after his light banter with Akabayashi.

"So he did?" the bodyguard pressed on. As much as Shizuo attempted to appear nonchalant, Izaya could detect the apprehension in the other’s eyes.

"T-That's…" the informant averted his eyes, his brain running in circles as he tried to cough up a satisfactory response. He didn’t understand why Shizuo was even asking- well, he did, but… 

"Actually, I kind of overheard you and Akabayashi the other day," Shizuo admitted, the guilty tone in his voice prompting Izaya to look back to him.

' _I knew it!'_ The informant shifted uncomfortably and decided to wait for the other to continue, grabbing at anything that would buy him a little more time to decide how to proceed.

"S-Sorry, it's just that…" Shizuo paused, also trying to find the right words, "you've been acting a little strange ever since he visited you in the hospital, so I was wondering what was going on."

"Strange?" the informant repeated, the word rolling off his tongue.

"Uh, I don't know," the bodyguard sighed. He really wished he could express himself better with the informant, but this was something he didn't do often with anyone. "You've been more hesitant."

"I have been hesitant," Izaya admitted after a moment, "but, I've been like that for a while now."

"But it seems worse now."

"How so?"

"How should I put it?" Shizuo pondered, meeting his eyes. Izaya saw concern in the bodyguard's warm brown orbs. "You seemed stressed.” The man shook his head before Izaya could answer. “Sorry, I'm probably just reading you wrong."

The informant laughed the statement off. "Don't worry. I'm fine," he reassured Shizuo. "I'm not that weak."

"Even against Shiki?"

"That's…" he paused, "different."

"But isn't he human, just like everyone else?"

"Shizu-chan, you forget, I lost to him once," Izaya replied quietly.

"That was a long time ago. You're stronger now."

Izaya snorted, immediately seeing the irony of that statement. Him, stronger? If anything, the bodyguard had seen him at his lowest these past three months. There was no way he could be stronger than he was when everything started. He may be wiser now, but strength-wise, he knew he could not stand up to the yakuza who had dominated so many years of his life. 

"Shizu-chan, you've seen me. I'm not that strong." It was strange to admit this to his previous mortal enemy when he had spent ages trying to prove to the world otherwise.

To his surprise, Shizuo seemed a little confused. "But you just said you're not that weak."

Izaya paused, realizing the contradiction he had just made from trying to be careful with his words. He knew the other wanted answers, but the subject matter was awkward, dangerous even if anyone should overhear. The informant looked over his shoulder just in case but could find no trace of listening ears in this busy restaurant. It suddenly dawned on him. 

_'Why am I here?'_ He knew something like this would happen, and yet he still came, like a moth to a flame. A sudden warmth on his hand made him even more unsure as he looked down to see Shizuo's hand over his. It was addicting, this warmth.

"Izaya," Shizuo called his name. "Like I said before, I'm here if you want to talk."

 _'Just say that he's concerned as a friend,'_ the little irritating voice came back. Izaya sighed, letting it help him take a step forward. "Shiki… He didn't confess, directly that is…" he began, his sentences more jumbled that he'd like.

"Huh?"

Izaya continued, attempting to draw up more courage. "That's why I'm not sure if he's serious or not. I can't read him." He suddenly realized that he truly hated it, this uncertainty.

"What would you do if he meant it that way?" Shizuo was almost holding his breath. He had already overheard it earlier, but he wanted to hear it from Izaya in person. There's no way he would allow the informant to go back to the other after what had happened. He won't let Izaya fall again, not like this.

"I don't know," Izaya muttered. "But I'm not going to him," he continued before Shizuo could say anything. He could feel a certain strength when the words left his mouth, like he was reinforcing this fragile statement with steel. "I'm," he smiled sadly at the familiar word, "tired, Shizu-chan."

"Not of living, right?" Shizuo asked, his grip tightening on Izaya's hand.

' _He's worried about that?'_ Izaya chuckled. "Of course not! Not after all you've done for me…" He paused, remembering all that has happened. It's as if everything he had ever known had changed in a blink of an eye. Then again, he had been asleep for months.

 _'And Shizu-chan had been there the entire time,'_ another voice spoke out in his head.

"Shizu-chan, why do you care so much?" He immediately regretted asking that. What would he do if the bodyguard answered in the affirmative?

"I just do," Shizuo replied.

Their eyes met again. Izaya really admired the way the other conveyed it. That simple statement both refrained from forcing any answers out of him and from playing the clichéd "friend" card. It was something he could never do in the mindset he was in now.

"Thank you," he told the other, breaking eye contact as he looked down once again. In another time, he would've died before allowing others to see this weak side of him, but with Shizuo, he felt safe enough to just let go. The bodyguard's words, as protozoan as he would've called them before, also overwhelmed him, the way Shizuo seemed to soothe everything with such simple responses. Why hadn't he noticed this side of the bodyguard sooner, after all these years? "Really…"

He felt a light squeeze on his hand and finally realized that Shizuo had never let go. "Anytime."

Izaya found himself holding his breath, nearly collapsing from the one-word promise. He composed himself quickly, reasoning to himself that it just couldn't happen yet. He needed to sort out his business with Shiki before proceeding. He sighed. So many things had happened so fast. If only he had more strength.

“Hey, do you want the last piece?" Shizuo's voice distracted him from his thoughts. Izaya realized that the meat was nearly fully cooked already.

.

"See, it wasn't so bad this time," Akabayashi joked as he drove them back to Shinjuku.

"I guess." The informant sighed, really finding no fault in his temporary bodyguard's performance this time around. They got the information they wanted without trading anything too important for it, and no bodily harm was required to coax the particulars out of the target, this time at least. He supposed he could tolerate the other’s presence for a little while longer.

Akabayashi grinned at the informant's docileness, having expected at least some sort of rebuff from the other. They reached a red light, and the yakuza executive glanced at Izaya, finding the informant staring out the car window, eyes slightly unfocused.

"Have you talked to Shiki about it again?" Akabayashi asked, trying to act nonchalant so the other wouldn't shy away. It worked, for the most part.

Izaya sighed. "It's no use. I keep telling myself to, but I just can't." He lifted his gaze to the sky when he spotted a couple holding hands emerge from one of the coffee shops. 

"Do you want me to drop a hint?" the yakuza offered as the car started moving again.

The informant shook his head. "He didn't even listen to me the first time."

"Ah, that's true," Akabayashi pondered. "He's quite thick-headed when it comes to you."

Izaya looked at him, frowning. "Since when?"

"Uh, well," Akabayashi tried to find a nice example that wouldn't mess up the informant's perceptions even further. "Remember when I kind of told you that he didn't trust you?"

"Well enough,” the other grumbled.

Akabayashi was glad that he was driving. He didn't think he could lie with a straight face, especially to an informant whose job had so many falsehoods surrounding him daily. "Uh, right, so that meeting… We were actually in the same building observing the entire situation."

"What?"

The hurricane was coming now. Akabayashi tried to stay calm so that he could properly explain this. "Well, Shiki wanted to see if you were working with the other group, and when it turned out you weren't and they captured you, we kind of found out last minute that we had a breach in our security."

"Your own men were working for them?" Izaya hit the target on his first try.

Akabayashi chuckled nervously. "Embarrassing, huh?"

“Quite,” Izaya muttered.

"Ah, I shouldn't have said that," Akabayashi muttered, realizing that he might have unintentionally complicated things. He looked over to Izaya when they hit the next light.

The informant shook his head. "Don't worry. It doesn't change anything."

The yakuza blinked. "Really? But you were so…"

"Yeah." A small smile appeared on his lips, disappearing as he replaced it with a sigh. "Can you read my mind? Now that I've said that?"

Akabayashi thought of the bodyguard. It was getting pretty obvious to him even if Shiki seemed to still be in some odd state of denial, or was it that his friend just didn't show it? "I have a pretty good guess. Is 'he' the reason why you're holding it off?"

Izaya nodded meekly.

The yakuza chuckled. "The road's never straight in love, my friend." He thought of _her_. "Never has been."

The informant sighed. "That's reason number two why I'm holding it off."

"Why don't you just disappear? Go to the countryside or something?"

Izaya looked at him incredulously. "Won't the Awakusu-kai be inconvenienced?"

Akabayashi grinned as he made a right turn. "Got a better reason?"

"I like this job." Izaya looked back out the window to the people. "I like Ikebukuro."

Akabayashi chuckled. "Realizing your true colors now, huh?" He smiled. "That's good. Just a little more time, and then it'll be all right. Hopefully."

Izaya sighed, leaning back on his chair. "I think I'll need more than time." He closed his eyes. "If only I had more strength."

"I can lend you my cane," the other offered.

"You know what kind of strength I'm talking about."

.

Izaya stared at the sunlight reflecting off the screen of his computer every time his chair revolved around. Namie had already left for the day, and his take-out sushi remained half-eaten on the desk.

' _I want to see him,'_ he thought, allowing his mind a little more room to roam now that he was alone. He sighed, knowing that losing control at this stage wasn't going to help his situation.

He finally stopped the spinning chair, waiting for his wavering vision to calm before he reached over to his drawer once again and removed the pink and white headphones.

"Tsugaru, what should I do?" he asked, sighing when only cold high quality plastic answered his fingertips. He placed the headphones on his desk and laid his head next to it, staring at the object sideways. His forgotten chessboard came into his vision behind the headphones, and he wheeled his chair over to it, hoping to find some relief with messing with the mismatched pieces.

The attempt proved fruitless when Izaya found himself back at his desk, chewing on another piece of ootoro and staring at the headphones again. "I want to see him," he said out loud, looking outside at the setting sun.

.

Izaya stalked the streets of Ikebukuro, already starting to have second thoughts on leaving his apartment by himself when the sky was already getting dark. He hated the way he had to stay wary of his surroundings, throwing glances at potential enemies that passed him who watched him with suspicious eyes.

 _'Shizu-chan probably went home already,'_ he thought, knowing that he couldn't come up with a legitimate reason to visit without giving himself away. He took out his phone, ready to call a cab. _'Should've known I wouldn't run into him just by walking in Ikebukuro.'_

"Hey, Izaya!" a familiar voice called him, making him look up.

"Shizu-chan?" Talk about coincidence.

"Busy day?" the bodyguard asked when he reached him.

"Yeah, there’s been quite a large number of requests." Izaya shifted uncomfortably. Should he tell Shizuo that he had come to Ikebukuro for work?

"Didn't Akabayashi go with you?"

"Huh?" He thought for sure Shizuo was going to ask him if he had just finished a job.

"You're still not at full health yet."

 _'Oh…'_ He grinned, waving it off. "Don't worry, he did go with me."

"That's good." The bodyguard smiled, sending the butterflies into flight mode in the informant's stomach. Izaya wondered if he should've just called and nearly clapped a hand to his head, realizing that he had never even considered calling. It would've been so much easier.

"Orihara-san," a voice made the two of them look up.

He should've definitely just called.

"Shiki," the informant greeted the other, feeling his hands start to sweat in his pockets. _'He suspects…'_

The yakuza nodded to Shizuo, who barely managed to return the gesture, eyes that had been so warm earlier now glaring at the other like a predator. "You seem to be moving around fine on your own now."

Izaya shrugged. "Well, Akabayashi drives, so I'd say that conclusion is still premature."

"You made it out here," he pointed out.

"You walked here from Shinjuku? What if…" Shizuo exclaimed.

"I took the train!" Izaya returned, stopping the other from displaying any more concern. Shiki was smart; he'd figure things out quickly, even if the informant hadn't done anything yet.

"Ah, that does explain it," Shiki commented, his eyes moving to Shizuo. "Was Orihara meeting you here?"

"What's it to you?" the bodyguard replied fiercely.

"Shizu-chan _…_ " Izaya began.

"Just curious. I need to keep track of my subordinates after all," Shiki continued, ignoring the informant.

"This isn't business related," the bodyguard stated.

"It will be if it affects Orihara's performance."

"Tch, don't try to make it sound like it's an actual company."

Shiki chuckled. "I must admit, that stung quite a bit. You forget, I am Orihara's client, so in a way, it's no different from a company. He gives me services, and I pay him."

"Shiki," Izaya tried again, not liking the way the conversation was going.

Shizuo paused. "Why do you have to say it like that?"

"What? You mean the term, 'service?'" Shiki asked, a smirk forming on his face when he confirmed that the bodyguard was falling into his trap. "Are you curious about what kind of service it is? You are, aren't you?"

"Stop it, Shiki," Izaya nearly growled.

The yakuza finally turned to the informant. "What is he to you, Orihara-san?"

Izaya looked away, his teeth clenched.

Shiki continued. "I do recall telling you before what would happen if anything became a distraction. I'm sure you know, the things they've been saying… that you've become weaker… enough that you had to make peace with your sworn enemy to protect yourself."

"That's not true!" Izaya finally exclaimed.

"Oh? Then what is he to you?"

_'We're…'_

"W-We're just friends!" Izaya blurted out, feeling the mixture of fear and anger course through his veins. He could almost feel his overwhelmed heart ripping apart at the lie. He stepped back, avoiding both their eyes and clutching his chest. It hurt. He almost wanted to laugh. It hurt even more than the bullet.

"Izaya," Shizuo knew he should be feeling a lot of things right now from the apparent rejection, but he forced himself to look at Izaya, and the fear he saw washed all of that away. _'Oh…'_ he realized. _'He's still scared of Shiki.'_ Before he could do anything about it, Izaya turned and ran. "Wait, Izaya!" he called after the informant.

Izaya's legs suddenly screamed from the increased effort, making him wince as he left the sidewalk. He forced himself to continue on, away from his lie, this unbearable pain.

"Orihara!"

"Izaya!" he heard both of them yell out his name at the same time before a blaring horn and screeching tires broke through the haze of his confusion.

Izaya looked up just in time to see a truck rushing towards him. He clenched his eyes shut, bracing himself for the impact, but something grabbed him and pulled him away to safety. The two of them fell backwards onto the opposite sidewalk, panting as the truck drove away.

"Wah, that was close!" The informant realized it was Akabayashi. The red haired yakuza helped him up and looked over to the two on the other side of the street as soon as he was sure that Izaya could stand on his own. "Oi! Shiki! Our client’s been trying to reach you!”

Shiki took out his phone, finding that he had two missed calls.

Akabayashi nodded at Izaya, who turned and ran again.

“Sheesh, we had a meeting, remember?” he scolded his colleague as he led him away, winking at Shizuo with his good eye before disappearing into one of the nearby parked cars.

Shizuo watched as the two yakuza drove away, Izaya’s words and distraught face revolving around in his head.

"Izaya…" He took off to where the informant had disappeared, but the streets were already empty when he rounded the corner.


	23. Izaya Track 5

"What are you planning now, Shiki?" Akabayashi inquired casually as he took another drag from his cigarette. To be honest, the incident with the truck had given him quite a scare, and he’d rather not have to deal with the consequences should anything else happen to Izaya.

"Accusing me of cheating so early in the game?" the other replied, eyes darting about his laptop screen.

"This isn't a game, you know," Akabayashi sighed, leaning back on the sofa and watching his smoke trail disappear as it floated towards the ceiling. "Just give it up. You're too late."

"Orihara still belongs to me," Shiki stated.

"And you should be content with the allegiance he gives you." Akabayashi frowned when his friend did not respond. "Shiki, you're breaking him," he muttered.

Shiki looked at the other, eyes narrowing. "What are you implying?" the yakuza executive asked.

"I'm telling you, just sit back and think for a second."

"I am."

"It's over."

Shiki exhaled. "Not until I say so."

"Remember what happened to Izaya in Psyche's time."

"That’s already over with," the yakuza executive replied, eyes darkening.

Akabayashi knew he had struck a nerve and continued. "It's called 'potential,' Shiki. It's happened in that other timeline. It could still happen now, given the right circumstances."

Shiki chose to ignore him and took another breath of smoke before smashing the used up cancer stick in the ashtray. "How are the jobs coming along?" he asked.

Akabayashi knew he was asking about Izaya's health. "Smoothly," he replied. "Orihara hasn't been hopping around yet, so I'm guessing he's still healing." The red-haired yakuza sighed. "Oh, come on, you know this. He would have dodged that truck so easily yesterday if he had been at 100%. 50, even."

"Then you'll just have to continue your bodyguard job."

"There are other ways of protecting him, Shiki."

"Such as?" the yakuza executive inquired.

"Stop restraining him, then he'll become strong enough to take on anything."

Shiki shook his head. "You've seen what happened before. He's too dangerous."

Akabayashi sighed. "He's not a kid anymore, you know."

.

Shizuo stormed through the park, eyes fixated on his cell phone as people dodged his rampage, changing directions when the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro got near. The call went straight to voicemail again as soon as he put the phone up to his ears, and he dialed again, feeling the anger inside of him build up slowly until it was ready to hurl another vending machine or the ice cream truck he had just passed.

"Is it Izaya?" Shizuo looked up to see Celty and Shinra walking hand-in-hand towards him. Noticing his gaze, Celty quickly pulled away and took out her PDA to hide her action.

"Ah, you're so shy," Shinra commented, earning a whack on the head from his girlfriend.

Shizuo chose to ignore this and instead returned to his own cell phone. "I can't reach him. Haven't been able to since yesterday."

"You two should really take our example of true love!" Shinra suggested rather unhelpfully, this time earning a fist to the stomach from Celty. "Okay, o-or just look for h-him," he croaked, trying to laugh off the pain. "He's bound to come to Ikebukuro eventually, especially with all the jobs he's been getting."

Shizuo grit his teeth. "So, he has been overworking."

"No, no." Celty raised her hands up in an attempt to calm the raging beast. "I'd say it's about normal. Most of them he can do in his apartment anyway."

"Yeah, even Celty has less courier jobs than normal," Shinra added. "Not that I'm complaining."

Shizuo sighed, looking at his phone again. "But his phone is off."

"How long has it been?" the Dullahan asked.

"Since last night."

"Oh, it'll be on before you know it. He needs them for work. Actually, let me see something.” Shinra took out his own cell phone. "Which number did you give him, Celty? I think I have another one."

"Just how many phones does the flea have?" Shizuo grumbled.

The doctor grinned as he scrolled down his list of contacts. "Oh, quite a few. Don't worry."

.

"It's been three hours, and you've only gone through two emails?" Namie exclaimed when she finally stormed over from her couch to see why the room was so oddly quiet.

"For your information, I’ve managed two and a half!” His answer didn’t seem to have done anything to appease her. “Just go home for today," Izaya sighed rather listlessly, waving her away as he leaned back on his chair.

The woman shook her head in disbelief. She had been noticeably less sarcastic towards the informant since he got back. After all, Izaya did kind of save her brother from any harm that might have befallen him had he stayed and gotten caught up in the gang riots. However, she didn't expect to see the informant like this upon her return. Then again, she definitely didn't expect him to get hospitalized for an entire three months.

"Are you sure you didn't fall on your head or something when you got shot?" she asked him.

"Certain. Don't worry, we'll be right back on schedule come Monday." He kept a grin on his face as he waved her away again. "Go take a nice vacation or something this weekend."

"It's only two days, idiot," she replied before walking over to the sofa and gathering her documents.

“Two and a half since I’m letting you off early.”

Izaya sat alone in his office a few minutes later, not any less distracted than before. He looked over to his cell phones, their screens blank since he had turned them off the minute he set foot in his apartment the night prior. He sighed; he knew he couldn't keep this up anymore, especially since he might be missing many important calls right now. He had to clear his mind, and fast.

A few sessions with the chessboard and some poorly attempted stretches the physical therapist had told him to do did nothing. He found himself sitting upside down on his sofa, wondering if the blood rushing to his head would clear it further, but that didn’t work either. Izaya managed to reply to another three emails, so he supposed that was somewhat of an accomplishment. Then it was rinse and repeat, until he finally found himself on the sofa again, watching as the sunlight slowly dimmed through his ceiling high windows.

He sighed, closing his eyes. If only there was something...

Izaya stood up after inspiration suddenly struck him, stretching out his weak legs before grabbing his jacket. The sky shone orange and red behind him, marking the end of another day.

By the time the sun had set, he was in Ikebukuro again.

Months ago, Izaya would've been nearly skipping through the streets and maybe dodge a trash can or two thrown his way. Things were much simpler then.

He could sense his beloved humans' eyes on him. Months ago, they would've looked away and pretended not to notice, whispering among themselves, but that was months ago.

"Look who we have here!" one of the humans had finally decided to act just as he passed the entrance to one of the many alleys.

This was perfect. He wanted a distraction, and this punk was the thing he needed. He had already moved the switchblade to his hand, hidden from view by the sleeve of his jacket. What he didn't account for, however, were the additional four lackeys that "suddenly" appeared behind his potential distraction.

' _Well this complicates things,'_ Izaya thought as he ran through the possible escape routes in his mind, but all of them seemed unreachable with the condition his legs were still in. He hoped the rest of his body would be able to keep up with this lot when the time came.

"We haven't seen you around lately," the first one spoke again. Izaya guessed from the way he positioned himself in front of the others, chest inflating, that he was the leader. His henchmen sported bats and metal pipes, tapping the makeshift weapons in their free hands as if they couldn't wait to use them.

"I was a little caught up with work," Izaya replied, decorating his face with his trademark smirk as he turned his attention back to the leader. "Ah, I don't expect you to understand though, since you'd probably get fired from a job before actually working."

"You little!" one of the cohorts raised his bat, but their leader stopped them, obviously having slightly more self-control. Izaya silently congratulated him for that, wondering how long he would be able to hold his anger. Longer than someone he knew, at least. When was the last time he had seen the bodyguard angry? He found his thoughts drifting dangerously away and pulled them back to the situation at hand.

"We heard you've been ill, actually. Something like cancer," the first one continued.

' _Ah, so he wants information.'_ Izaya put a hand on his pocket, wondering if he could somehow text someone to come over. "Cancer?" He decided that wouldn't work; his phone would make some sort of noise if he turned it on. "If I had a debilitating disease, then why am I standing here before you, perfectly healthy, eh?"

"I wouldn't say that you're 100%."

"No?" Izaya met the leader's eyes fearlessly. "It's dangerous to act without information."

"Well then," the man finally raised his own bat, decorated with nails. "I'll just have to find out then!"

Izaya made sure he dodged the spiked bat and proceeded to cripple the man with a swift cut to the arm before the others realized what had happened.

' _Neh, humans are so irrational sometimes,'_ he thought when the others ran at him instead of away from him, yelling battle cries that echoed through the street. The onlookers had already scattered from the fight when he exited the alley, most likely more worried about saving their own lives than calling the police, not that anyone would call the authorities on the infamous informant anyway.

Izaya ducked again, jumping to the side in time to avoid two metal pipes, but the pain that ripped through his legs at the sudden exertion nearly crippled him as he managed to slice another one of his attackers on the hand, leaving him with only three weapons and probably a few fists to deal with.

After a final sidestep performed with quite a bit of difficulty, Izaya turned and ran. He got past about half a building when the pain in his legs prompted him to slow down. Almost instantaneously, a pipe connected with his face, sending him into the street. He heard the men laughing through his ringing ears, and the sound of a car engine made him look up and down the street to see the leader in a grey van, his good arm gripping the wheel, a sadistic grin on his face.

The vehicle lurched forward as the man stepped on the accelerator, and Izaya attempted to jump away only to crumple back down into a heap as his legs gave way.

' _I'm beginning to hate cars,'_ the informant thought to himself, closing his eyes.

The sound became unbearably loud, and he cringed at the thought of more pain when warmth suddenly surrounded him, followed by a loud crash and the shattering of glass. The engine sound was gone.

He looked up slowly and found the bodyguard between him and the car, one arm around his shoulder protectively and the other somewhere inside the smashed hood.

"I-It's Shizuo Heiwajima!" one of the men finally stuttered, backing up until he hit the wall, which was probably not a good idea. The others were in a similar state of panic, and Izaya wondered if they were foolish enough to attack the way he had seen the irrational mob often do.

The leader in the car finally broke open the door and ran out, yelling for his life as he ran down the street, followed by the other four.

 _'Cowards after all,'_ Izaya thought as he watched their figures get smaller and smaller down the road. They weren't even smart enough to turn into an alley for protection.

Shizuo let go of Izaya momentarily as he placed both of his hands under the vehicle and hoisted it above him. With a roar, the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro threw the car at its owners, a loud explosion complete with dust and a little bit of smoke marking the demise of the vehicle and most likely breaking a myriad of bones.

Smiling in satisfaction at his handy-work, Shizuo looked back down at Izaya and offered him a hand. The informant took it shakily and slowly got to his feet, leaning on the warm arm for support.

Things were much simpler back then.

"We need to talk about last time," Shizuo told him. Eyes wide, Izaya nodded hesitantly.

"Can we go back to Shinjuku to talk? I'll get a taxi." He knew the streets were empty, but he felt like the eyes of the world were on the two of them. They had already caught him so easily.

.

"Vodka?" Izaya asked, pulling out a bottle from his cabinet.

His guest stared at the drink incredulously. "Seriously?"

The informant nodded. "I want to get drunk." He really did. He wanted to escape from all this confusion, even for a moment. If throwing his mind out of control was going to do it, then to hell with his love of control. It wasn't like he was in control anymore anyway.

"No you don't," Shizuo told him, taking the bottle out of his hand. The informant remained where he was as he watched the bodyguard put the vodka back inside the cabinet and began digging through his other cupboards. "Where do you keep the teabags?"

"Tea's probably too bitter for you though," Izaya muttered.

"I'll just add sugar to mine."

A few minutes later, Izaya found himself sitting in the living room, waiting for his own guest to serve him tea. Everything was so messed up that he didn't even know where to start piecing his shattered thoughts back together. 

All this thinking made his head hurt.

A sudden coldness on his bruised cheek made him flinch, and he looked up, realizing that Shizuo had found his stash of zip lock bags. "Thanks," he muttered, and he put a hand up to hold the ice bag in place, making sure that he didn't touch the other's hand, lest the warmth electrified him again.

"Are you sure you don't want to get some medicine?" Shizuo asked.

"It's just a bruise."

"Alright."

The bodyguard got up to get the tea, and to the informant's discomfort, he took a seat next to him, plopping in sugar cubes as Izaya sipped his own cup.

They continued in silence for a while, even after the tea had long disappeared. The informant placed the melted ice pack onto the table, his hand numb from the cold, and leaned back onto the sofa, fidgeting as he tried to gather his thoughts together and warm his hand.

"Don't think too hard," the bodyguard finally spoke.

Izaya chuckled. "That is quite difficult for someone like me to do." He wiggled his fingers experimentally, his hand still a little chilled but warm enough that he could feel again. It made him yearn for the warmth the other radiated, warmth that was right in front of him, but he didn't have the courage to grasp hold of it on his own. He had never resented his own cowardice as much as he did now. He owed so much to Shizuo. The words he wanted to say just wouldn't form, not until the wall was out of the way. "I'm sorry," he finally settled for these two.

"For what?"

"What Shiki said and what I said to him..." he muttered, knowing he was getting very close to the edge. "They’re not true."

"I know." The words came out steadily, but he could still see the relief in the bodyguard's eyes. Did he imagine it?

 _'Perhaps he knows,'_ Izaya thought. ' _Impossible,'_ the voice answered just as quickly. He had never said anything, and he doubted Shizuo could ever be so presumptuous. "I-I…" If only he could convey his thoughts without giving himself away, but the words remained clear in his mind, untainted by any of his usual metaphorical phrases. 

Shizuo took his hands, and he felt the warmth spread into his being. He trembled at the touch, the emotions collapsing his lungs and stopping his heart. "Shizu-chan…" The words were at the tip of his tongue, and he swallowed thickly, his voice caught in his throat.

"I love you," the bodyguard said the words for him.

Izaya blinked. 

The first tear trickled down the side of his face, and he felt the rest of them pour out like an ocean just seconds after. He looked away, unable to face the man in front of him, the one he loved. It was too much, this uncertainty. If this warmth were to disappear because of him, he would die. He knew it could disappear; he had seen it with his own eyes in Tsugaru's memories.

"H-Hey, don't cry!" Shizuo stuttered, caught off guard by the tears.

"I-I..." Izaya babbled, attempting to wipe the traitorous tears away. "I'm…"

Shizuo pulled him onto his chest, and he listened to the steady heartbeat of the other as he slowly cried himself out. When was the last time he cried like this? Izaya couldn't remember. It had been too long.

"If only I had more strength," he finally muttered, sniffing. He wondered if the other felt disgusted by him; he hoped Shizuo's clothes were machine-washable.

"Take some of mine," Shizuo offered, obviously unfazed by the mess of tears Izaya had made on his chest. He knew why the informant wouldn't say them, the words he wanted to hear.

Izaya felt fingers run through his hair and closed his eyes, letting them soothe him and untangle his jumbled thoughts. How did the other get so much strength? If only he could…

"You're strong, you know?" Shizuo interrupted his self-deprecating thoughts.

Izaya snorted at that, shaking his head. "I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You’re very strong." He continued to smooth out Izaya's hair absentmindedly. "You just have to control that strength."

"Easier said than done," the informant muttered.

Shizuo chuckled. "Yeah, look at me."

Izaya looked up for a moment at those warm brown eyes. _'Control…'_ He lay back down on Shizuo's chest, too tired to do anything else. "Control…" he repeated softly.

"You can do this," the bodyguard encouraged him.

He thought of Psyche and Tsugaru, and the night that sent both of them back to their time. That night he had given up and just as easily returned. That took power, strength. What was it that pulled him back on his feet? He thought of Shizuo, Shinra, Celty, even Akabayashi. Everyone was already there, supporting him. Even if he did fall, they were there to catch him. 

All that was left was for him to control his own strength, and Shizuo was here to help.

"You're tired. Go to sleep," the bodyguard told him. “I can wait a little longer for your answer.”

"Thanks, Shizu-chan," he whispered as he closed his eyes, drowning in the warmth that surrounded him.

' _Tomorrow…'_ he promised himself. 


	24. Izaya Track 6

Izaya woke up slowly, relishing in the comfortable warmth that surrounded him as he immediately recognized the texture of his own bed sheets. He shifted slightly, wanting to fall back into his first restful sleep in ages when his wall of warmth suddenly moved along with him.

"Eh?" Izaya's heart skipped a beat as he opened his eyes and found Shizuo's sleeping face only a few inches away, the bodyguard's soft breathing lightly tickling his nose. He attempted to move back but found something blocking him; Shizuo was hugging him again.

' _He really likes body pillows, huh?'_ Izaya thought as he studied the other's features quietly. He tried to calm his racing heart when he realized that he had never observed the other from such close proximity before. Izaya could make out Shizuo's eyelashes, still retaining their original brown color, beneath the dyed strands of hair messily covering his face. The informant tried to imagine the bodyguard with brown hair, but the thought nearly made him laugh, and he wondered if he should go digging for some old photos later when he had time.

Shizuo groaned, and the arms wrapped around Izaya a little tighter.

Blushing, the informant turned around so that he didn't have to fantasize any more unnecessary imaginations for the moment. He was not allowed to yet, not until he cleared things with his own hands. He could feel his stomach swimming at the thought and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. Izaya listened to the other's breathing and felt the soft rise and fall of the strong chest against his back, almost as if they were reassuring him that everything was going to be alright.

 _'You're strong, you know?'_ he remembered Shizuo's words to him last night.

Izaya smiled and finally allowed sleep to take him again.

.

Shiki leaned against the side of the ascending elevator as he listened to his subordinate on the other line. The door opened, and he walked into the empty hallway, devoid of any life during this early hour. His footsteps and the light hum of his cell phone were the only sounds that graced his surroundings.

"Good work. Make sure no harm comes to him after you pick him up." Shiki shut off the cell phone and entered his apartment, the moon shining through the window the only source of light illuminating the floor and walls. He suddenly noticed a soft noise coming from the other room, and identified it as heavy breathing. Shiki slowly took out the gun from inside his jacket, cocking it as he edged along the wall to his living room.

He felt for the switch and tensed, preparing every muscle in his body to act accordingly.

In a flash, the yakuza turned the lights on and aimed, ready to fire, when he realized that Akabayashi was snoring on his couch. He paused for a moment before he finally sighed, lowering the weapon. "I was supposed to meet him last night," he suddenly remembered.

Shiki shook his head, appalled by his forgetfulness, and decided to leave the other there for now; they could talk in the morning. In fact, he needed to think through the other's possible reactions before deciding whether or not to tell him.

.

Izaya felt something shift and opened his eyes groggily, trying to make out the bodyguard in the darkened room. He almost wanted to grab the other's sleeve and pull him back into the bed so that they could sleep a little longer, but he refrained from doing so with some difficulty.

"Work?" he asked, not bothering to strengthen his sleep-encrusted voice.

"Yeah," the bodyguard grumbled before yawning. "I need to run home to shower and change."

"Oh…" Izaya realized that he had also fallen asleep without doing so last night. _'Weren't we on the couch?'_ He observed the bodyguard closely; he was touched that Shizuo had stayed the entire night with him after he fell asleep. He considered offering the other his own shower, but he was certain that none of his own clothes fit the obviously larger bodyguard, not to mention such an action at this stage was just pushing it a little too far. Yet, he still wanted Shizuo to stay a little longer, finding comfort in the man's presence, something he had been lacking for quite a long time.

As if he sensed the informant's thoughts, Shizuo reached over and brushed the bruise on his face, tracing his fingertips over the swollen skin and stopping just under Izaya's left eyelid, which was also a little puffy. The informant looked up at him, realizing for the first time that his eyes were probably in no better state than his cheek with all that crying last night.

"You'll be okay?" Shizuo asked softly.

Izaya closed his eyes and touched the hand, the warmth. He nodded.

.

"You did what?" Akabayashi exclaimed. He couldn't believe that he had fallen asleep waiting for the other only to be greeted with such information first thing in the morning.

Shiki shrugged the other off. "It'll be better for all of us."

He definitely did not understand how his friend could be so sure of himself. "Orihara's not even threatening Awakusu-kai! Don't use that as an excuse!"

"It's only a matter of time before he does." Shiki's eyes flashed dangerously while Akabayashi tried to counter by staring him down with his one good eye. It didn't seem to work.

The red haired yakuza sighed. "Shiki, he won't," he said quietly.

"He's made peace with the man he claimed to hate most. How can you be so sure?"

"Because you know he won't." The yakuza didn't respond to this, choosing instead to wait for Akabayashi to continue. "Shiki, it isn't like you to mix up business with personal matters. Orihara's…"

"You seem to have some misconceptions of why I'm doing this," the yakuza executive interrupted.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that." Akabayashi sighed when the other didn't budge. "You're not going to listen to me, are you?" he asked.

"I stand by what I have done," the other replied.

Akabayashi took a deep breath. "Fine." He turned to leave. "Just know that you’ll be the one to deal with the repercussions if something goes wrong. We can’t always get what we want," he said through clenched teeth before closing the door. Shiki stared after the other silently, fingering his cell phone with a little more hesitation than before.

.

Izaya emerged from his shower, drying himself off and wrapping a towel around his waist before bee-lining to the mirror to check on his cheek. Shizuo's quick acting with the ice pack the prior night had definitely lessened the swelling, but he could still see the obvious discoloration on the skin, not to mention his eyes were nice and puffy from all the tears he had finally let fall. He blinked, willing his eyes to open and close normally, but even that proved to be a bit of a chore.

The informant gave up and dressed, deciding that it might not be such a good idea to go outside today, at least until his eyes were back to normal. The last thing he needed was more of "those" rumors to circulate.

He plopped onto his chair and turned on the computer, dejected. "I'm holding it off again, aren't I?" he asked the brightening monitor softly.

He had been so sure of himself last night and this morning when Shizuo was with him, yet just looking at himself in the mirror had dissuaded him in less than a second. The empty apartment seemed to mock his cowardice, telling him to wait yet again.

The informant pushed those thoughts aside as he started to shift through the unattended files from yesterday.

An hour passed as Izaya sent a few emails and browsed through a few message boards before he finally leaned back in his chair, sighing. "I wonder what Shizu-chan is doing now," he said aloud. He imagined the bodyguard throwing some debtor across the skies in Ikebukuro and smiled at the thought, closing his eyes so that he could imagine the scene clearer. "I wonder how it feels to fly." A sudden image of the unfortunate victim slamming into a building made him reconsider, and he shook the thoughts away, returning to his work.

It didn't work this time, and he found his mind drifting back to the bodyguard and the yakuza. How hard would it be to tell Shiki a simple "no?" What would the man do to him, to them? Izaya knew that the other was a rational human, but he was still human, and even most calculating of them tended to do things that didn't make sense. He immediately thought of himself.

He sighed, turning away from his work once again to take out the pair of headphones hidden away in his drawer. It didn't help; the cold plastic only reminded him of the warmth that had left to do his job this morning.

"Shizu-chan…" How exactly was he supposed to borrow the bodyguard's strength? He placed the headphones around his neck and kicked the ground, throwing his chair into a spin. Izaya closed his eyes to the blurred image of his revolving room and thought of Psyche and Tsugaru. Were they happy now, in that future his other self had created out of his own despair? He hoped they were.

His cell phone rang, distracting him from all his negative thoughts as he scrambled to pick it up, nearly falling off his chair in the process.

"Hey, Orihara!" Akabayashi yelled at him from the other end.

He wasn't used to hearing the usually happy one eyed man this agitated. "Akabayashi? What's wrong?" he asked through his own spinning vision.

"Turn on the news!"

Confused, Izaya stumbled over to his T.V., trying to find the remote. Giving up, he pressed the power button behind the screen, bringing the machine to life. The news was playing, showing a reporter in front of a censored apartment building and various police cars surrounding the premises.

_"The witness told us that she heard a crash and then saw several men in suits escort the actor Yuuhei Hanejima out of the building. The police have searched the apartment, and it is said that nothing was taken. At this point, we are still not sure what the kidnappers are after…"_

_"Money! Isn't it obvious?" one of the onlookers yelled behind the cameraman, pushing him aside. "Give him back you jerks! If you dare hurt a single hair on him, I'll…"_

"W-What is this?" Izaya gasped.

"Orihara, I think…" Akabayashi gulped. He didn't think it; he knew it. "It was Shiki," he finished firmly.

"That’s impossible," the informant hissed, walking back to his computer.

The yakuza seemed taken aback by the quick reply and didn't respond immediately.

On the other hand, Izaya continued fervently. "Shiki wouldn't do this. It has no value for Awakusu-kai! He's just an actor!"

Akabayashi sighed. "Open your eyes, Orihara."

"I…" Izaya bit his lip, sitting back down on his chair. "Is it because he thinks that me and Shizu-chan…" he stopped, not even wanting to consider that as a reason. If it was true, then it was his fault that Shiki targeted Shizuo's brother, his fault for putting the bodyguard in such a position with one of the yakuza's strongest.

"If you really love him, you have to act before it's too late," Akabayashi's statement broke through his thoughts.

Izaya finally chuckled as he gradually gathered his wits. "Why are you trying so hard to help me? Shiki's your friend," the informant replied quietly after a moment.

The other paused before continuing slowly, considerably calmer than before. "Because I went through something like this before." Izaya could almost see the other's rare melancholic smile. He knew who Akabayashi was talking about. "I waited, and now she's gone. You have the power, Orihara. I've seen it that night with the gang riots. You just have to use it."

Izaya clenched his fists, looking up at his computer screen. "And Shizu-chan? I-I don't think I can stop him if he goes on a rampage this time. I can't even run."

"I'll go talk to him. Do what you need to do," Akabayashi replied.

Izaya finally smiled at the reassurance and grabbed his mouse. "Are you fully aware that you're going against the wishes of another Awakusu-kai executive?"

"Ah, well, if he gets what he wants, he's still not going to be happy. Not to mention, you're surely not going to happy, Heiwajima's not going to be happy, Heiwajima destroying the city would make everyone else unhappy and…"

"Okay okay, I got it. Let me work!" Izaya interrupted, already typing with one hand.

"Good luck then. Let me know if you need anything else." Izaya almost clicked the off button when he realized that Akabayashi hadn't hung up yet. "Oh, and Shiki's at his apartment the last time I checked. Should still be there if you decide that you need to talk to him in person but no guarantees from my end," he heard a few seconds later.

Izaya considered this for a moment. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, calming his heartbeat and his mind. He thought of Shizuo. _'It's my turn to protect you.'_

"Thanks," he told the yakuza before he hung up.

.

"Wow, I was really expecting you to throw something at him back there," Tom commented as the two of them headed to the next location. "That guy was saying some pretty annoying things."

The bodyguard shrugged as he lit a cigarette, breathing in before exhaling the smoke into the air. "Well you got the money at the end."

Tom chuckled. "True. I think we can finish early today at this rate."

They continued down the street past the busy streets when Shizuo's phone rang, and he frowned at the unknown number, wondering if he should pick it up.

"Go ahead. We'll take a short break," Tom told him before he headed inside a coffee shop.

The bodyguard brought the device up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hello, Heiwajima-san," a familiar voice answered him.

"What do you want?" he returned, almost biting his cigarette in two.

"I propose a game. Now don't worry, it's not too difficult to understand, and if all goes well, no one would get hurt and everyone would be satisfied at the end."

Shizuo didn't like where this was going. "What are you talking about?"

"I have the actor Yuuhei Hanejima. He’s your brother, if I remember correctly?" Shiki asked nonchalantly, but Shizuo could definitely detect the smugness in the other’s voice.

"You bastard…" he hissed. Why would the yakuza target Kasuka now? As far as he could tell, his brother had nothing to do with the underground. At least, he hoped he didn't.

"Ah, jumping to conclusions already? Don't worry, he's safe for now," Shiki reassured him, emphasizing the last two words.

"What do you want from me?" Shizuo repeated, feeling his anger well up. He was in a row today too. "Is this about Izaya?"

"Perceptive, aren't we? Then I'll make myself clear now," he seemed to pause for Shizuo to guess. "You get to choose: Orihara or your brother."

Shizuo almost threw the trash can next to him into the air. "It's not a game! He’s not an object!"

"Of course it is. You still have choices. However," he paused for the effect, "think about the consequences though. I assure you, I will take good care of Orihara since he has been, and will still be, a most valuable asset. Your brother however…"

The cigarette dropped to the floor.

"You could go blindly looking for him, but I assure you, you won't find him."

"You…" Shizuo growled.

"I'll give you an hour to decide."

Shiki hung up.

"Shizuo?" Tom called out to his bodyguard as he exited the coffee shop, but he only found a fallen tree, ripped out of its roots and deposited in the middle of the road.

.

Izaya rushed through the streets of Ikebukuro, phone against his ear as he fervently waited for the rings to stop.

_'Pick up! Pick up!'_

The phone finally clicked and Akabayashi's answered him. "Hello?"

"Did you find Shizu-chan?" Izaya nearly yelled. "He's not picking up his phone!"

"Not yet. Did you…"

"Kasuka's…" he stopped when he felt something against his head. He suddenly remembered the smell of gunpowder, and the complete confusion of lights that engulfed him when he was shot last time.

"Orihara? Are you still there?" Akabayashi asked on the other line, obviously starting to panic.

Izaya tried to answer him, to tell him what he needed to know, but his body remained frozen, reminded of the shock he felt when the bullet had entered him.

"Put the phone down," a familiar voice told him.

The scar above his heart, a remnant of the surgery, a reminder of his close encounter with death, almost screamed out in despair. Izaya lowered the phone, turning to face the other, feeling the cold metal shift to his forehead.

_'Shizu-chan, give me strength.'_

He kept the glare in his swollen eyes.

.

"Orihara?" Akabayashi yelled into the phone when the other line suddenly shut off. "What the…" He had definitely heard Shiki's voice for a moment there. "Shit!"

"You!" a roar distracted him from his current problem.

He looked up in time to see a vending machine flying towards him.


	25. Izaya Track 7

"Were you talking to Akabayashi?" Shiki asked as he led the informant through the familiar lobby towards the elevator. He kept his gun against the other's back just below Izaya's hood and hidden from view.

"Is it because of him you increased the security?" Izaya returned, watching as the door closed on the five men in suits standing idly in the room. They would of course be no match against Shizuo if Akabayashi led the fortissimo of Ikebukuro here, but the thought gave him little comfort. Guns always turned the tides of battle, and he knew for a fact that Awakusu-kai had plenty of them.

"We are still tracking a few members from that group,” Shiki replied. "We wouldn't want them interrupting us now, would we?" The elevator door opened, and the two of them arrived at the apartment after a short trek through the hallway. The yakuza finally lowered the gun as Izaya stepped out of his shoes into the room, his bare feet cold against the wooden floor. "Forgot your socks?" he asked, knowing that the informant didn't like the cold.

"I was in a bit of a rush," Izaya shrugged it off as he made himself comfortable on the sofa. He kept his eyes fixed on the yakuza, watching Shiki casually sit down across from him and light a cigarette. If it weren't for the gun earlier, it would've looked like a normal meeting between the two of them.

"You've found the actor, I take it?" Shiki asked after taking a breath, smoke escaping from his mouth and filling the room. Izaya wrinkled his nose in irritation. He could never get used to the cancerous vapors that the other, and what seemed like every yakuza he had ever encountered in his life, spewed.

"Why would you do such a thing?" the informant finally blurted, his anger clearly reflected in his voice as he finally waved his hand in front of him in an attempt to make the smoke dissipate quicker. The vapors had definitely made him more annoyed than he already was.

"Don't you know?" Shiki graciously put out the cancer stick out on the ashtray after taking one last drag. He slowly leaned over from his side of the sofa and brushed the swollen skin under one of Izaya's eyes gently, making the informant flinch. "You wouldn't have come if I didn't."

The fingertips were cold, and Izaya swatted them away. "Don't give me that. Why did you tell Shizu-chan? You know how he would act."

The yakuza leaned back into his sofa, crossing his legs. "I was testing him. You should be used to this sort of game by now, Orihara."

"Shiki…" Izaya warned.

"Tell me this, isn't he the reason for those eyes of yours? And your cheek…"

"He didn't hit me," the informant hissed.

"Then he made you cry, didn't he?"

Izaya looked away. Besides the occasional pain from the times they had slept together, he had never cried in front of this man. He couldn't. Tears were a sign of weakness, and in this yakuza dog-eat-dog world, Izaya considered it vital that he didn't show any more of his weaknesses to the other than the ones Shiki had already seen.

"I want you," the yakuza said simply, making Izaya look back at him. The informant could feel Shiki's eyes boring into his as the man patiently waited for an answer.

It took all he had to not look away from those eyes, eyes that he had wanted for himself for so many years up until just months prior. But, it was different now. "I told you," Izaya said after taking a deep breath to collect himself. "I've already changed."

"I don't see a difference." Izaya seemed taken aback by this, so he waited for him to continue. Shiki obliged. "You're the same as before, seeking safety from pain by hiding behind the strongest force you come across. I know for a fact that you hate pain."

Izaya flinched at this, his fists clenched at his side.

"There are many other ways of protecting yourself, you know," Shiki continued nonchalantly as if he didn't notice the other's expressions.

"What are you implying?"

"I've known you for many years. There's no way you would willingly team up with the one man you consider unworthy of your love."

"You didn't answer my question," Izaya demanded through clenched teeth.

"I am implying that you do not 'love' Heiwajima as much as you think or say you do," Shiki finally stated sternly, his eyes never leaving Izaya's.

"I didn't say I…" Izaya stopped, his heart not letting him finish that sentence. This wasn't the way he wanted to protect Shizuo, not through denial.

Shiki didn't give him a chance to correct himself. "Look at yourself, Orihara. You only love him because you think he can protect you. Can he protect you when they come for you? Does he have the power to protect you from the bullets of your enemies? Knives? Drugs? He is but one person." He leaned over again and placed his hand over Izaya's. "I am the only one who can truly protect you."

.

Celty rode into the warehouse, ready to dodge any bullets that came, with Shooter screeching its battle cries only for silence to greet them. The lone inhabitant in the room looked up at the intrusion and gave her a small wave.

"Hey," Kasuka greeted her as she got off her horse and walked over, eyes darting about under her helmet for any signs of a trap.

"Where are the others?" she finally asked, thoroughly confused.

Kasuka shrugged. "Don't know. They got a phone call and just suddenly left after telling me to wait for my ride. I take it, it's you?"

Celty frowned. "I suppose it is." This made no sense to her; Izaya had made the job seem like a very big deal, and she hadn't been able to contact Shizuo at all since then to see just what was going on. She looked back at Kasuka. "Have you contacted your brother? I can't seem to find him."

"I already tried," the actor replied as he pointed at his phone and began scrolling down the call log. The entire thing was filled with Shizuo's name. "Nothing," he told her in his usual monotone, but she could tell that he was worried.

.

"Heiwajima! Just calm down for a second!" Akabayashi yelled behind him as the two of them moved further and further away from Ikebukuro. He ducked just in time when yet another vending machine flew past him and smashed against an unfortunate parked car. As much as he prided his own fighting skills, he doubted that he could go against Shizuo when the other was in a full-rampage mode like this. _'How the hell did Orihara survive all these years?'_

He ran around a few parked bikes and headed into the alleys, attempting to lead the bodyguard back in the direction of Ikebukuro, towards the direction of Shiki's apartment. The plan seemed to work and even had a few unseen perks; the vending machines stopped coming thanks to the empty street. Akabayashi decided to take a few seconds to thank the higher powers every time he turned a corner and found it void of any dumpsters, without slowing down of course.

His luck held out until they burst into the streets right in front of Ikebukuro Station, and just when Akabayashi turned to see if the other had found a new weapon _,_ a hand grabbed the collar of his shirt and hoisted him off the floor. "Wait, Heiwajima!" he pleaded and threw his arms up in defense when something clacked on the floor below him. They both looked down.

It was Shizuo's phone, vibrating off the pavement. It seemed to take the bodyguard a long time to register that the phone was ringing, and he finally let Akabayashi go to pick it up. He frowned, recognizing the number.

"Kasuka?" he answered, bracing himself.

"I'm safe," his brother replied to his relief. "Your friend with the yellow helmet is here, so don't worry about me."

"Yellow… Celty?" Shizuo wondered.

"Here, I'll let her talk to you." A few sparks of static graced his ears as the cell phone traveled to Celty.

"Shizuo? Why didn't you pick up?" her worried voice came onto the line.

"Well I…" The bodyguard looked at Akabayashi, who was tapping his feet as he waited for Shizuo to finish the call. He was surprised that the other hadn't taken the chance to escape. "I was busy. How'd you find Kasuka?"

"Izaya told me where your brother was. I tried to call him to tell him, but he's not answering now."

"He’s not?" He felt his blood run cold.

"Do you know where he is?" Celty didn't seem to be as worried as he was.

"No, I'll go look for him," Shizuo tried to sound calm.

"Okay. Don't worry about your brother. I'll drive him back."

"Thanks." Shizuo hung up, turning to face Akabayashi. "Hey, where are you going?" he snarled when the yakuza turned around.

"There's no time. We have to go to Orihara." He sighed when the other didn't budge. "It's not a trap, trust me."

"Izaya's with Shiki?"

Akabayashi nodded solemnly. "Most likely."

Shizuo grit his teeth. "That bastard."

"Listen," the yakuza stopped his string of insults. "I hope we can resolve this without too many casualties."

Shizuo clenched his fists and took a deep breath to avoid yelling at the other. It won't do Izaya or him any good if he somehow killed Akabayashi before the yakuza got a chance to lead him to where Izaya was. Still, the request was ridiculous. "That’ll depend on what I find when I get there," he finally grumbled.

.

Izaya tried to pull away from Shiki's grasp, but the other only tightened his hold and knelt before him, his height allowing him to still stay in eye contact with Izaya without even looking up.

"Are you willing to pull Heiwajima into our world? Didn't you stop me that time, when you sent him away to hide him from me?" he asked the informant.

Izaya grit his teeth. _'He knew?'_

"I know you didn't love him then. You couldn't have. You just wanted your toy to last longer."

"Don't call him that!" Izaya snapped.

"Am I right?"

"He's not…"

"Then what were you hoping for, saving him?" Shiki almost demanded. The informant could suddenly sense a strange urgency in the other's tone.

"I wanted him to save me," Izaya answered, eyes unyielding at the other's mild surprise. He smirked, knowing he had finally struck a nerve in the other. "And he did, although not in any way I could’ve predicted he would."

To Izaya's distress, the yakuza's face became unreadable again. "You wanted him to kill you?"

The informant took a breath. "Back then, I probably did.”

Shiki regarded these words for a moment before finally gathering his own thoughts together. He shook his head. "He has only saved you from one event. The fact remains that if he dives any deeper, he'll be where we are in the underworld. I've already tested him with his brother. You know he can't survive," he paused for effect before he spoke the next words slowly. "Would you sacrifice him to save yourself?" He knew he had landed a blow.

Izaya took a breath, trying to find his voice. He suddenly noticed something strange, the way the other's voice seemed to rest on the edge of desperation. "Why?" he managed calmly. He knew Shiki was trying to get to him, and he would not allow it.

Shiki's hand rested on Izaya's again. "Don't you know the answer?"

Izaya met his eyes. "I love Shizu-chan, Shiki. I will never let him get hurt because of me."

"You're just confusing fear with love. He cannot protect you in this world, and you cannot protect him."

"You're wrong. You've read me completely wrong." Izaya found strength in that statement and went on. "You're the one confusing guilt with love," he finished.

Shiki finally lost his composure and got to his feet before pushing the informant onto the sofa. "Do you want proof that badly?" he hissed when Izaya tried to fight back. The informant could feel panic starting to work its way into his senses; he didn't expect Shiki to act like this. "Let me show you." The yakuza leaned over and bit down hard on the other's ear, earning a yelp from the man trapped underneath him. "What would he do if he knew about this?"

"He already does," Izaya answered between gasps.

That stopped the yakuza momentarily. "You told him?"

Izaya glared back. "I did."

"It matters not." Shiki kissed him, and Izaya tried to pull away, but he was powerless against the other's greater physical strength. The informant could feel all his past fears come washing back despite himself, and struggled even more to escape when Shiki finally broke the kiss. He remembered everything so clearly now, all those times he had wished for the other's heart but found only empty business in its place. _'I…'_ He suddenly thought of Shizuo, and just as quickly he felt his resolve come back, fighting his fears like a fierce lion.

"You're afraid. That's why you're confused," Shiki continued, caressing Izaya's chest as he caught the other in another bruising kiss. The informant attempted to push him away again, but the yakuza was just too strong. Shiki traced his fingers over the familiar body, feeling the soft skin and occasional rib on Izaya's thin chest.

 _'I don't want this!'_ Izaya could feel the tears welling in his eyes. Even as the lion in his head fought, his lack of physical strength was starting to affect his mind. He could feel the other's tongue tasting the roof of his mouth, threatening to further cut off his air. He felt lightheaded and hysterical, and tried to return his thoughts to Shizuo for strength. He suddenly remembered the switchblade in his pocket, and his hands were still free.

Shiki stopped and pulled away just as Izaya began to reach for the knife, and the informant gasped for air when the other suddenly lifted up his shirt. The informant was about to strike when Shiki touched the area above his heart curiously, mouth drawn into a frown. He realized that it was the bullet scar.

Shiki looked back up to the informant when he felt the cold metal of the blade against his neck. Izaya smiled weakly. "You're the one I'm afraid of."

Izaya took the chance to finally push Shiki off, running towards the door while straightening his clothes the best he could before he exited the apartment, barefoot. The yakuza stared after him for a few moments before finally pursuing.

"Hey you!" a man in a suit down the hallway yelled, and Izaya turned the other way towards the stairs.

He heard footsteps from the bottom and instead ran up, pushing his weak legs to their limit as he broke into the rooftop.

Izaya ran to the edge of the roof, looking for a nearby building he could jump to, when something yellow running in the streets below caught his eye. He took a deep breath. "Shizu-chan!" The man stopped and looked up.

"Izaya!"

"Shizu-chan…" Izaya repeated, feeling tears of relief well up in him. He could see Akabayashi running into the building.

"Orihara!" Shiki called behind him. Izaya turned, evidently seeing something very strange in the man's expression, almost akin to that of worry. "Get away from the ledge!" Shiki’s voice shook, hand outstretched.

It hit the informant; Shiki thought he was going to jump. He took a step back when the other approached him, and the yakuza lunged, trying to grab him to hoist him back onto the roof, away from the edge. The sudden cold fingers on his wrist startled him, and Izaya involuntarily wrenched away from the other when he felt his weak legs finally collapse under him. 

Shizuo was still standing at the base of the building, eight stories below.

It was like déjà vu.


	26. Izaya Track 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! Thank you for reading up until now! Just a little heads up that this chapter is the reason why I had to *cough* increase the rating *cough*. Please enjoy ohoho~

' _Never saw that expression before,'_ Izaya thought before gravity snatched him away from Shiki's outstretched hand and his feet left the building altogether. His stomach began to lurch as the rooftop and the man who had dominated so much of his life moved farther and farther away from him.

It was the longest two seconds of his life, and all he could think of was the image of Shizuo in Tsugaru's memories as he fell. He would've cried if the air roaring around him didn't dry his eyes so mercilessly, yet he kept his mouth clenched tight so that at least Shizuo didn't have to hear him scream at the end.

_'Shizu-chan!'_ his mind yelled out for him regardless.

Instead of pavement, he saw a blur and a flash of dyed blond hair before the vertigo disappeared altogether, replaced by an almost unbearable pain both on his back and under his knees. He let out a strangled gasp, reeling from the fall.

"Izaya!" he heard the bodyguard's panicked voice through his confusion, and he grasped blindly for some sort of anchor, anything to take his mind off the parts of him that had absorbed the impact. If it had been the ground… he shuddered to think how painful that would have been if he had managed to live through it. "Izaya," the voice was softer, and he managed to control his ragged breathing, focusing instead on the familiar warmth of the man who had caught him.

They stayed like that for a moment: Izaya grasping Shizuo's shirt with a vice-grip, trembling and trying to ignore the now dwindling pain, his savior remaining still, waiting for the man in his arms to recover. The informant finally managed to slowly prop himself up but made no indication that he wanted to be put down. He found himself staring into warm eyes.

"Izaya," Shizuo repeated his name again, voice filled with purely relief this time.

Izaya didn't speak and instead slowly reached out and touched Shizuo's cheek with trembling fingers, finding everything still very solid and very much alive.

He wasn't dead. The fall hadn't killed him.

Unable to hold in his relief any longer, he threw his arms around Shizuo, feeling the fast beating of his heart against the other's, desperate for more of the warmth that asserted that life still flowed through his veins.

' _I'm alive.'_ He realized that Shizuo's pulse was almost as fast as his, faster even.

"Shizu-chan…" He hugged the other tighter when he felt his eyes start to burn, unwilling to let Shiki see what had become of him emotionally. ' _So much for sleeping away my swollen eyes,'_ he thought with a tinge of sarcasm as he finally let the tears fall, products of a much needed release.

The large hand on his back moved in circles soothingly as its owner graciously remained silent.

.

Shiki finally let out the breath he had been holding in when he saw Izaya stir, barely noticing the door open behind him. He turned slightly to find Akabayashi panting against the frame, eyes darting about the rooftop. "Where is Orihara?" the other yakuza finally gasped, fearing the worst.

Shiki slowly nodded to the streets below, and the other moved nervously to the edge of the building before collapsing when he saw the informant still in one piece. "Damned bastard had to jump before I got here!" He looked up and found the other as stoic as before, all masks back on. "Shiki…" he began, but his friend cut him off.

"You didn't think I pushed him?" the yakuza asked, curiosity lining his voice.

"Why would you do that?" Akabayashi shook his head. "I’ll admit, I think there were a few instances where you could've made better decisions, but I know you'd never intentionally harm him."

The other regarded the red-haired yakuza's statement for a moment. "Is that so?" he finally muttered, and Akabayashi swore he saw the trace of a smile on the other man's face. However, he wasn't able to verify what his eyes had seen, because Shiki stepped away from the edge of the building and began heading back indoors.

"It's over, you know," Akabayashi called after him, unwilling to take any chances.

His friend didn't turn around. "I know."

.

"That bastard," Shizuo hissed when he saw Shiki leave. He took a step forward towards the building, clearly not thinking ahead of what he would do once he got inside with Izaya still recovering in his hold. "I'll…"

The arms around his shoulders tightened a little, stopping him. Izaya finally loosened his hold, trying to wipe some of the tears away before their eyes met again. The bodyguard felt his anger subside a little at the other's tear-streaked face, replaced by blatant worry.

However, the informant smiled reassuringly. "Let's go back," he said, his voice cracking slightly from all the crying.

The bodyguard looked back at the building hesitatingly. "But he…"

Izaya shook his head. "It's over." He rested his tired aching body against Shizuo's, clearly exhausted from the day's events. "We've won."

Shizuo sighed, pulling Izaya's hood over the man’s head to hide his tear stained face from prodding eyes. "Your place?" he muttered gently.

The informant shifted a little, and Shizuo realized that he was shaking his head under the furry hood. "I want to go to Shizu-chan's. It's closer."

"Do you want to ride on my back?"

The hood shook again. "This is fine."

The trek back to Shizuo's apartment was miraculously void of any curious spectators, and Izaya actually found himself drifting in and out of the dream world while listening to the bodyguard's footsteps. He felt the calm rise and fall of the other's chest, the now steady heartbeat, and the loving warmth he found himself drowning in yet again. It was difficult not to sleep.

The click of the apartment door finally woke him up, and moments later he found himself inside the bodyguard's bathroom once again.

"Familiar," Izaya chuckled as Shizuo slowly lowered him down to the side of the bathtub.

"I'll get a towel," the bodyguard told him.

Izaya slowly washed his dirty feet, watching the slightly dark water tainted by the dirt he picked up at the apartment drain away before Shizuo promptly returned with the promised towel. The bodyguard bent down and began drying Izaya's feet before the informant suddenly stopped him, finding it a little too awkward. To his surprise, Shizuo shot him a playful grin before handing the towel to him and announcing that he would make some tea.

_'What was that?'_ the informant pondered as he finished drying his feet before noticing his own reflection in the corner of his eye. He had definitely been blushing. Izaya sighed, trying to shove some of the thoughts away as he exited the shower and found Shizuo brewing some tea in the kitchen with a phone tucked between his ear and shoulder.

“Yeah, sorry again. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, Tom.” Shizuo switched off the phone and turned to face Izaya. "Feeling better?" the bodyguard asked as he removed some cups from one of his cabinets.

"Cleaner," the informant answered before throwing him a lighthearted grin. His aches did feel a lot better though.

They spent the rest of the afternoon in a peaceful near-silence despite the rather tumultuous morning. Shizuo ordered some Russia Sushi takeout for both meals, complete with fatty tuna of course, and the two of them went through the bodyguard's DVD collection, letting the actors on the screen do all the talking they decided to put off. To be truthful, Shizuo had no idea what had happened with Shiki, so he decided to take things slowly and wait until the other was ready to tell him. After all, Kasuka was safe, and Izaya was here with him, situated comfortably against his arm without any complaints. However, that didn't mean that the apprehension wasn't killing the bodyguard.

Izaya, on the other hand, didn't seem to want to bring up the issue yet, and his tired demeanor only worried Shizuo even more.

However, he knew they had time. He had already decided to take this slowly from the very beginning, and he wasn’t going to start rushing now.

Evening came quickly, and Izaya ended up borrowing one of Shizuo’s oversized sleeping t-shirts and shorts after taking a bath, chuckling at how he was nearly swimming in the bodyguard’s clothes as he waited for the other to finish showering. Shizuo threw him an odd look when the man finally emerged from the bathroom with a towel around his neck.

“Is something wrong?” Izaya inquired.

“N-no,” Shizuo coughed, joining him back on the couch. Izaya nestled in the other’s protective warmth again as they started another movie from the seemingly endless stash. This time, he found himself hovering in and out of sleep after a while and struggled valiantly to stay awake, but Shizuo’s warmth was far too comforting, and the way the other stroked his hair made him want to purr in contentment, his attention on the current movie all but lost.

"Go to sleep," the bodyguard whispered before lightly kissing the informant's forehead. Izaya felt the heat on his face rush back. He grimaced inwardly; Izaya Orihara wasn't supposed to act like some lovesick schoolgirl.

Yet, the warmth around him was so…

_'Wait, what’s wrong with being lovesick?'_ the voice in his head fought back, and a new-found strength seemed to push the tiredness away momentarily. He wanted more of that warmth, so much that he'd suffocate himself with it if that was possible. Izaya decided to kick his sleepy brain into action. It was now or… well technically he had plenty of time, but he couldn't wait anymore. It had already been too long.

Izaya shot the other a playful, albeit sleepy, grin. "You don't want to…" he attempted suggestively but a yawn interrupted him. _'Damn it!'_

Shizuo chuckled. "You're tired," he pointed out, trying to hide his blush at the other’s attempt, "and we have tomorrow, and the day after that and so on and so forth."

"Then at least let me tell you now"

Shizuo looked down at the sleepy informant, who returned the gaze with half-lidded eyes. Izaya managed to turn himself around until he was facing the bodyguard, their eyes leveled with each other. Shizuo brushed a strand of hair aside, enchanted by the other's gaze. The informant caught the hand, refusing to let the warmth leave his face.

Izaya took a deep breath before smiling. He was free to say it now, after all this time, to this man who had reached out to him and saved him, this man who he had come to care for so much he felt that his heart would burst if he held it off any longer. Enough with waiting. He had waited all his life for something like this, believing until recently that it was impossible for someone like him. Now, reality sat in front of him, ready for him to take the step forward.

"I love you, Shizu-chan," the words finally escaped from him, bursting and overflowing out of his heart. The arms around him tightened, and Shizuo leaned in to kiss him gently.

"I love you too," the bodyguard whispered as their lips parted momentarily before Izaya moved back in, licking the other's lips playfully. He got the result he wanted, and suddenly Shizuo deepened the kiss instinctively, drowning the both of them in a heated ecstasy before they finally had to pull away for air.

"Do you want it now?" Izaya whispered, enjoying the heightened blush on the other's face. _'Good. it wasn't just me.'_ He desired this heat so much.

Shizuo sighed with an air of anticlimactic relief after realizing that everything was fine after all. He felt his possessiveness suddenly surge at the thought of the yakuza. The fire built up in him, so different from the usual anger he was accustomed to feeling towards the informant.

"Damned flea," Shizuo growled, scooping the other up from the sofa. Izaya yelped slightly at the sudden action, holding on for dear life until he found himself deposited on Shizuo's twin sized bed, the body pillow falling to the floor as the bodyguard hovered over him. "I was trying to be nice," Shizuo hissed.

“Wah, how scary, Shizu-chan,” Izaya grinned playfully from underneath before Shizuo caught those lips with his own to shut the flea up. He pressed the informant deeper into the mattress, the other allowing his tongue entrance as he tasted the ridges of the man’s mouth. He finally pulled away to admire his handiwork: Izaya panting heavily under him, cheeks flushed under unfocused eyes. 

He had to admit that giving Izaya his oversized T-shirt to wear was the best decision he had ever made in his life as he slipped a hand underneath the loose cotton, tracing the other’s ribs before removing the garment entirely. Shizuo grunted when a hand suddenly grabbed the bulge in his pants, nearly growling at the informant for the sudden intrusion.

Izaya snickered gleefully as he pulled at Shizuo’s pants in turn, and soon all of their clothes lay discarded on the floor. The informant traced the other’s muscles curiously, admiring the finely sculpted power hidden underneath when he noticed that Shizuo had stopped. 

“Is something wrong?” Izaya asked, a little worried that the sight of his scrawny body had somehow brought the other back to the reality of the situation.

“Does it still hurt?” 

Izaya realized that the other was staring at the bullet scar on his chest, the skin above it long healed but still quite discolored from all of the trauma that had been done to it.

“Not in the slightest,” he whispered, brushing a few strands of hair from those warm brown eyes. Shizuo smiled and moved his lips down to the scar, kissing it softly. Izaya gasped when the other suddenly sucked at the sensitive skin, wrapping his arms around the bodyguard’s head to both pull and push him away, he couldn’t decide. “S-Shizu-chan!” he whined and the other finally relented, grinning playfully.

Izaya’s eyes trailed down to the other’s waist, gulping when he realized that they might be missing a few key ingredients for the act. “B-by the way,” he began nervously, a dozen scenarios playing through his head simultaneously, “do you happen to have…” He blinked when Shizuo pulled away and opened the bedside drawer, producing a package of condoms along with a bottle of lube.

“Eh?”

“Don’t ask,” Shizuo grumbled as Izaya grabbed the bottle from him, examining its contents. 

He really wanted to ask but decided to hold off as he poured a generous amount on his fingers, wincing from its sudden coldness.

“Wait!” A warm hand encased his, pushing him back down on the mattress. “L-Let me…” Shizuo trailed off. The bodyguard coughed nervously. “Just tell me what to do.”

Izaya laughed at his lover’s eagerness, guiding the other’s hand to his entrance. “Just start with one finger. I haven’t done it for a while,” he found himself nearly muttering the last part. Izaya wanted to slap himself for being embarrassed this late into the act, but a sudden intrusion made him gasp as he involuntarily grabbed at Shizuo for an anchor.

“Did it hurt?” Shizuo immediately asked, but Izaya shook his head and held him there.

“J-just a little cold,” he whispered. “You can keep going.”

Shizuo stretched him out agonizingly slowly, moving his finger in and out before leisurely pressing in a second. Izaya groaned when he felt Shizuo scissoring him almost experimentally, and by the time the other finally inserted the third, he wanted to scream from impatience.

“S-Shizu-chan!” he gasped, realizing that the other was smiling at him. The protozoan was definitely enjoying making him suffer. “Neh, hurry already,” he whined.

“You sounded like you wanted to take it slowly,” the other teased him.

“I’ve changed my mind! Please, Shizuo…” he begged as he ran a toe along the man’s erect member, earning a groan from the other.

“Tch, greedy flea,” Shizuo growled as the man grabbed one of the condoms on the table, ripping the package open and rolling the latex sheath over his shaft. Izaya watched all of this hungrily from the bed, eyes shining with want when Shizuo finally hovered over him. “Let me know if it hurts,” Shizuo whispered as he positioned himself against Izaya’s entrance.

Izaya gasped as the other entered him, grasping at the sheets under him as Shizuo fully sheathed himself. 

“Fuck, you’re tight,” Shizuo grunted.

“Y-you’re the one w-who’s…” a thrust cut him off mid sentence as the beast began to move. 

“A-Augh!” he clapped a hand over his mouth, embarrassed by the sound that escaped, but Shizuo pulled his hands away and repositioned them around his neck. The bed underneath them creaked with the strength of Shizuo’s thrusts, and Izaya could only hold on to the other as each movement sent him closer and closer to the edge.

“S-Shizuo!” he gasped his lover’s name, losing himself in the man’s lust-glazed eyes staring into his as Shizuo continued to plunge into him. “Shizu…” Shizuo leaned down and kissed the sensitive spot at the juncture of his neck and collar bone, eliciting another moan out of him as all manner of speech was swept away from his mind. “A-Ah!”

Shizuo then bit down, thrusting deeper if that was even possible. “W-Wait, Shi… A-Ah... I-I’m… Augh!” Izaya fell apart under the continuous onslaught against his prostate, and when a large hand started pumping him, Izaya saw stars, releasing his load mere seconds later onto both their stomachs. 

Shizuo continued to move relentlessly, groaning as Izaya clenched down on him. The thrusts only quickened, and Izaya could only whimper incoherently at the overwhelming sensations before Shizuo finally came, shivering over him as he found himself engulfed in the other’s arms.

His lover collapsed on top of him, the sounds of their pants filling the now quiet room as Izaya lazily planted a kiss on Shizuo’s sweat-lined brow.


	27. Izaya Track 9

Izaya woke up, blinking momentarily at the unfamiliar ceiling as he tried to recall the events of yesterday. His entire body ached, a combination of the fall as well as other things, and the thought suddenly made him attempt to sit up to search for the culprit of the latter. However, he instantly found that the other was right next to him all along, arms wrapped around him.

"Shizu-chan…" He relaxed and moved closer to the man's seemingly endless heat, enjoying the arm pillow under his head. He smiled and moved a strand of hair out of Shizuo's face to study the long eyelashes once again. It was so surreal, being here with the other. Just yesterday, he had fallen off an eight story building and survived because this man snoring away in front of him had caught him. Yesterday, he had told this man that he loved him. Just yesterday…

Shizuo groaned and pulled him closer. The bodyguard drowsily stirred and looked down at the one in his arms, finding a tear in the corner of the other's eye. "Izaya?" he asked, all sleep suddenly replaced with concern. "What’s wrong?”

Izaya laughed and wiped at his eyes before hugging the bodyguard under the blankets. "Nothing.”

Shizuo smiled before reaching down to Izaya’s aching hip with his free hand, eliciting a groan from the other when he started kneading at the tight muscles.

“Sorry for being a little rough last night,” he whispered in Izaya’s ear, causing the informant to further bury his face in his chest, no doubt embarrassed about their escapade the night before.

“It’s okay,” Shizuo heard the man mumble, slowly relaxing under his touch.

They stayed in bed for a while until the sound of Shizuo’s alarm finally prompted them to get up, the light of dawn just barely trickling through the blinds. 

“I’ll cook something for breakfast,” Shizuo yawned as Izaya found himself devoid of the comforting warmth. He decided to go wash his face, not finding any more reason to laze around in bed now that his heater had gotten up.

Izaya blinked at the mirror a few times, his swollen eyes refusing to open as he made a mental note to cancel all in person meetings for the next few days. His gaze then suddenly caught the sight of a rather pronounced rim of inflamed skin on his neck, visible for all to see. Izaya touched the spot lightly, wincing at the slight sting before grinning. 

“Possessive, aren’t we?” He splashed some cold water on his face in an attempt to control his complacent grin. It still felt quite surreal to him, as if a great weight had been lifted off his chest despite all of the small aches that he felt throughout his muscles, the worst in the back of his neck and his hips. Izaya wiped his face dry with the towel Shizuo had lent him before heading into the kitchen to check on the other.

“Miso soup and scrambled eggs?” Izaya inquired as he studied the spread in front of him, making himself comfortable at the small dining table Shizuo had somehow fit into his modest apartment.

“I haven’t gone grocery shopping lately,” the other grumbled, placing two empty cups on the table before opening the milk carton. He would normally just drink it straight from the packaging, but he supposed the flea would only tease him for it as he poured a generous amount into each cup.

Izaya’s eyes only lit up, oblivious to Shizuo’s inner turmoil about his milk drinking habits. “Let’s go together sometime! I want to try more of Shizu-chan’s cooking!”

“It’s not that fancy,” Shizuo mumbled, suddenly embarrassed. “I only cook simple stuff.” 

They had to wolf down breakfast rather quickly due to Shizuo’s work, and within half an hour both of them were dressed and ready to leave. 

“Right, we need to find you some shoes,” Shizuo noted, scrambling through one of his closets for a few minutes before he finally managed to produce a pair of old sandals that were slightly smaller than his current size. “Here, try these on.” He handed them to Izaya.

“Why do you even have these?” Izaya laughed, turning the shoes in his hand. He was certain that they must be from Shizuo’s early days before his growth spurt.

“Forgot to dump them,” Shizuo shrugged him off. Izaya’s continued laughing irritated him so he kissed the other to shut him up, noting that it worked remarkably well. “Do you really need to go back?” he finally asked when he pulled away. “You can just stay here for the day,” he offered, frowning as Izaya strapped on the sandals experimentally at the entrance. They were still at least half a size too large, but they would have to do since none of the stores were open at the moment.

“You have not heard my secretary complain before, have you? She can be as violent as you when it comes to words!” Izaya explained, patting Shizuo on the cheek. “I have lots of work to do. I have been out for several months after all.”

“You’re just working from your office then, right?”

Izaya realized that the other was worried about him visiting clients in his current state. True, even if Akabayashi was to go with him, he would need quite a hefty amount of foundation to cover the fading bruise as well as his now thoroughly swollen eyes. He supposed he should also wear a scarf to cover the nice bite on his neck as well.

“Don’t worry. I don’t have any in person meetings today. I might need to cancel tomorrow’s though,” Izaya pondered, making a mental list in his head.

Shizuo sighed. “Just be careful then.”

“Yes yes,” Izaya tried to reassure him. “I’ll be fine.” If anything, he was certain that he had enough emails to sort through to keep him occupied for most of the day anyway. 

Shizuo seemed satisfied with that answer and grabbed his keys from the kitchen counter before another idea came to him. “Oh, do you want to have lunch?”

Izaya blinked at the other for a moment, trying not to burst out laughing. “I thought you didn’t want other people to see me in this state.”

Shizuo shrugged, finding nothing wrong with the offer. “It’s fine if I’m there.”

Izaya sighed. “Really, Shizu-chan!”

“So no?” 

He found himself caving in to the bodyguard’s insistence. “I’ll come to Ikebukuro then, but you pick the place this time.”

The taxi ride back to Shinjuku seemed to drag on forever as Izaya found himself going through a list of viable excuses for his now super-swollen eyes. He knew something like this would not escape Namie, especially given his listlessness on Friday. To his delight, he found the apartment empty, and upon checking one of the cell phones he had forgotten in his haste yesterday, a text indicated that Namie had decided to take another trip out to the hot springs to visit her brother and, grudgingly, Mika.

' _Wait, visit?'_ Izaya hadn't even thought of the possibility that the pair was outside of Ikebukuro this entire time. After a few more seconds of thinking, he realized that it definitely explained why there hadn't been any complications with Celty walking around without a helmet these past few months. He sighed and tossed the note aside before turning on his computer.

Izaya took out the familiar pair of headphones as he waited for the computer to boot up, wondering if he could somehow reach Tsugaru to tell the other of the life he had given back to him. To his disappointment, the plastic remained cold to the touch and silent. He sighed. Well, one couldn't have everything in life. He placed them back into the drawer gently and locked it once again before starting on his work.

Finding his concentration somewhat restored, the informant went through his emails quickly and finished the things he had procrastinated on since the last time he turned the machine on, which seemed like centuries ago. It didn't feel any different than before though, since his thoughts constantly traveled back to the bodyguard between documents. What was Shizu-chan doing? He tapped his fingers on the table when he had nothing more to type, no more emails to answer or read.

The two of them had promised to have a late lunch together, but even that seemed so far away. Izaya sighed, resting his head on the table. It was quite strange really, wanting to be together so much.

A doorbell distracted the informant from his thoughts, and he hopped up, wondering if Shizuo had finished early. _'Impossible,'_ he shook the thought away. Tom had many clients after all.

He saw Akabayashi grinning at him through the peephole and opened his heavy door to find the other carrying a pair of familiar looking shoes.

"You left these behind, and they looked quite expensive," Akabayashi commented as he eyed the sandals lying to the side.

"Thanks," the informant muttered, moving aside to let the other in. 

"So how are things?" he asked a few minutes later as he exited the kitchen carrying two steaming cups of tea.

"The same as usual," Akabayashi replied as he stretched on the sofa. "You wouldn't even have noticed a difference if you went there now."

"I see," Izaya pondered as he handed the other one of the cups.

"What about you?" Akabayashi asked before taking a sip. "Any broken bones?"

"Hopefully not," the informant answered. "Wait, now that you mention it, I do feel a slight ache in my…" he trailed off, attempting to crack his neck as a joke only to be met with a small wave of pain. 

"You need to get that checked out just in case," the yakuza chortled. "You know how much they can fret."

Izaya chuckled. "True. That would be quite annoying." 

He truly regretted his joke only two hours later when another doorbell disturbed his morning peace, and he found himself letting none other than Shinra into his apartment.

"Why are there so many of you?"

"You mean visitors?" Shinra asked as he placed his suitcase down on the table. "A certain client of mine wanted me to give you a check-up."

"I thought I was already cleared for the bullet wound," he feigned ignorance.

"Oh, no. From the little tumble I heard you had off the roof of an eight story building."

"I told you, I'm fine," Izaya insisted as he sat on the sofa, waiting for the doctor to take out his medical supplies anyway. He did admit that the aches have been a little annoying the entire morning, but he honestly didn’t think they were anything serious compared to what had happened just a few months ago.

"It's a precaution. You do know that if it had been anyone besides Shizuo, both of you might've died?" He wrapped a blood pressure cuff around Izaya's arm. "Don't underestimate the power of gravity."

"Yeah yeah," Izaya waved his hand dismissively. “Speaking of which, did Celty have any problems with yesterday's job? I forgot to call her."

"None at all actually," Shinra replied as he slipped the stethoscope beneath the fabric. "She said all the guys were gone by the time she got to Kasuka. Someone told them to leave apparently."

Izaya regarded this a moment. "Hm…"

"I know, right?" the doctor replied before grinning. “Lift your arm.” 

Izaya winced at the slight pressure of the blood pressure cuff, relaxing when the air finally deflated.

“Blood pressure seems fine. Does it hurt anywhere? Maybe where Shizuo caught you?”

“They’re nothing seri- ow! Hey!” Izaya snapped when Shinra squeezed the back of his neck. 

“Oh! So it does hurt!” Shinra grinned as Izaya glared him down. The doctor’s eyes trailed to the other side of his neck. “Oh wow! That’s some bite.”

Izaya instinctively put a hand up to cover it, feeling his ears burn as Shinra grinned as if the latter was rather pleased with himself.

“Was the jelly to your liking? I was telling Shizuo it was better to always be prepared or he'd end up using something quite a bit messier.” 

“You gave Shizu-chan those?” Izaya covered his mouth, realizing his slip-up instantly. He really wanted to wipe the smug grin off of his friend’s face right about now.

Shinra only continued his onslaught. “Oh come on, you should be thanking me! Actually,” he muttered as he dug through his doctor's bag, “I might have some cream too.”

“I-I’m fine there!” Izaya finally exclaimed, shaking the other by the collar when Shinra started laughing.

“Okay okay! I hear you!” Shinra guffawed, trying to catch his breath from laughing too hard as he managed to unearth a bottle of pills from his bag instead. “Here. Take one every six hours if the pain becomes unbearable.”

“I said I don’t need…”

“They’re for your whiplash, Izaya. There’s no way you didn’t sustain some sort of muscle damage from the fall. It might take a few weeks for the pain to go away completely, so take it easy for a while.”

“I have been taking it easy,” Izaya grumbled, accepting the bottle.

“You need to be a little more careful until you’re back to full strength, you know? Keep track of your health more, Izaya. That’s an order from your doctor.”

“Yeah yeah,” Izaya muttered, turning the bottle around in his hand before deciding to pop one of the pills in his mouth. He washed it down with the cold tea from earlier he had left on the table, its presence suddenly reminding him of his previous visitor. “Who was it that sent you anyway? Akabayashi?”

Shinra looked at him oddly, and Izaya instantly suspected that he wasn’t going to like the answer. “It was Shiki.” The doctor coughed. “Actually, he wanted me to check up on you yesterday, but you weren’t home, so I figured Shizuo would call me instantly if there was something terribly wrong with you.”

“Is that so?” The revelation went in circles around his head.

“Don’t dwell on it too much, Izaya. It’s normal for humans to worry about others.”

Izaya snorted. “Now Shinra is giving me a lecture on humanity! This is really the worst.”

Shinra laughed. “You’ll get over it. Now let me finish the checkup just to make sure nothing’s really broken.”

Izaya impatiently allowed the doctor to complete his exam, valiantly attempting not to fidget through the various tests. He found his thoughts wandering back to Shizuo despite himself. It was like his mind was just full of the other ever since he had woken up from his coma just a month ago, although he did admit that he had been quite productive this morning, his concentration finally somewhat back to baseline. “To be honest, it all feels very strange,” he found himself muttering. 

“It’s because it’s a first for you,” Shinra explained, wrapping a pulse oximeter around his finger. “It’s not like you’ve properly dated before.”

“A first, huh?” he pondered those words. The thought sent the heat right up to his face. 

“Whoa! What are you doing to your heart rate?”

“I don’t know!”

To the informant's relief, Shinra found nothing else wrong with his physical well-being. His childhood friend finally left after a few more jests at his current relationship with Shizuo, not that he had much to add, having just confessed the day before. 

Izaya once again found himself alone, although his overly analytical mind was already working at full-speed from the information he had gotten from his friend. He wondered if Shiki had truly given up on him, or was the man planning some other dubious schemes.

Izaya’s eyes narrowed as he sent off the next email. He needed a way to show the yakuza that everything was fine the way it was, that Shizuo would be no threat to them and not a weakness for himself. However, the thought made him want to hit his head on the table. Of course, Shizuo was his weakness. He had accidentally gotten caught by Shiki in his mad dash to find the bodyguard during the incident with Kasuka after all.

Yet, Shiki had been level-headed enough to send Shinra to check on him after his fall. Kasuka had been left unscathed, no one had attacked Celty when she found him… He wondered if he was the only one acting irrationally at this point in time. Perhaps Shiki’s methods weren’t as underhanded as he immediately suspected. Perhaps he had always jumped to conclusions far too quickly with the other, letting emotions take the place of logic whenever he had assessed the other, much like his dealings with Shizuo.

Love was complicated.

Lunch time came around far too quickly, he soon found himself scrambling for his wallet after Shizuo texted him the restaurant name. One of his cell phones vibrated, and he grudgingly looked at the message before feeling his veins turn to ice.

" _Stay out of Ikebukuro. They're targeting you,"_ the short text read.

Izaya stared at the words for a moment. "Nice try," he finally muttered and picked up his coat and scarf.

However, the informant did a double-take before he reached the door and grabbed another one of his switchblades, just in case.


	28. Izaya Track 10

“Don’t you think the security is a bit of an overkill?” Akabayashi chortled as he barged into one of their many hideouts, surprised for a moment to find his colleague engrossed in a laptop on one of the sofas instead of lounging around like usual. He nodded to the lackey, who bowed apologetically before excusing himself, leaving the two Awakusu-kai executives alone in the room.

“How is he doing?” Shiki asked as he approached the other, eyes still glued to the laptop screen.

“He can still walk, so his back’s not broken.” Akabayashi grinned when his colleague finally turned away from the computer to glare at him. “Relax, he’ll be fine. I can’t say that he should be running around anytime soon, but we already knew that.” Akabayashi looked over Shiki’s shoulder to the long list of emails the other was currently skimming. “What’s up? I’m surprised you called me over here instead of the usual place.”

"I've lost track of them," Shiki muttered as he moved on to the next message. He'd normally use his phone for such things, but the current situation required a little more workspace for all the emails he had opened. Akabayashi scanned the text quickly to make sure, but he already knew who concerned the other so much.

"You still can't find the survivors?" A grimace from the other told him everything. The red-haired yakuza frowned. "Can't you just give the job to Orihara? He's probably going to find them faster than you, ah," he raised his hands up in defense, "not that I'm implying that you couldn't do it yourself. It's just that Orihara's better at these kinds of things." He wanted to smack himself for digging his grave even deeper.

"He is not allowed to go anywhere near this group," Shiki replied firmly, thankfully unfazed. He closed the last email and rubbed his temple irritably, wishing for a smoke to relieve some of the pent up stress that had only escalated since yesterday. An opened pack of cigarettes suddenly descended in front of him, the owner's calloused fingers delicately holding the box. "Thanks," he muttered, taking one. He lit the cigarette and finally breathed in, feeling the nicotine calm him a little. Akabayashi took a seat next to him, his own cigarette already lit between his lips.

The two of them smoked in silence, and Akabayashi found himself trying harder and harder to come up with something to ease the other's mind. He swore that he could almost hear the actual gears turning in his fellow Awakusu-kai executive's head. What was Shiki trying to accomplish, not allowing Izaya near this group? It wasn't like they were particularly dangerous anymore.

' _Wait, that's it!'_ he realized.

"You know, you don't have to protect him from them," Akabayashi told him.

"I am aware of that." Shiki took another long drag, making the red-haired yakuza shift uncomfortably when he thought that the other had just ended the conversation there. However, Shiki continued after exhaling, much to Akabayashi's relief. "I just feel obligated to fix this myself. After all, it is partially my fault that it has dragged on for so long."

Akabayashi gaped at him for a moment, at a loss for words, before grinning and slapping the other heartily on the back. "Glad to know you finally understand."

"Are you trying to pick a fight?" Shiki asked, rubbing his back irritably.

"What?" Akabayashi exclaimed. "I'm seriously elated that you got your senses back!"

"That's two…" Shiki warned.

"Fine fine, I'll let it go this time," he jested, twirling his cane before putting the spent cigarette out on the ashtray. He stretched an arm back along the top of the sofa before taking out his cell phone, scrolling down his emails for any potential leads. 

Shiki put out his cigarette next to Akabayashi's before placing the laptop back onto his lap. He found his irritation returning after finding no new information and leaned back, going through other possible places he could look, people who might have an inkling of where a nearly decimated gang might hide. A yawn from the man next to him did not help, especially when he noticed that Akabayashi had already given up and was about to take a nap. Shiki looked over the other's unkemptness with a raised eyebrow, his gaze trailing to the scar running down Akabayashi's right eye.

"How were you able to cope with not being with her?" he muttered.

Even with his eyes closed, Akabayashi's small smile still almost made Shiki regret asking. "Hey, Heiwajima treasures him a lot. You should be thankful." The good eye opened, although he made no move to leave his comfortable position. "Look at the bright side. Orihara's happy, happily working, happily alive…"

"Do you think it was really guilt then?" Shiki interrupted. "What I claimed to have felt?"

The other shrugged. "Hard to say. They're your feelings, aren't they?"

The yakuza executive considered this for a moment before finally sighing, rubbing his temple again.

"Like I said, it's over. Just move on," Akabayashi tried to reassure him. "Hurry and find those bastards and then wash your hand of this episode. Better yet," he sat up, "go ask Orihara to help you and finish this even faster!"

Shiki almost snorted. "Easier said than done. Besides, I have already warned Orihara to keep out of Ikebukuro. They want him dead for foiling their plans."

Akabayashi laughed. "Tch, you actually think that he'd listen? He's probably skipping around Ikebukuro right now."

“I thought that you said he’s not in any shape to be running around.” 

“Well, I meant that he’s not going to win in a chase against Heiwajima. Let’s use that as a measure of his health from now on.”

“He should not be putting himself in situations like that in the first place.”

“True, that,” Akabayashi chortled. “If it’s any comfort to you, there should be considerably less incidents moving forward, at least until Orihara recovers. Believe it or not, Heiwajima’s a big softy.”

“I could have told you that,” Shiki grumbled, his mood not improved in the slightest.

A distant yell suddenly interrupted the two of them, followed by a loud crash on the floor below them.

“What the hell are they doing out there?” Shiki growled. They both jumped to their feet when the echo of a gunshot rang through the building.

"Looks like I was wrong," Akabayashi commented, getting behind a wall and pulling out his gun. "I guess you found them without Orihara's help after all."

"I'll make sure to send the job to Orihara next time," Shiki replied from the other side of the room, readying his own. They heard another yell and footsteps from down the hall.

.

" _Stay out of Ikebukuro. They're targeting you."_

Izaya pocketed the phone after reading the text yet again, unable to shake off the uneasiness from Shiki’s curt message. His footsteps quickened down the busy street, eyes darting through the crowd in search of any potential enemies. None of his current jobs particularly stood out to him, and although he had quite the long list of suspects, none would warrant such a warning from the other at this point in time. He stopped when he nearly passed the restaurant. 

His other phone vibrated with a message from Shizuo. 

_“I‘m inside. Got us a booth with a window.”_

Izaya slid into the seat across from Shizuo in the rather quiet cafe, still on the lookout for any signs of a potential stalker. He did admit that he had the feeling that someone was watching him when he entered the restaurant, but then again, he had been quite unsettled the entire trip up to Ikebukuro.

“Have you been here before?” he asked Shizuo, trying to take his mind off of the text.

“Nope,” the other admitted to his surprise. “I heard their parfaits were pretty good though.”

Izaya snorted, realizing that he had truly underestimated the other man’s love of sweet things. “I should have known.” 

The two of them ordered the set lunches and one signature parfait to share, with Izaya enjoying the waiter’s attempt at keeping a straight face just a little too much. He admitted that he could get used to outings like these if all of their servers reacted this way to he and Shizuo’s supposed “truce.” 

“You have the weirdest fascinations,” Shizuo grumbled after the waiter scurried away with their order.

“Please don’t be jealous, dear,” he teased, causing the other to turn red at the nickname.

Shizuo coughed, attempting to change the subject. "So what did you do today?"

"Caught up on work," the informant replied, readjusting his scarf. “It turned out that Namie went out of town to visit her brother, so I didn’t get scolded after all!”

“Then you could have just stayed at my place today,” Shizuo grumbled. 

Izaya laughed. “Oh come now, you know I need a computer and my phone.”

“Just how many phones do you have?”

“Enough. Did you want all of their numbers?” He laughed when Shizuo looked away, knowing that the offer really did entice the other.

“Shinra actually gave me quite a few of them,” the bodyguard muttered after a moment.

Izaya blinked at the other incredulously, reminding himself to get back at the doctor at a later date. Then again, Shinra did provide the other with the necessary materials for… He coughed, shaking that thought out of his mind. “A-Anyway, what about you? Any interesting clients?” 

"I worked, but I wouldn't say that we 'caught up' on anything.” Shizuo found himself starting to seethe at the thought of the debtors they met today. 

“Sounds like a usual day,” Izaya chortled as their food finally came. He enjoyed watching Shizuo destroy the corn pottage and hamburger steak, making a mental note to himself to return to this restaurant in the future just to watch the other enjoy his food. The parfait itself lived up to the hype, the mountain of fruits and ice cream seemingly endless. 

Izaya found his thoughts returning back to that short text as he watched Shizuo work on the remainder of the parfait, having given up long ago himself. He doubted that Shiki would try anything funny, but then again, the man did orchestrate Kasuka's kidnapping just to make a point. Izaya grimaced, hating how he still had to worry so much even after surviving getting shot in the chest at point blank and falling off an eight-story building. He supposed the next step would be to have both of those events happen at the same time.

It did bother him, what Shiki had said about the underworld. They were so close to it. If the message truly didn't hold any deceptions, then something was definitely going to happen soon. "Shizu-chan…" he muttered meekly to the other, who seemed to be absorbed with something outside, spoon still working on the parfait.

Before Izaya could try again at grabbing the other's attention, his phone rang. 

“Neh, Shizu-chan, can I take this?” he asked, looking up at Shizuo to find the other still staring at whatever he was looking at outside. Slightly annoyed at the bodyguard’s lack of response, he decided to pick it up.

"Oi, Orihara! Where are you?" Akabayashi's panicked voice did not bode good news.

"Ikebukuro?" Izaya answered, looking up at Shizuo, whose attention outside was definitely starting to become something of a concern. What was the bodyguard looking at?

"Shiki's been shot. They attacked our hideout. We managed to catch one of the guys, and he said they’ve sent some of the others after you.”

Izaya froze. “Shiki was shot?”

"Don’t worry about him! He's fine. Hurry up and get your asses out of there! This is the group with all the guns, remember?"

"How'd you know that Shizu-chan is with…"

"Get down!" Shizuo grabbed him and threw the both of them to the floor just as the window shattered. Chaos immediately engulfed the restaurant as the other customers screamed, some diving for the floor while others ran for the untouched entrance. The chefs poked their heads inside the room only to immediately retreat back into the safety of the kitchen when they saw the wreckage.

"Hey! What happened? Are you okay?" Izaya could hear Akabayashi's voice through the phone. Shizuo stirred and got off of him so that he could move the object to his ears again.

"I'm fine, someone shot through the window. Hey wait!" Izaya grabbed Shizuo's sleeve when he tried to stand up. The bodyguard gave his hand a light squeeze before pulling away, running for the bar. Whoever was outside fired again, and Izaya gasped when he saw blood.

"Stay down!" the bodyguard yelled back, and Izaya complied, feeling his hair stand on end as a bullet whizzed by just inches above his skull. If the other could yell that loudly, then he wasn't hurt that badly, he hoped. Within seconds the bar table went flying through the ruined window, ripping a new hole in the structure before crashing outside. A muffled scream indicated that it had found its target.

Shizuo returned to the informant's side, visually irritated. "Sheesh, bastard… using a gun in the middle of the day like this," the bodyguard hissed as he Izaya offered a hand. "Are you hurt?"

Izaya took the hand hesitantly, getting to his feet. He forced himself to give the other a quick glance, finding that the bullet had only managed to graze Shizuo's right arm, the same one he had offered to the informant. "You're hurt," he muttered, touching the cut.

"Huh?" Shizuo finally noticed the wound. "What? He actually hit me?" He looked back at the ruined bar table outside. "Bastard…"

Izaya nearly laughed in relief. _'How could I have forgotten?'_ It had been too long since the two of them had fought. He had forgotten how strong the other's pain tolerance was. After all, Shizuo was the strongest in all of Ikebukuro. He wouldn't go down that easily.

"Izaya?" a distant voice called to him.

"Oh shoot, I forgot." Izaya put his phone back to his ear. "We're fine."

"Sure sounds like it. Wait, don't move him! Idiot!" He heard some shuffling before Akabayashi returned. "There are a few more of them in Ikebukuro."

Izaya felt considerably calmer now that there wasn't a madman shooting at them, and his mind immediately kicked into action, replacing the former fear with annoyance bordering on anger. "And you failed to tell me this because…"

"Don’t blame me! It was Shiki’s decision!” the other defended himself.

Izaya sighed. "It's fine. Leave it to me. Just get your men ready to move."

"Wait, seriously?"

"We're wasting precious time here."

"Okay okay fine. Call me as soon as you find them." Izaya suddenly heard a familiar voice in the background announcing his arrival. "Ah, I'll be at Shinra's. Let's hope they're not too far away, so I can get there faster."

"Hey, let's not hope that!" Shinra exclaimed in the background.

Izaya sighed before taking out another one of his cell phones and began texting. "I should probably go back to Shinjuku," he muttered to himself. Izaya stopped when he felt an arm on his shoulder.

"You'll be okay?" Shizuo asked.

"Hey, I didn't escape from you all these years because of sheer luck, you know." Izaya grinned. "Besides, remember what you said? I'm strong."

The bodyguard smiled back, its radiance nearly taking Izaya's breath away. "You are strong," he confirmed. The informant wished that he could stay just a bit longer so that the two of them could finish lunch, but his job was calling. He made a mental note to himself to make sure the gang would pay for repairs for the destroyed restaurant behind them. 

"D-Die, monster!" someone yelled behind them; the man had managed to crawl out from the ruined bar table. He pointed the gun shakily at the two, swaying.

Shizuo sighed and began walking towards the trembling man.

"Shizu-chan!" Izaya called after the other when he saw another man appear from the adjacent alley.

The bodyguard waved to him carelessly. "Go. Your boss probably needs your help getting rid of this trash."

"Shizu-chan…" Izaya paused.

"Hm?"

"Hey, stop ignoring me, you little…" the man snarled before something in the form of a black motorcycle suddenly plowed into him, knocking him out. Shadows burst out and threw the other man off his feet before he could fire.

"Okonomiyaki tonight?" Izaya blurted out.

The bodyguard snorted. "I didn't know you liked to eat so much."

Izaya looked at his feet, a little embarrassed. "There was never anyone to eat with."

Shizuo frowned. The flea's tactics were definitely working at winning him over. "Your house!"

"Huh?"

"We're cooking it!" the bodyguard declared.

Izaya smiled. "It's a deal!"

Shizuo nodded and uprooted the nearest tree, grinning at the shocked gang member as Celty shook her head in exasperation. Izaya gave the other a last glance and turned towards Shinjuku, taking out one of his switchblades. Now that he brought two, he didn't have to worry about losing one inside of someone's arm.


	29. Izaya Last Track

Akabayashi grinned at the text, collecting his cane as he stood up from the sofa.

“Leaving already?” Shinra poked his head out of the sickroom, hair wrapped in a surgical cap.

“Don’t worry. It turns out they aren’t as close to here as I had hoped.” He twirled the phone in his hand. “Orihara is quite the informant.”

Shinra rolled his eyes. “I could have told you that. Well, stay safe. I can only operate on so many people a day, you know!”

“I’ll be fine,” Akabayashi reassured him before he headed out, raising his cell phone to his ear to assemble the rest of the team. He was definitely going to deal with the remaining survivors according to the Awakusu-kai’s standards.

The directions led them to a rather nondescript office building on the outskirts of the city, something they would have passed by without a second glance. It took Akabayashi and his group just under an hour to both devise a plan of attack with the floor plans Izaya had sent him and storm the hideout. Even he admitted afterwards that the amount of men they brought might have been a bit of an overkill for such a small group, but the end result justified his decision. 

He entered the remaining room rather leisurely, closing the door slowly behind him as he approached the three remaining men they had kept for questioning. The others had already been hauled out of the building, but they didn’t need to know that.

“Now what do we have here?” He smiled courteously, relishing in the thick layer of fear that hovered in the room.

“You’re being tricked. Orihara betrayed you!” one of the men hissed before his comrades could say anything.

“Is that so?” Akabayashi asked him with a smile, crouching down to eye level with the other. It was a shame really. Someone with guts like this man might have made it quite far had he joined the Awakusu-kai, but throwing Orihara under the bus was unfortunately the wrong decision. “Why bring our dear informant up now of all times?”

“We know that you guys were the reason he was out for three months,” the other continued, voice lowered to a whisper. 

Akabayashi snorted, laughing heartily as he straightened up. The man had quite good acting too. It was definitely a shame. “And I must thank you for giving him the incentive to go back to work. Do you know just how fast he found you?” He watched as the bottom of the man’s lips quivered, courage finally breaking.

“W-We didn’t do anything!” one of the others suddenly babbled, struggling against the binds.

Akabayashi glanced at his phone, rather disappointed with this one. "Yet, your friend happened to shoot Shiki,” he commented, pocketing the phone before pacing over to the one who yelled. "We can't just let that go now, can we?"

The man gulped, trembling under his gaze.

.

“That was rather fast,” Izaya commented on the other end of the phone as Akabayashi headed back to Shinra’s apartment in the back of one of his lackey’s cars. “I thought you liked to draw things out.”

“You’re mistaking me for Shiki, Orihara,” the yakuza replied, watching the buildings pass by outside. He suddenly remembered something one of the men said earlier to him and decided to pursue it, just slightly curious at the informant’s motivations. “Ah, but there was one thing that bothered me.”

“What is it?”

“You willingly disclosed one of your weaknesses to find out where that group was. It isn’t like you to let such things out so easily.” There was a pointed pause on the other line.

“I’d figure there won’t be any of them left once you were finished with them.”

Akayabashi had to laugh at that. “That’s true. I am honored that you trust us so much.”

“Don’t get cocky,” the other warned him, only making him laugh harder. He heard Izaya sigh. “So, how is he?” the informant asked when he finally stopped laughing. 

He smiled at that, seeing that Izaya was comfortable enough to ask such a question. “The bullet hadn’t penetrated anything fatal. He should be awake by now; Shinra was operating when I left.”

“That’s good.” There was a slight pause before Izaya continued. “Are you going to be at Shinra’s too? I’ll drop by later today.”

That surprised him. "Seriously, you don't have to force yourself to visit," he told the other.

"I know," Izaya replied.

.

The trek to Ikebukuro, the second one today, took much too long for his liking, but now that he had arrived at Shinra's apartment, Izaya found himself wishing that he had taken the longer route here. Izaya tried to control his breathing as he rang the doorbell, but his pounding heart continued to betray him, throwing his nerves into disarray when the door finally opened, revealing Akabayashi. He took a courageous step into the apartment, knowing full well what lies before him. 

He had to do this. He had to make sure.

"That was fast!" Akabayashi greeted him cheerfully, clapping Izaya on the back and nearly throwing the informant's concentration out the window.

"Where is he?" Izaya managed, looking at the door to the familiar room the doctor had kept him in so many times before. He had been so courageous earlier, but now that he was here, the uneasiness only continued to grow in his stomach.

Akabayashi looked at the informant, observing the other intently. "Are you sure?" the man finally asked.

Izaya took a breath before nodding. The red-haired yakuza allowed him to pass, and he entered the sickroom. Akabayashi shot the room a final penetrating look, unseen by the informant, before closing the door.

As he predicted, the man Izaya was searching for occupied the one bed in the dimly lit room, the curtains drawn halfway over the large window. His breathing was stable but slow, and Izaya noticed an obvious twitch of pain when Shiki turned to look at him.

"I heard from Akabayashi. You found them before I had woken up," the yakuza stated.

"Of course. I'm your best informant," Izaya muttered, averting his eyes as he mentally made a note not to twiddle his thumbs. "You could've asked me to look into them earlier, you know."

"I didn't want to trouble you anymore with that group," Shiki replied.

"Tch, enough to the point that you'd get yourself shot?"

"I miscalculated."

Izaya froze, feeling like he had heard those words before, in another time. "I hope you don't think…" he started, aiming to save himself before it was too late.

"I know," Shiki interrupted him before he could continue. The man looked away to the wall across from him. "I miscalculated quite a few things actually.”

“Care to elaborate?” Izaya found himself asking.

“You love Heiwajima, don't you?" Shiki stated to his surprise.

"I do," he answered without a moment’s hesitation. Izaya looked down at his feet, knowing what such a confession would do to both him and Shizuo. He suddenly recalled the text from earlier this morning, sent to him despite everything that had happened between them. "Yet, you still tried to protect me…"

"Think of it from a business perspective. It would do me no good if my best informant had gotten hurt."

"Shiki…" he muttered. He was admittedly shocked; this was definitely more than what he could have hoped for. He felt as if a heavy weight had finally been lifted off his chest, allowing him to breathe fully for the first time in many years.

The man closed his eyes. "You'd better be happy, Orihara."

Izaya chuckled, bringing Shiki back to look at him in surprise. It had been so long since he had laughed in front of Shiki like this. "You're getting rusty at reading me," Izaya told him.

"Have I ever read you correctly?" Shiki pondered.

"Well," Izaya began, feeling definitely more relaxed. "Actually for starters…"

.

"Sorry, I took a nap," Akabayashi yawned as he entered the room, closing the door quietly behind him. He blinked at the relatively empty sickroom, suddenly realizing Izaya's absence. "He left already? I didn’t hear him at all!"

"It has been an hour, you know."

The other snorted. "You have such low standards. I was expecting a long drawn out conversation about the past. You know, stuff you say on your deathbed."

Shiki sighed, turning a page on the book Shinra had lent him. The doctor had terrible taste. "You talk too much."

Akabayashi laughed. "Maybe I do." He pulled over a chair, sitting down next to the bed and leaning his head on his cane.

Shiki put the book down, turning his attention to his old friend.

"Sorry, you were shielding me," Akabayashi finally muttered, his eyes downcast.

Shiki shrugged, immediately regretting the action when it sent another wave of pain through his shoulder. "I meant to throw both of us out of the way actually, but you were next to the wall."

"You jumped in front of me!" his friend exclaimed.

"I missed." He returned to the book, a smile playing on his lips.

Akabayashi stared at the other, frowning. 

_'When the hell did Shiki gain a sense of humor?'_

.

Izaya finally made it back to his apartment, sweat rolling down his face as he tapped his foot impatiently for the elevator to hurry up. He wanted to clean up all the papers before Shizuo arrived, having left his desk in complete disarray earlier. The lift finally stopped, and he half-hopped out of the elevator only to trip over a low square table in the middle of the hallway.

“Gah!” A hand caught him right before he hit the floor. “W-What the…” he gasped as none other than Shizuo helped him to his feet. He looked the other over once, dissatisfied that Shizuo was covered in quite a few bandaids, before turning to the table that had almost killed him. "You dragged a kotatsu all the way here?"

"It's more fun this way! Your apartment needs a more homely touch!" a familiar voice chortled.

Izaya peered around Shizuo. "Eh? Shinra and Celty too?"

"Uh, well, it turned out Shinra heard me ask you. Celty was on the phone with him earlier when she took out those punks," Shizuo muttered, scratching his head.

"And you know, Shiki's at our house so we can't act as lovey dovey as we'd like!" the doctor continued before Celty whacked him.

"We brought the ingredients plus some for monja," Celty shut the other up before Shinra could continue, holding up a grocery bag. "I looked the recipes up online. They don’t seem too hard."

Izaya sighed and shook his head before ushering them into his apartment before security could come and tell them off, not that he'd let the building's owners off without a fight if that were to happen. They set up the table, placing some flat cushions Izaya had in storage on the floor to sit on. Celty went into the kitchen to cut up the ingredients while Izaya helped mix the batter, and soon the four of them had the okonomiyaki and monja sizzling on the portable stove they had placed on the kotatsu.

"This is delicious!" Shinra commented, munching away just as Izaya burned his tongue on some monja.

"Water!" he ran for the kitchen, lamenting that they had forgotten to bring the cups out earlier. He poured himself a cup of water and gulped it down hurriedly, licking the roof of his mouth afterwards in an attempt to feel where his tongue had burned. 

"You okay?" Shizuo asked, causing him to whirl around.

"I don’t think it’s too bad. Gah, how embarrassing,” Izaya sighed as he took another sip of water. 

"Ah, no, I meant…" the bodyguard pursed his lips, trying to think of a way to put his thoughts into words.

"Oh," Izaya realized what Shizuo was referring to, seeing the concern in the other's eyes. He had told the other that he was going over to Shinra’s after the job, and Shizuo must have put two and two together when the doctor mentioned Shiki’s name earlier. "I'm fine now, really." He blushed slightly, remembering his shameless declaration to the yakuza, and turned to the cabinet to remove some cups and a water pitcher for the others.

He felt the other hug him from behind and instinctively relaxed under the gentle warmth, feeling the steady heartbeat against his back.

"I'm glad," Shizuo whispered in his ear.

Shinra declared after dinner that he should probably check on Shiki, and Izaya and Shizuo found themselves finally alone at last half asleep on the sofa, moonlight streaming out from the huge window. A light scent of their meal lingered in the air, slowly disappearing with the AC filtering it into the vents.

"Do you want to move to the bed?" the bodyguard asked after a while, although by his tone, it didn’t seem he was too keen on moving either.

Izaya groaned, almost too sleepy to answer. "No, then my room would smell like okonomiyaki."

Shizuo chuckled, kissing him behind the ear. "Then shower."

"Shower with me later."

"Oh…"

Izaya grinned, knowing that the other had a full blush on his face now. "Don't worry, my bathroom's big enough." He yawned again, nuzzling his cheek on the other's chest. "Just let me sleep a few more minutes."

"Tch, spoiled flea."

"You're the one who's spoiling me," Izaya cooed, refusing to move. He felt the other absentmindedly stroke his hair, and wondered amusedly if they might end up waking up tomorrow morning in the same position. It was comfortable enough.

_"You'd better be happy, Orihara."_

He smiled, feeling himself sink into the other's warmth. ' _I'm definitely happy, Shiki.'_

"I love you, Shizu-chan," Izaya managed to mutter, wondering if the intensity of his feelings could ever reach the other.

He felt another kiss on his head. "Me too."

Shizuo listened to his lover's calm breathing as Izaya drifted off, tired from all of the excitement today. He thought about that fateful day, that last punch he had thrown at the "informant."

Where would they be if Psyche had never shown up? He hugged the man in his arms tighter, earning a groan from the other. Shizuo stroked Izaya's cheek affectionately, studying the way the other twitched from the soft contact. They were here now, and that was all that mattered, he concluded as he closed his eyes.

' _I hope you're happy too, Psyche… Tsugaru…'_

The bottom drawer of the desk in front of the window started glowing, and right when Shizuo sleepily opened an eye to see who had turned on the lights, it was gone, absorbed by the moonlight.


	30. Izaya and Psyche Special Track

Shizuo pressed the doorbell once again, tapping his feet impatiently as he waited for a certain informant to answer. He could hear shuffling on the other side, most likely papers, and hurried footsteps running about, unfortunately not in the bodyguard's direction. After a few more seconds of weighing the pros and cons of physically breaking down his boyfriend's door, the handle moved.

"Finally," he fumed when the blasted piece of wood swung open. However, the disheveled appearance of the other instantly softened him, all animosity forgotten. He managed to catch a glimpse of sweat dripping down the side of Izaya's face before the informant wiped it away with a black sleeve.

"You were looking for it again?" he asked, refraining from reprimanding the other for wearing black long sleeves yet again in this heat, even with the air conditioning. What if the flea had to go outside for something? Shizuo had absolutely no medical training in dealing with heatstroke.

Izaya sighed, completely unaware of the other's excessive worrying about his clothes. "I can't think of where I could've misplaced them." He gritted his teeth, glancing at the messy desk. "It's like they just…"

"Izaya," Shizuo began carefully. They had gone through this discussion one too many times since that night of okonomiyaki. "Maybe Psyche needed them for something." The informant had noticed it missing almost instantly, but for some reason, Izaya just couldn't let go of the fact that the headphones were gone, the last piece of evidence that Psyche existed, disappeared. It had already been two months.

The informant nodded, massaging his temple before walking over to his desk and rearranging its displaced contents. He nearly knocked one of the piles of files over, but Shizuo managed to step in and save the arrangement at the last second. Relieved that that portion of the desk was safe for now, Izaya moved on to straighten another column when warm arms surrounded him.

"Have you packed yet?" Shizuo asked, breathing in the other's scent as he planted a light kiss on the back of Izaya's head.

The informant looked up, a grin back on his face. "Have you?"

.

The four had managed to grab seats facing each other, and Shizuo found himself constantly staring back and forth from the informant to the other two pairs of eyes in front of him. Although they had done the "best" they could to dress inconspicuously, it still helped that the train was nearly empty this weekday. Celty looked normal enough save for her scarf on this warm summer day, but Shinra insisted on wearing his lab coat even in the heat.

Shizuo recalled almost amusingly how he had suddenly realized that he had nothing but bartender outfits in his closet. Shinra had announced the trip so abruptly that he hadn't had time to go shopping and instead opted to wear his normal outfit when the informant interfered.

" _Shizu-chan," Izaya almost sang, "I thought you said you packed already."_

" _I did," the bodyguard replied, confused._

_Izaya laughed, picking up one of Shizuo's shirts from their suitcase. "Come on, collared shirts and slacks to a vacation?"_

_“At least I left the vest and bowtie out,” Shizuo retorted. “I don't have time to get anything else. I have work until the day of the trip!"_

" _Aw, Tom's so mean!" Izaya leaned up for a light kiss before jumping away and throwing on his jacket. "Leave it to the great Izaya Orihara to dress Shizu-chan!"_

" _Wait, what?" he started, but the other was already gone._

He sighed. At least the clothing Izaya got him were comfortable: a few t-shirts and other sets of clothing that looked just a little too flashy even for the bodyguard's definition of "normal clothing." Izaya, on the other hand, had finally switched to summer clothes and opted for a short sleeved hoodie for the 2 hour train ride to the onsen.

' _Gah! Why am I thinking about clothes so much?'_ He drew his thoughts away from the chain-like necklace the informant insisted he wear to the informant himself, who hadn't moved from his position at the window since they switched to this train.

A considerable change had taken place in Izaya ever since they left Tokyo and the tall buildings and crowds transitioned to residential and farming areas. The informant stared outside at the passing scenery, an elbow against the window pane with a hand on his chin, as if in deep contemplation. He didn't seem at all tense and for once his reddish-brown eyes were perfectly serene, peaceful even.

"Hey, is that even a comfortable position to sleep in?" Shizuo asked as he tapped the other's shoulder lightly. He supposed this vacation was worth it if it got Izaya to relax this much.

"I’m already asleep," Izaya muttered, nearly purring as he left the window and rested his head on Shizuo's shoulder.

"Uh…" the bodyguard could feel his face grow a few shades redder and tried to dodge the eyes of the two sitting across from him.

Shinra grinned and gave him a thumbs up. Shizuo swore revenge when this trip was over.

.

They arrived at the onsen after a final short bus ride, finding themselves in front of one of the few old fashioned buildings in the area surrounded by forest.

"Shinra, just how much did you spend?" Celty asked when they entered the room. Old-fashioned as the outside may have seemed, the owner of the inn certainly spent a great deal of money making the accommodations both traditional with the comfort of a high class modern hotel. There was no doubt in her mind that he also charged a hefty amount to make up for what he spent.

The door next to them slid open, and Shizuo walked in, looking around with wide eyes. "Two joined rooms with a private bath each… Wow, Shinra. Doctors get paid a lot."

The doctor chuckled nervously. "Actually I just found the place. Izaya agreed to pay for most of it."

"What?" Shizuo exclaimed.

"Aren't you just using his money then?" Celty added.

"Um…" Shinra looked behind Shizuo for the informant.

"He passed out on the floor as soon as we entered the room," the bodyguard assured him that Izaya wasn't eavesdropping.

Shinra lowered his voice nevertheless. "Well, Izaya was the one who asked me to find a place."

"What? Really?" Celty whispered back.

Shinra shrugged. "I think he just wanted to get away for awhile. He specifically requested for no internet. So," he raised a finger to highlight the rest of his words, "enjoy yourselves, okay?"

Shizuo sighed, shaking his head. "Why do I get the feeling that some dirty thoughts just ran through your mind?"

"What dirty fantasies?" the doctor replied jovially before turning to Celty. "Well, Celty and I are going to look around the surrounding area! Have fun, you two!" They disappeared out the door before he could reply.

The bodyguard gave up and instead returned to his and Izaya's room, closing the sliding door shut and, to his horror, couldn't locate a lock. He gave up promptly and found the informant where he had left him, lying on the tatami next to the table, the side of his waist rising and falling gently. Shizuo admitted that the other did seem a lot more relaxed than usual. He knelt down on the floor next to the sleeping informant, gazing at the other's lashes lining his closed eyes.

They were so far away from Ikebukuro, away from all those gangs and suicidal teenagers, away from the yakuza…

 _'So, this is a vacation,'_ Shizuo thought nostalgically of the places he would go with his family. They were few in number, but they were still an escape from the daily routine of life. When was the last time he took a break from everything? He looked back at the informant and almost snorted. _'Come to think of it, I haven't gone on vacation since I met you, damned flea,'_ he thought with a smile. Izaya remained where he was, still holding on to his dream world.

"Hey," Shizuo whispered as he brushed a strand of hair away from the other's face. "You're going to end up sleeping the entire trip away."

"But it's comfortable," Izaya retorted with a yawn, sliding a little across the tatami mats only to rest his head on the other's lap. He opened a lazy eye to peer into his lover's warm eyes. "Where did Shinra and Celty go?"

"To look around."

"Oh, there's going to be fireworks tonight," the informant commented airily.

Shizuo chuckled. "You planned this out very well."

"Of course."

Shizuo grinned and leaned down to kiss him. "Do you want to go to the hot springs now?" he pulled away just long enough to ask before capturing the other's lips with his own again.

"Seducing me already, huh?" Izaya asked when they pulled apart, giving the other a catlike grin, all signs of sleep washed away.

.

Shinra and Celty finally reentered their room two hours later, arms full of souvenirs for their friends back home. The doctor promptly deposited the packages on the table and headed over to the sliding door before Celty could stop him.

"We're back!" Shinra announced excitedly as he threw open the connecting door to Izaya and Shizuo's room while Celty put her hands up to cover her eyes just in case. Instead, they found Shizuo fanning Izaya, who was lying down on the tatami, both of them already in their yukata. "Eh, did you use the baths already?" Celty swore her boyfriend almost sounded disappointed.

"Of course! A bath before dinner is the best!" Izaya groaned, shielding his eyes from the light. "Ugh… but then this brute had to overdo it."

"Sorry…" Shizuo said, fanning harder to hide his embarrassment. At that moment Celty wished that she had covered her ears too.

A soft knock on the door indicated that dinner was ready, and Izaya finally rose, supported by Shizuo, who only started fanning harder with his other hand.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," the informant reassured him, giving Shizuo a light squeeze on the arm in opt of a kiss since the other two were there.

Shinra caught the notion anyway and smiled at the two. "Imagine just a year ago, they were chasing each other through Ikebukuro," he whispered to Celty.

It was truly a miracle, what had transpired ever since the time traveler first set foot into their lives. Even now that Psyche was gone, whenever Shinra saw the two former worst enemies exchanging even the smallest hints of affection, he found himself thinking back to that Izaya-lookalike with the pink and white headphones.

He took a bite of the freshest sushi he had in a long time, watching Shizuo steal a glance at the informant as Izaya happily chewed on his piece of ootoro.

_'I hope you can see how much you've changed them, Psyche.'_

.

"I'm so stuffed!" Shinra exclaimed as the four of them strolled down the hallway to the outdoor garden. They had an hour to kill before the fireworks, and Shizuo did not want the informant sleeping any more than he had.

"Maybe I should get some plants," Izaya pondered as he playfully poked a large leaf. "I'll name the leaves with the names of my clients.”

"Why?" Shizuo asked suspiciously.

The informant grinned mischievously, "You know leaves only last so long."

"Hey hey, let's not give me any more work," Shinra butted in. The other two remained silent as the doctor and the informant started snickering.

"Your sense of humor is horrible!" Celty commented.

"You just learned that now?" a voice made them turn around. The man nodded, greeting the four with a grin, the scar that ran across his glass eye apparent in the dimming light.

"Akabayashi?" the informant's eyes darted around instantly in search of the other yakuza executive.

"He's resting at the moment," the one-eyed man said, the grin on his face that followed shortly after sending many suspicions instantly into Izaya's mind. Akabayashi laughed, sensing the informant's inappropriate thoughts. "Lots of food at these places, you know? I am surprised that we somehow managed to come at the same time, though. Same onsen too…"

"Blame that guy," Izaya replied, pointing to Shinra.

"Hey!" the doctor tried to retort but Akabayashi waved it off, still grinning.

"Are you going to see the fireworks later?" Izaya asked a little hesitantly.

"Nah, Shiki doesn't like that kind of stuff. We might soak again though; the bath's so nice here." He bent down a little so that he could get a good look at Izaya's face. "Looks like you've already been in there too long, eh?"

Shinra did not expect the informant to turn red.

"Pervert," Izaya hissed, causing Akabayashi to laugh.

.

"You took a while," an indignant voice greeted him from the table as Akabayashi entered.

"Ah, sorry, I ran into someone I knew," the red-haired yakuza replied as the other put down the book he was reading.

"Who might that be?"

"Old friend. Don't think you know him too well."

The other man looked at him suspiciously. "Is that so?"

"Of course!" Akabayashi replied, feigning innocence. He leaned down, their noses just inches away. "Hey let's skip the fireworks tonight."

The yakuza smiled, amused. "You were quite willing to go though."

Akabayashi countered with a grin of his own. "I changed my mind. We can see them from here."

.

The four of them climbed up the hill to the viewing area, the quiet chatter of the other guests filling the warm summer night. Shizuo's eyes darted about nervously when he felt his boyfriend's hand grab his earnestly, leading him through the miniature crowd to the top of the hill. Celty and Shinra followed closely, the latter obviously amused by the bodyguard's uneasiness.

"There’s more people than I thought there would be," Izaya observed, the sweat rolling down the side of his face. He finally let go of Shizuo's hand and grinned at the other. "I didn't know you were so shy, Shizu-chan."

"I am not!" the other replied indignantly, an obvious blush forming on his already flushed sweaty face. "It's just…" he looked around at the crowd.

"I know how you feel!" Shinra lamented. "If only it were only me and Celty…"

They looked over to the Dullahan, surprised that she had not punched the doctor like she usually would. Celty had a hand on her head and shrugged when she realized what the others were waiting for. "We could do with a little less people. I almost knocked off my head a few times on the way here," she explained.

"You can always tape…" a loud bang cut off Izaya and everyone looked up at the explosion of colors that illuminated the sky. "Oh, it started!"

To be truthful, he didn't really care for fireworks; they were just manmade colors in the sky created solely for the purpose of entertainment. Yet, watching these things with someone one loved was supposedly romantic, according to the logic of many couples he had observed in the past. How long had it been? It seemed like ages since he had properly "observed" his beloved humans. Sure, he was working, but he had spent most of his spare time with the bodyguard, be it bothering him on his trips to debtors or other things. He had indeed squeezed a few hours here and there for the rest of mankind, but it was nothing compared to before.

' _Humans really do like shiny objects, huh?'_ Izaya thought as the crowd broke into an excited chatter after a particularly large display of light. He felt a hand cover his, and he unconsciously grasped it, all of his previous thoughts gone with the wind.

"Wow! They're so bright!" one of the other guests exclaimed to his blond friend, most likely a foreigner.

Izaya smiled, leaning on Shizuo's shoulder. He could never get enough of the other's warmth. He looked up at the bodyguard; Shizuo could pass as a foreigner too with that hair. Maybe he could get him to stop dyeing his hair for a while. He frowned; it just wouldn't be his Shizu-chan.

He chuckled when the blush reappeared on the bodyguard's cheeks, the other obviously worried if the others around them had spotted them.

"Embarrassed, Shizu-chan?" Izaya teased. "I can take out a wig and pretend to be a girl."

Shizuo's eyes returned to the informant's, seemingly satisfied that the other visitors were all focused on the fireworks. Another wave of lights lit the sky as the bodyguard leaned over and gave the surprised informant a light kiss on the lips.

.

"Hey hey! Do you think we can light fireworks at the temple when we get back?" the guest from earlier chattered happily as the crowd slowly returned to the ryokans.

The foreigner laughed. "Maybe. But, not that big or else someone will catch us."

"Huh? They have these laws here?"

' _So they're both foreigners,'_ Izaya thought amusedly. _'Their Japanese's pretty good though.'_

Shinra yawned, and Izaya immediately began devising a scheme for getting Shizuo back into the bath before they slept. He admitted that they might have overdone it that time, but he really wanted to soak one more time and not have to faint from any "overexertion."

' _Maybe I can just…'_

"Hey hey Tsugaru, do you want to go back in the bath? I want to see the stars when bathing!"

Izaya stopped in his tracks. He swore he had just heard that foreigner call the other Tsugaru. "Psyche?" he muttered uncertainly.

The shorter of the two turned around and he found himself staring at a mirror image of himself save for the pink eyes. "Izaya?" the other called his name hesitantly. "Did you just call me Psyche?"

"W-What are you talking about?" Izaya stuttered. Had he gotten it wrong after all? How can that be? The man in front of him was practically his twin.

Shizuo stepped in. "Don't you pretend you don't know us, Psyche, disappearing like that!" he growled.

"You really do know me." The other suddenly broke into a smile before laughing, running over and hugging the both of them. "You remember me!"

"What's going on?" Shinra asked, looking at Tsugaru.

"You've returned for quite a while now, haven't you?" Celty joined in.

"Ah, I was worried that we had come to the wrong time, but it seems it worked out." Tsugaru looked like he was on the brink of tears. "Amazing…"

Izaya looked up at the shrine deity. "You've returned," he muttered. “You’re really here.”

Tsugaru smiled. "It seems I was able to grant your wish after all."

"You did…" Izaya looked up at Shizuo, "and so much more."

The shrine deity shook his head. "We just gave you a little push."

"Push!" Psyche repeated energetically. "Oh oh! So let's all go into the big baths together!"

"W-Well… uh…" Shizuo stuttered, looking at Izaya, who laughed when he realized the bodyguard was thinking the same thing he had been worrying over.

"Now, Psyche…" Tsugaru said, clearly amused.

"We should all go in!" Shinra interrupted. "Celty, you can…" She punched him. "Ugh… I… didn't… even finish…"

"I know you well enough," she replied.

"Is that a "yes" then?" Psyche asked.

"I mean, I have nothing against it but…" Shizuo continued struggling with his words.

Izaya smiled at the conversation as they made their way back to the hotel inn. He paused for a second, reveling in the fresh clean air of the forest and looked up at the clear midnight sky, sprinkled with little stars that glowed softly back at him. He enjoyed the city life of Ikebukuro and Shinjuku, but something like this once in a while was quite cleansing.

Last winter, he would've never imagined himself in a place like this with the one he loved. Now, the people who had given him this happiness and the source of his happiness are all here, in the same place.

Everything was okay now.

"Izaya!" Shizuo called to him, and he looked back down to find the other running back to him, realizing that he had trailed quite far behind the others.

"I saw a shooting star." Izaya pointed at the sky.

"Did you make a wish?" his boyfriend asked.

The informant snorted. "Don't need to," he replied before kissing the other.

He was already happy.

_Owari_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading until the end! I might post a few more chapters about how Tsugaru and Psyche met either here or as a part 2 of a series (I love how AO3 gives us this option), but we'll see on my energy level. Otherwise, I'll see you next time *hugs* Ah I forgot how much I love Shizaya <3


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